hair again hair not the same angry depressed

ohilly

I looked back over these posts and realized how many posts I wrote about my hair! So I must be obsessed, or in denial that there are more important things. But still I feel the need to write:

My hair now completely covers my head, but I still feel depressed. It looks horrible, at least to me. Parts of it stick straight up (I am thinking that as the hair grows, these parts will fall over and curve more naturally), parts are thin, and hair color does not take the way it used to (other people replied to an earlier post in which I said I used semi-permanent hair color and it did not take: they said I should use the 'permanent' stuff, but I guess I'm still afraid to until it grows longer). I used to be able to color my hair no problem, and now no matter how dark the shade I use it comes out gray looking. The back of my hair is curly and the front is not: I look totally weird. I hate the way I look, and feel very angry (not sure at whom). Will I one day have my old hair back, or at least something resembling it? I am very very angry and depressed about this. I am also depressed and sort of ashamed (although I know I have no reason to be ashamed, it's not my fault I got cancer) about my reconstructed breasts, but less than my hair. In general, I'm feeling bad about my appearance. Ohilly

chenheart

HAIR WE GO AGAIN!!!!
You poor thing~ just think about how much empathy and great advice you are going to have to give the Sisters who follow you in here!!! Your hair will absolutely go through all of the stages you are now describing....but you will get your REAL HAIR back! The hair you recognize and love! I hated my hair too~ but sweetie~ when you see a newborn baby, and the year or so it takes for that child to get a head full of hair, think about it! That baby goes through all of the things you are going through! The sticking up parts, the unruly cowlicks, the bangs not where they should be, thin in the back, you name it! As far as heads of hair are concerned, you are a newborn baby. Your hair is coming back from NOTHING, so of course it has to go through all of the stages.

As far as the gray is concerned, it actually would have reached a point where OTC colors would not have worked anyway. This has less to do with cancer than it has to do with the texture of gray hair. OTC hair colors are absolutely not designed to do a lasting, color infusing job of covering gray no matter what any TV ads say! The texture and absorbing capabilities of gray hair make it simply harder to do. You can still do your hair yourself at home, if you go to a reputable beauty supply and get expert advice as to which color/brand/even percentage of developer will best suit you and your hair.

I know you are weary of us telling you to show patience in this regard, but thats all I can tell you! I have to get my hair cut every 6 weeks like clockwork, and I am ALWAYS told how nice, thick and healthy my hair is! And yes, I have a LOT of natural gray which I color!

I hope this helps! Love you, Sister!

Hugs,
Claudia

kbc4869

Hi Ohilly,
What happens (at
Hi Ohilly,

What happens (at least it did to me) is that first the "chemo hair" grows is. It's a different texture and color. I hated mine, too. After that initial chemo hair growth, your own hair comes in. Yes, that takes time. Could be a year or so.

What helped for me was to get regular monthly haircuts once it got long enough to do so. Eventually, you cut away that chemo hair and your own hair starts growing in and taking over. And before you know it, you're back to your old self. It's going to take time, my dear! Hang in there!

Joycelouise

Ohilly,
I went from long
Ohilly,
I went from long blond hair to chemo to....first short hair. Very grey (white). I colored it blond again with permanent hair color. I didn't wait. The hair that you have now will still be there if you wait. I really do not think that it is going to evaporate under the dye. If you dye your hair now, when it is just a half an inch or so, you will find out before it is too long that you can not safely dye it. Better to know now than when it is longer, don't you think?
Secondly, my hair came in curly. At first it stuck up. Then it folded over a bit. Then it started to wave. Now it is two inches and curly. It is not the old me. But if I had a dollar for everyone who has complemented me on it I would be able to pay my beautician AND go out to lunch afterwards. Many people have said that they like my hair better than before. Some of the comments I have gotten and you will get is....you look like Audry Hepburn! Your new hair is darling! Oh how cute! Now, just because it is not me doesn't mean I don't look good. So, I say, I think I will enjoy this journey back to me with some stops along the way at being a different person. I plan to never cut my hair again and die an old lady with VERY long hair! So, I will eventually have straight hair that waves towards the ends and then ends up curly at the bottom. Pretty cute free hairdo, don't you think?
So, O'hilly, please read the above complements and say them to yourself. Each week brings a new look. And you need to feel beautiful and enjoy the fun. It is a hec of a lot better than the friggin wig. And, it is nice when you do start to dye your hair and then it needs to be redyed because IT HAS GROWN! Love it.
Repeat after me...you (I) look like Audrey Hepburn. Oh how cute! love, Audrey (oops, Joyce)

Joycelouise

Oh, and I am getting new
Oh, and I am getting new breasts soon and plan on flaunting them. Like I earned them. Like I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but I got one now, darlin....and paid for it. Be well! Joyce

kit45

Joycelouise said:

Oh, and I am getting new
Oh, and I am getting new breasts soon and plan on flaunting them. Like I earned them. Like I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but I got one now, darlin....and paid for it. Be well! Joyce

I can relate
to what Ohilly said as my hair is awful! awful! But ya know what, as hard as it is for me it sure beats wearing that wig. Thanks Joyce as I enjoyed your posts. I return to work in a week and am NOT wearing anything on my short, grey,brown,blonde,white and thin hair...no matter what!!

Love, Kit

mayo

kit45 said:

I can relate
to what Ohilly said as my hair is awful! awful! But ya know what, as hard as it is for me it sure beats wearing that wig. Thanks Joyce as I enjoyed your posts. I return to work in a week and am NOT wearing anything on my short, grey,brown,blonde,white and thin hair...no matter what!!

Love, Kit

hair
my hair has just started coming back in and i cant even tell what color it is, this is not a normal color...grey, white, brown, blond. but it beats bald

mmontero38

Joycelouise said:

Oh, and I am getting new
Oh, and I am getting new breasts soon and plan on flaunting them. Like I earned them. Like I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but I got one now, darlin....and paid for it. Be well! Joyce

Joyce
Joyce: You go girl. Not only do you deserve all those compliments about your hair, wait till you get the new girls. You better be flaunting those too. After all, after everything we've been through, we deserve to. We've paid a steep price for them. Hugs, Lili

Joycelouise

mmontero38 said:

Joyce
Joyce: You go girl. Not only do you deserve all those compliments about your hair, wait till you get the new girls. You better be flaunting those too. After all, after everything we've been through, we deserve to. We've paid a steep price for them. Hugs, Lili

Thanks, Lili. You made me
Thanks, Lili. You made me smile, the real kind that comes from deep down. The kind you don't even appreciate till you realize that it has been a while since the last one. hugs back, Joyce

KathiM

After 3 plus years...
I have had variations of my hair returning.

Started with totally white, soft stuff (I said "Thank you for the hair" and kept it short), pointy dark stuff (I said "Thank you for the color" and kept it short),
curly dark stuff with a silver blaze (I said "Thank you for the style" and kept it short), straight salt-and-pepper (I said "Thank you for the variations" and kept it short)
THICK (WHEW! SOOOO much hair!) salt-and-pepper that my beau loves to pet (I said "Thank you for the love" and am keeping it short).

Hugs, Kathi

(My pre-cancer hair was long, below my shoulders, and dark red)

Marcia527

hair
When mine started growing back in I was thrilled because it was curly. My normal hair is straight and thick and stubborn. So I thought it was really cool...until it got a little longer and than got a little unruly. But in the end it turned out exactly like what I had before, sigh. I kept mine really short too until about a year ago. Hang in there. It just takes a little time.

TammyLouBob

Yup. Been there...when you look in the mirror, it is undeniable
proof that you are a cancer patient.

I was also mad as h#ll. On some level, I still am.

It is going to take time for you to heal...to recover.

Four years and counting...there's still no jumping for joy over here.

This is one of those things that is going to take time and patience.

I hated my "hair." It grew in BLACK! And, the entire world was being "positive"...squaking about how "cute" it was. I wanted to slap them silly. And, I was (verbally) not very nice at all...I didn't feel nice...I felt angry.

Eventually, as it aged, my hair returned to a more normal condition.

It is frustrating and it is difficult for outsiders to understand.

Cancer patients want to feel some control...and it really really sucks when every mirror proclaims that we are not where we want to be.

My sympathies.

Love,

Tammy Lou

creampuff91344

Hair
Ohilly, sorry you are having problems with your hair growing back, but like myself, I am just thankful it is coming back at all. There were periods during chemo and radiation that I was afraid I would be bald the rest of my life. Now it is about 1/2 inch long all over, and thankfully covers my whole head. I will just be grateful to be able to leave the wig at home when I go shopping.

Another problem I am having is that I have facial hair growing as well. It is very light, but fuzzy, especially on the upper part of my cheeks. What is that all about? I wonder if the drug I am taking, Femara, has something to do with the fact I have hair on my face. Femara is an aromatase inhibitor, which destroys all estrogen production in the body. anyway, is anyone else having this problem, and if so, what can be done to stop me from growing a beard.

Judy

ohilly

creampuff91344 said:

Hair
Ohilly, sorry you are having problems with your hair growing back, but like myself, I am just thankful it is coming back at all. There were periods during chemo and radiation that I was afraid I would be bald the rest of my life. Now it is about 1/2 inch long all over, and thankfully covers my whole head. I will just be grateful to be able to leave the wig at home when I go shopping.

Another problem I am having is that I have facial hair growing as well. It is very light, but fuzzy, especially on the upper part of my cheeks. What is that all about? I wonder if the drug I am taking, Femara, has something to do with the fact I have hair on my face. Femara is an aromatase inhibitor, which destroys all estrogen production in the body. anyway, is anyone else having this problem, and if so, what can be done to stop me from growing a beard.

Judy

facial hair
Creampuff, I am also on Femara and also have the facial hair. I believe this is a side effect. In my case, it's not that bad, so I have decided just to live with it. The hair on my head upsets me more. Maybe you could bleach the facial hair (but ask a doctor first) - you know those bleaches they sell for hair on your upper lip?

Let me know if you figure out a solution. Ohilly

Joycelouise

creampuff91344 said:

Hair
Ohilly, sorry you are having problems with your hair growing back, but like myself, I am just thankful it is coming back at all. There were periods during chemo and radiation that I was afraid I would be bald the rest of my life. Now it is about 1/2 inch long all over, and thankfully covers my whole head. I will just be grateful to be able to leave the wig at home when I go shopping.

Another problem I am having is that I have facial hair growing as well. It is very light, but fuzzy, especially on the upper part of my cheeks. What is that all about? I wonder if the drug I am taking, Femara, has something to do with the fact I have hair on my face. Femara is an aromatase inhibitor, which destroys all estrogen production in the body. anyway, is anyone else having this problem, and if so, what can be done to stop me from growing a beard.

Judy

You know how the hair on the
You know how the hair on the top of our heads grows in different? Well, we lost the hair on our faces, too. It grows back, at first, like crazy! Just think that maybe the hair on our head is on a supercharged schedule too - up there that is a good thing. In the meantime, I was not going to wear my facial hair as a sign of rebirth - I got a creme dipallatory for the face (Sally Hanson, drug store and cheap). It did the job and I used it weekly for a month or so. Now, 5 months later, I would say that the hair is back to normal on my face. You can also go to the beauty shop and have your face waxed. This is probably a better alternative. I was just impatient and too busy for spa treatment. It really does get better with a little bit of time. love to you both. Joyce

creampuff91344

ohilly said:

facial hair
Creampuff, I am also on Femara and also have the facial hair. I believe this is a side effect. In my case, it's not that bad, so I have decided just to live with it. The hair on my head upsets me more. Maybe you could bleach the facial hair (but ask a doctor first) - you know those bleaches they sell for hair on your upper lip?

Let me know if you figure out a solution. Ohilly

Facial Hair
The hair on my face is very light in color, and probably nobody notices it but me. However, if it continues to grow as fast as the hair on my head, then we have a problem. The Femara is doing so many different things to my body, it is no wonder that rapid hair growth, even in places I don't want it, is a side effect. I have taken myself off of Femara, at least for a week or so, to see if the symptom subside. Then I will meet with my oncologist on December 9th, and we will be having a serious discussion regarding whether I will continue the drug, or change to Tamoxifen. I may be willing to change, but don't think I will take Femara ever again. Quality of life is so important at my age, and I feel I would be willing to give up years to feel better again. Oh well....time will tell. Thanks for your comments. Hugs.

Judy

artizan

Hair is part of who we are....
Hair is an important thing in our lives. It is part of who we think we are when we look in the mirror, from childhood to the grave. It makes no rational sense that people should put so much importance on our hair, but we do. When we get that cancer diagnosis and find that we will be getting treatment that takes our hair away it is emotionally devastating. It would be devastating to someone without cancer. Combine hairloss with disfiguring surgery, chemo and radiation side effects, etc. and it becomes a lot to bear. So, Ohilly, don't feel badly that you are making too much of your hair. It is a big deal!!
My hair fell out completely two weeks after my first treatment. I ordered my wig in my old shoulder length style and color before my hair fell out. I went back to get it cut and styled after my hair was gone. God bless my stepsister, a hair stylist, for having the foresight to go with me to that visit. I was devestated. The wig did not fit well (I have a big head)and I left the salon crying. We went back to my stepsisters salon and she recut the wig so it was better but I rarely wore it. Hats are great unless you have a big head and they don't fit. I spent most of my hairless days in scarves, many of them from my older sister who died 9 years earlier of breast cancer.
Wigs and prosthetics may or may not make you feel more like yourself. They did not make me feel like myself. I just felt like I was wearing something fake. I think they make your friends and family feel better. When they look at you, you look more normal to them.
I guess it was 8 or 9 months later that I had hair. I know I see you guys saying that your hair is fine. I guess I looked at it like brand new baby hair. It was soft and a lot more grey than before. I grew in curly and stayed curly for many years. I wore it short and curly and a lot of people seemed envious of my hair. Imagine that. They didn't know the price I paid. Now it is back to being coarse and straight and I do color it with an herbal colorant. I am just now letting it grow a little longer but not quite like it was pre chemo, nine years ago.
Whenever I feel like I am having a bad hair day I alway remember that bad hair is better than no hair.

cruf

creampuff91344 said:

Hair
Ohilly, sorry you are having problems with your hair growing back, but like myself, I am just thankful it is coming back at all. There were periods during chemo and radiation that I was afraid I would be bald the rest of my life. Now it is about 1/2 inch long all over, and thankfully covers my whole head. I will just be grateful to be able to leave the wig at home when I go shopping.

Another problem I am having is that I have facial hair growing as well. It is very light, but fuzzy, especially on the upper part of my cheeks. What is that all about? I wonder if the drug I am taking, Femara, has something to do with the fact I have hair on my face. Femara is an aromatase inhibitor, which destroys all estrogen production in the body. anyway, is anyone else having this problem, and if so, what can be done to stop me from growing a beard.

Judy

Hair growth!
I never had chemo so I can't say much about hair loss from that. I was on Tamoxifen for 5 years and had no problems with my hair. Then I went on Femara for 8 mos then Aromasin for 1 year and had joint pain but also noticed hair loss on the front of my head and hair growth on my face. I never had much facial hair there before so it did start during meds. I've been off all meds now for 1 year and still have hair loss on head(thinning) and facial hair all over. It might also be from menapause . I went to the dermotologist and she gave me a prescription for Vaniqua which slows down the facial hair growth but doesn't stop it. This is something I will have to use forever. I asked about laser removal but most of the hair is light and soft and laser only picks up dark hair. I'm also using minoxidil for hair regrowth on the top of my head! It's amazing how vain I have become! Good luck! Let us know how you're doing! HUGS!! Cathy

KathiM

creampuff91344 said:

Hair
Ohilly, sorry you are having problems with your hair growing back, but like myself, I am just thankful it is coming back at all. There were periods during chemo and radiation that I was afraid I would be bald the rest of my life. Now it is about 1/2 inch long all over, and thankfully covers my whole head. I will just be grateful to be able to leave the wig at home when I go shopping.

Another problem I am having is that I have facial hair growing as well. It is very light, but fuzzy, especially on the upper part of my cheeks. What is that all about? I wonder if the drug I am taking, Femara, has something to do with the fact I have hair on my face. Femara is an aromatase inhibitor, which destroys all estrogen production in the body. anyway, is anyone else having this problem, and if so, what can be done to stop me from growing a beard.

Judy

I had the same...
At the same time my head hair was growing, a baby-fine layer was growing on my face, and my shoulders...

I thought the same, that bacause it, too, fell out, it just got the stimulus to regrow like when I was a child.

I am on Tamoxifen, not Femara. I have surgical menopause.

Time helps, but a good exfoliation mask at a spa works, too. My facial hair never got bad enough to need a wax, but that could be done, as well.

Hugs, Kathi

mayo

artizan said:

Hair is part of who we are....
Hair is an important thing in our lives. It is part of who we think we are when we look in the mirror, from childhood to the grave. It makes no rational sense that people should put so much importance on our hair, but we do. When we get that cancer diagnosis and find that we will be getting treatment that takes our hair away it is emotionally devastating. It would be devastating to someone without cancer. Combine hairloss with disfiguring surgery, chemo and radiation side effects, etc. and it becomes a lot to bear. So, Ohilly, don't feel badly that you are making too much of your hair. It is a big deal!!
My hair fell out completely two weeks after my first treatment. I ordered my wig in my old shoulder length style and color before my hair fell out. I went back to get it cut and styled after my hair was gone. God bless my stepsister, a hair stylist, for having the foresight to go with me to that visit. I was devestated. The wig did not fit well (I have a big head)and I left the salon crying. We went back to my stepsisters salon and she recut the wig so it was better but I rarely wore it. Hats are great unless you have a big head and they don't fit. I spent most of my hairless days in scarves, many of them from my older sister who died 9 years earlier of breast cancer.
Wigs and prosthetics may or may not make you feel more like yourself. They did not make me feel like myself. I just felt like I was wearing something fake. I think they make your friends and family feel better. When they look at you, you look more normal to them.
I guess it was 8 or 9 months later that I had hair. I know I see you guys saying that your hair is fine. I guess I looked at it like brand new baby hair. It was soft and a lot more grey than before. I grew in curly and stayed curly for many years. I wore it short and curly and a lot of people seemed envious of my hair. Imagine that. They didn't know the price I paid. Now it is back to being coarse and straight and I do color it with an herbal colorant. I am just now letting it grow a little longer but not quite like it was pre chemo, nine years ago.
Whenever I feel like I am having a bad hair day I alway remember that bad hair is better than no hair.

hair
my husband who was struggling sooooo hard to say all the right things and be this really great important support ( which he was ) was at a total loss when he said to me " I just dont get it, you seem more upset about losing your hair then you were when you lost your breast........It doesnt always make since but it is what it is

debbie

tasha_111

creampuff91344 said:

Facial Hair
The hair on my face is very light in color, and probably nobody notices it but me. However, if it continues to grow as fast as the hair on my head, then we have a problem. The Femara is doing so many different things to my body, it is no wonder that rapid hair growth, even in places I don't want it, is a side effect. I have taken myself off of Femara, at least for a week or so, to see if the symptom subside. Then I will meet with my oncologist on December 9th, and we will be having a serious discussion regarding whether I will continue the drug, or change to Tamoxifen. I may be willing to change, but don't think I will take Femara ever again. Quality of life is so important at my age, and I feel I would be willing to give up years to feel better again. Oh well....time will tell. Thanks for your comments. Hugs.

Judy

Facial hair
I really hate to tell you this, But I am on Tamoxifen and have the same fluffy cheeks look. This pill gives you a hairy face (look like a flaming wherewolf) mood swings (who am I going to kill today?) keeps me awake all night sweating and I am not sure if it is worth it either.. Hope this helps.