The Power Behind 'One'

bluerose

I have been on these boards for awhile now and one of the topics that comes up often is the topic of being lonely and afraid, not having any support, just being on your own with cancer. At this particular point in my own cancer story I will be going in for reports on a new symptom the docs have found about 2 months ago so of course I am feeling that alone feeling once again, fearing that if this is bad news - here we go again - but this time it will be alone.

I have been thinking this way since they found this 'node', hanging around my body where it shouldn't be, but this morning when I woke up things were different. I woke up with a whole new take on the true power of 'one'. Don't ask me where this new attitude came from, although I'm pretty sure it's The Big Guy helping me through, but it was pretty amazing indeed. It was a whole new way of looking at being 'one'. I started to think about how much easier it is to hear your inner feelings and wisdoms when you are alone, hear the guidance that I believe is truly within us but the noise of life gets in the way of our truly hearing it. I thought about the peace that I feel when I sit and look out on the fields of green from my apt window, watching the farmers sowing their crops and the birds coming along behind them and eating half their newly planted rows of seeds. It's all so quiet and so much easier to pluck the power from the universe when all is still and there is just you - one.

I stroke my cats and contemplate questions and concerns that make me fearful, and full of concern, and somehow the peacefullness of being just 'one' brings the answers more quickly and makes the fears less frightening when all can be gone over in a serene atmosphere free of clatter and disruption.

Meditation comes easier when I am just 'one', freeing the mind from mind blocking inconsequential thoughts that clog the free flow of ideas and incoming revelations.

The next time you feel alone perhaps you can think about this new 'ah ha moment' I had today and perhaps it will help you feel the power behind your 'one' as well. I hope so.

Blessings, Bluerose.

terato

You learn who you really are when you are alone.
Blue,

I was never as creative or adventurous, as when I finally stopped dating and became content with living alone. The person I am today was not the person locked in an unhappy marriage, or, having failed at that, trying desperately to find another "soul-mate". To come home, wear what ever I damn feel like like wearing; eating what ever I want, leaving the dishes in the sink, if that's what I want; making decisions without having to consult with someone, etc. Right before I got on this board today, I was in an e-mail exchange regarding the latest papal encyclical concerning economic justice. I would never done this years ago. Moments of clarity and reflection occur much more frequently now.

I wish that I had known this in my 20s, before marriage and before cancer, how much better my life would have been!

Love and Courage!

Rick

bluerose

terato said:

You learn who you really are when you are alone.
Blue,

I was never as creative or adventurous, as when I finally stopped dating and became content with living alone. The person I am today was not the person locked in an unhappy marriage, or, having failed at that, trying desperately to find another "soul-mate". To come home, wear what ever I damn feel like like wearing; eating what ever I want, leaving the dishes in the sink, if that's what I want; making decisions without having to consult with someone, etc. Right before I got on this board today, I was in an e-mail exchange regarding the latest papal encyclical concerning economic justice. I would never done this years ago. Moments of clarity and reflection occur much more frequently now.

I wish that I had known this in my 20s, before marriage and before cancer, how much better my life would have been!

Love and Courage!

Rick

I hear you
I can identify with all you, especially the way moments of clarity and reflection come more frequently when you are on your own. No distractions with multiple opinions and second guessing yourself. I found that being on my own is very much like meditation, when you first start out trying to meditate it's difficult to focus with all the many thoughts flooding your mind but soon and with practice you can close your eyes and start to meditate and your mind shuts down to just one grand quietness where who you are bubbles to the surface.

From time to time I miss having someone else around but I have done that relationship thing, learned what I needed to learn, but a quick phone call from a friend or luncheon with another friend satisfies my relationship definition just fine for now.

Thanks for your input Terato. Hope you are feeling well. Blessings, Bluerose.

faithandprayer

So Glad
Blue,
I'm so glad for you and your comfort through your epiphany!

Continued Peace,
KC

kay-b

That's great
Reading this gives me hope that maybe one day I can feel better about being alone through this. I just recently lost my only support, my grandma, she passed away a few weeks ago. Now i'm in this assisted living facility. Although there are lots of other people here, they are much older than me and I always feel so alone. It is getting a little easier though. I think if I just had someone to actually talk to, like in person, all this would be better. But I must say, this site helps me tons.

I hope everything is ok with you and i'll keep you in my prayers. I can tell you are a strong, brave person.

Take care.

rwagner

kay-b said:

That's great
Reading this gives me hope that maybe one day I can feel better about being alone through this. I just recently lost my only support, my grandma, she passed away a few weeks ago. Now i'm in this assisted living facility. Although there are lots of other people here, they are much older than me and I always feel so alone. It is getting a little easier though. I think if I just had someone to actually talk to, like in person, all this would be better. But I must say, this site helps me tons.

I hope everything is ok with you and i'll keep you in my prayers. I can tell you are a strong, brave person.

Take care.

wonderful
You are all amazing people! What a blessing to have peace in your life, if only for scattered moments.

I am not a religious person, but I've had two moments in the past year that literally had me on my knees. At each moment I heard a quiet voice saying, "I am here with you," and "This is not what I wanted for you." Don't know where it came from, but it was so soothing and peaceful. For once in my life, all alone in my darkest hour, I did not feel ALONE.

I keep that moment with me now, and it gives me peace to deal with all of this awfulness. I've accepted the life I've got, with these horrible ups and downs. Even in the shadow of death, I have today. I have this moment. I am not alone.

Peace to you all.
R

bluerose

faithandprayer said:

So Glad
Blue,
I'm so glad for you and your comfort through your epiphany!

Continued Peace,
KC

Hi Faithandprayer
I go through lots of stages in this wait I find myself in yet again but if I can just keep bringing myself back to this place of strength - or should I say He brings me back to this place of strength - I'm sure I can get through anything. Valleys and peaks, valleys and peaks in it all, eh? Blessings, Bluerose

bluerose

kay-b said:

That's great
Reading this gives me hope that maybe one day I can feel better about being alone through this. I just recently lost my only support, my grandma, she passed away a few weeks ago. Now i'm in this assisted living facility. Although there are lots of other people here, they are much older than me and I always feel so alone. It is getting a little easier though. I think if I just had someone to actually talk to, like in person, all this would be better. But I must say, this site helps me tons.

I hope everything is ok with you and i'll keep you in my prayers. I can tell you are a strong, brave person.

Take care.

So sorry about your Grandma Kay
I am so sorry that you lost your Grandma but I know she is with you in spirit and in your heart.

This site is amazing at validating and uplifting all of us and so glad it has done that for you. Time does definitely heal so if we can hold on to that and those who support us we will be okay. I am no stronger or braver than any of us here but thanks for the compliments, we all just do what we have to do day after day. Right? Right. Take care of you Kay. Blessings, Bluerose

bluerose

rwagner said:

wonderful
You are all amazing people! What a blessing to have peace in your life, if only for scattered moments.

I am not a religious person, but I've had two moments in the past year that literally had me on my knees. At each moment I heard a quiet voice saying, "I am here with you," and "This is not what I wanted for you." Don't know where it came from, but it was so soothing and peaceful. For once in my life, all alone in my darkest hour, I did not feel ALONE.

I keep that moment with me now, and it gives me peace to deal with all of this awfulness. I've accepted the life I've got, with these horrible ups and downs. Even in the shadow of death, I have today. I have this moment. I am not alone.

Peace to you all.
R

You were truly blessed Rwagner
I had a similar thing happen to me right after my congestive heart failure during my bone marrow transplant. It's a long story but I had an actual healing take place when I was all alone in my hospital room with machines all hooked up to me right after my coma from the heart issue. I was sitting there feeling pretty rotten, to say the least, when this line of heat started through me from the top of my head and eventually out my feet. When it came to the two areas where cancer was found it lingered there for more time than in other parts of my body and when that happened I realized what was taking place - a true healing. But why me I asked? So many things were going through my head because like you I was not terribly religious but did and do believe. My prayers were always to be saved from this horrid disease so I could be there for my childrent growing up - that was granted to me that day in the healing - it is 18 years later and NED. I am wrestling with other symptoms now but it's a whole new other thing.

During the healing I also heard a whisper in my head that 'yes this is a true healing from God and this cancer will never return'. I KNEW that to be true automatically and yes the peace surrounding the whole experience was like none other. I achieved a real state of true KNOWING like I have never KNOWN anything before. I was a firm believer after that experience - who wouldn't be?

So when I read your post Rwagner I truly KNEW what had happened to you as it happened to me too. I have met others who have had this happen and most actually are not bible carrying religous fanatics at all - quite the oppposite really - I guess He shows no prejudice as to who He touches in a more obvious way. He knows I need a building to fall on me to GET IT, lol. The other gift this healing gave me was that I never dwelt on cancer coming back as I had been promised it wouldn't - not the NHL anywho and not while I was still raising my children. That is a huge gift not to live with that fear or the return and for that I am truly greatful.

Just wanted to share that experience with you. Hope today is better for you than yesterday and tomorrow is even better. Blessings, Bluerose

terato

rwagner said:

wonderful
You are all amazing people! What a blessing to have peace in your life, if only for scattered moments.

I am not a religious person, but I've had two moments in the past year that literally had me on my knees. At each moment I heard a quiet voice saying, "I am here with you," and "This is not what I wanted for you." Don't know where it came from, but it was so soothing and peaceful. For once in my life, all alone in my darkest hour, I did not feel ALONE.

I keep that moment with me now, and it gives me peace to deal with all of this awfulness. I've accepted the life I've got, with these horrible ups and downs. Even in the shadow of death, I have today. I have this moment. I am not alone.

Peace to you all.
R

It seems that God doesn't always choose "religious" people.
rwagner,

Many of those chosen in the Bible, did not start out as being truly religious, but were chosen by God, possibly because they were skeptics and capable of viewing things rationally. You might be one of those special people, another Paul of Tarsus, stricken blind before he could truly "see" his part in God's plan?

Love and Courage!

Rick

kay-b

bluerose said:

So sorry about your Grandma Kay
I am so sorry that you lost your Grandma but I know she is with you in spirit and in your heart.

This site is amazing at validating and uplifting all of us and so glad it has done that for you. Time does definitely heal so if we can hold on to that and those who support us we will be okay. I am no stronger or braver than any of us here but thanks for the compliments, we all just do what we have to do day after day. Right? Right. Take care of you Kay. Blessings, Bluerose

Thank you bluerose. I know
Thank you bluerose. I know she is with me, that really helps me through a lot of days.

I am so glad I found this site to be able to interact with people such as yourself. You guys really do give me a lot of hope. Blessings to you.

bluerose

kay-b said:

Thank you bluerose. I know
Thank you bluerose. I know she is with me, that really helps me through a lot of days.

I am so glad I found this site to be able to interact with people such as yourself. You guys really do give me a lot of hope. Blessings to you.

Pay It Forward
Well Kay I look at it this way, if we are put through things like cancer there has to be a reason for it and what I and many like me always seem to have happen after going through this horrendous journey is wind up with this natural need to give back. Along the way of 'giving back' and sharing our stories and revelations we all feel that sense of hope as a direct outcome. Pay it forward is the message, or at least one of them. Blessings, Bluerose