Partner Newly Diagnosed

btshea
btshea Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Gay Men Talk About Cancer #1
My partner of 11 years was recently diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. He is 48 years old and his PSA is 30 and he is an 8 on the Gleason scale. Needless to say, we are both terriefied. We live outside of Boston and are looking for the best care and doctors possible. We are currently working with Lahey Clinic in Burlington. His surgeon is pretty aggressive and quick to respond and we have been very happy with the care so far. If surgery is needed, he will most likely use the DaVinci robotics. Anyone out been through this with their partner? How do I help? What should I do? What should I expect? Is there anyone who has had care in Massachusetts? Are there any doctors or programs you would suggest?

Thanks and peace to all.

Comments

  • wmab
    wmab Member Posts: 6
    #2
    You are not alone
    My partner received a diagnosis of stage 4 renal carcinoma and like you and your parner are also terrified. We are working with the Norris Cotton Cancer Center at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center in NH and they have been terrific in helping us understand and cope. How do I help?, I can only be there when he needs me to talk, cry, laugh, hug, and share, and quite unexpectedly has brought us closer than we have ever been, I have learned to expect nothing just take it day by day for me it's easier that way.

    I hope that helps a little just remember to love him unconditionally

    Thinking of you

    Wayne
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #3
    wmab said:

    You are not alone
    My partner received a diagnosis of stage 4 renal carcinoma and like you and your parner are also terrified. We are working with the Norris Cotton Cancer Center at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center in NH and they have been terrific in helping us understand and cope. How do I help?, I can only be there when he needs me to talk, cry, laugh, hug, and share, and quite unexpectedly has brought us closer than we have ever been, I have learned to expect nothing just take it day by day for me it's easier that way.

    I hope that helps a little just remember to love him unconditionally

    Thinking of you

    Wayne

    I have had care a t Beth
    I have had care a t Beth israel and Dana Farber. I loved how cancer centered Dana Farber is with all the complememntary therapies, etc.. under one roof. the radiation department was excellent.
  • lucas_88
    lucas_88 Member Posts: 10
    #4
    Cancer sucks (and not in a good way)
    btshea:

    I am so sorry about your partner's diagnosis. As his cancer is high grade, I hope that you have checked to make sure that it has not metastasized to other areas. Knowing this information may have an impact on his treatment scope and options. My partner (age 47) has recently been diagnosed with bladder cancer which has metastasized to his liver and prostate, and assuming that his chemo results are acceptable they will remove both his bladder and prostate (ironic that radical cycstectomy/prostatectomy is actually a positive hopeful sign).

    We live in Minnesota (oya you betcha!), so I can't really provide you with any input as to what the Massachusetts area has to offer. A second opinion may provide some comfort ... a lot of people on this board seems to put MD Anderson (in Houston?) in high esteem. If you cannot travel, I would check to see if they can provide a "record review".

    Being recently consigned to the role of cancer care-giver, I give credence to Wayne's for taking things one day at a time, one test result at a time, one treatment at a time, etc. I find that the support and the wisdom of those on this board are very helpful. In the short time that I have been as a caregiver, I have three things that I find helpful:

    1. It is important to take care of you. You are much more effective caregiver if you are also watching out for your own health needs (physical, emotional and spiritual). It's really easy to fore-go your own needs over that of your partner's.
    2. Hope is ALWAYS a good thing.
    3. Gratitude is your best friend. If nothing else, cancer has provided me with the clarity of the many wonderful things in me and my partner's life and what is truly important.

    Hope you continue to provide updates.

    ((hugs))

    Lucas
  • YadkinValleywinelover
    YadkinValleywinelover Member Posts: 2
    #5
    lucas_88 said:

    Cancer sucks (and not in a good way)
    btshea:

    I am so sorry about your partner's diagnosis. As his cancer is high grade, I hope that you have checked to make sure that it has not metastasized to other areas. Knowing this information may have an impact on his treatment scope and options. My partner (age 47) has recently been diagnosed with bladder cancer which has metastasized to his liver and prostate, and assuming that his chemo results are acceptable they will remove both his bladder and prostate (ironic that radical cycstectomy/prostatectomy is actually a positive hopeful sign).

    We live in Minnesota (oya you betcha!), so I can't really provide you with any input as to what the Massachusetts area has to offer. A second opinion may provide some comfort ... a lot of people on this board seems to put MD Anderson (in Houston?) in high esteem. If you cannot travel, I would check to see if they can provide a "record review".

    Being recently consigned to the role of cancer care-giver, I give credence to Wayne's for taking things one day at a time, one test result at a time, one treatment at a time, etc. I find that the support and the wisdom of those on this board are very helpful. In the short time that I have been as a caregiver, I have three things that I find helpful:

    1. It is important to take care of you. You are much more effective caregiver if you are also watching out for your own health needs (physical, emotional and spiritual). It's really easy to fore-go your own needs over that of your partner's.
    2. Hope is ALWAYS a good thing.
    3. Gratitude is your best friend. If nothing else, cancer has provided me with the clarity of the many wonderful things in me and my partner's life and what is truly important.

    Hope you continue to provide updates.

    ((hugs))

    Lucas

    thanks for those words!
    Lucas - Wow! Thanks for those words of encouragement - obviously from a caring caregiver! you seem to be very concerned and in touch with your partner's situation and needs. I commend you for your positive outlook and dedication. I hope btshea gets your message.
  • tracker1
    tracker1 Member Posts: 1
    #6
    Partner Newly Diagnosed
    Partner Newly Diagnosed....
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  • ddevil41
    ddevil41 Member Posts: 11
    #7
    tracker1 said:

    Partner Newly Diagnosed
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    welcome
    Hi Tracker. sorry about your partners diagnosis. I was diagnosed with non small cell squamous carcinoma in my left lung in june 2009. My partner and I have been together for 29 yrs. We met in San Francisco in 1981, fell head over heels, as they say! I believe this saved both our lives as this was when we first started hearing about a "gay cancer" that was going around in new york and SF. Being monogamous during this period kept us safe. Unfortunately we lost 90% of our friends to aids. We were taken completely by surprise by the cancer diagnosis, 48 is kinda young for lung cancer. even though I have smoked for 30yrs. What is your partner diagnosed with? What stage is it? I'm glad he has you to help him. I don't know what I would have done without bill. He's been great, I have had several surgeries and Bill is there when I wake up and takes great care of me when I am recuperating at home. The worst thing for me is the thought of leaving him alone when i go. I cant give you much from the care givers side. Just be strong for both of you and like others have said, love him and take care of him but dont lose or forget yourself in the process. This is a great site with a lot of great people! Please let us know how you both are doing, Peace & love! Gary.
  • richow
    richow Member Posts: 1
    #8
    ddevil41 said:

    welcome
    Hi Tracker. sorry about your partners diagnosis. I was diagnosed with non small cell squamous carcinoma in my left lung in june 2009. My partner and I have been together for 29 yrs. We met in San Francisco in 1981, fell head over heels, as they say! I believe this saved both our lives as this was when we first started hearing about a "gay cancer" that was going around in new york and SF. Being monogamous during this period kept us safe. Unfortunately we lost 90% of our friends to aids. We were taken completely by surprise by the cancer diagnosis, 48 is kinda young for lung cancer. even though I have smoked for 30yrs. What is your partner diagnosed with? What stage is it? I'm glad he has you to help him. I don't know what I would have done without bill. He's been great, I have had several surgeries and Bill is there when I wake up and takes great care of me when I am recuperating at home. The worst thing for me is the thought of leaving him alone when i go. I cant give you much from the care givers side. Just be strong for both of you and like others have said, love him and take care of him but dont lose or forget yourself in the process. This is a great site with a lot of great people! Please let us know how you both are doing, Peace & love! Gary.

    Hi Gary...
    I was very
    Hi Gary...
    I was very touched by your remarks. I lost my partner of almost 24 years six years ago to esophageal cancer.
    I'm glad you have someone you love to take care of you. You are very fortunate to have that in your life.
    I hope you are doing well....I wish you all the best.

    Richard.
  • ABC321
    ABC321 Member Posts: 52
    #9
    richow said:

    Hi Gary...
    I was very
    Hi Gary...
    I was very touched by your remarks. I lost my partner of almost 24 years six years ago to esophageal cancer.
    I'm glad you have someone you love to take care of you. You are very fortunate to have that in your life.
    I hope you are doing well....I wish you all the best.

    Richard.

    Hi Richard,
    my partner of 13
    Hi Richard,
    my partner of 13 years currently has esophageal cancer....just wanted to say hi directly! It's not a particularly common cancer as you know...Hope all is gong well for you now.
    steve
  • RoatanBoy
    RoatanBoy Member Posts: 1
    #10
    ddevil41 said:

    welcome
    Hi Tracker. sorry about your partners diagnosis. I was diagnosed with non small cell squamous carcinoma in my left lung in june 2009. My partner and I have been together for 29 yrs. We met in San Francisco in 1981, fell head over heels, as they say! I believe this saved both our lives as this was when we first started hearing about a "gay cancer" that was going around in new york and SF. Being monogamous during this period kept us safe. Unfortunately we lost 90% of our friends to aids. We were taken completely by surprise by the cancer diagnosis, 48 is kinda young for lung cancer. even though I have smoked for 30yrs. What is your partner diagnosed with? What stage is it? I'm glad he has you to help him. I don't know what I would have done without bill. He's been great, I have had several surgeries and Bill is there when I wake up and takes great care of me when I am recuperating at home. The worst thing for me is the thought of leaving him alone when i go. I cant give you much from the care givers side. Just be strong for both of you and like others have said, love him and take care of him but dont lose or forget yourself in the process. This is a great site with a lot of great people! Please let us know how you both are doing, Peace & love! Gary.

    Newly Diagnosed with Lung Cancer
    Hi Gary..... I've just been diagnosed with lung cancer. I live in San Francisco with my partner of 24 years and we're both terrified. Would love to maybe talk with you some time to see what advice you might have on keeping our sanity. Thanks....Charlie

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