Good Times on CSN...Thanks (long post)

Ms_Nellie
Ms_Nellie Member Posts: 40
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I just want to say thanks you to the many hearts that has touched mine. You have given me the opportunity to laugh with, cry with you and most of all you all have made me feel like I belong.

Just a recap...I was diagnosed with stage IIB breast cancer 6/2/2009. Lumpectomy performed 6/17/09. 7 nodes removed, the cancer had spread to 3. Returned to work half days 7/7/09, full-time to resume 7/20/09. Awaiting chemo,followed by radiation follow by hormone therapy. Don't know when chemo will start, having CT scan tomorrow.

I try to keep a positive attitude about life in general. I have had some dark days and nights in my life. I've always tried to find the positive message in the worst of situation.

My hope for my cancer experience and journey is that I can be an inspriation to someone else. It's not always about fighting the good fight. Just fighting is enough to get me through sometimes.

I am being as proactive as I ccan during this time before chemo starts...buying my popsicles...plastic flatware...evaluating medications I am currently taking...finding out about handling the diabetes, bipolar and PTSD along with the cancer treatments...riding my motorcycle while I can. I take my cluees from my friends here at CSN.

I've turned one room into a sick room. When I don't feel good that's where I will be (hopefully not much). There is a laptop in there so I can keep in touch. It is currently my get away room anyway...it's where I go to relax.

I am scared, but I try to put it all in perspective. I'm single, I live alone and I have to have chemo. I want people to be around, but not if it's only because they feel sorry for me. I'm blessed, I've been preparing and prepared for something like this most of my life. I do believe that the experiences of my life has taught me to never ever quit.

I scared mostly of the emotional aspects of things. I honestly feel like I will be able to deal with the physical pain. It's the emotional things that has brought me to my knees in the past.

Anyway as things progress I will be back here to laugh, cry, chat, pray, hug, kiss, get inspired and hopefully help someone else through their journey knowing that they have a friend and friends.

There's a saying that goes something like.."You don't know the worth of the anchor until you've felt the wrath of the storm. I'm ready for my storm and look forward to the anchor.

Love you all


Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers?
Men don't like flowers.
I've been wearing a great scent.
It's called New CAr Interior.
Rita Rudner

Comments

  • Jadie
    Jadie Member Posts: 723
    Watch out Rita.........
    .......the men will be following you around. LOL Sounds like you are doing the right things by getting prepared. Especially since you live by yourself. Just remember that we are here for you whenever you need us. We will laugh with you, cry with you or just listen to you.

    Wishing you the best with your journey
    Jadie<3
  • bfbear
    bfbear Member Posts: 380
    Jadie said:

    Watch out Rita.........
    .......the men will be following you around. LOL Sounds like you are doing the right things by getting prepared. Especially since you live by yourself. Just remember that we are here for you whenever you need us. We will laugh with you, cry with you or just listen to you.

    Wishing you the best with your journey
    Jadie<3</p>

    Hang in there, Rita!
    You're doing all the right things.

    You will get to the other side of this treatment.

    Let your friends help -- it's as good for them as it is for you!
    Just try to ignore your worries about friends feeling sorry for you...you can't read minds, and if someone is bugging you too much, tell them to take a hike! One thing about bc is that it helps you find your "voice." Stay honest about your needs, and let people know.

    And we're all hear to listen, as always.

    Debi
  • Moopy23
    Moopy23 Member Posts: 1,751 Member
    Rita
    Hello, sister in pink. I, too wish you all the best and am impressed with how you have prepared for your cancer journey. It is not a journey you need travel alone; as Jadie and Debi wrote, you will find much support and understanding here. Please keep in touch.

    p.s. That new car smell would get my husband, definitely. Between 1994 and 2004, he bought: a 94 Corolla, a 95 Camry, 4-cylinder, a 98 Camry, 6-cylinder,a 99 Mustang (red, of course), a 2001 Mazda B6 4x4, a 2002 Dodge Grand Caravan, and, finally, a 2004 Highlander. To his credit, he's been driving the Highlander ever since. (The 98 Camry is mine.)
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    You are ready, Rita. You've
    You are ready, Rita. You've done all you could, now just take care of yourself and be good to yourself while on chemo. You'll come through it fine. Everyone faces ups and downs and illnesses in their lives, so you're not someone to be singled out and felt sorry for. Keep posting, girl.

    Mimi
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    Hey Ms Nellie
    I live alone

    Hey Ms Nellie
    I live alone too. Currently doing chemo...I had a friend stay with me for the first one just in case, and it was nice to have a buddy around. She doesn't feel sorry for me, she just wants to be there for emotional or whatever support. Let those one or two real friends help out when you need it. I know it's hard to ask for help, but my dad died from lung cancer and he would never let any of us kids help. He never shared what was going on with his treatment and we all ended up feeling very shut out of what should have been a close bonding time. I learned from that experience not to shut out my friends and family. They want to know and they want to help. So be a warrior and fight the fight. But let a friend help when you need it. And we are always here to listen.
    Cheers,
    Dee
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    I love Rita Rudner! She is
    I love Rita Rudner! She is absolutely one of the funniest women out there! Your using her quote made me laugh~ I could picture her saying it, too! And then having her innocent deer-in-the-headlights look on her face! :-)

    I agree that the emotional side of the journey is in many ways the most difficult; chemo does tend to wreak some havoc with us as well in that regard. And, as much as we SAY we are prepared, bottom line is, we are scared!

    As you have seen from reading the posts here, we are a strong, caring, united bond of Warrior-Survivors. On those nights when you can't sleep, or just feel lonely, this place is a God-send. Literal hours can be spent getting to know the individual posters and their stories, and you will feel such an attachment to all of us. Should "cyber-support" NOT be enough, please avail yourself of the many groups which actually meet! The cancer center I went to had a bulletin board with listings of various groups,perhaps yours does too.

    One last thing: If ANYONE offers to bring you a meal, run an errand for you, walk your dog, pick up your mail~ let them! It is a blessing to the giver and the receiver both.


    Keep us posted!

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • tgf
    tgf Member Posts: 950 Member
    bfbear said:

    Hang in there, Rita!
    You're doing all the right things.

    You will get to the other side of this treatment.

    Let your friends help -- it's as good for them as it is for you!
    Just try to ignore your worries about friends feeling sorry for you...you can't read minds, and if someone is bugging you too much, tell them to take a hike! One thing about bc is that it helps you find your "voice." Stay honest about your needs, and let people know.

    And we're all hear to listen, as always.

    Debi

    Nellie
    I think I can understand a lot of your feelings. I too am alone ... and I've suffered from depression most of my adult life (and that's a lot of years since I'm 65)... and I've learned that no matter how "well" I think I feel ... I still NEED to take my medication. So ... I am assuming you are on medication for bipolar ... Just be sure to stay on top of that and keep all of your doctors informed about any change in emotions/moods etc. because the BC and treatments will add more stress to your life so you doctors will need to monitor you closely.

    Also ... I like the idea of you having a "special" room to relax in. Have you ever tried yoga? Over the past years I've taken several classes and find it a great way to train my mind and body to relax. The stretching and breathing techniques are wonderful.

    You said you did not want to be surrounded by people who feel sorry for you ... and I couldn't agree with you more. I have allowed myself to become quite selfish. If I don't want to do something or be with someone I just tell them I'm not up to it. I have a friend who wanted to go to all of my chemo appointments with me and sit with me through the treatments. Now I know that many people like that ... but I preferred to be alone ... and handle "it" my own way and that was by myself. I told her I just had to get myself in my own little calm "space" ... and that I did NOT need to be distracted or entertained. Thanks to having a port (and EMLA cream)there was no stress about the needle going in ... but I bought a few great "relaxation/medication" CDs ... put my earphones on as soon as I got to the treatment room ... (and the first thing they give you is benadryl drip) and so I practiced my deep breathing and relaxation techniques and I honestly slept through most of the treatments ... and woke up very refreshed. I was on taxol/herceptin ... so your chemo may be stronger ... but what I did worked for me.

    So ... just give yourself permission to do whatever you want ... and be with whoever you want ... and give yourself permission to say "no." This is a time when you don't need to worry about other people and possibly hurting their feelings. This is a time when you need to do what you NEED to do to take care of yourself. Be selfish!

    And ... of course ... we are all here for you

    hugs.
    teena
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    chenheart said:

    I love Rita Rudner! She is
    I love Rita Rudner! She is absolutely one of the funniest women out there! Your using her quote made me laugh~ I could picture her saying it, too! And then having her innocent deer-in-the-headlights look on her face! :-)

    I agree that the emotional side of the journey is in many ways the most difficult; chemo does tend to wreak some havoc with us as well in that regard. And, as much as we SAY we are prepared, bottom line is, we are scared!

    As you have seen from reading the posts here, we are a strong, caring, united bond of Warrior-Survivors. On those nights when you can't sleep, or just feel lonely, this place is a God-send. Literal hours can be spent getting to know the individual posters and their stories, and you will feel such an attachment to all of us. Should "cyber-support" NOT be enough, please avail yourself of the many groups which actually meet! The cancer center I went to had a bulletin board with listings of various groups,perhaps yours does too.

    One last thing: If ANYONE offers to bring you a meal, run an errand for you, walk your dog, pick up your mail~ let them! It is a blessing to the giver and the receiver both.


    Keep us posted!

    Hugs,
    Claudia

    Hi Nell
    Just saying Hi! Jxxxxxxxx
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    Hi Ms Nellie...
    Glad to hear you are being proactive with your preparation. I think this makes it sooooo much easier for when you go through treatment. I am working on a list myself waiting on treatment to begin. My only problem is my list keeps growing!! Seems I can think of WHAT to write down, just don't have the motivation to get it done! Or I write down 10 things and do 2 things (hence the reason for the rapid growth!). Keep us posted on your progress. And thanks for the "New Car" tip!! I've been wearing the wrong scent!! :) Pammy
  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member
    bfbear said:

    Hang in there, Rita!
    You're doing all the right things.

    You will get to the other side of this treatment.

    Let your friends help -- it's as good for them as it is for you!
    Just try to ignore your worries about friends feeling sorry for you...you can't read minds, and if someone is bugging you too much, tell them to take a hike! One thing about bc is that it helps you find your "voice." Stay honest about your needs, and let people know.

    And we're all hear to listen, as always.

    Debi

    You sound like you have all
    You sound like you have all of your ducks in a row, so to speak. You will get thru this! And, we are all here to support and encourage you.

    Yes, let your friends and family help you in anyway that they want. It helps you and it helps them, as they feel they are really doing something to help you.

    One thing I have learned, is that I get rid of the negatism in my life. Even if it means people, friends or family members. I just don't need it or want it anymore.

    And, please post whenever you want. I love reading what you write and knowing how you are doing!

    Hugs, Kristin
  • cats_toy
    cats_toy Member Posts: 1,462 Member
    Hey Ms Nellie
    sounds like you are ready to conquer the world! Great planning and I hope it all goes well for you. I would change the name of the "sick room" to the "healing room". Sounds better, and may you heal well there.

    Keep us up to date on your progress.
    I love Rita Rudner!

    =^..^=
  • Jeanne D
    Jeanne D Member Posts: 1,867
    cats_toy said:

    Hey Ms Nellie
    sounds like you are ready to conquer the world! Great planning and I hope it all goes well for you. I would change the name of the "sick room" to the "healing room". Sounds better, and may you heal well there.

    Keep us up to date on your progress.
    I love Rita Rudner!

    =^..^=

    Hi Ms Nellie
    You do sound like you are ready for anything. And, all of the planning you

    have done and are doing is great! I wish I were more like that. So, I admire you for that!

    And, I have to agree with CAT, I would change the name of the room to the healing room too.

    Good luck to you!

    Love, Jeanne
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    Ms Nellie
    I hope also you will not be in your sick-room much but at least we will all be in there wit you. A very good place for your laptop. I know how very much it helped me to be here with our sisters and friends whose great advise is invaluable. Plus they can always make me laugh when it is so needed! I know you will be an inspiration and a great asset to us here.

    I do know what you mean about all the emotional stuff. I just try to live in the moment and take one day at a time these days. It helps to kep my mind busy also. This is a very good time to catch up on all those books you would like to read or movies you would love to watch.

    I bet my husband would like me to wear the car interior scent also since he has about 12 old cars waiting to be ,restored, mine is a 64 baracuda..

    big hugs, jackie
  • 1surfermom
    1surfermom Member Posts: 396 Member
    rjjj said:

    Ms Nellie
    I hope also you will not be in your sick-room much but at least we will all be in there wit you. A very good place for your laptop. I know how very much it helped me to be here with our sisters and friends whose great advise is invaluable. Plus they can always make me laugh when it is so needed! I know you will be an inspiration and a great asset to us here.

    I do know what you mean about all the emotional stuff. I just try to live in the moment and take one day at a time these days. It helps to kep my mind busy also. This is a very good time to catch up on all those books you would like to read or movies you would love to watch.

    I bet my husband would like me to wear the car interior scent also since he has about 12 old cars waiting to be ,restored, mine is a 64 baracuda..

    big hugs, jackie

    preparing for chemo
    Ms. Nellie,

    Having a peaceful room to rest is a great idea. I also brought a bag full of things to chemo with me, stuff I knew would comfort me, motivate me and also stuff that I could read, a good book or magazine. Please take advantage of any offers for help that you may receive I agree with Claudia it is a gift to the giver and the receiver. Let us know how you are doing. There is always support here.. Love Surf

    P.S. Shout out to Jackie I drove a 65 Barracuda in High School, I loved that car !!!!
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    You certainly seem to have a
    You certainly seem to have a plan! You will do fine, that is quite obvious from what you have written.

    I look forward to updates from you!

    Hugs, Kylez
  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member

    preparing for chemo
    Ms. Nellie,

    Having a peaceful room to rest is a great idea. I also brought a bag full of things to chemo with me, stuff I knew would comfort me, motivate me and also stuff that I could read, a good book or magazine. Please take advantage of any offers for help that you may receive I agree with Claudia it is a gift to the giver and the receiver. Let us know how you are doing. There is always support here.. Love Surf

    P.S. Shout out to Jackie I drove a 65 Barracuda in High School, I loved that car !!!!

    Helping others
    Hey, Ms. Nellie -- I'm a newbie here, so it's nice to "meet" you!

    You talked a couple of times in your post about wanting to help and reach out to others. While I completely agree that this a time to focus on *your* needs, I also think it's important to keep in mind that sometimes accepting offers of help really helps the person who's offering as much as (sometimes even more than) it helps you.

    I work as my church's Memorial Service Coordinator, and I've been kind of surprised by how similar people's reactions are to my breast cancer diagnosis as they are after someone dies. By that I DON'T mean grief and sorrow, but that helpless feeling of wanting to DO something, anything, RIGHT NOW, to help. It really seemed to help some of my friends feel better to bring me food after my surgery (and the food was great, too!).

    I'll be starting chemo soon, and I told my girlfriend that there was no need for her to sit with me for the whole three hours, to maybe plan to run some errands once she got me there and settled. And she said, "No, not the first time. I want to see what they're doing and how it works and where you are and how you do the first time." I could tell by the tone of her voice that this is really important to her, that this is what she needs to know that I'm okay.

    Absolutely, there are some people to whose offers of help I would say "Thank you, no," for various reasons. But, when it feels right to you, please don't be shy about accepting help.

    Traci
  • ladybug22
    ladybug22 Member Posts: 646
    MS.
    please know we love and care about you and i will see u in caht room later and good luck
  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member
    ladybug22 said:

    MS.
    please know we love and care about you and i will see u in caht room later and good luck

    We do care about you and
    We do care about you and please post as often as you can!

    Good luck!

    Hugs, Kristin