Just plain worn out

mellyb10

My mother, who is only 58, is in the end stages of Squamish Cell Cancer of the vulva. My husband just finished getting his masters and is trying to find a teaching job and we have 3 year old triplets. We are living with my mom and I am her primary caregiver. And I am worn out. Last night I had to put a diaper on her, which I know embarrassed her. The whole time I was telling her it was ok, but I really wished that someone else was there to do it for me. I have a sister that does not have any kids, but does live 45 minutes away. She's been out to our house 4 times since January! I know it's hard for her to see mom like this (they have always had a closer relationship), but even telling her that I need more help, she just isn't offering and when I ask, she always says let me check my schedule or ask her husband.
My husband is wonderful in all of this and is really trying to help, but when he asks me how I'm doing, I just shut down and say I'm fine. But I'm really not. I'm worn out.
We do have hospice in and they have been great, but since mom is still able to do some things on her own, we don't want to put her into an inpatient facility yet. In a way though, I almost wish that she was at that point and I know that it's closer than I think (her appetite is way down, she isn't going to the bathroom as much, and she's sleeping more) and that I'm going to hate it when it happens, but right now I just don't want to deal with it any more.
I didn't mean for my first post to be a rant like this, but just writing it down does help.

hollyberry

Breath...
Dear Melby,
I am so sorry that your mom is sick and you are bearing the brunt of her care. Try to take some time for yourself, when you can. I would definitely make it clear to your sister that her help is needed NOW, not when she can find time in her schedule. Sometimes, we have to be persistent to get what we need, but don't give up on that. You need the help and your sister will feel better for having helped, in the end.
I am amazed that you have done so much with young triplets; I would have waved the white flag long ago!! Hang in there and please let your family know that you cannot do this all on your own. It is too much to ask for one person to do that with a family to care for, also.
You are in my prayers; try and get some rest and some help from family. You will be a better caregiver when you have at least some respite from all that you do for your mom and family.
God bless,
Hollyberry

seaboy

Help
Rant on! The juggling act you are maintaining wiht kids and cancer care is amazing to me. I feel like my hands are full caring for my wife (Late stage breast, mets to liver bone and lungs) and its just the two of us. You said your husband has been great, lean on him a bit more. He deserves the opportunity to provide some emotional support, telling him your just fine when you really arn't doesn't give him the chance to help. Your sister needs to wake up to the fact that this is the last chance she will have to spend some time completing the cycle of life that started with your mom giving birt. It's heart wrenching but she will feel better for the rest of her life if she participates. Check out the buddhists on death the perspective helped us. Prayers and thoughts, seaboy