so close yet so far

dbs1673

Yesterday I turned 49 years old. Last year at this time I didn't know I was going to be diagnosed with cancer in May. I made it through that news, I made it through the double mastectomy in June, I made it through the radiation that ended in October and I'm getting ready for the implants on April 9. Yesterday I also had someone in the marketing department call me from the hospital. They are putting together a video for cancer support for patients and caregivers. They were wondering if I'd be willing to tell my story. Sure I thought at first. I asked for some of the questions...how did you feel when you first heard, how did your family react,etc. Then it hit me that what I thought I could do, I really can't. I know that technically I am a survivor, but am I really? I realized that I really don't like how some of my family/friends has/is treating me since this diagnosis. I realized that even though I am numb on the outside of my chest, I am extremely sensitive on the inside. I realized that I really haven't come as far as I thought I did. I'm not minimizing how far I've come but just realizing how far I need to go.

mmontero38

It's all a matter of
It's all a matter of attitude. I was diagnosed at 48 also a month short of my 49th birthday. Can't tell you what a birthday I had that summer. Yet, we are survivors even though inside we still have our doubts. Maybe the fear of recurrence hinders our ability to feel totally cancer free, I think that with time, we will all get to that place where we can truly feel both physically and emotionally a survivor. We've all come a long way, been through hell and back. Just think that we are fortunate that it was caught early. Hugs, Lili

Marcia527

Realizing you have a problem is the first step in solving it. If you never face it, it gets buried and sometime down the road it rears up. You are a suvivor with issues but we all have them. I guess that is what life is about. How we deal with our issues is who we become. This is just how I see it.

KathiM

Your coat of life has another patch....
It's just one of the experiences that molds your life, I think....

I was chatting with a gal at the spa on Thursday. I always start with 'I was supposed to die 3 years ago, sure glad I didn't, I would have missed today!'. I am almost 4 years (July) out from treatment, and cancer free! I was 49 when diagnosed with stage III rectal cancer, and given 6 months to 'get my affairs in order'. And "Additionally, we found unrelated breast cancer, but won't treat you until you survive the rectal cancer".

Did it change my life? You bet! Do I have my down times? You bet! Do I think of reoccurance? You bet (from 2 different cancers...lol)! But, the lesson I choose is that life is fragile. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. I live my life to the fullest. It's still not easy...I have an aging mom and a beau with major heart troubles. But, still, I travel, love my family and friends, and volunteer as much as I can.

You are correct in aknowleging your feelings. Wether they are 'correct' to the outside world or not, they are YOUR feelings!!! It's the healthiest thing to do to deal with the feelings instead of sweeping them under the nearest bush...that is what got me colon cancer to begin with...ROFL!

As far as timing. ACS won't allow a person to be a mentor until they are at least 1 year post-treatment. To protect US. They recognize that our feelings are still very, very raw. I really didn't get thru the major moods for 2 years....

Hugs, Kathi

Jeanne D

I understand..
I had breast cancer in 1985 and am going thru it again now. So, this is my second time with this disease. I thought I was in the clear after 23 years, but, I was wrong. After I got thru the surgery and the radiation in 85..I did feel so blessed to be alive. And, I was only 34. Now, I am angry, mad and sad. This time..the cancer seems to be beating me. I see nothing good out of this. I sit and think and wonder when it will come back the third time etc. This time is so different for me...so different