Victory Trip!

j916

I am typing this while i am in Seattle (i'm from sacramento) on what i have titled my "victory trip". I have a wonderful friend that has an incredible house up here right on the lake that she let me use, and i thought about this trip many many many times during my chemo treatments, surgeries, scary nights alone in the dark, days i just tried to get myself to work and then crashed on my bed as soon as i got home, soooo many times just thinking about this reward got me through. I know that my journey isn't over, i still have at least two more surgeries left, and a lifetime of wondering "if"....but for right this moment...life is good.
So...why is it now that i'm here that i can't stop crying? i can't even see the screen right now because my eyes keep flooding over....i so did not expect to have this reaction...can anyone shed some insight on this?
hugs to all...

jeanne

Marcia527

Maybe it's a release of
Maybe it's a release of pentup emotion. You made it to a mile marker. Enjoy it but release of emotion is good too. Gotta get it out. Now have a good time!

faithandprayer

Start thinking about your next reward
Wow! You've accomplished it and now it's here. I'm thinking maybe it's like any big day. Why does a bride cry? Loads of work, excitement, fear of what's next, sadness that you've worked so hard for this and now it will be here & gone.

Just enjoy the moment and the emotion...YOUR REWARD. You deserve it. Savor it. Life is good. While you're enjoying, perhaps start thinking of your next reward/goal so when you return home you have somewhere to focus your sites!

Cyber Hugs,
KC

rjjj

Maybe its like christmas
I remember so many times all the expectations and anticipation of how glorious it would be..when i was finally done with chemo and rads... and just like when christmas is over..it is over and we feel a little let down, don't get me wrong, I am very happy to be done with all exept the Herceptin but...there is still lingering anxiety and fear of the beast returning. I try to keep my mind on the present and doing things i enjoy, but sometimes without warning the fear sneaks in and try's to steal my joy again. I am sure this will get better as time passes, but my legs are still a little shakey.
Try to enjoy your trip hun, and dry those tears! you are a survivor! and we love you.
jackie

Christmas Girl

Hi, Jeanne...
I'll agree with others here... You're experiencing relief, and a release, big time. It's OK - better to let go if it, so that you can get on with your much-anticipated vacation.

By the time you read this, I'll be hoping you're feeling much better and will enjoy your beautiful surroundings. Take care.

Kind regards, Susan

chenheart

I was also thinking about
I was also thinking about crying...and why we do. Tears of Joy, of fear, of relief, of just about everything! You know when there is a missing child they come home safe and sound having only gone to a friends house without telling the parents and the mom was conjuring up all sorts of horrors?? And when suddenly the kid comes home oblivious to all of it? And the mom wants to both hug him and kill him at the same time??? And what does she do to release the fear, the horror, the gratitude, the anger, the relief? SHE CRIES!!!!! I dare say, the cancer journey is so like all of that! There is a reason we have tear ducts, ya know, and the ability to cry when we need to. We may not always want to cry, but we sure need to. Now if you don't stop crying day after day after day for weeks on end, that probably signals a problem you may need to see a therapist about! Which is no crime, either, by the way.

I have family in Elk Grove and Sacramento~ I am in Santa Ynez...maye we can meet the next time I am up your way!(oh, I have a sister who lives 30 miles outside of Seattle too!)

Enjoy the goodness which you have and are! You deserve it!

Hugs,
Claudia