Another Kind of Beast

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dixchi
dixchi Member Posts: 431
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
You would think after getting surgery and going through 12 rounds of Folfox and being
told by my oncologist that my CEA was back to normal and the scans showed no other
tumor sites, I would be happier "than a clam at high tide" as they used to say. Instead
I am battling depression and anxiety like heck. It is almost as if I was so focused
on getting treatments and feeling that the treatments were working that when they
stopped I felt like my security blanket was gone (like Linus in "peanuts"). Guess I
have some question as to whether my old bod and immune system can go it on its own.
I wake up in the mornings in a state of anxiety. Was given antidepressant, zoloft,
by the onc a while back and just decided to try it and got into major diarrhea and
stopped. I have appointment on Tuesday to have CEA scan and port flush and will talk
with her about my state then and see if maybe another antidepressant would work better.
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Comments

  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #2
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    fear
    Hello...just note to say I hear You. It seems quite common to have this let down once the treatment stops. You are right it is like a Linus blanket....when you are in treatment at least you are doing somethin to fight the beast and then it's over.
    Actually our paths are quite similar and after my last liver resection I fell into deep depression around Christmas. The good people on this forum advised seeking help and I started an antidepressant called Effexor....I take about 30 mg per day and I think it has helped. I also went to a psychotherapist for abit and she gave me some ideas too. What about this idea? the actual liver resection is so upsetting to the body that some chemical imbalance starts to happen....I have no factual evidence for this but it's just a thought

    Talk to your doctor on Tuesday
    Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers,
    Mag
  • dixchi
    dixchi Member Posts: 431
    #3
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    Fear
    thanks Mag......someone else also mention Effexor and that may be a good one; zoloft
    side effects does list diarrhea so I will talk with the doc and see what is recommended.
    Or maybe it is a matter of taking a anti-diarhhea med until I get used to the med.....
    yes, I could believe removing part of any major organ would upset the balance in the
    body....thanks for your thoughts.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #4
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    Breast cancer friend on Lexipro....
    Would that work? It sure works for her...

    I have learned that time helps the worry...you become more and more confident as each day progresses that you WILL be around! I was assured by my oncologist that if I had any fears, just call. Even if it was nothing, I was to feel ok about calling. Just knowing that helped.

    One day, I woke up and said "Cancer had 3 years of my life, it gets NO MORE!". I still have my moments of anxiousness, but I'm getting better with each clean scan.

    Hugs, Kathi
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876 Member
    #5
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    Meds
    Hi Sweetie,

    Your battle is natural; a lot of us have been through exactly what you're dealing with. It may take a little experimenting, but you can find a good drug or drug combo that works for you. For instance, Cymbalta made me narcoleptic--really! I would be walking down the hall at work and fall asleep while walking, crashing into walls, fax machines, copiers etc. We finally hit on a combo of Lexapro and Wellbutrin that really works without putting me into "altered states." Talk to your GP if your onc isn't comfortable with this type of med.

    Hugs,
    Kirsten
  • tiny one
    tiny one Member Posts: 465 Member
    #6
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    depression
    Depression after treatment is finished is a normal reaction. A good book to read on this is CAN SURVIVE by Sam Donaldson. Instead of depression meds, which can cause some ill effects, I go to a cancer support group. Check this out for the area you live. The group will become like your second family and will be there if you need to call them, usually at any hour. Counseling to is very helpful. My last chemo was Halloween 07. My screenings have showed I'm clear. God bless you, you're stronger than you know, you've fought the fight.
  • dixchi
    dixchi Member Posts: 431
    #7
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    tiny one said:

    depression
    Depression after treatment is finished is a normal reaction. A good book to read on this is CAN SURVIVE by Sam Donaldson. Instead of depression meds, which can cause some ill effects, I go to a cancer support group. Check this out for the area you live. The group will become like your second family and will be there if you need to call them, usually at any hour. Counseling to is very helpful. My last chemo was Halloween 07. My screenings have showed I'm clear. God bless you, you're stronger than you know, you've fought the fight.

    support
    thanks kmygil and tiny one......this board is so much support and I appreciate your
    input....when I am feeling really anxious I can easily get on this site and get support
    and some words to boost my spirits.......I am going to some groups at the Wellness Center
    such as yoga and guided imagery and they have helped and I am also trying zoloft again for
    a week at my oncologist request to see if I can get adjusted to it without the diarrhea...
    at this point I feel like some medication is needed at least for a while. I have my first
    CT scan Feb. 12 and blood work has been taken and I see the oncologist on Feb. 17....if I
    can get good news, I think that will really help.
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #8
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    dixchi said:

    support
    thanks kmygil and tiny one......this board is so much support and I appreciate your
    input....when I am feeling really anxious I can easily get on this site and get support
    and some words to boost my spirits.......I am going to some groups at the Wellness Center
    such as yoga and guided imagery and they have helped and I am also trying zoloft again for
    a week at my oncologist request to see if I can get adjusted to it without the diarrhea...
    at this point I feel like some medication is needed at least for a while. I have my first
    CT scan Feb. 12 and blood work has been taken and I see the oncologist on Feb. 17....if I
    can get good news, I think that will really help.

    Support...
    dixchi,
    I understand also what it is to feel **left,empty,alone*** so I took a stroll into the church down the street (closer enough for me to walk) and I found there solace that is immeasurable. I found cancer patients from all walks of life with all types of cancers. But, what I really found that helped me most of all was a God that led me to a place where the Youth needed help and I became part of the Youth Ministry there. There was also a need for Evangelistic needs in our community...That too I am doing, I am doing visitations and also going to nursing homes to see older members of our church. I am now singing in our choir and did a solo last week...something I had never done before. I felt as you, that everyone had walked out on me when really I had kinda walked out on them but I regrouped as you are trying to do and really got enveloped in my church (and there are many needs) and it has been the most rewarding and most calming thing I have ever done. You have to re focus your path . Your complete life has changed so your path also needs to be realligned if you will. Its a brand new beginning...one that only you with Gods help can determine how it will turn out. Go out and treat yourself to a special meal that you love to eat and let someone else do all the cooking , cleaning, and you take your time , enjoy your meal, and just let your surroundings envelope you, then go somewhere , to a park or something to where no one will bother you or somewhere where there are no distractions and have a 10 minute talk with God....only you and Him.....then see how you feel.....I think it will change your life and the way you feel immediately......you have nothing to lose by trying it......God Bless you Sweetie....
  • taraHK
    taraHK Member Posts: 1,952 Member
    #9
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    Thinking of you
    So sorry you are going through this. But you are taking action, which is terrific.

    Some people find anti-anxiety meds more appropriate than anti-depressants (although it sounds like you are coping with both).

    Also, when I had post-tx depression, I saw a therapist, who said what I was experiencing could be considered post-traumatic shock. She had me talk through my experiences -- chronologically -- it was surprisingly helpful for me....

    Thinking of you as you work through this next phase.....Sending prayers and best wishes your way

    Tara
  • dixchi
    dixchi Member Posts: 431
    #10
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    taraHK said:

    Thinking of you
    So sorry you are going through this. But you are taking action, which is terrific.

    Some people find anti-anxiety meds more appropriate than anti-depressants (although it sounds like you are coping with both).

    Also, when I had post-tx depression, I saw a therapist, who said what I was experiencing could be considered post-traumatic shock. She had me talk through my experiences -- chronologically -- it was surprisingly helpful for me....

    Thinking of you as you work through this next phase.....Sending prayers and best wishes your way

    Tara

    Delay
    well, I guess I will have to wait about taking that walk in the park, Buzzard,
    since we have a couple of inches of snow on the ground and more coming later
    today along with some ice.....keep looking at my driveway and wondering if I
    can get car out in next few days because the snow plows pile snow up at the end
    of my drive which makes it hard to maneuver out with the car and I sometimes have
    to dig my way out. Winter is so much fun. Lucky enough for me I am paiting my
    rooms and bought some paint for the kitchen last night so I am keeping myself busy.

    your words and taraHK's are so appreciated; it always warms me to get responses and
    I know everyone does care......and knows from personal experience what I am going through.
    Because of surgery and treatment I feel like the whole of 2008 was consumed and my life
    got off track.....my activities slowed down or disappeared.....now it is trying to get
    to the "new normal" which is causing the anxiety and depression.....I understand your
    words about the "purpose driven life"......for each the path is different about how
    they get there....but we all have to have a reason for wanting to live and to continue
    fighting the good fight......since I have no children, that cannot be the motivation for
    me.....but I did get involved in projects.....just yesterday, I got an invitation from
    a staff member at the local chapter of the American Cancer Society....she is working on
    putting together some support groups through the ACS and asked me to be on the committee.
    ....that perked me up and showed me that I just need to get back involved in living life
    again.....also need to find people to be new friends....this is really about reconstructing
    my life after a tsunami hit it!
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #11
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    dixchi said:

    Delay
    well, I guess I will have to wait about taking that walk in the park, Buzzard,
    since we have a couple of inches of snow on the ground and more coming later
    today along with some ice.....keep looking at my driveway and wondering if I
    can get car out in next few days because the snow plows pile snow up at the end
    of my drive which makes it hard to maneuver out with the car and I sometimes have
    to dig my way out. Winter is so much fun. Lucky enough for me I am paiting my
    rooms and bought some paint for the kitchen last night so I am keeping myself busy.

    your words and taraHK's are so appreciated; it always warms me to get responses and
    I know everyone does care......and knows from personal experience what I am going through.
    Because of surgery and treatment I feel like the whole of 2008 was consumed and my life
    got off track.....my activities slowed down or disappeared.....now it is trying to get
    to the "new normal" which is causing the anxiety and depression.....I understand your
    words about the "purpose driven life"......for each the path is different about how
    they get there....but we all have to have a reason for wanting to live and to continue
    fighting the good fight......since I have no children, that cannot be the motivation for
    me.....but I did get involved in projects.....just yesterday, I got an invitation from
    a staff member at the local chapter of the American Cancer Society....she is working on
    putting together some support groups through the ACS and asked me to be on the committee.
    ....that perked me up and showed me that I just need to get back involved in living life
    again.....also need to find people to be new friends....this is really about reconstructing
    my life after a tsunami hit it!

    thoughts
    you made a few comments here that got me thinking! I actually am somewhat thankful for the time-consuming of surgeries and/or chemotherapy! The 6 months of chemo pass in such a fog, that by the time I come back out of it and start feeling "normal" again, it's been 8 months or so MORE of living! 8 MONTHS beyond my initial diagnosis that I'm still here! YEA!!!!! And since my loved ones actually REMEMBER those 8 months, it's not such a loss really!

    Your second comment about the call from ACS for you to be on the committee for support groups, isn't it amazing how insightful those cancer resource people can be! They are just amazing angels who know just how to keep us survivors involved and connected! It's like they have a special pipeline to God and step in and offer the right words, or the right requests, just when we need them!
    mary

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