I AM EXAUSTED...PLEASE HELP

nworb5

NEED EMOTIONAL HELP MY HUSBAND HAS META COLN CANCER SPREAD TO NTHE LIVER...WHATN IS THE BEST LAN OF TREATMENT. I CAN'T BEAR THE THOUGHT OF LOOSING HIM TON THIS DISEASE

CherylHutch

Take some deep breaths!
That's exactly what you have to do... take in some deep breaths, in and slowly out and do this every time you feel that panic creeping in. There, are you feeling a little better... enough that you can read on? If you find the panic creeping up again, then stop what you are doing and do some more deep breathing.

Now... first, welcome to this cancer support board. You are going to find there are lots of folk here with the same kind, or similar, cancer and mets as your husband. There are definitely lots of us that have "metastisized" (sorry, I can't pronounce that word, let alone spell it) cancer, meaning the original site (colon, rectal or anal) was, or is being treated, but the cancer has moved on to another part of the body. The most common two organs for colon cancer to spread to is the liver and the lungs. (Ok, take some more deep breathes... I know hearing this news is scary and every time you think about it, it brings on more panic).

Now for the good news! There are a lot of us who are classified as Stage IV cancer (cancer that has spread) and we are still healthy, happy, and reasonably panic-free... and either still going through treatments, or are in between treatments... and some have actually beaten the monster, even though they were told they are Stage IV and given the word "incurable".

Do NOT let the medical jargon scare you, no matter how serious it sounds. If you are researching on the internet to find out as much information as you can, then do not take any of the "survival statistics" as verbatim truth. Too many of us around that makes those stats inaccurate.

Now, you haven't given us too much information about your husband. Has he just recently been diagnosed? Did he have colon cancer, it was treated and now it has spread to the liver? If he has just been diagnosed then as horrible as it is to wait, you will be seen by an oncologist who will put your husband through blood tests, scans and various diagnostic tools to determine just where the cancer is and which treatments would benefit him the best. We all may have the same or similar types of cancer, but the treatments are determined on an individual basis. There are some standard protocols like chemo, surgery, radiation, etc.... but it all depends on what is going on in your husband's body, not what is going on in anyone else's.

Now, if you are having panic or anxiety attacks, remember you have to look after yourself so that you will be a good support for your husband. See your doctor, or your husband's doctor and talk over your fears and panic ... it's quite possible that you might need a little help with some anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds for a short time. Then again, if you and your husband have not met with his oncologist yet for the first consultation visit, you might find that you calm right down after you've met with him/her.

Don't worry... you are not alone and you AND your husband are encouraged to come in here at any time and ask questions. We are not doctors so obviously we can't give you advice from a medical standpoint, but we can reassure you and after your oncologist has told you what options he has to offer, we can help you understand them since we've all been through them at some point

Hugggggggs,

Cheryl

lisa42

Hello,
Welcome to this
Hello,

Welcome to this board. I know firsthand how scary it can be to hear the words "it's spread into the liver" (and in my case "and also into both lungs").
Most likely, the doctors will want to focus on the liver first and will probably want to do chemo to focus on shrinking any liver tumors before they focus on the tumor in the colon.
This will depend upon how many tumors are in the liver and whether or not your husband is determined to be a surgical candidate or not (if he can have surgery to remove the liver tumors first off, they may decide to do a liver surgery if so). Again, it all depends upon how many tumors there are, and where in the liver they are located (middle, near an artery, close to the surface of the liver, etc.) I had liver surgery, but my surgery was after I already had several months of chemo. I was told at first I had "too many" liver tumors to do surgery right away (they saw 12 tumors all throughout the liver).
I had a very good response to the chemo- I went down to just 3 liver tumors & they were then able to remove those surgically.

I also had radiation to the rectal tumor I had. Mine shrunk away completely. Most don't do that, but it definitely does happen sometimes. They usually only do the radiation on the colorectal tumor prior to colon/rectal resection surgery if the tumor is in the rectum, not in the colon. Mine was in the rectum, so this is why they did the radiation (so is actually rectal cancer- sometimes lumped together with colon cancer, but it actually behaves a bit differently)

It's now been a over a year and a half since I was diagnosed, and right now nothing in me is life endangering. I do have some small nodules that have recurred in my lungs, but it is under control. I feel viable and am functioning quite well- I'm a busy mom of three kids and I'm able to pretty much do anything I want now (except I get tired and sometimes sick to my stomach from chemo- but it's really not that unbearable).

Please DON'T read or believe the survival statistics you read. ALL statistics are outdated. In order to be a statistic, the patients must have been diagnosed and treated at least 5 years ago. So many of the newer treatments we have available today were not around 5 years ago- so those patients in the statistics didn't have the advantages that your husband now has.

I think Cheryl mentioned this in her post also. Take heart, my dear- there IS HOPE!
It won't be an easy road, but your husband can beat this!
There are several people on this site who have come through cancer and are several years out and are still alive and kicking!!

You take care. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your husband.

God bless,
Lisa

kristasplace

Hello!
And welcome to our family!

I have no doubt that you are extremely exhausted! You are a caretaker, and that is going to take as much energy (maybe even more) than being the patient! It's been my experience that it's the loved ones who suffer the most with worry and fear of this disease. I think that's totally normal. The most important thing you can do for both you and your husband is to completely get rid of any negative thoughts as hard as it may be. I think everyone on this board will agree that it's the positive energy and the positive attitude that has sustained them. Never think for a second that your husband won't beat his cancer. Like Cheryl and Lisa have said, many, many people have survived their "terminal" diagnosis.

You've found a great place here to vent your frustrations, and worries, and then you can feel refreshed, and gain strength from the stories of our stage IV survivors.

Hope we hear more from you!

Many hugs,
Krista

tiny one

liver
I'm so sorry to hear that the cancer has spread to the liver. The liver is the only organ that has the power to regenerate. Have they mentioned using cryo treatment. That's where they freeze the tumors? Maybe seek a second opinion and explore your options. I'm saying prayers for your husband and you. God bless.

kmygil

One step at a time
I'm so sorry you and your husband are dealing with this. If you absolutely have to have colon cancer, this is the forum. It saved my sanity.

First, don't panic. This is not a yes/no deal; it is a process. You will make yourself crazy if you try to forecast the future and think of all the "what ifs" all at once. Take things one step at a time.

Do you feel comfortable with his medical team? Do they answer your questions in a forthright and clear way? Do you ask questions of them? Do they involve both of you in the treatment plan? Can you and your husband speak plainly to each other about his disease?

In order to be able to deal with things you must have an understanding of what's going on. So many of us panic when we hear the "C" word that everything else just passes in one ear & out the other. If your husband has metastasis to the liver, his disease has advanced. How much it has advanced is another story. However, there are treatments & surgeries now that were not available even just a few years ago, so he has options.

Many people with advanced disease live with it as a chronic condition, like diabetes. So that's why I said it's a process. First see what comes first. Surgery, chemo, whatever. Get through that and move on to the next thing that's best for him.

You have the hardest job--that of being the caregiver. Come to this board--the people here are the BEST! Just remember, one step at a time.

Hugs and prayers,
Kirsten

PhillieG

Try to relax...
As hard as that is to do at this time, it's the best thing for you. Everyone has given great advice already. I can add that I had 60-70% of my liver removed about 4 1/2 years ago. It's been fine ever since my operation and follow up chemo.
Do get another opinion (in my opinion) unless you are totally comfortable with the team you have now. I switched doctors and I am glad I did. We did chemo first, then surgery. It was best for ME. Everyone is different though but the approach I took made more sense to me. Also, do not be afraid for YOU and possibly your HUSBAND to seek a therapist to handle the emotional side of this. As hard as it is on the patient, it's very hard on the family too. I would not be afraid to take and medication that is suggested by a therapist either. My opinion.
Hang in there, you both can get through this and we are here for support and to answer what questions we can. You will most likely find many opinions and they may not all be the same. Oh, one other thing. Do yourself a favor and stay off the internet as far as looking up statistics on survival rates. It's (mostly) old data and if I believed it, I should have been dead a while ago. It will just make you more anxious.
-phil