HELP!! MY FIANCE'S FAMILY IS TREATING ME LIKE CRAP-WHY?

trr5073
trr5073 Member Posts: 3
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
HELP! DOES ANYONE HAVE PROBLEMS WITH THERE IN-LAWS BEING NASTY SINCE A DIAGNOSIS? MY FIANCE WAS DIAGNOSED IN MARCH OF 2009 SO WE ARE REALLY NEW TO THIS WHOLE THING. ABOUT A WEEK AFTER THE DIAGNOSIS HIS MOTHER AND SISTER HAVE BEEN RUDE AND PRETTY NASTY TO ME. I STILL HAVE NOT FIGURED THIS OUT BUT WHAT IS THE DEAL? ANY CHANCE THEY GET, THEY TRY TO HIDE AND EXCLUDE ME FROM ANY FAMILY THINGS AND WRITE ME LITTLE HATE LETTERS THAT SAY "YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO HAVE YOUR FAMILY MEMBER SICK OR YOU DONT HAVE A CHILD SO YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO LOSE SOMEBODY"..WELL DO THEY KNOW HE IS VERY ALIVE? WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 4 YEARS AND WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN GREAT FRIENDS. I KNOW THIS IS THE LAST THING MY FIANCE NEEDS BUT I CANT GET HIS FAMILY TO STOP. THEY ARE EVEN RUDE TO ME IN MY OWN HOUSE IN FRONT OF HIM BUT HE DOESNT THINK ITS THAT BAD! I CRY SOMETIMES BUT I ALSO THINK WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS? I AM THE ONE TAKING CARE OF HIM AND THEY WANT TO TREAT ME AWFUL- WHO DOES THIS? I DONT THINK I WILL EVER UNDERSTAND. SOMEONE OUT THERE WITH THE SAME PROBLEMS? I NEED HELP!

Comments

  • seanslove
    seanslove Member Posts: 70
    #2
    help and I understand
    Trr5073,

    Been there,done that,all done. My husband and I have been married for six and a half years and together for seven this month. His one sister has never liked me and told me so upon the first time I ever met her. As she also has cancer and recieves montly infussions six years later,she thought,even though she and Sean had not spoken in over four years,she was going to run through the doors and take over. NOT ON MY SHIFT! Oh she tried,but as soon as he got out of the hospital and came home,which we went in thinking he had the flu and came out with stage four mestatic adenocarsinoma 12 days later,her regin of terror was over.
    He had no desire to see her or any of the family members who magically appeared after over four years at the hospital. Therefore,the phone calls started,hounding me about why he wouldn't see them,why he wouldn't call,and to tell me they were coming over anyways. Well that was the words that broke the camels back. I started out really nice and moved forward.
    I said,"First off this is his cancer,not yours. It is his fight,not yours. And at this given time,what he wants and what he finds fair or not fair,FARRRRRRRR out weights what you or anyone else wants or feels. If you can't except that,then I do not know what to tell you. How's he feeling,um like crap. When he is ready to see you he will call. When he is ready to talk to you again he will call. Otherwise,I will be glad to call you on the weeks he has a treatment or an important doctors vist which could provide new information. Otherwise,if you don't hear from me,then he's fine."
    Oh I felt so much better when I said that,let me tell you,I endured them at the hosptial from May 18-30,and then on the phone daily until about two weeks ago. Oh life is so much better.
    You said that you and your husband to be live together and you are the caregiver,well then it's time you make that point clear,you will feel better,believe me I am speaking from experience on this one.
  • MichelleP
    MichelleP Member Posts: 254
    #3
    I relate to what you say
    I relate to what you say SO very much!! I too have problems with my husbands adult children. We have been married 16 years and in all those years his adult children treated me like crap, insulted me, threatened me etc etc. Never once did they ever do these things in front of their dad...nope....typical cowards only when he wasn't in the room. It got so bad that we sold our home and moved about 250 miles away. It's been 5 years since that move and they only called maybe once. When he was diagnosed and in the hospital I thought about it and decided that telling them was the "right thing to do". Well, I regret that now more than I can say. They have not once requested to see him, they just call to harass me. They claim they have an attorney and will be removing him from our home and taking him who knows where. They send hateful letters too. BUT my advice to you is if you have caller ID on your phone, don't pick it up and let all messages go to voice mail. If there is news to tell them then do so....but make it short and simple. No long conversations giving them a chance to annoy you. The most important thing is taking care of your loved one and yourself.

    Good luck and let us know how it goes because we all care!

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