Making Love (well, almost)

IamHope
IamHope Member Posts: 58
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Errr...It's been months you see. Not since the diagnosis. Being two woman in this relationship, we are far more concerned with emotions etc than the physical. Also we've been togeter forever, so the need for sex is not as overwhelming as the need for each other's support, love, laughter, tears.
Don't know if I'm saying this right. But most of you guys have Husbands, I have nothing against them, I just don't have a him, I have a her.

Hmmm... I guess what I want to tell is that we had a karvoevel last night. Grin, necking/ smooch? It was awesome being intimate again, but the dbl mast got in the way most of the time; the deep moment was interupted with a lot of "Ouch!" "Sorry!" "Aaauuw!" "Sorry!" "Can't do that!" "Sorry!" "Watch where you put that!" "Sorry"... It eventually disolved in lots of laughter. For which I am grateful for. Cause during this all, what was inside me? Too many bloody emotions that's what. Excitement, love, horniness, love, shame, love, horror, love, frustration, love, fear and have I mentioned love? And I missed my boobies very much. Wanted to cry.

For those of you that had mast, how long after your op did you tango with hubby (loved one). Was it also this confusing?

Comments

  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #2
    whatever........
    My husband forced himself on me andhurt me a lot straight after surgery.........It sounds to me like you have a great relationship.........Hugs 2 u both Jxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #3
    Tangled Tango
    I had a lumpectomy at age 40 in 97 and became horribly sick due to unforseen events so we held off for a bit say three months and yes I chuckled reading your description because it was just like that. Actually as I recall that first time I was shocked because I was in the midst of chemo treatment so I was bald, bloated, an emotional mess and wounded both physically and mentally yet he wanted to "be" with me. He was caring and cautious and we knew the first time post cancer was important, it was him showing his love for me; him telling me he still wanted to be with me in the physical that he desired me. To say it shook my heart would do be a misjustice, the man made my heart soar because he was not doing this for him he was doing this for us and more so for me, it was awesome. To this day I have never told him this, but I also have never forgotten that moment it stands out as pivotal! Now fast forward 9 years to my recurrance and my mastectomy, again it was awkward, a bit painful, funny and touching, thanks for your frankness it is posts such as yours that allow us to revisit and share important milestones that we sometimes do not visit.

    Hugs,

    RE
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #4
    Sounds to me...
    ...like making love was exactly what you were doing. I am experiencing all the emotions that you are. I am not quite accepting of my new physical self, yet. My mastectomy sites are "off limits." My sex drive is way down. In some ways, though, making love is better because the two of us have come through it together. Do you know what I mean? xoxoxo Lynn
  • IamHope
    IamHope Member Posts: 58
    #5
    lynn1950 said:

    Sounds to me...
    ...like making love was exactly what you were doing. I am experiencing all the emotions that you are. I am not quite accepting of my new physical self, yet. My mastectomy sites are "off limits." My sex drive is way down. In some ways, though, making love is better because the two of us have come through it together. Do you know what I mean? xoxoxo Lynn

    Exactly!
    Yep, my Bee has been through this with me every step of the way. Most of the time with exceptional patience, now and then with a metaphorical well aimed kick in the but if I wallow in self pity.
    So we decided to look at this time in our lives as pretending to still be school kids were most areas of the body are still off limits. ;)
    I figure some extended chastity can only do ones love life good.
  • tjhay
    tjhay Member Posts: 655
    #6
    IamHope said:

    Exactly!
    Yep, my Bee has been through this with me every step of the way. Most of the time with exceptional patience, now and then with a metaphorical well aimed kick in the but if I wallow in self pity.
    So we decided to look at this time in our lives as pretending to still be school kids were most areas of the body are still off limits. ;)
    I figure some extended chastity can only do ones love life good.

    Hope
    I did not have a Mast, but it was still a learning process for me and my girlfriend. I am very happy for you that the two of you have been able to stand by each other through this. I have been amazed by how many of my sisters have had such wonderful support by there other half. Not all have and it is and insperation to them that it is out there somewhere.
    tjhay
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159 Member
    #7
    I for one, still like the
    I for one, still like the whole cuddle thing...just knowing he is there, and is not repulsed my my altered physical state is a mental aphrodesiac! To that end, we "spoon" a lot, and sometimes that leads to other things, and sometimes it doesn't. But the physical closeness is important to both of our psyches, even if "it" doesn't happen. Reggie will often come over to me during the day and nuzzle my neck, or open his hand and cup the side of my face. It is truly intimate, without being sexual. There is a lot to be said for that!

    I love that you said you both eventually dissolved into laughter!! It's a good thing!

    Hugs,
    Claudia

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