Another New Club Member

bfbear
bfbear Member Posts: 380
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hello everyone!
I am a "newly diagnosed" hi-grade DCIS.
I found out a couple of weeks ago, "formally," but I'd gone in to have the lump checked over a month ago and had to have two different biopsies done because of breast implants (which I regrettable had done right after a divorce 16 years ago...stupid, stupid, stupid!)so I was kind of expecting the diagnosis at that point.
I guess my biggest issue right now is that I have struggled with clinical depression for most of my life, and in spite of treatment/therapy, it is going to be hard for me to truly fight this because I have almost welcomed it as a possible "way out." (I know this sounds terrible and totally insane, but most people regard me as a fun and intelligent person...really!)
Any input?

Comments

  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    bfbear
    So sorry you have this diagnosis. But please don't give up! Keep posting to us and you will find many friends to help you through. I know how easy it is to become depressed, especially when you have already been struggling with it. Maybe you can find some meds to help you with this. Also try to stay focused on the future and good things that are bound to come your way when you are finished. Surround yourself with positive people who love you. I feel we all have a purpose here and maybe it is to help others who have to go through this. It can really be uplifting to help others.

    I am praying for you.
    Jackie
  • Aortus
    Aortus Member Posts: 967
    Totally insane is hardly the same as terrible.
    Why, as you will shortly find out, there is plenty of insanity going around this board! Some of the posters are actually insane: just watch out for that lady with the turquoise hair, or the two people from Milwaukee (of which I am one). With all that you sisters in pink have to go through, a certain amount of insanity helps.

    More seriously, I'm pleased to note that you are "struggling with clinical depression" instead of "suffering from" it. I've been struggling with it too: I was dx'ed in 1995, but have likely had it all of my life. Most people (my students excepted) would say I am fun and intelligent too, but then, most people can't see what is going on inside a clinically depressed person's head.

    Please don't welcome your BC diagnosis, period. And please don't even think about BC as a possible "way out." The ladies in here will give you lots of priceless counsel and encouragement in your battle against BC. And if you want to talk about the clinical depression, this fellow struggler is always around.

    Far better to struggle than suffer!

    Best,
    Joe
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    Aortus said:

    Totally insane is hardly the same as terrible.
    Why, as you will shortly find out, there is plenty of insanity going around this board! Some of the posters are actually insane: just watch out for that lady with the turquoise hair, or the two people from Milwaukee (of which I am one). With all that you sisters in pink have to go through, a certain amount of insanity helps.

    More seriously, I'm pleased to note that you are "struggling with clinical depression" instead of "suffering from" it. I've been struggling with it too: I was dx'ed in 1995, but have likely had it all of my life. Most people (my students excepted) would say I am fun and intelligent too, but then, most people can't see what is going on inside a clinically depressed person's head.

    Please don't welcome your BC diagnosis, period. And please don't even think about BC as a possible "way out." The ladies in here will give you lots of priceless counsel and encouragement in your battle against BC. And if you want to talk about the clinical depression, this fellow struggler is always around.

    Far better to struggle than suffer!

    Best,
    Joe

    Oh Dear
    He is refering to me.........turquoise hair.........Yes he's totally right, ignore me.....I'm comletely nuts! Big Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • tami90650
    tami90650 Member Posts: 82
    hi bfbear
    Hi honey welcome to the land of virtual support. We love you and are already praying for you. I cant speak on clinical depression as a way of life, but I did hit it at first in the beginning of my cancer ordeal. All I can say is dont let it claim you. Talk to us okay. We get it and we would like to help you through it. Add me to your friends list. You can send private messages too in case you dont want to post it for all to read.
    I got a question for you. What does DCIS stand for?
  • cruf
    cruf Member Posts: 908
    tami90650 said:

    hi bfbear
    Hi honey welcome to the land of virtual support. We love you and are already praying for you. I cant speak on clinical depression as a way of life, but I did hit it at first in the beginning of my cancer ordeal. All I can say is dont let it claim you. Talk to us okay. We get it and we would like to help you through it. Add me to your friends list. You can send private messages too in case you dont want to post it for all to read.
    I got a question for you. What does DCIS stand for?

    DCIS
    DCIS is Ductal Carcinoma in Situ meaning it is in the milk ducts and is noninvasive microcalcifications. Cathy
  • Jeanne D
    Jeanne D Member Posts: 1,867
    PTSD
    Actually, a lot of cancer patients suffer from PTSD, which is post traumatic stress syndrome. Mainly, people in the armed forces suffer from it, but, since cancer is such a horrific diagnosis and not a good thing to go thru..they have found that many suffer from it with cancer. Get some help..talk to your doctor. Even get some medicine if you need it. This is a time to take the best care of yourself!

    hugs
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    Welcom, bfbear
    So sorry you are going through this and depression, too. Our diagnosis can surely depress us and it is even harder with an already-diagnosed clinical depression to add to it. But, bfbear, breast cancer is not a way out. I am not one to quote statistics usually, but in your case, it is extremely, extremely probable that you will be just fine. In fact, I would bet money on it. You need to practice extreme self-care now, both in terms of your DCIS and for depression. Reach out to people here and in your community. One of the most potent weapons against cancer and depression is connection to others. Start with us, here.

    Mimi
  • bfbear
    bfbear Member Posts: 380
    mimivac said:

    Welcom, bfbear
    So sorry you are going through this and depression, too. Our diagnosis can surely depress us and it is even harder with an already-diagnosed clinical depression to add to it. But, bfbear, breast cancer is not a way out. I am not one to quote statistics usually, but in your case, it is extremely, extremely probable that you will be just fine. In fact, I would bet money on it. You need to practice extreme self-care now, both in terms of your DCIS and for depression. Reach out to people here and in your community. One of the most potent weapons against cancer and depression is connection to others. Start with us, here.

    Mimi

    Thanks, everyone
    Thanks, everyone, for your support. I have been reading quite a few of the posts under other people's subjects, too. You are all pretty awesome, and I will do my best to take care of myself.
    I had an MRI today, and will meet with my surgeon for the first time on Thursday. I will discuss the depression issue with her and see if we can increase/fine tune my meds (one of the worst things for me is asking for help...I hate doing that!!! But the rational part of my mind knows it's a necessity at this point. Besides my bio-daughter and grandkids, I also have an adopted daughter from China who is only 10 yrs. old, and she is a loving commitment that I have to keep foremost in my mind as a reason to keep fighting.)
    I think you all are great! Thanks again.
    Debi
  • bfbear
    bfbear Member Posts: 380
    bfbear said:

    Thanks, everyone
    Thanks, everyone, for your support. I have been reading quite a few of the posts under other people's subjects, too. You are all pretty awesome, and I will do my best to take care of myself.
    I had an MRI today, and will meet with my surgeon for the first time on Thursday. I will discuss the depression issue with her and see if we can increase/fine tune my meds (one of the worst things for me is asking for help...I hate doing that!!! But the rational part of my mind knows it's a necessity at this point. Besides my bio-daughter and grandkids, I also have an adopted daughter from China who is only 10 yrs. old, and she is a loving commitment that I have to keep foremost in my mind as a reason to keep fighting.)
    I think you all are great! Thanks again.
    Debi

    My picture
    I just uploaded a picture of me from last summer...I'm just adding this message to see if it worked!
  • tgf
    tgf Member Posts: 950 Member
    bfbear said:

    My picture
    I just uploaded a picture of me from last summer...I'm just adding this message to see if it worked!

    Hi
    Hi bfbear ...

    You are not alone. I too struggle with clinical depression ... and honestly I thought my cancer diagnosis might "solve" everything. But ... much to my surprise ... I'm more of a fighter than I thought.

    I assume you are taking anti-depressants of some sort. I'm not sure I could function without them. It's easy enough for me to get on a pity-trip ... but it's my opinion that the drugs keep me from dwelling on the crap in my life. The drugs keep me going ... and keep me functioning. So ... if you are NOT on anti-depressents ... go immediately to your doctor/oncologist ... and discuss your depression with them and I'm sure they will be able to help. If you ARE already on medication ... you might need something different. I know I've had to change my medications several times ... to find what works at the right time.

    The cancer diagnosis is just another bump (MOUNTAIN!) in the road ... but you WILL be able to handle it. I am 65 and been divorced "forever" ... and my only son and his family live hundreds of miles away. When I got my cancer diagnosis ... I could not imagine how I could possibly do any of the things I was supposed to do. I'd never thought of myself as a "fighter." But ... each step along the way I have surprised myself by what I can do. I guess I'm kind of looking at this as some sort of "new adventure." Sounds stupid I know ... but for some reason the cancer diagnosis has given me total "permission" to focus TOTALLY on myself. I don't have to think about ... or worry about ... what other people think of me. I don't have to worry about how people see me. It's brought about some sort of "freedom." All I have to do is focus on ME! I don't have to please other people! Just me.

    When I was told I needed chemo I honestly thought that was so far beyond anything I could handle emotionally/psychologically ... that I was positive I could NOT do chemo. I just knew I was not "strong" enough to handle chemo. But ... Thank goodness for this wonderful discussion board/website ... because these wonderful women have been a huge source of strength. They understand. They've walked in our shoes. We can ask anything and we can be totally honest. We are all here for each other ... through bad times and good ... and you are one of us ... and you can do it. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for being. I promise.

    Let me know how you are doing ... I'll be thinking of you ...

    hugs.
    teena
  • bfbear
    bfbear Member Posts: 380
    tgf said:

    Hi
    Hi bfbear ...

    You are not alone. I too struggle with clinical depression ... and honestly I thought my cancer diagnosis might "solve" everything. But ... much to my surprise ... I'm more of a fighter than I thought.

    I assume you are taking anti-depressants of some sort. I'm not sure I could function without them. It's easy enough for me to get on a pity-trip ... but it's my opinion that the drugs keep me from dwelling on the crap in my life. The drugs keep me going ... and keep me functioning. So ... if you are NOT on anti-depressents ... go immediately to your doctor/oncologist ... and discuss your depression with them and I'm sure they will be able to help. If you ARE already on medication ... you might need something different. I know I've had to change my medications several times ... to find what works at the right time.

    The cancer diagnosis is just another bump (MOUNTAIN!) in the road ... but you WILL be able to handle it. I am 65 and been divorced "forever" ... and my only son and his family live hundreds of miles away. When I got my cancer diagnosis ... I could not imagine how I could possibly do any of the things I was supposed to do. I'd never thought of myself as a "fighter." But ... each step along the way I have surprised myself by what I can do. I guess I'm kind of looking at this as some sort of "new adventure." Sounds stupid I know ... but for some reason the cancer diagnosis has given me total "permission" to focus TOTALLY on myself. I don't have to think about ... or worry about ... what other people think of me. I don't have to worry about how people see me. It's brought about some sort of "freedom." All I have to do is focus on ME! I don't have to please other people! Just me.

    When I was told I needed chemo I honestly thought that was so far beyond anything I could handle emotionally/psychologically ... that I was positive I could NOT do chemo. I just knew I was not "strong" enough to handle chemo. But ... Thank goodness for this wonderful discussion board/website ... because these wonderful women have been a huge source of strength. They understand. They've walked in our shoes. We can ask anything and we can be totally honest. We are all here for each other ... through bad times and good ... and you are one of us ... and you can do it. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for being. I promise.

    Let me know how you are doing ... I'll be thinking of you ...

    hugs.
    teena

    Thanks Teena
    Thanks Teena. I am on antidepressants and have been for years, but they haven't been working well for months now, and I've put off doing anything about it... But, I have made an appointment to talk to my doctor about this tomorrow, and I meet with the BC surgeon on Thursday, so I am trying to do the right thing.
    It is going to be hard to focus on "just me"...it's just not something I do, and with a 4th grader at home and a new puppy on the way in May, along with all the other "responsibility stuff" I've got in my life, it ought to be an interesting road ahead.
    But you and the other women (and men, Joe!) her on this site are already a great comfort.
    Thanks again -- ALL of you!