head shaving and lost my cool

tommaseena
tommaseena Member Posts: 1,769
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I had my second treatment yesterday 3/24 and then this morning in the shower hair was coming out fast and furious. I had already gotten my hair cut short before I started chemo but now the head shaving is my next step tomorrow at 1pm.

I had a rough morning because I was not in control of what was happening. I was in control of the decision I made for surgery and control of what treatment and doctors I went to see but the not having control of what the chemo drugs do to you--Oh it really P***ED me off.

This afternoon while I was at a store my son got a bottle of soda out of a machine and dropped it on the floor and I told him to put it back and while I was paying for my things I did not see him drop it but the lady behind me decided to tell me that I needed to reprimand my son for what he had done and that the person that bought that soda would not be too happy. OH did I lose it on her--I told her that how could I reprimand him for something that I did not see and that I had enough stuff going on in my life and that I didn't need her to tell me how to raise my son and I told her that she needed to shut up and fast.

I have never lost my cool like that before and I hope it is the last time.

Margo

Comments

  • chriss26
    chriss26 Member Posts: 18
    It is understandable for
    It is understandable for what you are going through. Unfotunately people can not know the stress we go through as we take our journey. Do not feel bad when you loose it. You will probably never see that person again. As far as the hair goes, my heart goes out to you. Our hair is so important to how we see ourselves. I cut hair for a living and have buzzed many cancer patients down to the scalp. I shed tears right along with them. It does grow back. Please try to focus on each step of recovery as a step to your future. Take care today. Chris
  • Ltalcott
    Ltalcott Member Posts: 119
    nothing's wrong
    I cry and don't know why, and my husband keeps trying to get me to tell him what's wrong.

    Yesterday I realized that people who have been helping us had put the coffee cups in the cupboard and not on the mug tree, boo, hoo, hoo.

    Totally ridiculus. At least no one but my husband was there, and he doesn't care where the mug go! I suspect if I were challenged (by a stranger as you were in the store), I would light into them. (and cry more.)

    ((((Hugs)))))

    Lisa
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    chriss26 said:

    It is understandable for
    It is understandable for what you are going through. Unfotunately people can not know the stress we go through as we take our journey. Do not feel bad when you loose it. You will probably never see that person again. As far as the hair goes, my heart goes out to you. Our hair is so important to how we see ourselves. I cut hair for a living and have buzzed many cancer patients down to the scalp. I shed tears right along with them. It does grow back. Please try to focus on each step of recovery as a step to your future. Take care today. Chris

    Hi Margo and Chris
    It is so understandable, all our worries, fears and anger at what is happening to us, plus the feeling of losing our control along with our hair, shows up at the least expected times. I cry and get angry at some of the most inappropriate times. Situations that normally would not upset me in the least..bother the heck out of me. I think it is anger at my whole situation being pent up and ready to explode at any second, kinda like a walking time bomb LOL! Please don't feel bad. Chris is right your hair will grow back, you will in time see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your in my thoughts and prayers.

    Chris, you and your pup are soooo adorable!
    Hugs
    Jackie
  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    I think
    I think that lady was a bit too uptight about the soda. If it was not broken or damaged, the perso who buys it will have no idea. If you think of all the people who have handled that bottle, from the bottling company to the packer to the one who loaded the truck to the warehouse workers to the ones who loaded it to the next truck to the ones who unloaded the truck at the store to the ones who loaed that bottle onto the shelf your son found it on to all the customers who have touched it before him.....I hardly think your son's accident is going to make much difference.

    I think your frustration is quite understandable. If you did not have cancer, her behavior would be annoying anyway. It was just the "straw that broke camel's back". And...yes...you most likely will not ever see that woman again, and maybe she will think twice about insulting someone else's son because of what you said.

    You are welcome to complain to us on this site any time!

    I wish you peace. seof
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Trials and Tribulations
    You are so right~ the whole hair thing puts the decision making out of our control. Ok, sure, shaving our heads may be something we decide, but without cancer, would you ever have made such a decision??? Probably not! I know I wouldn't have!

    It isn't so much that we have the right to lose our cool and be snippy~ I think it is more that we are hyper-sensitive because of the hand Fate has dealt us. We really don't feel well, and no matter how chipper and up-beat we may appear to be~ bottom line, we are scared of dying! There~I said it! So we had these decisons to make, and surgery and chemo, and now the indignity of losing our hair, followed possibly by rads. Truly it isn't any wonder we don't lose our cool more often!

    I have a mantra which helped me when I was going through treatment: "Be stronger than, not angry at". I needed all the strength I could muster, and I knew anger would zap that strength. I was by no means always successful with the strength part, but I still remind myself that for me, it is a better way of looking at my life.

    I was so angry at what I perceived to be petty, stupid things that those without cancer were complaining about, as if their lives had no problems compared to cancer! What I finally realized ( an ephiphany, actually) was that I was jealous~ I wanted a hangnail or a too tight pair of shoes or being peeved at missing my favorite TV show to be my worst problem. I wanted to scream "Who cares about you and your petty crap? I am battling CANCER"... Truth is, I wished I could have been them.

    The assault on your body both physically and emotionally will at times make you react just the way you did. The GREAT part? You realize that wasn't the real you~ and you will roll with the punches. Don't be too hard on yourself; it is part and parcel of getting through this.

    Hugs,
    Claudia

    PS...btw~ of course that other woman was wrong! Just at another day and time you probably would have blown it and her off and kept going. Perhaps she NEEDED you to put her in her place! :-)
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    I lost my cool, too
    We all have at several points of this "journey." Losing your hair is very difficult. Even if you think you are prepared, you never really are. I knew it was coming, had researched wig places and everything. But, when it happened, I still cried. It's been almost three months now, and I don't like to look at my bald head. It's really not that bad, but it's a constant reminder of what we are going through. Give yourself a break. Nerves get frayed. This fight is best fought one day at a time. I think you're doing great.

    Mimi
  • tommaseena
    tommaseena Member Posts: 1,769
    mimivac said:

    I lost my cool, too
    We all have at several points of this "journey." Losing your hair is very difficult. Even if you think you are prepared, you never really are. I knew it was coming, had researched wig places and everything. But, when it happened, I still cried. It's been almost three months now, and I don't like to look at my bald head. It's really not that bad, but it's a constant reminder of what we are going through. Give yourself a break. Nerves get frayed. This fight is best fought one day at a time. I think you're doing great.

    Mimi

    Thinking
    Horrible to think this but I was saying to myself
    "I hope that lady sees and reads the article that was in the paper of Jake and me and thinks before she speaks next time"

    Well just had to get my thought down.

    Margo