Scared!!!

Jadie

jaavon2002 said:

One of the my better days...
I guess today is one my good days. I did not cry AT ALL today and it's been the first time since being diagnosed that I feel like...come on, let's get this over with!! Before I start chemo, I think I'm going to get my hair cut shorter so it won't be such a big shock.

I really appreciate all the comments, it did make me think about this whole situation...without crying.

Hair
Hi jaavon

My hair started coming out about the time for the second treatment(3 weeks). I had my neighbor to buzz it. This way I felt in controll of what was happening to my body (instead of this terrible beast). So glad to hear you say, "before I start chemo". We are here for you all the way.

Keep us updated
Another hug your way
Jadie

divablu

I was scared too ...
I was scared when my breast cancer was diagnosed, and I get scared on and off through this entire journey! Did I say I cry alot? I do, still.

I had Stage IIIB breast cancer, left breast mastectomy and 21 lymph nodes removed on Sept. 12 (12 of the 21 were cancerous). Scared big time. I've finished chemo, didn't think I would make it through but I did. Now in radiation. Still get scared, still cry, and some days I just laugh about the whole thing.

You will be surprised that people will look at you with love and caring and support. They will see you as strong and brave, even as you may feel like a puddle of tears. One friend that I ride with (horses) has told me how brave I am! Boy was I surprised ... Me, Brave? :-O This is what I have found. My husband's children that live near us have been no support to him or me during this treatment at all. But total strangers have given me unconditional love and support. We have only lived in this area (Bitterroot Valley, MT) for two years, but my new friends have been amazingly supportive and caring.

The chemo will give you a lease on life ... Take the chemo. Your hair will grow back. I had my head shaved so I wouldn't have to deal with the trauma of handfuls of hair coming out. Start by cutting your hair into a shorter style, then I suggest you shave your head. Take small steps.

What type of chemo will you be taking? Ask your oncologist, I've heard some people don't lose their hair. Talk with your oncologist.

Take the treatment. You will learn to laugh again, and you will find friendship and support in the most amazing places!

All my prayers, love and support to you! (((((((Huggs)))))))

peggy65

i just read your message and
i just read your message and am so pleased that you were able to receive such awesome advice from all of our friends on this board. everything that they said is true. i had the exact same chemo therapy as you will be getting. it is so important that you gather family and friends around you and let them help you through this. it is not easy, but you can do it. i put post its on my kitchen cabinets numbering the treatments and when i would return from chemo i would throw one away. i had a tangible way to see that my treatments were going to end at a certain time. when i had the time to focus on that it was easier than not knowing anything. i was also one of those who had a traumatic time with my hair. my hair had always been one of my best features. however, when it started to come out, i just couldn't wear my wig or hats, i instead wore kerchiefs. and yes, people did look twice at me and it was hard but i just felt more real in a kerchief.so yeah i understand what you are saying. you are headed on a journey and each stage of your journey you will process what has happened and what is going to happen. taking one thing at a time is the secret. when you think of the whole thing you will get overwhelmed. and please give yourself time to grieve this diagnosis. i am sure that it has hit you like a ton of bricks as it did for all of us. but you do come out the other end, often times with a more purposeful and joyful take on the world. hugs and blessings, peggy

tasha_111

peggy65 said:

i just read your message and
i just read your message and am so pleased that you were able to receive such awesome advice from all of our friends on this board. everything that they said is true. i had the exact same chemo therapy as you will be getting. it is so important that you gather family and friends around you and let them help you through this. it is not easy, but you can do it. i put post its on my kitchen cabinets numbering the treatments and when i would return from chemo i would throw one away. i had a tangible way to see that my treatments were going to end at a certain time. when i had the time to focus on that it was easier than not knowing anything. i was also one of those who had a traumatic time with my hair. my hair had always been one of my best features. however, when it started to come out, i just couldn't wear my wig or hats, i instead wore kerchiefs. and yes, people did look twice at me and it was hard but i just felt more real in a kerchief.so yeah i understand what you are saying. you are headed on a journey and each stage of your journey you will process what has happened and what is going to happen. taking one thing at a time is the secret. when you think of the whole thing you will get overwhelmed. and please give yourself time to grieve this diagnosis. i am sure that it has hit you like a ton of bricks as it did for all of us. but you do come out the other end, often times with a more purposeful and joyful take on the world. hugs and blessings, peggy

haircut
Hey, I got mine lopped off to about 2 inches on the way home from my first chemo treatment. I hated it but everyone else said it suited me better than my long hair......oh well. anyway, it's longer than that now, 6 months out of treatment my hair is 3 inches and I LOVE IT when my husband says to me......"Hey your hair's a mess today!" (Insensitive SOD!)

GrandmaEv

jaavon2002 said:

One of the my better days...
I guess today is one my good days. I did not cry AT ALL today and it's been the first time since being diagnosed that I feel like...come on, let's get this over with!! Before I start chemo, I think I'm going to get my hair cut shorter so it won't be such a big shock.

I really appreciate all the comments, it did make me think about this whole situation...without crying.

You are Strong
Hi Jaavon, You are already on a roller coaster. You will cry, scream,and wonder why. It's all normal reactions. Get it out of your system. Be very careful not to slip too far into the pity pool. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Cancer is a very scary word when you have to deal with it yourself. Learn to lean heavily on others. They will help you make it through the tuff times. Try very hard not to take your flustrations out on those that Love you and are trying to help. Head up high, shoulders back, Take a big deep breath and get ready to kick cancer's butt. YOU CAN DO IT!! Now get out there and show cancer whose Boss! We are all here for you. The cancer society is a BIG help too. They can help you with wigs and makeup, and make you feel better. They can also set it up for someone who has gone thought this to come and visit with you. or alteast they did a few years ago ( maybe check on that one). Take care. Big Hugs. & GOOD LUCK Evie

Jan_M

jaavon2002 said:

One of the my better days...
I guess today is one my good days. I did not cry AT ALL today and it's been the first time since being diagnosed that I feel like...come on, let's get this over with!! Before I start chemo, I think I'm going to get my hair cut shorter so it won't be such a big shock.

I really appreciate all the comments, it did make me think about this whole situation...without crying.

So sorry you have to join
So sorry you have to join this club, but you will get VERY GOOD SUPPORT, ADVICE and great helpful hints.

I had hair down to the middle of my back, after surgery I cut it to shoulder length. Then on day 15 after chemo I lost my hair in clumps, this went on for a week until I admitted defeat and shaved my head. We live in the country so I threw my clumps outside for the birds to add to their nests. I hope they enjoy it.

crazylady55

jaavon2002 said:

Thanks...
I am glad I came to this site. I want to thank all of you for taking the time to read my posting and giving me such insight to this disease and the treatment. Thanks 'jakeca' for the harsh reality check. I don't want my family surrounding my casket because I didn't do chemo.

One of you suggested a second opinion, I have an appointment to see another doctor on Thursday. The first oncologist I went to recommended 4 treatments of Cytoxan & Adriamycin (1 every 21 days), then 4 treatments of Taxotere (1 every 21 days). It's not that I don't trust his expertise, I hear he is the best at the hospital he's affiliated with...but I want to hear it from someone else that chemo is needed. I'm not at that point to accept chemo yet and I,too, want to be on this site giving my survival story. One of the ladies stated...chemo is not the enemy, cancer is. I really didn't look at it that way, I'm glad that was said.

I'm still scared...but this feedback has really helped. I don't talk to my family much. Since my surgery January 29th, they have called me a few times but now they don;t call at all. I'm the type of person that I don't call people with my problems and to cry...they usually call me. But my significant other is extremely helpful. He tries his best, which sometimes don't work, to cheer me up. He often say "everything will be alright, it will be over before you know it".

chemo is a stepping stone to good health
this week I will have the last of 6 rounds of chemo. I had the 3 of your drugs together every 21 days for 6 sessions. It has not been as bad as I anticipated. There are plenty of drugs for the nausea. Even though we all have breast cancer each of them is individualized so most of us have not had the exact same treatment. The most important thing to remember is that the SIDE EFFECTS are TEMPORARY. Advanced stage cancer is often permanent. So I hope you are able to get past your fear of chemo. Good luck.

jeanne1948

scared
I felt exactly like you but knew that chemo and radiation would help save my life. I went out and bought wigs and then put them aside. After my second chemo (which was very aggressive even though my cancer was early stage 1 it was an aggressive cancer) it happened...my hair started to fall out. My husband shaved my head. I first laughed and then cried my heart out. But when I went to work with my wig, everyone loved it. Those that did not see me all the time just kept telling me that I looked great with my new hair cut and I should not change it. So easy to get ready in the mornings for work I may never go back to my real hair. The chemo was rough but I counted it down and now that it is over I have a hard time remembering what it was like. What I am saying from my own experience is that the things I dreaded the most came and went. I did it and I am a survivor and much stronger for it. If there is a support group, try to go. It helps to hear and be with others going through what you are. The bondness is incredible. You can beat this and come out stronger!!! You and all cancer patients and their families are in my prayers...
Take care and stay strong.

Eil4186

If it will increase your
If it will increase your chances of living a long life then you should do it. As others have said, chemo is not fun, but not as bad as you might fear.

Like you, I was most scared of chemo- more than anything else. But I got through it and it has made me feel more confident about the future.

Losing my hair was traumatic at first but I got a great wig and no one who didn't know me knew it was a wig. I wa ssurprised at how quickly I got used to being bald.

Good luck, and remember, you are stronger than you think! Eil