Need help

Smurfet
Smurfet Member Posts: 3
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hi, this is the first time I have done something like this. But I am loosing hope real fast. I have had a total mastectomy, and will have surgery for breast implants. Meanwhile, my husband is in clinical trials for his 3rd battle with cancer. My husband has been sick for almost 2 years. I am having my implants soon, and my husband will not be here for my surgery, as he will be having his treatment. I work full time, try to keep the household together, and am full time caregiver to my husband. Although he does pretty good for himself, he is able to administer his own feeding and pain medication, then he sleeps most of the time. But I am falling apart. If the least little thing goes wrong I cry. In fact I cry a lot. I speak with my mother quite a bit(she lives in another state) she recommended I contact a funeral home for grive support. I am not ready to contact a funeral home yet. My husband has more will to live and fight more than I do. I just feel bad. I was reading some of the discussions, and a few I was crying over. Despite all the struggles I am going through I was feeling sad other people are going through this. I have always been a fighter and have managed to pick myself up and keep going, but this time I feel I am loosing hope and don't have any fight left. So I guess I am reaching out for some.

Comments

  • BLESSED08
    BLESSED08 Member Posts: 1
    HELLO SMURFET,
    I AM NEW TO

    HELLO SMURFET,
    I AM NEW TO THIS. I DO UNDERSTAND SOME OF WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A SPOUSE. I AM SINGLE AND WAS DIAGNOISED WITH MUSCINOUS CARCINOMA. IT TOOK 6 MONTHS AND A LOT OF TESTS. MY DOCTOR SAID WE DON'T THINK IT'S CANCER , BUT MAYBE SO AFTER MRI BIOPSY IT WAS POSITIVE. I CHOSE TO HAVE BILATERAL MYSCETOMY. I ALSO HAVE TYPE II DIABETIES. I HAD SURGERY DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING ( AT LEAST I DIDN'T OVER EAT LOL) . I AM JUST NOW READY FOR RECONSTRUCTION. I HAVE BOUTS OF DEPRESSION. I AM ALSO LAID OFF FROM WORK. AND NOONE WANTS TO HIRE SOMEONE WITH CANCER. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL THAT THINGS SEEM TO COME AGAINST US. I HAVE STRONG FAITH THAT GOD HAS HIS REASONS AND HE WILL NOT GIVE US MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE.TALKING DOES HELP. HOSPITALS AND SOME DOCTORS OFFICES HAVE DIFFERENT GRIEF SUPPORT GROUPS. SOMETIMES THEY ARE LISTED IN NEWSPAPER AS WELL.MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. IT'S OK TO CRY, CRYING RELEASES EMOTION AND IS A NATURAL PROCESS.

    BLESSED08
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    Warm welcome, Smurfet!
    Although I'm so sorry for your own illness, and that of your husband.

    It's no wonder to me that you're feeling overwhelmed. And probably exhausted. Full time job, full time household chores, primary caregiver to your husband. On top of your own illness. Can you arrange for some help? With the housework? With your husband? Caregivers need a break, too. Any family nearby? Friends, co-workers, members of your community or congregation? Maybe via social services at the hospital where you and/or your husband are being treated.

    Please, seek help. There's no shame, your circumstances are beyond what one person could possibly handle.

    Best wishes to you.

    Kind regards, Susan
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    BLESSED08 said:

    HELLO SMURFET,
    I AM NEW TO

    HELLO SMURFET,
    I AM NEW TO THIS. I DO UNDERSTAND SOME OF WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF A SPOUSE. I AM SINGLE AND WAS DIAGNOISED WITH MUSCINOUS CARCINOMA. IT TOOK 6 MONTHS AND A LOT OF TESTS. MY DOCTOR SAID WE DON'T THINK IT'S CANCER , BUT MAYBE SO AFTER MRI BIOPSY IT WAS POSITIVE. I CHOSE TO HAVE BILATERAL MYSCETOMY. I ALSO HAVE TYPE II DIABETIES. I HAD SURGERY DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING ( AT LEAST I DIDN'T OVER EAT LOL) . I AM JUST NOW READY FOR RECONSTRUCTION. I HAVE BOUTS OF DEPRESSION. I AM ALSO LAID OFF FROM WORK. AND NOONE WANTS TO HIRE SOMEONE WITH CANCER. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL THAT THINGS SEEM TO COME AGAINST US. I HAVE STRONG FAITH THAT GOD HAS HIS REASONS AND HE WILL NOT GIVE US MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE.TALKING DOES HELP. HOSPITALS AND SOME DOCTORS OFFICES HAVE DIFFERENT GRIEF SUPPORT GROUPS. SOMETIMES THEY ARE LISTED IN NEWSPAPER AS WELL.MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. IT'S OK TO CRY, CRYING RELEASES EMOTION AND IS A NATURAL PROCESS.

    BLESSED08

    Warm welcome, BLESSED08
    Though sorry for the reason you're here. And, sorry for the loss of your job. We're all here to support & encourage each other.

    Best wishes for your upcoming surgery.

    Kind regards, Susan
  • cats_toy
    cats_toy Member Posts: 1,462 Member
    Smurfet and Blessed08
    Welcome to two of our newest members to the most exclusive club. We welcome you with open arms. Sounds like you both have had your share already, and you both seem to be handling as well as can be expected. Keep us informed as you go along in your recovery.

    =^..^=
  • tatooedinpink
    tatooedinpink Member Posts: 95
    welcome smurfet and blessed08
    So sorry for all your difficulties. Just wanted to say that there are so many kind people here to support you. Please also call resources in your area thru the American Cancer Society. There are people waiting to help you. Please ask for help.

    You both sound very strong, but you are going thru so much.

    My prayers are with you,

    Debbie
  • j916
    j916 Member Posts: 141
    Wrapping you up in a hug...
    girl...how are you still standing? And please don't try to stand in those shoes alone! I know how hard it is to ask for help, but sweetie, you need support in so many ways. I know your mother meant well, but only you know what is best for you right now.

    My motto has been, Live in the Moment....going through this while living alone has been incrediby difficult, and many things would be on the horizon that i had no idea how i would get through, but by FORCING myself to try and live just in this very moment, and only handle what i absolutely had to at this time, has got me through many things.

    Please keep in touch here. I'm a newbie, but the outlet and support i have already received has lifted a cinder block off of my shoulder.

    hugs to you...

    jeanne
  • Butterfly12
    Butterfly12 Member Posts: 56
    Almost the same
    Smurfet,

    Let me just say that the name alone put a HUGE smile on my face thank you. She was my moms favorite. :) I am also in a similar situation. Me and my sister take care of my father whom is dying of liver cancer. We live next door to each other (thank God for little things). I completely understand your emotional ride that you are on. I was just dx as well on May 5th. We are all here for you in any way that we can be. I know personally, I am on Prozac for my issues :) It has really helped me. Please feel free to send me a private message if you want to talk. I will help you any way I can. Also check around your local area, there are usually alot of support groups for various things. Again if you need anything please do not hesitate to ask, we are here for you.

    Sherry
  • Smurfet
    Smurfet Member Posts: 3
    glad you are all here
    Thank you for all the encouragement. It feels better having someone to talk with that is feeling the same way. I tried the only support group for breast cancer in this area. I did not like it at all. Most of them did not speak, the others were so into themselves I left the meeting almost in tears. That was right before my mastectomy. I did go again and I was disappointed. All of my family lives far away. My mother is the only one that speaks with me. I guess the rest of them do not know what to say. My son moved here. He drives my husband to treatment each week. That is a help since the drive is an 8 hour drive one way. I have a friend at work, I have asked her to drive me to my surgery. She has even offered to stay a few days to help me out. What a relief. Work is very stressful. Today I broke down crying, just because my boss forgot to tell me about a meeting. I thought I had finally lost it because I forgot to write it on my calendar. I have to write notes to myself just to remember everything I am supposed to do in everyday life. It is stressful. But I had my cry, got up and went to lunch. I am working as hard as I can just to get out of bed. I am glad everyone responded, I am so close to loosing what little hope and faith I have left. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to face. I have tried the cancer society here, they have not been much help at all. Once I went in and had to leave my name and phone number, after almost two weeks I didn't hear from anyone, I went back in. One of the workers did give me a hug. THey are always too busy planning the next relay or something. So I have just about given that up. I really appreciate all the responses. Thank you.
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    Smurfet said:

    glad you are all here
    Thank you for all the encouragement. It feels better having someone to talk with that is feeling the same way. I tried the only support group for breast cancer in this area. I did not like it at all. Most of them did not speak, the others were so into themselves I left the meeting almost in tears. That was right before my mastectomy. I did go again and I was disappointed. All of my family lives far away. My mother is the only one that speaks with me. I guess the rest of them do not know what to say. My son moved here. He drives my husband to treatment each week. That is a help since the drive is an 8 hour drive one way. I have a friend at work, I have asked her to drive me to my surgery. She has even offered to stay a few days to help me out. What a relief. Work is very stressful. Today I broke down crying, just because my boss forgot to tell me about a meeting. I thought I had finally lost it because I forgot to write it on my calendar. I have to write notes to myself just to remember everything I am supposed to do in everyday life. It is stressful. But I had my cry, got up and went to lunch. I am working as hard as I can just to get out of bed. I am glad everyone responded, I am so close to loosing what little hope and faith I have left. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to face. I have tried the cancer society here, they have not been much help at all. Once I went in and had to leave my name and phone number, after almost two weeks I didn't hear from anyone, I went back in. One of the workers did give me a hug. THey are always too busy planning the next relay or something. So I have just about given that up. I really appreciate all the responses. Thank you.

    Welcome Smurfet, sorry you
    Welcome Smurfet, sorry you have to be here. I can understand how overwhelmed you are, you are doing too much as it is. Not easy being a caregiver and at the same time having to battle this beast for yourself also. I'm glad you found us and hope you will post often whether it's to post good news or need our support. We're here to help in any way we can. What state are you in? Hugs, Lili
  • Butterfly12
    Butterfly12 Member Posts: 56
    Smurfet said:

    glad you are all here
    Thank you for all the encouragement. It feels better having someone to talk with that is feeling the same way. I tried the only support group for breast cancer in this area. I did not like it at all. Most of them did not speak, the others were so into themselves I left the meeting almost in tears. That was right before my mastectomy. I did go again and I was disappointed. All of my family lives far away. My mother is the only one that speaks with me. I guess the rest of them do not know what to say. My son moved here. He drives my husband to treatment each week. That is a help since the drive is an 8 hour drive one way. I have a friend at work, I have asked her to drive me to my surgery. She has even offered to stay a few days to help me out. What a relief. Work is very stressful. Today I broke down crying, just because my boss forgot to tell me about a meeting. I thought I had finally lost it because I forgot to write it on my calendar. I have to write notes to myself just to remember everything I am supposed to do in everyday life. It is stressful. But I had my cry, got up and went to lunch. I am working as hard as I can just to get out of bed. I am glad everyone responded, I am so close to loosing what little hope and faith I have left. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to face. I have tried the cancer society here, they have not been much help at all. Once I went in and had to leave my name and phone number, after almost two weeks I didn't hear from anyone, I went back in. One of the workers did give me a hug. THey are always too busy planning the next relay or something. So I have just about given that up. I really appreciate all the responses. Thank you.

    Need
    If you ever need anyone to talk, cry or just have a gripe session with please contact me. My email address is [email protected]. If ANYONE needs please contact me, I will try and help anyway I can.

    Sherry