ptss and cancer caregiver

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Quiet Wife
Quiet Wife Member Posts: 6
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Hi: Many years ago I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress syndrome (not in the military). I have learned to cope pretty good with my stress but a couple of months ago my husband was diagnosed and treated for throat cancer. According to his doctor he is doing "outstanding well". I am not. My stress level is over the top and I am taking anxiety medicine (I call it my cancer medicine) I am the only caregiver and turning 70 next week. I am trying very hard to keep my husband healthy and myself. But each week I am becoming more and more tired and the anxiety attacks more frequent. Our marriage was not good before the cancer and seems much worse now. He doesn't understand why I have stress and I think he even thinks I am making up the ptss. I wonder if there are other caregivers with ptss with helpful ideas. I am getting very scared. Thanks

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  • Bobshope
    Bobshope Member Posts: 20
    #2
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    Hi QW
    I too suffered from PTSS years ago and now again with my wife’s breast cancer. I did go to a mental health clinic and they diagnosised me a clinically depressed, whatever that means. All I know I was in trouble and needed help. They put me on (Celexa) anti depressant which has worked great for me. Very few side effects and has relieved the constant dread in my life. I find myself more relaxed and not on edge as I was before. Believe me I am not advocating drugs for any reason, but I had reached the point where my life and my welfare became in danger, I knew I had to do something. You are not alone and you are doing the right thing by asking for help. If you go on the web and look for caregivers burnout they have a number of ideas which are helpful. Be kind to yourself.

    Bobshope
  • MichelleP
    MichelleP Member Posts: 254
    #3
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    I'm so sorry that your
    I'm so sorry that your husband doesn't seem to understand what you're dealing with. Do you have people close that you can talk to? Friends or other women from your church? I think one of the best stress relievers is the ability to talk it out with someone. That's especially true for us women! I myself don't have anyone so naturally I am on a few meds to help. Please let us know how you're doing!
  • Quiet Wife
    Quiet Wife Member Posts: 6
    #4
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    Hi: Another day begins and
    Hi: Another day begins and already a fight with my husband. He has no trouble finding words to say that I am doing wrong, but it is impossible for him to say thank you, I love you, or show any kindness. And so I take drugs. I have always believed in taking care of myself (and him) with eating healthy and exercise. I have been doing tai chi for several years now and I believe it is my life saver. I go to classes but also have dvds to use daily. I feel that I am paying the price for his drinking and smoking along with him.

    I do have girlfriends here and in fact I am going out for my birthday with a friend. I also call my daughter in NC and son in NY. They are loving but busy. I leave the home as often as I can when he is home (he can take care of himself and his chemo and radiation treatments end this week and then he may have surgery to remove tumor) He is very fortunate, and getting excellent care with the VA.

    My biggest fear is the anxiety attacks and ptss. I was hospitalized years ago when I was diagnosed. Really scarey and the only way I can control it is to keep my life centered with a positive today. Reading encouragement and knowing that I am not alone is very very helpful. Thank you
  • cortex
    cortex Member Posts: 1
    #5
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    ptss and cancer caregiver
    Hi: I thought that in stead of PTSS in the USA you have the PTSD. But don't mind this comment. I have chronic PTSS from a military mission with NATO in former Yugoslavie.
    This causes me a lot of problems physically, psychologically, but also sleep and other bodily symptoms.
    When you have PTSS you should avoid stress situations all the time. In normal and standard situations in every day life I feel that I can just cope, but when their is more tense then I have problems with coping and can't handle. I will withdraw for the better of myself and others. That is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation for me.
    Furthermore I will look for distraction so that my thoughts are not binded to the problem.
    Also be carefull with food and don't eat the stress away. Do some sports because this works for a better and active life. Most of the time it is a social activity too.

    I found my sport in therapeutic horse riding which has supervision and guidance. Therefore it is safe to do this.
    Can you do it when you are older ? Of course, I know a Italian woman of 76 y.o. who did take part with her horse in a jumping contest. Not everybody can do the same, but horse riding
    can be fun. The horse will carry you on his/her back which reminds us at the time we were so young that our parents were carrying us. It is a special feeling.

    I am over 60 and due to symptoms of the PTSS divorced. This is not the end of the world, because a lot of people with PTSS get difficulty over time to stay married. Some partners will take all the misery which comes with it. Others will not want to take their share of it for the rest of their life and divorce.

    After that you will notice that there is a different world outside. I found a world of independent people. Some were looking for partners for a day/night, others for a more serious relation. Never thought that clubs like that existed.
    Anyway I found a very good friend nearby.

    One thing I want to underline. NEVER TAKE DRUGS including so called medicine (pills).
    Prozac, Zoloft, Remeron and others where - according to doctors - the working in the brain is unknown have no scientically prove of efficacy, but they have side effects.
    They will at last ruine your brain. If you don't believe me check the nearest organisation for Dementia or Alzheimer patients and ask how the situation is developing since 10 years (back). There are more and younger people who get these illnesses after medication for a long time.
  • soccerfreaks
    soccerfreaks Member Posts: 2,788 Member
    #6
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    cortex said:

    ptss and cancer caregiver
    Hi: I thought that in stead of PTSS in the USA you have the PTSD. But don't mind this comment. I have chronic PTSS from a military mission with NATO in former Yugoslavie.
    This causes me a lot of problems physically, psychologically, but also sleep and other bodily symptoms.
    When you have PTSS you should avoid stress situations all the time. In normal and standard situations in every day life I feel that I can just cope, but when their is more tense then I have problems with coping and can't handle. I will withdraw for the better of myself and others. That is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation for me.
    Furthermore I will look for distraction so that my thoughts are not binded to the problem.
    Also be carefull with food and don't eat the stress away. Do some sports because this works for a better and active life. Most of the time it is a social activity too.

    I found my sport in therapeutic horse riding which has supervision and guidance. Therefore it is safe to do this.
    Can you do it when you are older ? Of course, I know a Italian woman of 76 y.o. who did take part with her horse in a jumping contest. Not everybody can do the same, but horse riding
    can be fun. The horse will carry you on his/her back which reminds us at the time we were so young that our parents were carrying us. It is a special feeling.

    I am over 60 and due to symptoms of the PTSS divorced. This is not the end of the world, because a lot of people with PTSS get difficulty over time to stay married. Some partners will take all the misery which comes with it. Others will not want to take their share of it for the rest of their life and divorce.

    After that you will notice that there is a different world outside. I found a world of independent people. Some were looking for partners for a day/night, others for a more serious relation. Never thought that clubs like that existed.
    Anyway I found a very good friend nearby.

    One thing I want to underline. NEVER TAKE DRUGS including so called medicine (pills).
    Prozac, Zoloft, Remeron and others where - according to doctors - the working in the brain is unknown have no scientically prove of efficacy, but they have side effects.
    They will at last ruine your brain. If you don't believe me check the nearest organisation for Dementia or Alzheimer patients and ask how the situation is developing since 10 years (back). There are more and younger people who get these illnesses after medication for a long time.

    Hmmm
    While I understand the encouragement to get out and find something truly enjoyable to do, and while I understand the discouragement from taking drugs, I do not understand how one can make blanket statements of this nature with respect to someone that one does not even know.

    If the intent is to say that one should exercise or paint or write or jump on horses as opposed to taking "Mama's little helper", then the thought is admirable if misguided.

    The drugs you mention seem to help a great number of people, at least in the USA (and the UK, and France, and Canada, and Australia), particularly when coupled with therapy of the human kind. To suggest to someone that they simply quit them, if they are taking them, is tantamount to suicide or at the very least very serious medical implications.

    I am guilty, myself, of considering my own 'cures' to be the ones that will work for all. But this is not the case. We have to be careful when offering suggestions to others. Yours, from my view, while optimistic and holistic (for better or worse), was careless.

    Congratulations on your own resolution, by the way.

    Take care,

    Joe

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