Stage 4 with 6 kids.....

NWGirl

So Sorry
I grew up in Phoenix. We moved to the northwest 4 years ago and I love it up here, but Phoenix was always good to me. My sister, who still lives there, is a lesbian and works for the American Cancer Society.

It breaks my heart when I hear of families that may be torn apart because states don't recognize same sex marriages/partnerships. I hope the two of you will look into custodian issues for the children before one of you does fall more seriously ill and/or heaven forbid, passes away. A gentleman on another group I'm on said it very well. He said him and his wife made a point of discussing these things before he was to sick to communicate with her - so that when his time did come (or hers), they wouldn't have to sort things out - their plans and wishes were already known and put in place. I know talking about death is the last thing you want to do right now - but remember, cancer aside, any of us could go at any time. Better to have a "what if" plan in force now. My husband and I have discussed our situation - what he would do if I wasn't here, what we would want done if both of us were gone, etc. It's really hard to talk about. I try to find quiet times when neither one of us is overly stressed out and talk about it in short conversations. Although the thought of leaving my family is devastating and scarey, I do find comfort in knowing that my kids will be taken care of by the people and in the manner I'd like. Or at least that's the plan!

It's even more important for you and your partner as you have more legal challenges to deal with than a heterosexual couple does.

Best of luck to your partner in her cancer fight and to you in your caregiver role. You obviously care for your family very much - and that will help you all get through this challenging time.