How to prepare for my wife's mastectomy
Here are my questions and I appreciate any input: I don't how to prepare myself before and after her surgery. Should I give her breast a kiss "good-bye" before the surgery or would that be too painful for her? I don't know what her breast will look like after the surgery and don't want to have a shocked look on my face when I first see it and upset her. How do I comfort her? Are there any danger signals to look for regarding depression--I've been reading some of the posts on the board about depression.
Thank you so much for your past help--I don't know what I would do without this network.
Comments
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What to do?
How blessed your wife is to have you! I think each woman responds differently to this procedure, so although our opinions may give some insight, it doesn't necessarily mean that your wife will feel the way we have felt. I honestly believe that it's very healing to cry together with your wife, rather than not talking about it or ignoring the issues. If in an intimate moment that the two of you have in the next couple of weeks, you feel so led to say 'good-bye' than do that. Be strong for your wife, but also be real. Also, once healing has taken place, ask her how she feels about you touching her incision. She may want you to, she may not.
The incision she will have will run diagonally from her armpit down to the bottom corner of her breast bone (sternum). It will be very red initially and covered with steri strips. There will be a small 'fatty' area near the bottom of the incision near the breast bone. My surgeon said she leaves that to protect the sternum. She will likely have some mild swelling over the area, but over time that will diminish and you will be able to see the contour of her rib cage. She will have a drain coming out of her side. That will stay with her when she comes home...and often times that is the most painful part. Once the drainage has decreased to a specific amount (your doctor will tell you) then they will remove the drain. If she's having lymph nodes removed, then she may have extra numbness in the tricep area of her arm and her armpit.
I had a bilateral mastectomy. My husband was with me when I took off my bandages. It was hard. It was really hard. We were in the hospital bathroom. I was looking in the mirror and could see him standing behind me. All I could do was hang my head and cry. He just stayed with me and rubbed my back. I think after awhile, I asked him to give me some time alone. I know that it was very hard for my husband to watch me go through this. But he has been with me every step of the way.
I did not go through depression until the end of my treatment (a year after my first surgery). Sure I had tough times, but I was able to push through those times. When I found that I couldn't 'push' through anymore, I asked for help. My depression presented itself as agitation and numbness. I was very agitated with my 4 boys (ages 10, 9, 7, 5) and was emotionally numb to my world.
As depressing as this post sounds, I want to give you this positive look. This experience has truly strengthened my relationship with my husband and his relationship with me. I realize that is not always the case. Keep the communication lines open, especially when dealing with intimate issues.
I pray that you get good news from the tests you are waiting on. Waiting is sometimes the hardest.
Chelle0 -
mastectomy
I had a mastectomy and removal of lymph nodes on Sept. 12. My diagnosis was Stage III.
Don't kiss the breast good bye. Kiss your wife and tell her you love her before she goes in for surgery.
My husband has been very supportive through all this. I have found that the surgery was the easier than going through the chemotherapy. Each has their challenges and boxes of emotion. I feel self-conscious about the mastectomy and the resulting scar, and I feel just as self-conscious about my hair loss. We had a party, invited over good friends and shaved our heads. Easier to shave the head than watch the hair come out by the handful! There was not a lot of pain after the surgery. It was just strange seeing the physical change. Right now I have two chemo treatments left and then 6 weeks of radiation, and during the radiation I will consult with a doctor regarding reconstruction.
It is a long road for you both. Be patient and supportive. Yes, depression does rear its ugly head. There have been days that I've cried all day ... not a lot of them, but it happens. Your relationship will guide you through these times. Always remember that you are both survivors. I keep my eye on the end of this process. Spring is coming and my treatment should be completed by then, including recontruction.
Keep your eye on the prize ... your wife's health.0 -
A few thoughts. Perhaps you
A few thoughts. Perhaps you would feel more upbeat to think of this as removing a tumor and not a breast. That helped me because as much as I want to be beautiful, I really wanted more to be alive. My scar is not bad. I think of my flat side as my little girl side. I think of it as a heroic side, that gave up a lot so the rest of the body could continue. Explore images that heal, not that damage. Humor helps too. I call my breasts good cop and bad cop. It does bug me a little to call one side "bad" but the names just stick with me. ONe joke I got a lot of milage out of was, when people asked me how I felt after surgery, I said like $999,999...one boob short of a million.
Here is some practical stuff. Emptying the drain for the first time was tough for me. I did not want my husband to do it because I was very sensitive to "grossing" him out. So I did it. Then I went back to bed and through up the extra large Jamba Juice my husband had just bought me. I couldn't even start to change the bed with the fresh surgery, so hubby got a chance to do some dirty work after all. The point of this story is to be in touch with what you can handle. By the way, I just had a drain with my recent reconstruction surgery and I could empty that bad boy with absolutely no problem..its not really that bad and you get used to it.
I was, however, for both surgeries, scared of the drain getting pulled out and a little scared to look at the wound in the beginning. When I was given the okay to shower, it was nice to have an old, unstructured bra to wear in the shower. I could pin my drain to the bra and not have it dangle and cover the wound from me checking it out in the shower. You can tell, I am a little bit of a wimp.
This last time around I took an old sweatshirt and cut it up the front middle to make a really comfy bed jacket. It is hard to impossible to put anything on over your head for a while.
Your wife will not be completely healed for a while, but I sure felt A TON better by two weeks for both surgeries. Amazing how fast the body recuperates.
And lastly, my husband told me I look beautiful no matter what. I don't know if he is lying, but I do believe him. Funny how that works.
Best wishes to you and your wife, love, Joyce0 -
Your Wifes Needs
Hello Sharkie,
First let me say how nice it is that you are asking these questions to help prepare yourself and your wife.
I have had breast cancer three times, the first time I had a lumpectomy the last time (which was a year and a half ago) I had a mastectomy. This is just my point of view, if my husband had kissed my breast good bye I would have been hurt. He kissed me and said he would be waiting for me to return without the awful breast that was attempting to take my life. For us it was no longer anything good, it was simply a body part that was threatening my life and it had to go.
Since your wife is having a mastectomy there will be no breast left, just a long diagonal scar where the breast had been. Actually it will be an incision not a scar. For me it was not all that traumatic since I had already seen my mom's and sister's. It will most likely be a bit upsetting for your wife as she gets used to seeing herself without a breast. The best thing you can do is to be supportive and let her know it is she you love not her breast.
Personally I wanted to obtain a prosthesis as soon as possible to allow me to look normal when out in public or when people came over. This does have to wait a bit while things heal, but for me it was a back to normal feeling once I had my prosthesis. When she is ready to do this she can contact the American Cancer Society and they can refer her to reputable people who help breast cancer survivors be fit for prosthesis’s.
I hope this has been helpful. Please do not hesitate to come and ask questions as we are here to help each other. It would be nice if your wife is up to it for her to come and voice her concerns.
My best to you and your wife.
RE0 -
Please don't...
apologize for coming here. How I wish my husband (now ex) had cared enough to get some advice and direction from someone who 'knew the ropes'. Oh well.
All the advice mentioned here is good sound stuff. One other thing I would like to mention. After surgery your wife will most likely be seen by a physical therapist. If she is not, ASK for one or ask her doctors for instructions about exercising her arm and shoulder in the weeks after surgery. This is so important for the future of her arm and shoulder mobility. If the shoulder freezes up she may never regain full range of motion again.
Then when she is home and ready to begin the exercises, just be supportive (remind her without nagging), and take part in them if she doesn't mind. The exercises are simple and will progress from tiny movements to back-to-normal activity over a few weeks. Also pay close attention to her doctor's instructions about lifting, straining, and being careful to avoid cuts or other injuries to that arm. Once again, remind her to be careful until she gets used to her 'new normal' way of using and protecting her arm. A bit of caution now can save her some added problems in the future.
Good luck and Gob bless you both.0 -
Thanks for asking
When the doctor first recommended a mastectomy, I ran for the nearest teaching hospital breast clinic to make sure I really needed one. I had cancer in two spots in a very small breast. Sure enough, I did need one. Most people just get a lumpectomy these days, but some people don't want just that and some folks like me have to have the mastectomy. I was very relieved to know that I was getting the right operation for me. Getting the second opinion made me more comfortable with my surgery. They did a sentinel node operation with my mastectomy so they could determine if the cancer was leaving the breast without taking more nodes than necessary. If cancer had shown up, they would have proceeded to take the amount in a regular node dissection. I ended up with just a simple mastectomy (not a modified radical) and a sentinel node operation removing 2 or 3 nodes rather than a regular node dissection that takes 17 or more nodes. This probably helped me recover quicker than some.
I didn't have much of a problem with having an incision where my breast used to be. My grandfather, bless him, showed me his "scar" from a quadruple heart bypass years earlier that ran from his neck to his belly button. He called it his "war wound" and said that he figured he might as well be proud of it. It was what he got in the battle for his life. I figured that now I had my "war wound" and that I was battling for life too. So it didn't depress me much. I decided to go with a prothesis rather than do reconstruction. Some folks opt for implants, some get tissue transplants. I preferred something I could slip in my bra and look normal in clothes. When I came out of surgery, the clinic I went to gave me two stretchy "lounge mastectomy bras" complete with a small "pillow" and a bag of polyester stuffing so I could go home looking normal. If your hospital is not as prepared, you can get one (preferrably two) bras mail order from Jodee (1-800-821-2767). You may also have a place locally that sells mastectomy products. Check the internet and the phone book. Places that sell medical supplies sometimes have a small selection. Boutiques have more. The nurses where I went warned me before the operation that I would probably want to go out to eat after surgery (mastectomy was a day operation there). Yep! that's right: go out to eat afterward! I figured they were crazy, but sure enough, I really did want to go out to eat afterward. We had to travel home 100 miles and ended up eating at Burger King rather than my favorite sit-down seafood place, but that was only so I could see my 10 year old son after soccer practice and before he went to bed. His first words to me after the operation were "Mom, you're okay!" I gave him a hug and got the dishes out of the drainer that I had washed that morning. Mind you, I could only lift one plate at a time and he had to pour his own glass of milk that night (and for the next week), but nothing hurt as long as I didn't try to lift much more than an empty plate. Forget weeding the garden for over a month. Don't let her even try to lift bags of groceries or laundry baskets for a month. But I didn't take more than a few of those pain pills. Getting a sore throat from the anesthesia tube and getting constipated from the pain meds was a significant problem. Pain where my breast used to be wasn't. By the way, butterscotch drops and ice chips helped with the sore throat. Phillips Milk of Magnesia and a high fiber diet helped with the other. Get the Phillips when you buy the gauze bandages for the drain. Don't wait till you need it! Metamucil will help too, but it is not as fast as Phillips after all the stuff they give you for pain.
If you want to see what various incisions look like to prepare yourself, there are pictures at the Susan Love website. She is a doctor who convinced some brave ladies to get their picture taken and tell their own story. These are not pictures for children and I wouldn't look at them with your wife (though she might want to see them too if she is thinking about reconstruction). Susan Love also wrote a book called the Breast Book. It has a ton of information in it. I found it very helpful but it is best if you stick with just the chapter dealing with whatever treatment you are dealing with rather than read the book at one sitting. There are many books on breast cancer out there including ones by men on how to support their wives. One novel I read by a woman who had had breast cancer detailed how her husband had charmed her by arranging a surprise weekend retreat several weeks after surgery. It was in essence a second honeymoon to remind her that she was still a woman. Don't be surprised if your wife needs a lot of reminding about that. Even though my incision spot is rather numb, there are spots that still,umm, work the same way as certain parts of my breast used to work. I'll let you explore the possibilities on your own lest I start blushing!
My clinic also gave me a series of stretching exercises to do starting the day after surgery. They gave me a wooden stick that looked something like a broom handle and 10 different exercises that I was to work on twice a day. Some women just walk their fingers up the wall. If you have more surgery than I did, it may take longer to get your reach back. I was up to clear over my head by day three. Walking, first around the living room, then outside around the house, and finally down the street and back, helped a lot too with getting my energy back. Taking daily walks also prevents or relieves depression. Walking with her is good for both of you...
Good luck!
C. Abbott0 -
PreparationChellebug said:What to do?
How blessed your wife is to have you! I think each woman responds differently to this procedure, so although our opinions may give some insight, it doesn't necessarily mean that your wife will feel the way we have felt. I honestly believe that it's very healing to cry together with your wife, rather than not talking about it or ignoring the issues. If in an intimate moment that the two of you have in the next couple of weeks, you feel so led to say 'good-bye' than do that. Be strong for your wife, but also be real. Also, once healing has taken place, ask her how she feels about you touching her incision. She may want you to, she may not.
The incision she will have will run diagonally from her armpit down to the bottom corner of her breast bone (sternum). It will be very red initially and covered with steri strips. There will be a small 'fatty' area near the bottom of the incision near the breast bone. My surgeon said she leaves that to protect the sternum. She will likely have some mild swelling over the area, but over time that will diminish and you will be able to see the contour of her rib cage. She will have a drain coming out of her side. That will stay with her when she comes home...and often times that is the most painful part. Once the drainage has decreased to a specific amount (your doctor will tell you) then they will remove the drain. If she's having lymph nodes removed, then she may have extra numbness in the tricep area of her arm and her armpit.
I had a bilateral mastectomy. My husband was with me when I took off my bandages. It was hard. It was really hard. We were in the hospital bathroom. I was looking in the mirror and could see him standing behind me. All I could do was hang my head and cry. He just stayed with me and rubbed my back. I think after awhile, I asked him to give me some time alone. I know that it was very hard for my husband to watch me go through this. But he has been with me every step of the way.
I did not go through depression until the end of my treatment (a year after my first surgery). Sure I had tough times, but I was able to push through those times. When I found that I couldn't 'push' through anymore, I asked for help. My depression presented itself as agitation and numbness. I was very agitated with my 4 boys (ages 10, 9, 7, 5) and was emotionally numb to my world.
As depressing as this post sounds, I want to give you this positive look. This experience has truly strengthened my relationship with my husband and his relationship with me. I realize that is not always the case. Keep the communication lines open, especially when dealing with intimate issues.
I pray that you get good news from the tests you are waiting on. Waiting is sometimes the hardest.
Chelle
Thank you so much for your prompt reply--all the advice from yourself and others has helped so much. I will never forget the kindness of the members of this network.0 -
Be therecabbott said:Thanks for asking
When the doctor first recommended a mastectomy, I ran for the nearest teaching hospital breast clinic to make sure I really needed one. I had cancer in two spots in a very small breast. Sure enough, I did need one. Most people just get a lumpectomy these days, but some people don't want just that and some folks like me have to have the mastectomy. I was very relieved to know that I was getting the right operation for me. Getting the second opinion made me more comfortable with my surgery. They did a sentinel node operation with my mastectomy so they could determine if the cancer was leaving the breast without taking more nodes than necessary. If cancer had shown up, they would have proceeded to take the amount in a regular node dissection. I ended up with just a simple mastectomy (not a modified radical) and a sentinel node operation removing 2 or 3 nodes rather than a regular node dissection that takes 17 or more nodes. This probably helped me recover quicker than some.
I didn't have much of a problem with having an incision where my breast used to be. My grandfather, bless him, showed me his "scar" from a quadruple heart bypass years earlier that ran from his neck to his belly button. He called it his "war wound" and said that he figured he might as well be proud of it. It was what he got in the battle for his life. I figured that now I had my "war wound" and that I was battling for life too. So it didn't depress me much. I decided to go with a prothesis rather than do reconstruction. Some folks opt for implants, some get tissue transplants. I preferred something I could slip in my bra and look normal in clothes. When I came out of surgery, the clinic I went to gave me two stretchy "lounge mastectomy bras" complete with a small "pillow" and a bag of polyester stuffing so I could go home looking normal. If your hospital is not as prepared, you can get one (preferrably two) bras mail order from Jodee (1-800-821-2767). You may also have a place locally that sells mastectomy products. Check the internet and the phone book. Places that sell medical supplies sometimes have a small selection. Boutiques have more. The nurses where I went warned me before the operation that I would probably want to go out to eat after surgery (mastectomy was a day operation there). Yep! that's right: go out to eat afterward! I figured they were crazy, but sure enough, I really did want to go out to eat afterward. We had to travel home 100 miles and ended up eating at Burger King rather than my favorite sit-down seafood place, but that was only so I could see my 10 year old son after soccer practice and before he went to bed. His first words to me after the operation were "Mom, you're okay!" I gave him a hug and got the dishes out of the drainer that I had washed that morning. Mind you, I could only lift one plate at a time and he had to pour his own glass of milk that night (and for the next week), but nothing hurt as long as I didn't try to lift much more than an empty plate. Forget weeding the garden for over a month. Don't let her even try to lift bags of groceries or laundry baskets for a month. But I didn't take more than a few of those pain pills. Getting a sore throat from the anesthesia tube and getting constipated from the pain meds was a significant problem. Pain where my breast used to be wasn't. By the way, butterscotch drops and ice chips helped with the sore throat. Phillips Milk of Magnesia and a high fiber diet helped with the other. Get the Phillips when you buy the gauze bandages for the drain. Don't wait till you need it! Metamucil will help too, but it is not as fast as Phillips after all the stuff they give you for pain.
If you want to see what various incisions look like to prepare yourself, there are pictures at the Susan Love website. She is a doctor who convinced some brave ladies to get their picture taken and tell their own story. These are not pictures for children and I wouldn't look at them with your wife (though she might want to see them too if she is thinking about reconstruction). Susan Love also wrote a book called the Breast Book. It has a ton of information in it. I found it very helpful but it is best if you stick with just the chapter dealing with whatever treatment you are dealing with rather than read the book at one sitting. There are many books on breast cancer out there including ones by men on how to support their wives. One novel I read by a woman who had had breast cancer detailed how her husband had charmed her by arranging a surprise weekend retreat several weeks after surgery. It was in essence a second honeymoon to remind her that she was still a woman. Don't be surprised if your wife needs a lot of reminding about that. Even though my incision spot is rather numb, there are spots that still,umm, work the same way as certain parts of my breast used to work. I'll let you explore the possibilities on your own lest I start blushing!
My clinic also gave me a series of stretching exercises to do starting the day after surgery. They gave me a wooden stick that looked something like a broom handle and 10 different exercises that I was to work on twice a day. Some women just walk their fingers up the wall. If you have more surgery than I did, it may take longer to get your reach back. I was up to clear over my head by day three. Walking, first around the living room, then outside around the house, and finally down the street and back, helped a lot too with getting my energy back. Taking daily walks also prevents or relieves depression. Walking with her is good for both of you...
Good luck!
C. Abbott
Be there for her, for appointments that can be overwhelming with information. You are her extra set of eyes and ears. Rub her back, rub her feet (gently). Bring her flowers. Bring her chocolate. Sit with her, hold her when she cries. Tell her you love her over and over again. Wash her back in the shower when she can't reach that spot. Tend to her and she will sense your love in a new way. The I will love you thru sickness and health way. So many have given wonderful insight for you. Personally, I felt like a bus ran me over for about 4 days after surgery-extremely sore-not pain really. But pain meds help. Write down her pain meds as she takes them on a notepad so you won't forget when and how much she took. I made my bed into a nest with new bedding, and bought new pajamas that button down the front to make taking them off and on easier.
Bless you for coming here to learn how to take care of the one you love.0 -
I agree with the other
I agree with the other ladies here, Three cheers to you for wanting to be prepared to help your wife. Talk to her and let her know your desires. Ask her what she needs from you. She may not know herself for a while, but you might encourage her to read the posts here to see if what we have said is true for her. Just knowing that you want so much to be helpful should be a comfort to her.
After my bilateral mastectomy (expanders put in at the same time)I took pain meds as prescribed for the first week, but soon did not need them anymore after I got home. My husband helped a lot with the drains. My teenage daughter asked to help too, and I was glad for both of them. one thing I found useful in the shower was to tie a strip of gauze around my neck and safety-pinned the drains to the strip. It holds the weight of the drains and frees your hands. The gauze dries quickly. I also bought a mastectomy camisole which has pockets sewn in to hold the drains. It also has removable padding, but I did not like using that. I got one camisole at the hospital gift shop and ordered the other one from the American Cancer Society's catalog. They have hats, scarves, wigs, swim suits, prostheses, and other things for bc survivors. If you cannot afford to buy the items, the ACS can put you in contact with resources to help. They can also help with support groups for your wife and yourself. You can look up a local branch on the website.
Another thing your wife may have trouble with for the first few days at home may be how to get up off the bed. sleeping with a lot of pillows so that she is not flat on her back may help (unfortunately most of us don't have hospital beds at home with heads that can raise us up).
God bless, seof0 -
preparing for mastectomy
I had a left mastectomy on 8-1-08. The morning of the surgery, before we left for the hospital, I asked my husband if he wanted to kiss my breast "good-bye", which he did. I chose a mastectomy, I was told I was a "good candidate" for a lumpectomy, but I didn't like the thought of the possibility of the cancer returning and chose a mastectomy. A good thing too because the tumor was within the margins of the skin and they had to take more than they thought and eventually I bet I would have had to have a mastectomy. It was stage 2A.
Looking at the breast was not hard for me or my husband, but I am an RN, so I was prepared. I would suggest that you and your wife get some books and look at what to expect. Also you could google "mastectomy" and use the "images" button to get photos online. Be prepared though, a lot of the photos are much worse than what it will really look like. The pain wasn't as bad as the pain I had with my c-sections. The breast area was (and is) numb. I had reconstruction and and expander placed. I had more pain from the latissimus dorsal flap (they took muscle, skin, nerves, and blood vessels from my back and tunneled them under my skin to implant them on my breast)donor site on my back than from where they removed my breast. And I never rated any of the pain above a 6 out of 10.
My husband and kids (ages 17, 21, & 23) have been very helpful and supportive of me. I recommend you read as much as you can to prepare yourselves. I had much more trouble with chemo than with the mastectomy, but I was an unusual case and developed chemo toxicity.
I wish both of you the best. Don't forget to take care of yourself too!0 -
All good adviceseof said:I agree with the other
I agree with the other ladies here, Three cheers to you for wanting to be prepared to help your wife. Talk to her and let her know your desires. Ask her what she needs from you. She may not know herself for a while, but you might encourage her to read the posts here to see if what we have said is true for her. Just knowing that you want so much to be helpful should be a comfort to her.
After my bilateral mastectomy (expanders put in at the same time)I took pain meds as prescribed for the first week, but soon did not need them anymore after I got home. My husband helped a lot with the drains. My teenage daughter asked to help too, and I was glad for both of them. one thing I found useful in the shower was to tie a strip of gauze around my neck and safety-pinned the drains to the strip. It holds the weight of the drains and frees your hands. The gauze dries quickly. I also bought a mastectomy camisole which has pockets sewn in to hold the drains. It also has removable padding, but I did not like using that. I got one camisole at the hospital gift shop and ordered the other one from the American Cancer Society's catalog. They have hats, scarves, wigs, swim suits, prostheses, and other things for bc survivors. If you cannot afford to buy the items, the ACS can put you in contact with resources to help. They can also help with support groups for your wife and yourself. You can look up a local branch on the website.
Another thing your wife may have trouble with for the first few days at home may be how to get up off the bed. sleeping with a lot of pillows so that she is not flat on her back may help (unfortunately most of us don't have hospital beds at home with heads that can raise us up).
God bless, seof
We've all gotten a lot of good support and advice here. If my chemo brain doesn't fail me too much, I don't seem to remember anywhere on this site that says it's for survivors only. So, glad youve come.
I've quoted quite a bit of info from here to my husband and other family members. My motto is: ask the woman (or man) who has one", and you'll get the best insights.
I agree with what everyone here has said. I had a mastectomy last spring, with just the sentinel node dissected, chemo and radiation. I didn't have a lot of pain, and used Tylenol with good relief.
I also did some of the exercises before surgery---especially since I'm far from athletic! I just used the broomstick,like someone mentioned, and stretched a couple of times a day for a couple of weeks before surgery. It really did help the range of motion return after.
The only little thing I can add is the care of the drain(s)--I had 2. The easiest thing to wear is probably P.J.'s that button in front, and are 2 piece--tops and bottms. Make sure the drains are pinned to the lower edge of the top so that it won't accidently get yanked when she goes to the bathroom and pulls down her drawers. Also, they look like bulbs that have a port at one end to empty them. It's important to keep them "charged"---squished down, so that it forms kind of a suction to pull the drainage out. (they fill up slowly and "inflate").
Now that I've grossed you out, bottom line is---the mechanics of all this is very easy---it's your reaction to it all that is important to your wife. Like everyone has said, give her back rubs, hugs, cry with her, and all those other things to show your love and support.
It's obvious to all of us who have been there, and are reading your posts, that you'll do just fine!0 -
Leave it to a TLC nurse tocnwrn said:preparing for mastectomy
I had a left mastectomy on 8-1-08. The morning of the surgery, before we left for the hospital, I asked my husband if he wanted to kiss my breast "good-bye", which he did. I chose a mastectomy, I was told I was a "good candidate" for a lumpectomy, but I didn't like the thought of the possibility of the cancer returning and chose a mastectomy. A good thing too because the tumor was within the margins of the skin and they had to take more than they thought and eventually I bet I would have had to have a mastectomy. It was stage 2A.
Looking at the breast was not hard for me or my husband, but I am an RN, so I was prepared. I would suggest that you and your wife get some books and look at what to expect. Also you could google "mastectomy" and use the "images" button to get photos online. Be prepared though, a lot of the photos are much worse than what it will really look like. The pain wasn't as bad as the pain I had with my c-sections. The breast area was (and is) numb. I had reconstruction and and expander placed. I had more pain from the latissimus dorsal flap (they took muscle, skin, nerves, and blood vessels from my back and tunneled them under my skin to implant them on my breast)donor site on my back than from where they removed my breast. And I never rated any of the pain above a 6 out of 10.
My husband and kids (ages 17, 21, & 23) have been very helpful and supportive of me. I recommend you read as much as you can to prepare yourselves. I had much more trouble with chemo than with the mastectomy, but I was an unusual case and developed chemo toxicity.
I wish both of you the best. Don't forget to take care of yourself too!
Leave it to a TLC nurse to remind us of something we have all been forgetting here. You MUST take care of yourself as well. This is going to be hard for you. Sometimes it is harder for us to see someone we love going through a crisis than if it was ourselves.
If you guys have good family/friend support, learn to lean on them a bit more than usual. For instance, let a friend or someone spend some time with your wife (if she feels she needs someone with her) while you go out golfing or whatever you usually do for recreation occasionally. And don't feel that you MUST do it all around home all the time. If you can't boil water, then don't try to learn now
. Order in or microwave or let friends bring meals, whatever. And find someone (like us for example) to vent to. There will be times when you will feel frustrated and overwhelmed and you won't want to burden your wife with what you know is just a temporary case of 'nerves' (yes, guys DO get 'em too!), and you will need to let off steam somewhere else.
Bottom line, just don't forget to be good to yourself. The two of you will get through this and be stronger, more loving, sensitive people, but don't expect either of you to be 'paragons of virtue' for the next few weeks or months. Even big strong men need a soft place to fall.
God bless.0 -
Mastectomy
Hi Sharkiejim,
Welcome. One more wonderful addition to the group :-)
I had a bilateral mastectomy a little over a year ago. You received a lot of good advice from this group.
I also got a vest from my Breast Cancer Resource Center. It was a little vest with inner pockets that I could slide my drain bottles into...and was quite helpful. But as mentioned before, tops and bottoms, loose, front easy buttoning are good, and she can clip the drains on the top. Managing the drains can be worrisome for her. I thought I jerked one out once, and almost fainted from the pain. Ouch.
Also, if you can look at a picture or two, it may be helpful. Google "mastectomy scar picture" and first result will show you some accurate photos (6 weeks after).
Thoughts and prayers are with you,
Debbie0 -
You know, the loss of the
You know, the loss of the breast wasn't the hard part for me, but I did have a reconstructive surgeon put an expander in at the same time ...I don't know,psychologically just knowing that
I have a new little breast under construction was helpful. It's a long slow process but not that painful.I just keep repeating to myself how lucky we are that our cancer can be cut out of our bodies.So many people don't have that option with their cancers.0 -
Good for youdyaneb123 said:You know, the loss of the
You know, the loss of the breast wasn't the hard part for me, but I did have a reconstructive surgeon put an expander in at the same time ...I don't know,psychologically just knowing that
I have a new little breast under construction was helpful. It's a long slow process but not that painful.I just keep repeating to myself how lucky we are that our cancer can be cut out of our bodies.So many people don't have that option with their cancers.
It is great that you are there to support your wife. I have a wonderful supportive husband who has been through all the stages with me: diagnosis, lumpectomy, chemo,right mastectomy(on April 7,2009)and now radiation.
I can't add too much to what has been said except in my case I did not think that I cared about losing my breast until the first day at home after the surgery. In the hospital, I did not look at the incision, and once I was home and went to take my first shower I literally got sick. My husband did not know what happened until later and when I told him that it looked so awful that I could not look at it he said it was ok. I did not know but the doctor had shown him the incision while I was still sleepy from the surgery. It is going to be about a year until I can have reconstruction (because of the radiation)and I told him that I did not think I could be this way that long. My wonderful husband then gave me a big hug and said that "one year is nothing compared to the thirty years we have been together and that all he wants is for me to be around for many many more".
It took me about a month before I could shower without crying, so just be there for your wife.
Hang in there, best wishes for you and your wife.0
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