New to Breast Cancer
My name is Lisa. My mom is recently diagnosed with breast cancer. I’ve read many of your posts and I envy your strength and positive outlook. I hope I can learn the same for my mom’s sake.
She’s been diagnosed with stage 2 invasive lobular carcinoma (that’s as of now, this may change as we’re waiting on PET/CT results). The scan was yesterday, we’ll get results tomorrow. This was the last of her tests and her next step is surgery.
She is very overwhelmed and to be honest, so am I. I am doing everything I can think of to help but it just seems… not enough. I go with her to doctor visits to take notes and ask questions, we talk, go for walks and she loves lots of hugs. I just don’t know what to do for her. I feel helpless. My mom and I are very close and it pains me that I can’t take away her fear and worry.
So far we know: Invasive lobular carcinoma, stage 2, grade 2, HER 2 negative, ER+/PR+, bone scan is negative. She found a lump, but it turns out that it was a swollen lymph node. An ultrasound showed two spots and the lymph node in the right breast, which were all biopsied and confirmed cancer. An MRI showed two spots in the left breast, which they have suggested for biopsy, but given her family history of breast cancer and the fact that this cancer has a 1 in 3 chance of independently developing in the other breast, she has opted for bilateral mastectomy. Chemo and probably radiation will follow.
Does it get easier? It has to get easier, right? Waiting around for test results is ???????. Fill in the blank, I can’t even think of a postable word. Did you feel better once all the tests were over with and you knew exactly what you were dealing with, what your treatment plan was, what to expect?
I’d be so grateful for any help. Thanks.
Lisa
Comments
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What a wonderful daughter
Your mom is very lucky to have you by her side while all this is happening. And that is probably the best thing you can do for her. Be there. She will need to hear the results of all the tests before they can give her a plan for treatment, and yes, the waiting is the hardest part. And there will be lots of waiting. But if anything helps to make it easier, it is usually having someone there to go through it with her, and you are doing that.
Let us know as she gets her results, and you will find lots of people here who can tell you what they have experienced.
Take care and keep giving your mom those hugs!
=^..^=0 -
Lisacats_toy said:What a wonderful daughter
Your mom is very lucky to have you by her side while all this is happening. And that is probably the best thing you can do for her. Be there. She will need to hear the results of all the tests before they can give her a plan for treatment, and yes, the waiting is the hardest part. And there will be lots of waiting. But if anything helps to make it easier, it is usually having someone there to go through it with her, and you are doing that.
Let us know as she gets her results, and you will find lots of people here who can tell you what they have experienced.
Take care and keep giving your mom those hugs!
=^..^=
Welcome, sorry you had to be here, but you are in the right place. Your Mum is to be congratulated on having such support.
Remember......Thw waiting is the worst part of it.
Hugs Jxxxxxxxxx0 -
Hey Lisatasha_111 said:Lisa
Welcome, sorry you had to be here, but you are in the right place. Your Mum is to be congratulated on having such support.
Remember......Thw waiting is the worst part of it.
Hugs Jxxxxxxxxx
I'll just second
Hey Lisa
I'll just second what Cat and Tasha said. The waiting is the worst.But once things start to move, the surgery,the reconstruction consults, the chemo consults, the radiation consults, you'll start to feel better as you get a better understanding of the treatment. You are doing exactly what your Mom needs now...just being there and taking notes and talking it out with her.
Dee0 -
Lisa....
first, do yourself a favor...take a very DEEP breath! The waiting absolutely sucks! But I have learned that it is just part of the whole cancer thing and no amount of frustration will change it or make things happen any sooner. Just recently, as I was excited to learn my treatment plan, I was thrown another curve ball. So a word of caution here....Yes & no that you feel better once you know your plan. Just know that everyone is different and things can (and do) sometimes change right in the middle. Best thing to do is learn to be flexible (no, we're not talking poses here) and try to keep somewhat of a sense of humor. I believe that laughter really is the best medicine! And do the most simplest of things you can....let your Mom lean on you!
Pammy 0 -
lisa_k
Lisa,
Yes you do feel better when you have the knowledge needed to fight this. I think everyone of us have an extensive new library on the subject because we feel empowered by having as much info as possible. It helps to be informed. As for being easier? I think to some degree the knowledge and reality changes the way you approach dealing with it. The more info = the way you fight it. Having taken on the battle you strategise how to beat it. Being there for your Mom will help her do this.
You are doing what is needed by providing a loving strength to your mother by being there for her and going with her to her appoints etc. You are providing the means of helping her through the waiting. She will always need your hugs, my sons were avoiding hugging me after my surgeries until I told them how much it meant to me to feel their touch, now it is part of our communication, so keep up the love, it only helps.
Does it get any easier?.....people respond differently...I find that I have periods of keeping it bottled up and that is not good,it may be for those around me but not for me. Remember that you need to have a support system in place for yourself too...for knowledge, comfort, and for venting. Take care of yourself so you can be there when she wants you near.
From what I have read on this site...you will have as much support that is emotionally possible to give from those of us that have been there.
Good luck and God Bless, Teresa0 -
lisaTeresa1207 said:lisa_k
Lisa,
Yes you do feel better when you have the knowledge needed to fight this. I think everyone of us have an extensive new library on the subject because we feel empowered by having as much info as possible. It helps to be informed. As for being easier? I think to some degree the knowledge and reality changes the way you approach dealing with it. The more info = the way you fight it. Having taken on the battle you strategise how to beat it. Being there for your Mom will help her do this.
You are doing what is needed by providing a loving strength to your mother by being there for her and going with her to her appoints etc. You are providing the means of helping her through the waiting. She will always need your hugs, my sons were avoiding hugging me after my surgeries until I told them how much it meant to me to feel their touch, now it is part of our communication, so keep up the love, it only helps.
Does it get any easier?.....people respond differently...I find that I have periods of keeping it bottled up and that is not good,it may be for those around me but not for me. Remember that you need to have a support system in place for yourself too...for knowledge, comfort, and for venting. Take care of yourself so you can be there when she wants you near.
From what I have read on this site...you will have as much support that is emotionally possible to give from those of us that have been there.
Good luck and God Bless, Teresa
I want to begin by telling you what a wonderful daughter you are. Your words were so touching. I can feel your pain and frustration. This is an emotional roller coster and yes the waiting sucks. To me it feels like my whole life and what i can do is being put on hold because even though i had surgery, i still dont know what my treatments will be. Hang in there and your mom is so lucky to have you.
laura0 -
Lisa,CR1954 said:Lisa.......
Hello and welcome.
How did your Mom get all of the information regarding staging & grading before surgery? That is information that is usually included in the final path report after surgery.
CR
When you say you feel like you're not doing enough....so NOT true! This has to be so overwhelming for your mom -- speaking from my own experience, having someone to go with me to appointments, take notes, and ask questions -- I can't even find words enough to tell you how much that means.
For me, it got easier the day I finally got a date for my surgery. It was like a weight was lifted -- stop with all the tests already, let's get in there and start DOING something! As Dee said, "once things start to move." Of course, there's always more waiting at every step, but that was a huge emotional/mental turning point for me.
And oh yes, hugs are key. But keep foot massages in mind, too -- after my surgery, my girlfriend was so afraid that she might hurt me, so she'd sit at the other end of the couch and give me foot massages in the evenings. Good substitute for hugs when necessary....
Please keep us posted on how you and your mom are doing.
Traci0 -
Welcome Lisa. I am so sorrytasha_111 said:Lisa
Welcome, sorry you had to be here, but you are in the right place. Your Mum is to be congratulated on having such support.
Remember......Thw waiting is the worst part of it.
Hugs Jxxxxxxxxx
Welcome Lisa. I am so sorry about your Mother. But, you will find this place full of support and encouragment for you and your Mother.
Waiting is hard, but, you can get thru it. Good luck!
Hugs, Kristin0 -
Sweet GirlTraciInLA said:Lisa,
When you say you feel like you're not doing enough....so NOT true! This has to be so overwhelming for your mom -- speaking from my own experience, having someone to go with me to appointments, take notes, and ask questions -- I can't even find words enough to tell you how much that means.
For me, it got easier the day I finally got a date for my surgery. It was like a weight was lifted -- stop with all the tests already, let's get in there and start DOING something! As Dee said, "once things start to move." Of course, there's always more waiting at every step, but that was a huge emotional/mental turning point for me.
And oh yes, hugs are key. But keep foot massages in mind, too -- after my surgery, my girlfriend was so afraid that she might hurt me, so she'd sit at the other end of the couch and give me foot massages in the evenings. Good substitute for hugs when necessary....
Please keep us posted on how you and your mom are doing.
Traci
You are a very loving daughter whom i am sure your mom is so proud of. You are doing exactly what you should and many would love to have someone like you. Your mom may be quite overwhelmed right now, as i was in fact i went through it in a surreal blur, so if she doesn't quite seem the same she may just be trying to grasp it all, it is overwhelming emotionally, physically and everyother way. Just being there is a comfort more than you know.
God bless you and Mom,
Jackie0 -
Happy Tears
Thank you all so much for your kind words. Knowing we’re not alone helps so much.
We got wonderful news yesterday. Her PET/CT scan was negative for anything new!!! It hasn’t spread. That was her last test:). Now we’re just waiting on surgery. We feel like we can breathe again.
The plan is still the same: bilateral mastectomy, chemo, probably radiation and reconstruction. But, at least now it feels manageable. She feels confident now that she can get through this.
I looked in on her last night and she was sleeping with a smile on her face. Priceless.
Have a great weekend everybody.
Lisa0 -
Happy about your Mom's PETlisa_k said:Happy Tears
Thank you all so much for your kind words. Knowing we’re not alone helps so much.
We got wonderful news yesterday. Her PET/CT scan was negative for anything new!!! It hasn’t spread. That was her last test:). Now we’re just waiting on surgery. We feel like we can breathe again.
The plan is still the same: bilateral mastectomy, chemo, probably radiation and reconstruction. But, at least now it feels manageable. She feels confident now that she can get through this.
I looked in on her last night and she was sleeping with a smile on her face. Priceless.
Have a great weekend everybody.
Lisa
Happy about your Mom's PET scan!
How did you get all of that info though about her, prior to surgery? They don't know that until the surgery and the pathology report.0 -
Stage/Grade QuestionDianeBC said:Happy about your Mom's PET
Happy about your Mom's PET scan!
How did you get all of that info though about her, prior to surgery? They don't know that until the surgery and the pathology report.
Hi all,
Sorry for the delay in answering. CR I haven’t forgotten about your question. I was waiting to get clarification from the doc but it won’t come now until Tuesday. I didn't know it wasn't the norm to get stage/grade before surgery. When his office called yesterday with results, I had the list of questions sitting right in front of me. But, as soon as I heard that the test was negative, I completely lost my focus and I finished the call without asking a single question. Can you believe it?! I’ve been kicking myself ever since.
The day we got stage/grade was her first appt with anybody, it just happened to be the radiation oncologist. Now I took notes but everything not written down is a blur. I’m pretty sure I recall how they did it, but I hesitate to post information that I’m not 100% sure of. If you like, I will, but please know that it may not be accurate and I may have to amend it.
Her doctor is taking a long weekend and won’t be back until Tuesday. I left a message and expect to hear from him then. I will absolutely post Tues or Wed with all the details. Please let me know if you want the info now.
Lisa0 -
You can't know those answerslisa_k said:Stage/Grade Question
Hi all,
Sorry for the delay in answering. CR I haven’t forgotten about your question. I was waiting to get clarification from the doc but it won’t come now until Tuesday. I didn't know it wasn't the norm to get stage/grade before surgery. When his office called yesterday with results, I had the list of questions sitting right in front of me. But, as soon as I heard that the test was negative, I completely lost my focus and I finished the call without asking a single question. Can you believe it?! I’ve been kicking myself ever since.
The day we got stage/grade was her first appt with anybody, it just happened to be the radiation oncologist. Now I took notes but everything not written down is a blur. I’m pretty sure I recall how they did it, but I hesitate to post information that I’m not 100% sure of. If you like, I will, but please know that it may not be accurate and I may have to amend it.
Her doctor is taking a long weekend and won’t be back until Tuesday. I left a message and expect to hear from him then. I will absolutely post Tues or Wed with all the details. Please let me know if you want the info now.
Lisa
You can't know those answers without surgery that I am aware of. So, I am curious too.
Good luck to your Mom!0 -
Wonderful Newslisa_k said:Happy Tears
Thank you all so much for your kind words. Knowing we’re not alone helps so much.
We got wonderful news yesterday. Her PET/CT scan was negative for anything new!!! It hasn’t spread. That was her last test:). Now we’re just waiting on surgery. We feel like we can breathe again.
The plan is still the same: bilateral mastectomy, chemo, probably radiation and reconstruction. But, at least now it feels manageable. She feels confident now that she can get through this.
I looked in on her last night and she was sleeping with a smile on her face. Priceless.
Have a great weekend everybody.
Lisa
Lisa, I am glad to hear that your mom's PET scan was clear. What blessed news that always is! Your mother is also blessed to have such a caring daughter who is committed to helping her. My best wishes to her and to you.0 -
I had all that informationsusie09 said:You can't know those answers
You can't know those answers without surgery that I am aware of. So, I am curious too.
Good luck to your Mom!
Before surgury except for the stage and the grade, it all come from the biopsy path report, when I saw the surgeon told me that in her opinion, my cancer was stage 1, because I had no swollen lymph nodes, she also made an educated guess that I would have no node involvement. She turned out to be right, But we didn't get that confirmation until after the surgury path report, and that's when I found out the grade. Although thr 1st report did say it was intermediate, which is what she told me grade 2 meant. So I don't know if that was actually on the 1st report roo or not. Now I'm curious, I'll have to ask her.0 -
Great news on the PET scan!Moopy23 said:Wonderful News
Lisa, I am glad to hear that your mom's PET scan was clear. What blessed news that always is! Your mother is also blessed to have such a caring daughter who is committed to helping her. My best wishes to her and to you.
Great news on the PET scan! Congratulations! Keep us updated!
Kristin0
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