Im new here and looking for friends

momofsuperhero

I am a single mother of four beautiful children, one who is a cancer survivor. My son was diagnosed with ALL in 05 and is now cancer free! The last three years have been really hard and I am trying to rebuild my life with my children as the only parent. Looking for others in similar situations for suggestions.

slickwilly

friends
momofsuperhero. If your looking for friends, support, caring and the occasional joke you have come to the right place. This is a great group of people and I would imagine you will find others in the same situation as you. I am sorry that your son has had to deal with cancer and I can't imagine the pain it brought into your life. As a parent its so hard seeing our children suffer. I have three daughters with twins at 22 years of age and the oldest being 24. They are the brightest spot in my life and gave me a good reason to fight hard when I had cancer. OHH and Happy Mothers Day before I forget. Cancer in our families can take so much away from us. Sometimes causing divorce, financial hardship and emotional issues that can take years to sort out. I hope you can find that person you can develope a friendship with here as its sure nice having someone to talk too. Slickwilly

longingforhope

looking for friends
Momofsuperhero,

Welcome to the crazy cancer clan, I found this site a few weeks ago and it's literally saving my sanity. I am the caregiver for my husband but still am "trying" to be Mom to my 15 and 18 yr old. Everyone says I'm doing a good job but I feel stressed and overwhelmed.

My daughters have given up their school year to do online classes because the stress was to much. This isn't the senior year I wanted for my daughter but my husband has no siblings, his father is gone and his Mom is 75 and doesn't drive. So it's all on my shoulders.

I can understand a little of what you are going through with your child, my 18 yr old has had atypical moles removed from her back so she is being watched for melanoma which her dad has, her thymus is growing in her lungs and she has had pneumonia twice in 3 months so we are going to a Pulmonary Specialist tomorrow. We have seen a Neurologist for her severe migraines that she was hospitalized for a week in Sept for, a Cardiologist for low orthostatic blood pressure, 3 ct scans, an mri and seen the Oncologist. I know something is wrong and I won't quit until they figure it out. Our next stop is the Cleveland Clinic,

Anyway you are not alone, people on the site care and more importantly understand what we are going through. We laugh, cry and sometimes just vent. And then sometimes we talk about every day life like "normal" people.

Hang in there and know that you have a whole network of friends!

LH

Tonia11

Hi
I'm kinda new to this group too. My husband was dx with stomach cancer in Jan 09. He is currently going thru radiation treatments. We have 2 boys, ages 11 and 7. This journey is sooo hard. I'm still working, taking care of the boys and of course taking care of my husband. I'm 40 and my husband is 38. I'm a woman of faith, so I pray and read the bible a lot. I'm starting to feel a twinge of guilt because I'm continuing to work. I work because I have to. My husband is on disability so I need to work. But also I work to get my mind off of our situation. I know it's selfish but sometimes I want be able to focus on something else, just for a little while. And he can manage on his own right now during the day.

Okay, I know that was kinda random but oh well...

zahalene

It does seem to pile up doesn't it?
I also became a single mom (quite suddenly at age 48). No job skills. No work history. Six months later I was dx with cancer for the 3rd time in 10 years. The hormone-based meds I took for the next 5 years nearly drove me nuts. (I had just got off of Tamoxifen for 7 years). A loooong unhappy divorce. Then the week the divorce was final my ex announces that he plans to marry someone else 3 days after the final papers are signed, which just happened by some strange coincidence to be the day of mine and his wedding anniversary. (There's more but I am trying to be nice here.)
Anyway, then we go through a rough 2 years of my mom being very ill, both physically and emotionally before she passes away. I now live with and care for my disabled dad. My college-grad son can't find a job to save his life. So it goes.
If it were not for my faith and the SURETY that a better life awaits me I would have lost it a long time ago.
But there are also so many things that are RIGHT in my life that I just can't give in to the negative-ism that tries to ruin my days. My health is stable, I live in a quiet rural area where I can just be 'me', and I have my books and my puter to keep me sane...lol. I find the older I get the less it takes to keep me satisfied and the less I obsess about stuff I can't change anyway. It took work to get here but bless God I mean to enjoy it as long as possible!
I hope for all of you that you get to your 'happy place' quickly and smoothly. God bless.

tdm1991

longingforhope said:

looking for friends
Momofsuperhero,

Welcome to the crazy cancer clan, I found this site a few weeks ago and it's literally saving my sanity. I am the caregiver for my husband but still am "trying" to be Mom to my 15 and 18 yr old. Everyone says I'm doing a good job but I feel stressed and overwhelmed.

My daughters have given up their school year to do online classes because the stress was to much. This isn't the senior year I wanted for my daughter but my husband has no siblings, his father is gone and his Mom is 75 and doesn't drive. So it's all on my shoulders.

I can understand a little of what you are going through with your child, my 18 yr old has had atypical moles removed from her back so she is being watched for melanoma which her dad has, her thymus is growing in her lungs and she has had pneumonia twice in 3 months so we are going to a Pulmonary Specialist tomorrow. We have seen a Neurologist for her severe migraines that she was hospitalized for a week in Sept for, a Cardiologist for low orthostatic blood pressure, 3 ct scans, an mri and seen the Oncologist. I know something is wrong and I won't quit until they figure it out. Our next stop is the Cleveland Clinic,

Anyway you are not alone, people on the site care and more importantly understand what we are going through. We laugh, cry and sometimes just vent. And then sometimes we talk about every day life like "normal" people.

Hang in there and know that you have a whole network of friends!

LH

can we talk
New to this site, looking for information, comfort and/or whatever else one does in this situation. My husband has been newly diagnosed with a primary liver cancer with metastatic disease to the bone ( T12 in his back and Rt 3rd rib ). He has had Hep c for about 17yrs. Last biopsy from 2002 showed stage 2 cirrhosis.

Again this is all new, saw a radiation and medical oncologist last week. He will start radiation on Monday 5/18 for his back and will start the oral chemo Nexavar as soon as next week (waiting for rx to be filled - need to use mail order per our rx plan).

Needless to say our world has been turned upside down. The tumor is very large 7cm - which based on my research is inoperable - which is what md told us. Have made new appt with oncologist for Mon to discuss new questions. My guess about the nexavar was that it didn't do much but to slow down the progression of the disease. From what I've read that seems to be true. My husband is worried about side effects and I guess the realization now that the prognosis may be grimm. Yet another question for the doctor.

How do you cope with all of this? I am a CT/MRI Technologist and have been in healthcare a long time, I have seen a lot with patients and my own family - watched my mother and aunt die from cancer. This by far is the hardest. I am the primary caregiver and while i consider myself to be a strong person and don't know if I can be when the going gets tough. So far I have a good support group - some of my friends have been great and others just confuse me. My work and my husbands for that matter have been great. I have a feeling I will be looking to this group a lot in the near future. Sometimes I find myself wanting to vent, especially now that Terry(my husband) is asking more questions and becoming more aware of what will be happening. I want to be the cheerleader - not to give false hope - but to get us through everyday- but today he said I needed to back off alittle. If he is tired he is tired - how do i know the difference between tired and depression and what do i do?

zahalene

tdm1991 said:

can we talk
New to this site, looking for information, comfort and/or whatever else one does in this situation. My husband has been newly diagnosed with a primary liver cancer with metastatic disease to the bone ( T12 in his back and Rt 3rd rib ). He has had Hep c for about 17yrs. Last biopsy from 2002 showed stage 2 cirrhosis.

Again this is all new, saw a radiation and medical oncologist last week. He will start radiation on Monday 5/18 for his back and will start the oral chemo Nexavar as soon as next week (waiting for rx to be filled - need to use mail order per our rx plan).

Needless to say our world has been turned upside down. The tumor is very large 7cm - which based on my research is inoperable - which is what md told us. Have made new appt with oncologist for Mon to discuss new questions. My guess about the nexavar was that it didn't do much but to slow down the progression of the disease. From what I've read that seems to be true. My husband is worried about side effects and I guess the realization now that the prognosis may be grimm. Yet another question for the doctor.

How do you cope with all of this? I am a CT/MRI Technologist and have been in healthcare a long time, I have seen a lot with patients and my own family - watched my mother and aunt die from cancer. This by far is the hardest. I am the primary caregiver and while i consider myself to be a strong person and don't know if I can be when the going gets tough. So far I have a good support group - some of my friends have been great and others just confuse me. My work and my husbands for that matter have been great. I have a feeling I will be looking to this group a lot in the near future. Sometimes I find myself wanting to vent, especially now that Terry(my husband) is asking more questions and becoming more aware of what will be happening. I want to be the cheerleader - not to give false hope - but to get us through everyday- but today he said I needed to back off alittle. If he is tired he is tired - how do i know the difference between tired and depression and what do i do?

is it depression?
I am no professional in this area but I have observed some things in my own 15-year active battle with cancer (doing fine now) as well as in others.
Fatigue is an ongoing issue during and after treatment for most of us. "I am tired" just really doesn't cover it, but it's often the best we can do by of explanation. And very often even we do not know when it is only fatigue and when it crosses the line into depression. I think it takes some professional help to figure that one out.
If your husband does not 'rally' in a reasonable length of time and show some renewed 'spark' for life in general, and especially in his attitude toward you and others who are with him frequently, I would certainly suggest a serious conversation with his medical people specifically about depression. The sooner steps are taken to bolster his spirits the better.
As for you own emotional health, well you got us ....but don't forget to care for yourself too, even if that means a few of your own counseling sessions or whatever.

tdm1991

zahalene said:

is it depression?
I am no professional in this area but I have observed some things in my own 15-year active battle with cancer (doing fine now) as well as in others.
Fatigue is an ongoing issue during and after treatment for most of us. "I am tired" just really doesn't cover it, but it's often the best we can do by of explanation. And very often even we do not know when it is only fatigue and when it crosses the line into depression. I think it takes some professional help to figure that one out.
If your husband does not 'rally' in a reasonable length of time and show some renewed 'spark' for life in general, and especially in his attitude toward you and others who are with him frequently, I would certainly suggest a serious conversation with his medical people specifically about depression. The sooner steps are taken to bolster his spirits the better.
As for you own emotional health, well you got us ....but don't forget to care for yourself too, even if that means a few of your own counseling sessions or whatever.

Doing Better
I did speak to his oncologist and he prescribed zoloft. We also were able to get away for a few days on a vacation that was scheduled months ago. It was slow going at first and then things started to fall into place, Terry is talking about his cancer and now that the word is so far we have a great support team. We are very lucky. And I have this group. I will be here a lot I'm sure. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you it is a battle and we will survive!

terato

You can't know how happy I am about your son!
mom,

Way back in the 1980s, I served as Associate Executive Director of the Illinois Chapter, Leukemia Society of America. Part of my responsibility was to sustain the grant awards of our researchers, one being Dr. Charles Rubin of the University of Chicago who was conducting research on the serum markers of ALL. I am a cancer survivor myself and wanted my life to have meaning. If my efforts on behalf of Dr. Rubin's work had even a quark of impact on your son's survival, I believe my nearly six years in that position was worthwhile. Thank you!

Please, count me among your friends.

Love and Courage!

Rick