From oncologist to ivf to diazepam

Sonia32

Hello,

Hope everyone is well. Know it's been a while since I've posted, but things have not been so good for me.
Apprently I have started suffering from panic attacks and they get especially worse when my better half is not around.Firstly stomach symptoms I was getting, I thought was because I was eating things that didn't agree with me. But then when other symptoms started, and had a doctor / nurse here and there telling me it was panic attacks, and finally when I went for my last visit to A&E that it kicked in. Yes I am suffering from panic attacks, my husband was with me for four days from Friday, and I was doing great, mind over matter. But bang today I had another attack, even though my dad was coming around I just could not control myself to stop feeling anxious etc. My poor husband again stayed home, but finally today got a mild sedative off the doctor.
Plus I have probably turned into the worlds biggest hypo as well, and aches or pains and its...well I'm sure everyone can understand.
I just don't know if I will ever get back to being me again, and not being this weak person I'm turning into, just feel so sorry for my poor husband he's going through hell and back with me.
I am going to get counselling, doing all the deepn breathing exercises, meditation dvd on hand, exercising. Just I don't know... that's the mental side of things going on with me, I'm sure I'll be heading for the white room and straight jacket next.
On the cancer front, been to oncologist, they will be starting me on oxiplantin (I know I've spelt it wrong sorry) and xeldoa (blaming my spelling errors on the diazepam lol) buon't start until next month, because they want me to start IVF (freezing embryos), so I've started on that yesterday.

Anyway appreciate if you could send any prayers (as I do believe in God) my way for those who do, those who don't appreciate good wishes and vibes, just feel like I need a lot of them as my husband says I'm behind in getting better and with the whole panic attacks.
Hugs to you all, and thank you for putting up as always with the crazy chick from england
Sonia

kimby

Crazy Chick in England
Sonia,

It's ok. You are allowed to feel whatever you feel. Feelings are NOT logical! You can't always be strong, but you will be again. This has not come to stay, it has come to pass! Do what you can but allow yourself to be weak right now. Pamper yourself. You are human and that is not only ok, but a good thing! Come here for what support we can offer. Call friends and family when your husband isn't around. Surround yourself with people that love you.

As those living with canzer, we tend to not be gentle enough with ourselves. It's a lesson I am trying to learn myself.

Hugs,

Kimby (crazy canzer chick in the US)

dianetavegia

Praying for you Sonia
Sonia, I will most certainly pray for you my dear friend! I suffered from panic attacks all during the beginning of menopause and it was an awful, awful feeling.

Big hugs, lots of love and plenty of prayers for you!
Diane

nudgie

Same thing
I to had panic attacks during my treatments, surgeries, etc., and my loving husband stayed home during all of this to make me feel better, but due to financies, he had to go back to work and I had to keep telling myself I am okay. What caused my attacks were:

a) Port surgery caused a lung puncture - felt like a heart attack. Went to ER and had minor in-patient surgery to insert tub
b) Increased heart rate due to chemo regime - 120 - 130 bpm
c) Had one shot of Neulasta for WBC and it caused my heart rate to increase to 150-160 bpm. Admitted to hospital to make sure all was well. All was well.

You will ge through this and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep telling yourself that you are fine, take one-day at a time and your mind will re-focus, but it does take time.

In addition, spend as much time with Hubby as possible when he is home, as this re-enforces the situation.

shoppergal

Another crazy chick in NY
You're not as crazy as you think. I was fine till after surgery when I found out that I neded chemo along with a port in my chest, and that I would be going home with a 48hr infusion. I can honestly tell you I totally freaked when I heard that! lol I've had some panic attacks in the past, but it's been years. The day my husband took me to the hospital for the port I had the worst panic attack ever, I actually felt the color drain out of me, my heart was racing so bad that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. When the receptionist at the hoipital took me to the room to change, she looked at me and asked if I was ok,I couldn't even answer her because I got so hysterical crying. She was wonderful, she put her arms around me and gave me the biggest hug and then told me not to worry because she would keep an eye on me. The panic attacks continued whether I was with my husband or not and sometimes I think he made them worse because he was so worried about me that he played mother hen. The hovering around me and asking me how I felt, for some reason made me more upset.When I first started chemo they gave me ativan to calm me but I was so high on it that I couldn't talk or hold a pen to write.I seem to have a low tolerance for meds. My onc gave me antidepressants which I didn't want to take because I was afraid of what kind of reaction I would have. I finally decided I needed to do something so I cut all the pills in half and started that way. Eventually I worked my way up to the full dose and it made a huge difference. I also started to pamper myself more. I did things for me, that made me happy. Shopping always makes me happy so thats what I did. It wasn't necessary to spend a lot of money, it could be something like a book, a bottle of nailpolish,a new lipstick, and then maybe something big.LOL I think my panic attacks were from not knowing about what was happening or going to happen. Over time they did get better. So just take a deep breath when you feel one coming one, close your eyes, do some deep breathing and think about something that brings you great joy!