Seriously depressed and anxious

lynn1950

I was diagnosed last February and am stage 3a. Had a bilateral mastectomy in April; had dose dense chemo; had radiation that ended last October. I was doing OK until near the end of radiation and now I feel I have fallen down the rabbit hole. I started Effexor about 6 weeks ago, coupled with Klonopin two times a day, but I feel barely functional. Is there anyone out there with my experience? How did you climb out? Lynn

marciadh

I fell apart at the end of treatment too
I fell apart at the end of active treatment. I was diagnosed in September 2007 as stage 2a, had bilateral masts in October, then chemo from November 2007 to January 2008. I did really good during treatment. Treatment and doctor's visits kept me busy. I became a basket case about a month after chemo ended. I finally started pulling myself together late summer/early fall (although I still have my moments). Prior to that I did a lot of lying on the floor crying.

From what I've read, it's very common for the worst part of this psychologically to come after active treatment ends. It's kind of the "what happens now" question, followed by "where did all my doctors/nurses/supporters go"?

A book I found very helpful was "After Breast Cancer: A Common-Sense Guide to Life After Treatment" by Hester Hill Schnipper. She's a social worker, and a breast cancer survivor (married to an oncologist). Her book was very helpful.

Things that also made me feel better were exercising, reading novels, going out to dinner with my husband, going out with friends, etc., basically doing "normal people" stuff as much as possible. Xanax for anxiety helped too. I only took one or two a week, but they certainly took the edge off. I also think getting the tissue expanders in August helped a lot with my psychological healing.

Good luck. I hope you feel better soon.

Joycelouise

I got hit pretty hard
I got hit pretty hard emotionally after TX (mas, chemo, rads). I just didn't trust life, happiness, etc. I tried lots of things to pull myself up and I will never know if they worked or not because ultimately, the passing of time restored my trust better than anything else. It has been a little over a year now and while I still cry at the drop of a hat, I am definitely better. I do yoga and recommend it but I will not tell you it will make all your troubles go away. You are climbing out of a hole, day by day, step by step. REading the words of others who have climbed back out help me when I need it. I am just a little further down the road than you, but I promise you that the scenery is better here - you will make it and you will see! love and best wishes, Joyce

chenheart

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
So many of us have felt the way you do~ I cried actually harder on my last day of chemo than on my first. I had a frightening feeling that it was only the chemo staving off cancer, and what was going to keep it away now???? Six weeks later came radiation, and then Arimidex. In January I end my Arimidex~ do you know what that means???? It means I am 6 YEARS past diagnosis! And I was 2B, with 3 of 15 positive lymphnodes. Many of us have fallen into that Black Hole of depression/fear...mortality has tapped us on the shoulder and we are more aware of our changed status than we ever wanted to be! Thankfully, this site, the amazing women here ( and yes, men) are without a doubt the most encouraging, insightful group ever assembled, bar none! To quote one of my favorite films The Great Debaters: "We do what we have to do, so we can do what we want to do". If that means we join a group, be it online or in the flesh, if that means we take meds, if that means we write poetry, no matter what it means for us personally, we do it so that we can have Life After Cancer.

We walk this journey with you~ you are truly not alone.

Hugs,
Claudia

phoenixrising

Lynn, you've been hit pretty
Lynn, you've been hit pretty hard and not so long ago. Give yourself some time, even I can say it does get better. It takes some of us longer than others. If you continue to not see improvement perhaps your effexor could be increased. I've never taken it but I would think 6 weeks is long enough to see improvement if there is going to be. Now you need to heal from all this battering of your body and mind so treat yourself gently and try and find things that give you joy even if it's a smidgen of joy. Keep us posted and know we are there for you.

A big hug
jan

KathiM

Sort of like graduating high school....
"Congrats. You are finished! Go out and enjoy life!" So says my oncologist.

"WHAT????????", I say, "Don't I need weekly appointments to make sure????"

I liken finishing treatment to graduation from high school....after 12 years of having to be a certain place, at a certain time, with certain people, we are given a piece of paper and told "Go out into the world and prosper! Have a great life!"

It DOES get better. Your confidence in your health has been shattered. It will heal itself, just like your body will. As is said many, many times here...we cannot predict the future, so all we can do is live our 'new' lives as well as we can.

I was told 4 years ago, the day after Thanksgiving, that I had rectal cancer. Oh, and they weren't real sure how to treat it. (Great, I thought...can't even get CANCER right!!!). They picked a path, and lucky me, it worked. I went to 'grad school' with breast cancer...but now, I am free!

Keep on smilin', dearheart, and enjoy life as best you can. I find something every day to laugh about...it is magic!

Hugs, Kathi

lynn1950

marciadh said:

I fell apart at the end of treatment too
I fell apart at the end of active treatment. I was diagnosed in September 2007 as stage 2a, had bilateral masts in October, then chemo from November 2007 to January 2008. I did really good during treatment. Treatment and doctor's visits kept me busy. I became a basket case about a month after chemo ended. I finally started pulling myself together late summer/early fall (although I still have my moments). Prior to that I did a lot of lying on the floor crying.

From what I've read, it's very common for the worst part of this psychologically to come after active treatment ends. It's kind of the "what happens now" question, followed by "where did all my doctors/nurses/supporters go"?

A book I found very helpful was "After Breast Cancer: A Common-Sense Guide to Life After Treatment" by Hester Hill Schnipper. She's a social worker, and a breast cancer survivor (married to an oncologist). Her book was very helpful.

Things that also made me feel better were exercising, reading novels, going out to dinner with my husband, going out with friends, etc., basically doing "normal people" stuff as much as possible. Xanax for anxiety helped too. I only took one or two a week, but they certainly took the edge off. I also think getting the tissue expanders in August helped a lot with my psychological healing.

Good luck. I hope you feel better soon.

Down the rabbit hole
Thanks so much to everyone taking time to respond with such kindness. I live in a rural area and the nearest support groups are hours away. You all mean so much to me. Today I felt like I needed to cry as I was driving home from work and I was screaming "I hate you cancer...I hate you cancer....I hate you cancer!" til my throat was sore but the tears wouldn't come. I turned onto a windy gravel road that in about 20 minutes took me to our local hot springs pool and started swimming laps furiously. A friend tapped me, and said something, I don't remember what and all of a sudden a just started bawling. She made me sit on the pool steps (so I wouldn't drown) and I replied that the only way I was going to drown was in my tears. She apologized for what she said, but all I could say was "thank you, thank you, thank you. I have so needed to cry."

lynn1950

KathiM said:

Sort of like graduating high school....
"Congrats. You are finished! Go out and enjoy life!" So says my oncologist.

"WHAT????????", I say, "Don't I need weekly appointments to make sure????"

I liken finishing treatment to graduation from high school....after 12 years of having to be a certain place, at a certain time, with certain people, we are given a piece of paper and told "Go out into the world and prosper! Have a great life!"

It DOES get better. Your confidence in your health has been shattered. It will heal itself, just like your body will. As is said many, many times here...we cannot predict the future, so all we can do is live our 'new' lives as well as we can.

I was told 4 years ago, the day after Thanksgiving, that I had rectal cancer. Oh, and they weren't real sure how to treat it. (Great, I thought...can't even get CANCER right!!!). They picked a path, and lucky me, it worked. I went to 'grad school' with breast cancer...but now, I am free!

Keep on smilin', dearheart, and enjoy life as best you can. I find something every day to laugh about...it is magic!

Hugs, Kathi

Down the rabbit hole
I'm new at this, so I wrote a reply way up above. My mantra is "I am a survivor."

Chellebug

Hi Lynn,
I had my bilateral
Hi Lynn,

I had my bilateral mastectomies in April, too. I've been feeling 'down the rabbit hole' in the last month. Along with starting Effexor 2 weeks ago, I also split my tamoxifen dosage to 2 pills of 10mg per day (one in am, one in pm). You didn't mention whether you were on tamoxifen or not, but thought I'd mention it. Within 2 days of changing my tamoxifen I felt much better, but was still dealing with some anxiety/agitation. So I went ahead and started Effexor. What dosage are you on for Effexor? You might check with your doctor about changing it/increasing it.

I think I pushed through most of my depression during the major part of my treatment (though at the time I would not have admitted being depressed). I think my strength just eventually gave out and I had to admit I needed something to help me through this time.

Stay strong, and don't forget to ask for help from your friends when you need it. Even if it's just going out for a coffee or something like that.

Chelle

lynn1950

Chellebug said:

Hi Lynn,
I had my bilateral
Hi Lynn,

I had my bilateral mastectomies in April, too. I've been feeling 'down the rabbit hole' in the last month. Along with starting Effexor 2 weeks ago, I also split my tamoxifen dosage to 2 pills of 10mg per day (one in am, one in pm). You didn't mention whether you were on tamoxifen or not, but thought I'd mention it. Within 2 days of changing my tamoxifen I felt much better, but was still dealing with some anxiety/agitation. So I went ahead and started Effexor. What dosage are you on for Effexor? You might check with your doctor about changing it/increasing it.

I think I pushed through most of my depression during the major part of my treatment (though at the time I would not have admitted being depressed). I think my strength just eventually gave out and I had to admit I needed something to help me through this time.

Stay strong, and don't forget to ask for help from your friends when you need it. Even if it's just going out for a coffee or something like that.

Chelle

Depression and Anxiety
I think I pushed through denying depression through treatment too. I take Effexor 75. I'm not on tamoxifen; I'm on arimidex. I'm going to see a psychiatrist today. I hope she can help. You stay strong, too.

Lyn

kmygil

Antidepressants
Hi Sweetie,

Your reaction is not only normal, in many ways it's typical. While we're dealing with chemo and such, we feel like we're actively fighting the disease. Suddenly, you don't have that battle going--you're on your own. And yes, you're wondering if stopping the tx is allowing the cancer to prosper. But you will feel better and better. Life will go on, perhaps differently in many ways, but you will get there.

As for practical advice, I can only say HURRAY FOR ANTIDEPRESSANTS! HURRAY FOR SLEEP AIDS! HURRAY FOR PAIN MEDS! Okay, the sleep aids have become sporadic and the pain meds are gone. I was lucky; in a suicidal depression and my sister made me go to the doctor. I got on the antidepressants just in time--two months later I was diagnosed with colon cancer, and 4 months after finishing chemo for that, I was dx'd with uterine cancer. Apart from "normal" emotion, I truly believe the antidepressants had a lot to do with getting through it, during AND after.

I am still on them and have no plans to discontinue them; the depression started long before diagnosis. But you do what you have to do to get through stuff. Talk to your doctor and see if that is a good option for you. If you need them, take them. It may take some changing around of meds and dosages, but you'll get there. Currently I take 300 mg of Wellbutrin plus 20 mg of Lexapro daily. Wellbutrin addresses the depression and Lexapro addresses the anxiety. We are thinking of cutting down the Wellbutrin since I show more signs of severe anxiety than depression.

Also, allowing yourself utter quiet and peace for at least 20 minutes a day really helps re-charge and re-center yourself. If you're constantly worried and your mind is racing and people are expecting things from you and you are expecting things from yourself--well, how can anyone manage to stay serene?

So get thee to a doctor. My GP actually prescribes for me, and the forums here are my support group. Your life is here NOW. Don't suffer needlessly.

Hugs,
Kirsten

survivor2005

Falling in rabbitt hole



HI Lynn,It's been 2 years since my last treatment, I had stage 3c breast cancer
both breasts removed a year apart. My inlaws were both diagnosed with cancer while I
was taking treatment. I began helping them after my treatment. They both died in 2007
39 days apart. I became very depressed after this, I cried a lot and stayed in bed.
I didn't want to take a antidepressant, I thought I should be able to pull myself out
of that hole myself. I was wrong. I finally went to my primary physician and cried my
eyes out to her. She was very understanding. I now take celexa it has helped but I'm
still depressed some. I started seeing a christian counselor she said depression is
like climbing out of a pit, I'm slowly climbing out. It's nice to have someone to
talk to, maybe that would help you. I'm sure things will get better for you, it's a
hard climb don't give up. Have faith
Melissa

young_one

kmygil said:

Antidepressants
Hi Sweetie,

Your reaction is not only normal, in many ways it's typical. While we're dealing with chemo and such, we feel like we're actively fighting the disease. Suddenly, you don't have that battle going--you're on your own. And yes, you're wondering if stopping the tx is allowing the cancer to prosper. But you will feel better and better. Life will go on, perhaps differently in many ways, but you will get there.

As for practical advice, I can only say HURRAY FOR ANTIDEPRESSANTS! HURRAY FOR SLEEP AIDS! HURRAY FOR PAIN MEDS! Okay, the sleep aids have become sporadic and the pain meds are gone. I was lucky; in a suicidal depression and my sister made me go to the doctor. I got on the antidepressants just in time--two months later I was diagnosed with colon cancer, and 4 months after finishing chemo for that, I was dx'd with uterine cancer. Apart from "normal" emotion, I truly believe the antidepressants had a lot to do with getting through it, during AND after.

I am still on them and have no plans to discontinue them; the depression started long before diagnosis. But you do what you have to do to get through stuff. Talk to your doctor and see if that is a good option for you. If you need them, take them. It may take some changing around of meds and dosages, but you'll get there. Currently I take 300 mg of Wellbutrin plus 20 mg of Lexapro daily. Wellbutrin addresses the depression and Lexapro addresses the anxiety. We are thinking of cutting down the Wellbutrin since I show more signs of severe anxiety than depression.

Also, allowing yourself utter quiet and peace for at least 20 minutes a day really helps re-charge and re-center yourself. If you're constantly worried and your mind is racing and people are expecting things from you and you are expecting things from yourself--well, how can anyone manage to stay serene?

So get thee to a doctor. My GP actually prescribes for me, and the forums here are my support group. Your life is here NOW. Don't suffer needlessly.

Hugs,
Kirsten

I'm with you.
Why is there such a stigma with anti-depressants? I don't understand this. If you need them...TAKE THEM. I don't take them but you can bet I would if I needed to. Why does this bother people so much?

lynn1950

Seriously depressed and anxious
Your support and advice is so wonderful. I can't thank you enough. I saw a psychiatrist yesterday and she is upping my dose of effexor. I have heard a lot about Lexapro and if the effexor doesn't work, maybe a combo will. Today was a bad day. I listen to relaxation CDs by Jon Kabot Zinn and kept falling asleep. I listened to the 3rd one all the way through and then did the second CD which is a Yoga relaxation CD. So I am feeling more at peace now and actually ready to do some laundry and dishes (It's 4:00 in the afternoon!). I am working on trust and faith that this has a purpose. I look for God in each person I meet. The strength for this struggle is hard to muster. Lynn

lynn1950

lynn1950 said:

Seriously depressed and anxious
Your support and advice is so wonderful. I can't thank you enough. I saw a psychiatrist yesterday and she is upping my dose of effexor. I have heard a lot about Lexapro and if the effexor doesn't work, maybe a combo will. Today was a bad day. I listen to relaxation CDs by Jon Kabot Zinn and kept falling asleep. I listened to the 3rd one all the way through and then did the second CD which is a Yoga relaxation CD. So I am feeling more at peace now and actually ready to do some laundry and dishes (It's 4:00 in the afternoon!). I am working on trust and faith that this has a purpose. I look for God in each person I meet. The strength for this struggle is hard to muster. Lynn

Depression and Anxiety
I feel like I am getting to know you and I need to share this.

I did go to a psychiatrist who doubled my Effexor to 150. She questioned why I take Klonopin. So I've halved that to .5 twice a day. Even though all my 3 month blood tests, my onc visit and bone scan came back clean, I'm still dealing with butt kicking anxiety and severe depression.

Even as I type my knees are jiggling and my chest is tight. My perspective is so skewed! My 19 year old daughter, who is LDS, and her fiance, have decided to get married in June and all I feel is dread, that I can't help her with the wedding, I can barely get through a day. I want to feel happy for her. Her fiance is a good guy. I've lost my perspective and my vroom.

My 13 year old son is also a major stressor. I can't find my sense of humor or joy. I am trying relaxation and stress reduction tapes and exercise and counseling and acupuncture and I feel like I am never going be rid of this winged monkey sitting on my chest. Help!

NYGMom

BIG (((HUG)))
Lynn I am new to this and am just 4 weeks post-op so I don't know how helpful I will be. I am early in my cancer journey so I have not experienced the end of chemo and the emotional sadness that you describe. But I want you to know that you can get through this! You are finally at the end of the road and it sounds like it has been a long road for you. Celebrate your life! Now that you do not have to go to treatment start thinking about all of the things you have been missing out on and make yourself a list of things you are going to do. Give the list a time frame with dates and start enjoying life again. Look at photos of happier times and let those memories motivate you to crawl out of that rabbit hole. Go on a vacation even if it’s just for a few days. Go see a funny movie. And most of all remember that you are not your cancer… you are you!

I had a bilateral mastectomy, stage 3, 12 positive nodes, my tumors grew to be 4x their size in the 3 weeks while waiting for surgery and were rated the highest possible on the scale for aggressiveness. My situation was pretty bleak. My heart had a great saddness like I have never experienced before. I received the same book from two different people. I figured if I received the book twice, it must be pretty good so I started reading it. It has been my daily “you can get through this” pill. It’s called “Praying through Cancer” by Susan Sorensen and Laura Geist. Like I said I have two copies. If you would like I can mail you one of them.

(((HUGS))) Kelly

mmontero38

NYGMom said:

BIG (((HUG)))
Lynn I am new to this and am just 4 weeks post-op so I don't know how helpful I will be. I am early in my cancer journey so I have not experienced the end of chemo and the emotional sadness that you describe. But I want you to know that you can get through this! You are finally at the end of the road and it sounds like it has been a long road for you. Celebrate your life! Now that you do not have to go to treatment start thinking about all of the things you have been missing out on and make yourself a list of things you are going to do. Give the list a time frame with dates and start enjoying life again. Look at photos of happier times and let those memories motivate you to crawl out of that rabbit hole. Go on a vacation even if it’s just for a few days. Go see a funny movie. And most of all remember that you are not your cancer… you are you!

I had a bilateral mastectomy, stage 3, 12 positive nodes, my tumors grew to be 4x their size in the 3 weeks while waiting for surgery and were rated the highest possible on the scale for aggressiveness. My situation was pretty bleak. My heart had a great saddness like I have never experienced before. I received the same book from two different people. I figured if I received the book twice, it must be pretty good so I started reading it. It has been my daily “you can get through this” pill. It’s called “Praying through Cancer” by Susan Sorensen and Laura Geist. Like I said I have two copies. If you would like I can mail you one of them.

(((HUGS))) Kelly

We all experience this after
We all experience this after treatment. It's almost like your life line is being cut and you're afraid that if you aren't watched as carefully, the cancer will sneak back up at you. My biggest fear is recurrence and I'm sure it's the same with everyone on this board, but we can't let cancer dictate our lives. We need to step back, take a deep breath and tell ourselves that we will get through this and we will. It does get better as time goes by, we learn to have more faith in ourselves and then again, we are still being monitored by our doctors. I've joined a gym and find that exercising is helping me overcome some of my fears. Now, when I wake up in the morning, cancer is not my first thought of the day. Other days I don't even think about it, you will get to that point in your journey. For some it will come sooner than others but you will get there. Hugs to all, Lili

Chellebug

lynn1950 said:

Depression and Anxiety
I feel like I am getting to know you and I need to share this.

I did go to a psychiatrist who doubled my Effexor to 150. She questioned why I take Klonopin. So I've halved that to .5 twice a day. Even though all my 3 month blood tests, my onc visit and bone scan came back clean, I'm still dealing with butt kicking anxiety and severe depression.

Even as I type my knees are jiggling and my chest is tight. My perspective is so skewed! My 19 year old daughter, who is LDS, and her fiance, have decided to get married in June and all I feel is dread, that I can't help her with the wedding, I can barely get through a day. I want to feel happy for her. Her fiance is a good guy. I've lost my perspective and my vroom.

My 13 year old son is also a major stressor. I can't find my sense of humor or joy. I am trying relaxation and stress reduction tapes and exercise and counseling and acupuncture and I feel like I am never going be rid of this winged monkey sitting on my chest. Help!

Dear Sweet Lynn,
There is a time when we must grieve. I think this is your time. Everything you are feeling is normal. It just takes time.

I finally allowed myself to grieve these last 3 months. I feel that I am finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I did something this weekend that helped me. 8 other moms and I went away for a weekend.....no kids, no husbands....just 9 of us in a little cabin in the woods. Do you have a group of lady friends that you could get away with?

I remember that midway through my treatment I had a hard time spending time with groups of people; it seemed that their conversations were so shallow and empty. Cancer makes you scrape off the superficialities (is that a word?) of life and get down to the nitty-gritty, doesn't it?

Your humor and your joy are still there. You will find them again. I believe that. You will get through this period of mourning and sadness, and the heaviness of your depression and anxiety will be lifted. (From your previous posts, I believe you are a woman of faith...if you have time read Isaiah 61:1-3).

Focus on the truths. Focus on what you know. You're scans and tests are good. Your beautiful daughter is getting married. Your son, no matter what he's doing now, is and always will be a gift from God.

I've had to let go of my old normal and accept my 'new' normal. It used to be that I would start school with my boys around 9:00 (I homeschool them). But I'm still battling fatigue...and it seems worse than when I was in treatment. I can barely roll out of bed until 10:00. So we've adjusted our school time in the morning and go longer into the afternoon. It's not the way I'd like it to be, but it's working. 'This too shall pass' is one of my mottos.

Give yourself grace through this time.

I hope these words have encouraged you, Lynn. You will be rid of the winged monkey....in time...in time. Hang in there, and thanks for being so real with all of us.

Blessings,
Chelle

lynn1950

lynn1950 said:

Depression and Anxiety
I feel like I am getting to know you and I need to share this.

I did go to a psychiatrist who doubled my Effexor to 150. She questioned why I take Klonopin. So I've halved that to .5 twice a day. Even though all my 3 month blood tests, my onc visit and bone scan came back clean, I'm still dealing with butt kicking anxiety and severe depression.

Even as I type my knees are jiggling and my chest is tight. My perspective is so skewed! My 19 year old daughter, who is LDS, and her fiance, have decided to get married in June and all I feel is dread, that I can't help her with the wedding, I can barely get through a day. I want to feel happy for her. Her fiance is a good guy. I've lost my perspective and my vroom.

My 13 year old son is also a major stressor. I can't find my sense of humor or joy. I am trying relaxation and stress reduction tapes and exercise and counseling and acupuncture and I feel like I am never going be rid of this winged monkey sitting on my chest. Help!

Thanks for being my coaches
Whew - I am grieving, Chelle. But does everyone carry this anxiety weight, as well? If this is normal for cancer patients, there is such a world of hurt out there. I do have a group of friends and most of us are in a book club together. I have felt so much love from all of them.

I broke my toe yesterday climbing up onto a counter to water a plant, but crashing and burning instead. This is weird, but it made me feel sort of normal. It is the first time I've ever really broken a bone. The doctor prescribed pain pills and I took one finally at about 3:00 in the morning, so it was still working when I woke up to go to work.

You know, I think all the anti-nausea meds during chemo and the pain pills for the neuropathy after taxol masked my depression during treatment and let it build. If that's true, maybe that should be considered when women are being treated.


This site is such a Godsend for me and I hope that I can pull myself together so that I can help others as you, and Lili and Kelly (and many others) have helped me. Kelly, thank you for the offer of the book. I do pray and I believe our God is one, but I am not a Christian. Seeing all the harm that has happened over the centuries in the name of various religions, I'd rather just stick with God. I do read scripture and I go to church. This hasn't always been the case, as I am in a mixed faith marriage. I know it sounds strange, but that's where I am at on my spiritual journey. I hope I'm not breaking any Discussion Board rules for typing this!

Love and thanks to all of you.

mimivac

lynn1950 said:

Thanks for being my coaches
Whew - I am grieving, Chelle. But does everyone carry this anxiety weight, as well? If this is normal for cancer patients, there is such a world of hurt out there. I do have a group of friends and most of us are in a book club together. I have felt so much love from all of them.

I broke my toe yesterday climbing up onto a counter to water a plant, but crashing and burning instead. This is weird, but it made me feel sort of normal. It is the first time I've ever really broken a bone. The doctor prescribed pain pills and I took one finally at about 3:00 in the morning, so it was still working when I woke up to go to work.

You know, I think all the anti-nausea meds during chemo and the pain pills for the neuropathy after taxol masked my depression during treatment and let it build. If that's true, maybe that should be considered when women are being treated.


This site is such a Godsend for me and I hope that I can pull myself together so that I can help others as you, and Lili and Kelly (and many others) have helped me. Kelly, thank you for the offer of the book. I do pray and I believe our God is one, but I am not a Christian. Seeing all the harm that has happened over the centuries in the name of various religions, I'd rather just stick with God. I do read scripture and I go to church. This hasn't always been the case, as I am in a mixed faith marriage. I know it sounds strange, but that's where I am at on my spiritual journey. I hope I'm not breaking any Discussion Board rules for typing this!

Love and thanks to all of you.

I feel like you, Lynn
Lynn,

I hadn't responded to you because I was feeling the same way. Although I am not done with my treatment, I was feeling a sense of grief and hopelessness, as you say. A feeling that this ordeal would never end and that I would never be the happy person engaged in life that I used to be. I so understand your feelings, Lynn. Most on this board do. But listen, you will feel better. I know this because even in the depths of my despair (dramatic phrase, huh?), I know that better times will come. Why? Because they always have before, and they will again. That winged monkey wants to steal your joy; it's powerful. But you are stronger, even in your weakest moments. You are living life, and every day you carry on is a day that makes you stronger.

Lynn, you are healthy and whole. Please try to celebrate that. You have an important life ahead of you.

Mimi

lynn1950

Thanks for the encouragement
Oh,Mimi. I am sorry that you are suffering this too. I am praying right now that we all can find hope and strength and joy and peace- a way to calm our anxious hearts; that our new perspectives grow into wholeness, acceptance, goodness, and grace. Lynn