Lonely
Pat
Comments
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Not alone
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I'm not as far along as you so I'm still in the chaos of treatment schedules & can't answer your question about how it felt afterward. I just wanted you to know you are not alone and that I care. I'm bumping this up, as well, as I can already tell from this site, there are plenty of others who won't let you feel alone, either!
Hugs,
KC0 -
(((((((((HUGS))))))))))
Awwwwwww hon, you are not selfish at all!! Look what you have been through! It is not just the physical part of going through all of this, the emotional toll is oftentimes worse. When we break a bone and get a cast, when the cast comes off we don't usually think we might get another bone break for no apparent reason. Ditto a root canal, or a bad hair cut. But sweetie~ you have literally been fighting for your life!!!! And you are a victorious survivor!!!
The let-down and feeling of being abandoned by those who are happy we survived, but want us to "get over it" is well documented. It is so common that it is practically part and parcel of the whole treatment.
I am sorry you are feeling so alone right now...especially with your mother not being with you anymore. I honestly am not being trite, but this would be a GREAT time to either volunteer someplace, and/or find a walking partner and get outside, or both! Helping others, as you well know, is soo fullfilling, and the needed endophins we get from physical activity is of great value.
I hope you get to feeling better soon~please keep us in the loop. You know that yu are surrounded by all of us who truly understand you and love you dearly. Take the baby steps YOU need to do to find peace and enjoy your accomplishments. You soo deserve to!!!
Hugs,
Claudia0 -
Pat
After i had my surgery my calls stoped as well. I have to make the calls if i want to talk so i know how you feel. Maybe tell them you still need the support. I havent even started my treatments, just have had surgery and im constantly tired too. I cry alot, but got on an antidepresent and i think it is starting to work. You are not being selfish at all. You are trying to meet your needs and know that you need support to do that. Im so glad i found this site, even though i still need physical support, it helps to share with those who have been thru it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
laura0 -
Your not alone
Hi Pat,
I am a 9-year breast cancer survivor and I know how you feel. People think because the cancer is out of your body, you are better. They don't see the scars on the inside or can comprehend what we have been through and are going through. Because we look at life differently, only those who have walked this journey understand. Its okay to cry to release, but don’t dwell there. Pick yourself up and channel your sadness or frustration into positive things. Read Isaiah 41:10, I have read this verse everyday for the last 9 years. You are not alone, God is with you! www.youngsurvivorsnetwork.org.
Be encouraged!
Charron
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Thank You
Thanks for your support. It means the world to me. By the time I get home from work and make some supper for myself, I'm exhausted. But it might be a good idea to volunteer on weekends. I think I'll look into that. An animal shelter maybe, or the hospital. Who knows? I am trying to climb over the walls of this depression, but don't want to go to the doctor for more pills. I take enough pills and don't wanna take any more! You know what? Right now I know this feeling was brought on because of something that happened. When I was diagnosed, a friend of mine put a request for prayers into my parish and they added my name to the prayer list in the bulletin. I received not one card or call from my pastor or his staff. Not a card, not a call, not a flower. Now I'm getting bombarded for cards and prayers and support for my pastor because he just had bariatric bypass surgery. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so down. I've been going to this church for years and used to sing in the choir. Now they want ME to call and write to him, when he couldn't lift his little finger to push a few buttons on a phone to call me after my surgery. It sucks! Just like the doctors' priests and ministers are only just human. No better or worse than the rest of us. OK, now I've spoken my mind maybe this will start me feeling better.
Thanks for the encouragement and kind words - I do love you all!
Pat0 -
Pat...lolad said:Pat
After i had my surgery my calls stoped as well. I have to make the calls if i want to talk so i know how you feel. Maybe tell them you still need the support. I havent even started my treatments, just have had surgery and im constantly tired too. I cry alot, but got on an antidepresent and i think it is starting to work. You are not being selfish at all. You are trying to meet your needs and know that you need support to do that. Im so glad i found this site, even though i still need physical support, it helps to share with those who have been thru it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
laura
On my last chemo session the social worked dragged me into her cubby hole and explained that many women have problems coming to terms with the end of treatment..I laughed my head of, fell on the floor and rolled about hysterically until I had tears rolling down my cheeks..."WHAT?..Some people are Crazy enough to miss THIS?" LOLOL<
But. It happened to me too, I was so severely depressed I had to get to my doc and get some 'Happy Pills' antidepressants. They worked wonders. But it took my Mum in England to tell me to go.. I was too down to see what was happening to me and just felt cast adrift, abandoned and like nobody cared about me (hell, even I didn't care about me anymore)
So these feelings are quite normal, I'm sorry to see another Sista going through this though and if you feel you need to see your doctor about this...Do It and Quick. My doc explained that during treatment we live at a very high stress level and have no time to think about what is happening to us, once treatment stops it's like "Holy Crap!" What now?
I hope this helps. Hugs Jxxxxxxxxx0 -
I'm alone toololad said:Pat
After i had my surgery my calls stoped as well. I have to make the calls if i want to talk so i know how you feel. Maybe tell them you still need the support. I havent even started my treatments, just have had surgery and im constantly tired too. I cry alot, but got on an antidepresent and i think it is starting to work. You are not being selfish at all. You are trying to meet your needs and know that you need support to do that. Im so glad i found this site, even though i still need physical support, it helps to share with those who have been thru it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
laura
Hi Pat ... I am also alone. Just me ... and my 2 cats. I'm 65 and still work full time ... and maybe that's what has kept me going. It gives me a reason to get up in the morning and someplace to go that will get me out of the house. I don't know if you work or not ... but if not ... I think the volunteering idea is a great one.
But I think I know what you mean about being alone. I've had the lumpectomy, chemo ... and am over half way through radiation ... and I'm already feeling a "let down" of sorts. It may sound silly ... but it seems that after all of the attention I've been getting from the medical folks ... when the day comes that I don't have a place to go for treatment or tests ... I'm not sure how I will feel. I'll be on my own to totally take care of myself ... and my moods ... and my needs. I'm trying to stay optimistic ... since I do have a job ... and I also volunteer at a food pantry that gives groceries to people who can't afford food ... so I do have the opportunities to interact with others. If I didn't do those things ... I think I would really become a hermit and just stay inside the house all day ... every day ... and probably feel very sorry for myself. So ... somehow ... some way ... find something to do ... outside the house... so you can be with people.
Also ...I don't know if you are taking any medication for depression or anxiety ... but if not ... please talk to your doctor. I really don't think I could function without anti-depressents.
Please take care of yourself ... and ... remember ... you are never really alone ... you have all of this wonderful cyber-family out here ... and we're all in this together...
hugs.
teena0 -
Do it anyway!
Pat!
I'm so glad you released your frustration. Once it's out, it feels so much better. I do these really nasty five minute rants from time to time & then it's oh, so much better!
About your pastor...From another angle:
Might I suggest you do it, anyway? Send cards, call, just do it. Do as if you had never been overlooked. If you can dig deep (and I know you can, you've just been through BC treatments), then dig deep and extend what you would have liked done for you.
By doing this, you will be extending a hand to someone in need...which naturally always feels good (even if painful at the moment :-). You might also be enlightening your pastor as he goes through his journey, and others, too...about how important those little somethings like a card or call mean. This might be a life-changing for him. If so, it will exponentially affect countless people in the future - all because you extended your hand!
Just a thought!
KC0 -
Sorry Pat that you arefaithandprayer said:Do it anyway!
Pat!
I'm so glad you released your frustration. Once it's out, it feels so much better. I do these really nasty five minute rants from time to time & then it's oh, so much better!
About your pastor...From another angle:
Might I suggest you do it, anyway? Send cards, call, just do it. Do as if you had never been overlooked. If you can dig deep (and I know you can, you've just been through BC treatments), then dig deep and extend what you would have liked done for you.
By doing this, you will be extending a hand to someone in need...which naturally always feels good (even if painful at the moment :-). You might also be enlightening your pastor as he goes through his journey, and others, too...about how important those little somethings like a card or call mean. This might be a life-changing for him. If so, it will exponentially affect countless people in the future - all because you extended your hand!
Just a thought!
KC
Sorry Pat that you are feeling this way. Sometimes, in order to get get you out of the dumps, it is good to do something physical. Get out and go for a walk, or just go window shopping, or get out and go visit a friend or go to a pet store, go work in the yard, anything to get you out of the house around other people and things. Try volunteering somewhere, maybe a gift shop in a hospital, the salvation army, just something to keep you active and busy.
I know having bc is hard, we all know that. But, we need to move forward and not rely on others to make us feel good and better. Because, sometimes, we can only count on ourselves. So, please get out and do something for yourself. Just sitting around is not good.
Hoping that you feel better soon!
Kylez0 -
oopslolad said:Pat
After i had my surgery my calls stoped as well. I have to make the calls if i want to talk so i know how you feel. Maybe tell them you still need the support. I havent even started my treatments, just have had surgery and im constantly tired too. I cry alot, but got on an antidepresent and i think it is starting to work. You are not being selfish at all. You are trying to meet your needs and know that you need support to do that. Im so glad i found this site, even though i still need physical support, it helps to share with those who have been thru it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
laura
oops0 -
It's all been said
but I'll add my 2 cents, just so you know you can add my amen. I have often felt alone. Once radiation was finished last October, my friends said "It's time to party." At that point I had fallen into a deep depression and I said "No party, thanks."
Now, I feel like I've just woken up from a long 11 month nightmare. I am on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs that lift me up for now. I feel good when I get up in the morning and look forward to the day.
Just like you are hearing from those who've already replied to your post - doctors, posters, friends and family said: "It takes time." "Try meditation." "Try acupuncture." "Change your diet." "Get counseling." "Exercise." etc., etc. And you know what? All those things helped!
People really do care. People on this board care about you and want to help you on this journey. So keep posting. xoxoxo Lynn0 -
Not Selfish
Pat, you are definitely not being selfish. You're worried about your mom and exhausted from the toll your diagnosis and treatment have taken on your body and spirit.
The end of all treatments is also a diffcult time, I have been told. For so many weeks and months, your day has revolved around getting treatments; then, everything stops. It's what you've prayed for, but still, a big change. Friends and family and coworkers can tend to think that the end of your treatment means end of story, cancer episode over, and expect you to act is if none of it ever happened, to you or to them. But it did, and of course you are tired and tearful.
I am sorry you are feeling so bad, however understandable it is.0 -
All I can say or dolynn1950 said:It's all been said
but I'll add my 2 cents, just so you know you can add my amen. I have often felt alone. Once radiation was finished last October, my friends said "It's time to party." At that point I had fallen into a deep depression and I said "No party, thanks."
Now, I feel like I've just woken up from a long 11 month nightmare. I am on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs that lift me up for now. I feel good when I get up in the morning and look forward to the day.
Just like you are hearing from those who've already replied to your post - doctors, posters, friends and family said: "It takes time." "Try meditation." "Try acupuncture." "Change your diet." "Get counseling." "Exercise." etc., etc. And you know what? All those things helped!
People really do care. People on this board care about you and want to help you on this journey. So keep posting. xoxoxo Lynn
I am where you are soooooooo, from one sister to another, a super size hug, that lasts as long as you need.
tjhay0 -
I thought I was the only one
I thought I was the only one to feel this way. Seems once your cancer free people forget what you have gone through.I have been cancer free for 1 1/2 years and I am always tired.I take care of my grandchildren and my 90 year old Mom. My brother and sister are hopeless as far as helping. I am so glad I found this web site.As far as you feeling you have been pushed out to sea in a row boat we are all with you. Keep the faith.0 -
I am sorry Pat that you feelmaya00i said:I thought I was the only one
I thought I was the only one to feel this way. Seems once your cancer free people forget what you have gone through.I have been cancer free for 1 1/2 years and I am always tired.I take care of my grandchildren and my 90 year old Mom. My brother and sister are hopeless as far as helping. I am so glad I found this web site.As far as you feeling you have been pushed out to sea in a row boat we are all with you. Keep the faith.
I am sorry Pat that you feel this way. But, I will say what everyone else says, give yourself some time to just focus on what your life is now. And, staying busy or getting out is a good thing to do. I know you work and are tired, but, maybe on the weekend, volunteer to help someone else. Go for walks at night, join a gym. Just try and be active if you can. It really does help! Don't wait for someone else, even family to make you feel better, take charge of your own life and make yourself feel better! After all, it is your life!
Good luck!0 -
Pat, I'm sorry that you aresurvivorbc09 said:I am sorry Pat that you feel
I am sorry Pat that you feel this way. But, I will say what everyone else says, give yourself some time to just focus on what your life is now. And, staying busy or getting out is a good thing to do. I know you work and are tired, but, maybe on the weekend, volunteer to help someone else. Go for walks at night, join a gym. Just try and be active if you can. It really does help! Don't wait for someone else, even family to make you feel better, take charge of your own life and make yourself feel better! After all, it is your life!
Good luck!
Pat, I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time now. I know that there was such a letdown when my teatments were over: I had been working so hard at fighting the beast, and all of a sudden the fighting was over. While the fight was on, I had a sense of purpose. Everyone has given you lots of good ideas: I hope that some of them will help you.
I was also the primary caregiver for my mother when she was older...it seems as though there is always one child who bears the majority of the responsibility. I hope that your mother remains well and that it will be clear if she needs extra help. My mom lived in an assisted living facility for several years, and it was great for her. She had her independence, but she also felt safe and protected. Both her physical and emotional health improved after she moved there.
Joyce0 -
I am so sorry Pat. I hopejk1952 said:Pat, I'm sorry that you are
Pat, I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time now. I know that there was such a letdown when my teatments were over: I had been working so hard at fighting the beast, and all of a sudden the fighting was over. While the fight was on, I had a sense of purpose. Everyone has given you lots of good ideas: I hope that some of them will help you.
I was also the primary caregiver for my mother when she was older...it seems as though there is always one child who bears the majority of the responsibility. I hope that your mother remains well and that it will be clear if she needs extra help. My mom lived in an assisted living facility for several years, and it was great for her. She had her independence, but she also felt safe and protected. Both her physical and emotional health improved after she moved there.
Joyce
I am so sorry Pat. I hope that you feel better soon and find something to help to brighten your days!
Susie0 -
THANKSsusie09 said:I am so sorry Pat. I hope
I am so sorry Pat. I hope that you feel better soon and find something to help to brighten your days!
Susie
Thank you for all your love, hugs, and suggestions. I will definitely try to get out more, this weekend I'm having dinner with a friend who took the day off from work and sat with my Mother while I had my surgery last October. This March, her BC returned and she had to have a mastectomy. We are both in the same boat, fighting the beast, and maybe she can help me too and I can help her. This is her second time around with the beast and she is doing great, although sometimes she and I throw some real good pity parties together, LOL. Then we laugh and thank God we are survivors. You ladies are wonderful and know exactly what to say at the right time and I love you all and appreciate you all. I think I will go to the Animal Welfare Society and see if they need help, its a small place with a lot of people volunteering, so if they don't need me, maybe the hospital needs another pink lady.
Again, thanks for the support, the caring, the love, and all the hugs. You are a wonderful group of warriors!
Pat0 -
Gives you a Good Feeling...
I think that faithandprayer's comment was so encouraging! Remember, you are never alone. Sometimes it's hard to remember that, but it is true. And as far as your pastor, by sending a card or making a call I think it will give you a wonderful feeling of being compassionate and kind when someone is in need. I'm sure you miss your mom, because there is definitely no replacement for a mom! Treatments, doctors, and staff become such a huge part of our lives. I'm still in treatment and I love each and every one of them. You will adjust and before you know it, will wonder why there isn't enough time in the day to do all you want. Your strength will return and things will look so much brighter. You are in my prayers...remember, you are not alone!0
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