re-what to say to mom/back from surgery

Gizzy
Gizzy Member Posts: 12
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hello all

My mom returned from surgery yesterday 01-06-09. The surgeon removed her left breast. The surgeon decided to keep her overnight due to excessive bleeding but she came out of it fine. The surgeon said it was a very bad cancer and she thinks they got it all, however, we still have to wait for the pathology report to come back. It's always hurry up and wait. The surgeon said she wished my mom had done this from the start instead of do the lumpectomies twice. Although at this point she (the surgeon is female) has done all she can. It has been awful getting the home health care nurse in place and I am sooooo unsure of my mom having chemotherapy at this point. My mom is in pain and she cries all the time and I wish I could take it all away. I told my husband that watching her now suffer, I can't think of the idea of her going through chemotherapy. I have tried all day to get in touch with my mom's oncologist but he has his practice 135 miles away and comes to town twice a month. His nurse told me he would call me but hasn't. There has to be another alternative to her taking chemotherapy. My mom is 84 I just can't put her through chemo, perhaps I should have just let her decide what to do once the lump was found, instead of urge her to get it checked. The surgeon did say it had been there at least 10 years and it was contained to one area. What am I not asking the doctors about chemotherapy? is there something else to bypass chemo and have it treated with pills. My husband told me his bosses mother in law went through this same thing, refused chemo and was given pills instead and she is doing well. I'm stuck at this point. I don't want my mom to suffer like this and I know that chemo puts a person through so much. I'm sorry, I have racked my brain and I thought I was doing the right thing to help her, I'm glad my mom has so much trust in me, but what if this just wasn't the right thing? Any advice or something I've missed?

Thank you all

Cynthia

Comments

  • mono5
    mono5 Member Posts: 94
    Altternative Therapies
    Hi Cynthia,
    I agree, chemotherapy at your mom's age would be vary difficult to indure. With the pain/imflammation she's suffering from at the present time, there is a formula you can purchase at most health food stores or on the net, called Zyflamend that also has a couple of whole plant herbs that are documented to be effective against cancer. The herbs are, turmeric and green tea. The same company, New Chapter it's called, also has a formula with the medicinal mushrooms, called "Host defense", The ultimate immune enhancing mushroom complex*
    Host Defense® has been shown to increase human Natural Killer (NK) Cell activity by up to 300%
    iherb.com has the best prices and the fastest shiping if you can't find it locally. It's recommended that your mother be under the care of a licensed health care practitioner like a naturopathic or homopathic doc. Two more options for you.. you can go to Dr. Mitchell Fleisher's conference call, intitled, "Everything you wanted to know about cancer, but were afraid to ask" at www.amazonempowerment.com, scroll down to recorded calls..click on calls by practitioners..than scroll down again to the intitled call. I'm not affiliated with the Doc but only recommending everyone with or without cancer listen in and make up their own mind which way they want to go. This is not intended as a product call, only information. This will prepare you for you trip to your oncologist. Be impowered, but most of all, be in control. Another great source of info i find quite valuable is www.rain-tree.com where you'll find an extensive database on Rainforest Plants,with documented benefits against cancer you can cross reference. You'll find inbeded in this website, a list of practitioners, possibibly in your area, that use these herbs in their practice. If you explore this option, make sure their licensed. Also expolre the phone book and ask around. A referral is a better choice. It's vary important that you not try to treat this on your own for your own safety, but be under the care of a lincensed Doc, whether your own oncologist, or someone else you can work with. If you have trouble getting on the call, i can email it to you. Take care, God bless!
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    Cynthia
    You've done the best you can and we have done the same thing with my parents. Wondering if we did the right thing is natural. You are a good daughter. I hope by now the doc has called. I always wrote down questions to ask so I wouldn't forget them. Ask him if your mom is in good enough shape to handle the chemo. It's tough I know. Cyber hugs to you...hang in there.
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    You are doing the best you can
    And that is all anyone can do. Please don't feel guilty about anything. Many family members are not as caring and supportive as you are. Your mother is very lucky to have you by her side. When my grandmother had breast cancer, my mother had no idea that she should even accompany her to the doctor or ask questions. This was a long time ago (and in another country), when doctors gave no information (my mother didn't even know what stage the cancer was), no second opinion was sought, and no questions were asked. If only my mom could have been as supportive as you are to yours. I agree to write down questions, absolutely. I will often forget if I don't. Also, it might be a good idea to keep a notebook with all your questions and the doctor's answers, so that everything is in one place. Good luck.

    Mimi
  • Cindy54
    Cindy54 Member Posts: 452
    What To Say
    Hi Cynthia. I can so relate to much of what you are saying. I took care of my Mom who had ovarian. She was 89 at the time. We also could not do chemo because she had been through so much. She did have a surgery of 7+ hours. And she also cried a lot after. Mostly because she could not take care of herself and she cried because I took care of her. Sometimes chemo is not the answer to everything. There are pills and other things you can do.You have received a lot of good information here. Write down lots of questions, no matter how dumb they may sound, and ask you Mom's doctor. As for the home healthcare folks. That was a nightmare for me also. Ask to talk with the social worker at the hospital. Start there. Ask your Mom's primary doctor if they can help you in getting some help at home for her. Ask the cancer center in your city, they can often steer you to someone. Also, is there a local agency on aging in your city..if so they are a good resource. I took care of my Mom for 18 months until she passed and I did all of her care, appointments and such. It was very difficult getting the help I eventually got. Don't stop asking qusetions. If one person doesn't give you answers, move to the next. You are a great person to take on this for your Mom. I know it is not easy. I still think about the what if's and maybes. But you can't keep second guessing yourself. All you can do is the best you can, and it sounds as if you are doing that. Give your Mom lots of hugs and let her know you love her. And always ask her what she thinks about treatments or help. It gives a little of her power back to her and may make her fight more. I wish you the best. God Bless...Cindy
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    Cindy54 said:

    What To Say
    Hi Cynthia. I can so relate to much of what you are saying. I took care of my Mom who had ovarian. She was 89 at the time. We also could not do chemo because she had been through so much. She did have a surgery of 7+ hours. And she also cried a lot after. Mostly because she could not take care of herself and she cried because I took care of her. Sometimes chemo is not the answer to everything. There are pills and other things you can do.You have received a lot of good information here. Write down lots of questions, no matter how dumb they may sound, and ask you Mom's doctor. As for the home healthcare folks. That was a nightmare for me also. Ask to talk with the social worker at the hospital. Start there. Ask your Mom's primary doctor if they can help you in getting some help at home for her. Ask the cancer center in your city, they can often steer you to someone. Also, is there a local agency on aging in your city..if so they are a good resource. I took care of my Mom for 18 months until she passed and I did all of her care, appointments and such. It was very difficult getting the help I eventually got. Don't stop asking qusetions. If one person doesn't give you answers, move to the next. You are a great person to take on this for your Mom. I know it is not easy. I still think about the what if's and maybes. But you can't keep second guessing yourself. All you can do is the best you can, and it sounds as if you are doing that. Give your Mom lots of hugs and let her know you love her. And always ask her what she thinks about treatments or help. It gives a little of her power back to her and may make her fight more. I wish you the best. God Bless...Cindy

    Cindy
    My Mom had ovarian cancer too at age of 82. It wasn't caught in time and she was sick the last year of her life. She was in the hospital the last month of her life in really bad shape. It haunts me still. But I know we did everything we could. I just know more today but there again, hindsight is 20 20.
  • Cindy54
    Cindy54 Member Posts: 452
    Marcia527 said:

    Cindy
    My Mom had ovarian cancer too at age of 82. It wasn't caught in time and she was sick the last year of her life. She was in the hospital the last month of her life in really bad shape. It haunts me still. But I know we did everything we could. I just know more today but there again, hindsight is 20 20.

    Your Reply
    Marcia, I send you a hug on the loss of your Mom. No matter the time that passes from when we lose someone, it still hurts. I also find myself thinking from time to time..I wish I had known that then or now they have this to help...but if I dwell on it too long it just makes me sad. We all try to do the best we can. I remind myself that Mom is no longer in pain, she can come and go as she pleases and do whatever she wants. That is what keeps me going some days. I wish you well, hugs, Cindy
  • Gizzy
    Gizzy Member Posts: 12
    breat cancer/back from surgery cont..
    Thank you all for your help and support. I am so sorry to hear of the losses many of you have gone through. My heart and prayers go out to you all.

    Today we will see the surgeon for my mom's post op. She is still in a depression. I called her surgeon on Friday to report the drainage and all and I asked the nurse for the pathology report. She told me that the report came back stating clean margins and it looks good. I was relieved, but leary and I will feel much better if the Dr tells us today. I also called the oncologist to try to find alternative methods instead of chemo but the Dr's nurse said there wasn't any but the Dr's notes didn't show that my mom had been scheduled for chemo...yet not until the reports from pathology and bloodwork tomorrow go into his office and he will see my mom on Jan 29th. It's been quite stressful for all here. I have tried to make sure I've dotted the i's and crossed all the T's as they say for asking questions and probably being a pain to the Dr's and nurses and being as nice as possible for my mom's sake eventhough several times, I'd like to tell a few nurses and Drs what I really think of them, but there again, I am grateful that these people are trying to help my mom eventhough their bedside manner isn't the greatest.

    Once again, thank you for your prayers and support and I will keep you all updated. I pray for all of you as well.

    Cynthia