Waiting

blueroses

There are a million and one things/feelings about dealing with the word 'cancer' from the finding of a lump, or having a symptom that leaves you worried, to waiting for a doc's appt to check it out to waiting for results and treatment. When I was recently told I had a lesion they had 'missed' I have been waiting for one thing or another ever since. The constant low achy pain, that has now developed, makes every ticking second I am untreated and undiagnosed torturous and just realized how big of a part of cancer 'waiting' truly is.

I wish there was a 'waiting' pill to ease that kind of pain and anxiety. Just thought I would raise the subject to give this aspect of the illness the attention it is due as one of the worst parts of the journey. Right now, as I wait for someone to diagnose me, I can't help but think back on my last trip with cancer and all the waiting that was involved there. As I was thinking about the 'waiting' part of cancer a news story flashed on tv about the fact that they have just found that the wait for cancer surgery in my province is now much too long, what a coincidence that should come on right as I was thinking about this subject. To balance that there was an Oprah show on just before this news flash that talked about the importance of patient advocacy for themselves in cancer which is important I know, personally, to try to reduce the waiting periods if you possibly can. Finding a more proactive doc, calling to try to up and appointment, staying on top of test results and feedback.

This is my experience and take on 'waiting' but I know that most of us know what it is all about and thought I would create this space so that we all can discuss this aspect of the cancer journey. Blessings, Blueroses

incogjsm

And there's so much of it
The waiting. I'm pretty new to this..but it seems like I'm always waiting. For the next test result, for the next doctor's appointment, for the next check-up.....I try to let it be...to do some "self talk" when I start thinking too negatively...but it all takes so much energy....

blueroses

incogjsm said:

And there's so much of it
The waiting. I'm pretty new to this..but it seems like I'm always waiting. For the next test result, for the next doctor's appointment, for the next check-up.....I try to let it be...to do some "self talk" when I start thinking too negatively...but it all takes so much energy....

Energy loss and The Waiting
Many survivors, new and long term, find the loss of energy to be a big problem in their lives. Some deal with it better than others, as people are all different and handle things in different ways but one thing seems to be common - we all suffer from a fatigue that can last for quite some time.

Remember, your body has been through a war - a war with the disease and a war with toxic chemicals and perhaps radiation - that's a hard combo for the body and spirit. It will take
sometime to get some of your energy back and for some of us I have not been able to conquer fatigue at all but many bounce right back it seems after awhile.

In dealing with fatigue, however long it lasts for you, try to pace yourself and learn to try and go with the flow and let your body tell you where it is in the healing process - when you have to rest - rest and you might have to learn to do things over time instead of all at once like you used to.

Oh ya, it's all about waiting is how it feels sometimes, I guess the key is to - like you said - talk yourself out of the negative thinking but I think personally even more important is to acknowledge your feelings and don't beat yourself up too much for having them. From what I have read of your posts you are experiencing nothing out of the ordinary for a cancer survivor, especially one who has only dealt with cancer for as short a time as you have as a survivor.

You are the best judge of YOU and if you feel something doesn't seem right to you with your body or spirit seek help from qualified professional who can help you through if the state you feel you are in is affecting the way you live your life.

All the best, Blueroses

shoppergal

blueroses said:

Energy loss and The Waiting
Many survivors, new and long term, find the loss of energy to be a big problem in their lives. Some deal with it better than others, as people are all different and handle things in different ways but one thing seems to be common - we all suffer from a fatigue that can last for quite some time.

Remember, your body has been through a war - a war with the disease and a war with toxic chemicals and perhaps radiation - that's a hard combo for the body and spirit. It will take
sometime to get some of your energy back and for some of us I have not been able to conquer fatigue at all but many bounce right back it seems after awhile.

In dealing with fatigue, however long it lasts for you, try to pace yourself and learn to try and go with the flow and let your body tell you where it is in the healing process - when you have to rest - rest and you might have to learn to do things over time instead of all at once like you used to.

Oh ya, it's all about waiting is how it feels sometimes, I guess the key is to - like you said - talk yourself out of the negative thinking but I think personally even more important is to acknowledge your feelings and don't beat yourself up too much for having them. From what I have read of your posts you are experiencing nothing out of the ordinary for a cancer survivor, especially one who has only dealt with cancer for as short a time as you have as a survivor.

You are the best judge of YOU and if you feel something doesn't seem right to you with your body or spirit seek help from qualified professional who can help you through if the state you feel you are in is affecting the way you live your life.

All the best, Blueroses

Waiting
Sometimes I think the waiting is the worst part of this disease, then I think about the fatigue.Then I start wondering which is worse the disease, the waiting, or the fatigue? I really can't decide. They all really suck!! I've been NED for almost a year but everytime I have to go for a test, the waiting makes me crazy. I'm lucky that my onc knows this and within 24hrs, I useally get a call from her, but it still isn't easy. I have more energy than I did when on chemo, or right after, but it's much different than it was before my diagnosis. Everyone tells me I look like my old self once again and even though I feel much better, I don't feel like my old self. That's because I'm not my old self and I never will be again. This is a new, old me and I just have to learn to like me and adjust to the new me. Sometimes it's not easy, but I'm adjusting and just learning to do things differently. I take the time now to realize just how beautiful life and the new me are.:-)

blueroses

shoppergal said:

Waiting
Sometimes I think the waiting is the worst part of this disease, then I think about the fatigue.Then I start wondering which is worse the disease, the waiting, or the fatigue? I really can't decide. They all really suck!! I've been NED for almost a year but everytime I have to go for a test, the waiting makes me crazy. I'm lucky that my onc knows this and within 24hrs, I useally get a call from her, but it still isn't easy. I have more energy than I did when on chemo, or right after, but it's much different than it was before my diagnosis. Everyone tells me I look like my old self once again and even though I feel much better, I don't feel like my old self. That's because I'm not my old self and I never will be again. This is a new, old me and I just have to learn to like me and adjust to the new me. Sometimes it's not easy, but I'm adjusting and just learning to do things differently. I take the time now to realize just how beautiful life and the new me are.:-)

You've got the right idea Shoppergal
You're right, we aren't the same as we were - how could we be after all we have been through emotionally and physically but that doesn't mean that the new 'us' can't be just as fabulous or even mor so. Personally I like the new me better, I feel much more in tune with what is really important in life than I was before when I was just trucking through life in that 'ignorant bliss'. Sometimes I long for that back but mostly I try and stay in the moment and move ahead if I can. There are not so good days and lots of waiting still, with new tests popping up for this and that and lots of old tests that have to be done over and over in monitoring.

This week I will be getting the results of my memory testing from a neurologist that should be interesting and also will get results of all my rheumatology tests. I did my pelvic ultrasound today to investigate the new lesion they found so I expect results from that too within the next month at some point. Waiting, waiting waiting. It doesn't end but we can learn to cope with it. Personally I am giving myself a break when I fear anxiety is starting up, even a little, and I take an anti anxiety med that really gets me through the test or the appointment. You learn to do what you have to do that works to get you through the tough spots.

You seem to have a great attitude Shoppegal, keep it up. Blessings, Blueroses