Teen Scared

jshew17
jshew17 Member Posts: 5
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hey,
I am a teen who's mom has been diagnosed with breast cancer. I really dont know how to deal with it and i am afraid to even aproach my mom because she seems pretty cranky everytime i do. she has been in remission for 2 years now and i wasnt able to be there through the cemo due to me living with my father. i still live with the fear of it coming back everytime she walks into that doctors office though. i need someone to talk to. i dont know what to do!
:'(

Comments

  • Derbygirl
    Derbygirl Member Posts: 198
    This is a frightening time
    This is a frightening time for you and your mom, but you have found a network of survivors of breast cancer who will be able to answer questions, offer support, or just listen to you and your mom any time of the day or night. You mentioned living with your father during the first battle with cancer. Long distance support is possible by way of frequent phone calls and emails (I had lots of this while I was fighting cancer last year). Your mom will be exhausted, anxious and worried and support from family and friends will help. Your mom will wonder why this has to happen to her again. The good news is that she survived it once and she can do it again.
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    Try not to worry about
    Try not to worry about recurrance. Just work on having a good relationship with your mom.
  • dbs1673
    dbs1673 Member Posts: 203
    Marcia527 said:

    Try not to worry about
    Try not to worry about recurrance. Just work on having a good relationship with your mom.

    special daughter
    Dear one, Sounds like you and your Mom may have some of the same fears...recurrance. Don't let the fears paralyze you from seeing what you know right now...you are well and so is your Mom. Ask your Mom if it is OK to ask her some questions. She might be thinking the answers are scary for you and wants to protect you. Like you, she probably has many emotions scrolling around. Many Drs have a special cancer support services group. This may be an avenue for you. Depending on your questions, there are also genetic counselors to help you gauge your own risk factors. No matter what resources you choose you already found us here and we will answer, listen and be here for you.
  • jshew17
    jshew17 Member Posts: 5
    dbs1673 said:

    special daughter
    Dear one, Sounds like you and your Mom may have some of the same fears...recurrance. Don't let the fears paralyze you from seeing what you know right now...you are well and so is your Mom. Ask your Mom if it is OK to ask her some questions. She might be thinking the answers are scary for you and wants to protect you. Like you, she probably has many emotions scrolling around. Many Drs have a special cancer support services group. This may be an avenue for you. Depending on your questions, there are also genetic counselors to help you gauge your own risk factors. No matter what resources you choose you already found us here and we will answer, listen and be here for you.

    thank you
    thank you for helping me. i had talked to a teacher and she had suggested that i go here and i see she was right. you guys are here and i feel like you are going through the same thing and it helps. i just feel as though mine and my mom's relationship has greatly deteriorated since the cancer was found.
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    Hi J; Sorry you and your mom
    Hi J; Sorry you and your mom are facing this but unfortunately it does happen. I know my kids had a hard time when I was diagnosed and going through chemo. My son was 15 and my daughter 13 when I was diagnosed. Now, 2 years later it is a bit better. Your mom may be cranky because of the fear of recurrence. That is something that is always in the back of our minds. Hopefully, with time, it will get better and she and you will think less of this. Just be there for your mom, sometimes a hug and just saying I love you mom goes a long way. If you are living close to her spend some time together. And know we are here to "hear" you out. Hugs, Lili
  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    help
    cancer is a scary thing for anyone involved. I have 2 teenage daughters, and I know they are sometimes scared that my cancer might be back some time. I agree that you should do whatever you can to focus on your relationship with your Mom, cancer or no. Maybe if you let her know the reason why you want to know more about the cancer is because you love her and want the two of you to be closer she might be more open to talking. You could try the American Cancer Society Website, or call and get in touch with the local unit near you. They should be able to help you get in touch with other families that are going through something similar so you and your Mom could find a support group. Even if she is not ready for it, you might get help for yourself.

    I am proud of you for trying to do what you can to help yourself understand what your Mom may be going through. This site is a good place.

    Best wishes, seof
  • Joycelouise
    Joycelouise Member Posts: 482
    I think "not knowing what to
    I think "not knowing what to do" is about the healthiest response you can have. Some of the times when people "know just what to do", they are not being truly sensitive, but hiding behind some formula that lets them hide from the reality. Like, "If she would just think positive everything will be okay!" and then the survivor has to feel bad for not thinking positive enough. Or my teenage son's solution (for a while) which was I will hide with experimenting with some drugs. Life is complicated. Keeping an open mind, a sensitive mind is the best path, but not as comforting as an "Answer". So, keep trying, keep feeling, and know that you are not alone, but joined by all of us, looking each day for away to get through the problems, however complicated, honestly and with caring. You sound like a great daughter to feel your mother's pain with out shirking. But it is a two way street. Pain may go one way, and joy travels the street in the other direction. Look for things you and your mother can do together to strengthen what is good between you and what brings you both joy and comfort. Shoe shopping (!) as well as talking, cleaning house together, laughing at a TV show. And here is one more thing that might help. Sometimes I know we don't want to burden another with our own seemingly silly problems, so we try to put on a happy face all the time. But, as a mother, you mom will quite likely feel useful and loving if she can help you with your struggles. Share with your mom your life and let her meddle in a little. She may feel useful to you, which makes us moms feel capable, to help our children.
    All my love to you both,
    Joyce
  • jeanne1948
    jeanne1948 Member Posts: 18
    teen
    Boy what a time for you. Hard enough being a teenager now adays. Maybe you should talk to your mom about your fears. You may be surprised. She may also need to talk. When we get diagnosed with cancer many people try to avoid the subject but as a cancer survivor also, I needed to talk. Hope this helps...