testicular cancer

lineman

I just got diagnosed with testicular cancer and had my testical removed one week ago. There are so many unanswered questions because everything is about waiting for the results from the next test. My wife is not holding up very well. It is alot for her to deal with. What can be done for her to let it out?

redheadbass2

I can relate
Lineman,

I can relate!

I don't know about you, but one of the hardest things I had to deal with was 'watching' the people around me 'watch' me go through cancer...and the waiting...

Everybody deals with stress differently. She would need to figure out within herself what she needs...Support Group...Kick Boxing/vigorous excercise class...Spiritual Counseling...Community Support...One on One Support...a Psychologist...her Mother...etc.

She also has to want 'help'

In any case. I would suggest that one or both of you call the American Cancer Society (ACS) at 1-800-227-2345. They are there, anytime - Day or Night...and they can help. I can testify to that.


She is somewhere in one of these stages:

1) Denial:
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death. [1]
Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
2) Anger:
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy. [1]
Example - "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"
3) Bargaining:
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the person is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..." [1]
Example - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
4) Depression:
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect themself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer an individual up that is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed. [1]
Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
5) Acceptance:
This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the death that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the dying struggle. [1]
Example - "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."

So, if you could lovingly guide her through--maybe even research some ways of coping that would 'Fit Her.' Nobody probably knows her like you do...


I wish you and yours the best.


Brandon

Tami2501

Wives coping with husbands cancer
Hy husband was recently diagnosed with cancer. He started chemo on July 24th. Our story started a little slow with what seemed like endless waiting and no answers. He went the the ER on June 25th with abdominal pain. They did several tests, including a CT Scan, and told us his lymphnodes were enlarged. This could be from a number or reasons they said but the biggest is lymphoma. We both left there in shock. From that point we played the waiting game. Waiting for authorizations, referrals, results etc. This was pure agony and I became increasingly emotional. He knows I deal with stress by crying so he let me and this helped alot. I tried really hard not to cry in front of him for fear it would worry him more but it did not always work out that way.

He finally had a PET Scan, when we got the results we discovered that there were several lymphnodes enlarged, including some in his neck and behind his lungs. They needed to do surgery to remove them for biopsy. Two weeks later (July 29th) he had surgery, 1 1/2 weeks after surgery we finally got the results. It was testicular cancer that had spread to his lymph nodes. While the news brought some relief it was still scary and I was still emotional.

Now he has started chemo, I am coping. He still allows me to cry and tells me he appreciates me. I have a super great support system including my family, my church, close friends and co-workers (surprisingly enough). I have found it very surprising how much others are willing to help in a time of crisis. Most of them say, let me know if there is anything I can do. I found it hard at first but as I started asking for help more came to help me. It was a blessing and a relief. The first week of chemo has been trying on both of us. The weekend has brought other emotions for me because I so much want to take it away, but I cannot.

Your wife nees to lean on her support system. You may find, as I have, that you compliment each other. On the days you are down, she is there for you to lean on, while on the days she is down you are able to provide support. Keep communication open and be honest with each other. And most of all dont be afraid to ask for help. She needs to know her limits. She needs to allow herself to have 'me' time without feeling guilty. This has been hard for me.