New and Tired

Greg48

Hello to all my wife has lung cancer and had 47 treatments of radiation and 4 chemo
in July of 07 . The treatment did a number on her she never got her taste buds back
and ate like a bird. In Oct. she stopped walking so I took a leave of absence I have not
worked in a month . Caregivers is a full time job without much sleep. She refused anymore
chemo treatment in July 08 because she did not want to get sick. She is under
Hospice care and has been for almost 2 months. It just hurts me cause I know the
the cancer will spread and will take her, that's what the hospice doctor told me
at the inpatient unit said.

hunpot

so sorry
Greg--
Very sorry for what you are going through it seems as both of you have fought a long hard battle. Im sorry that treatments have stopped side effects are the most hardest but they do seem to get better as time goes on. I am also glad to see that you have stuck by your wife during this most difficult time im sure it has not been easy. Quality of life is what is left at this stage and making the most of the time you have. We as Caregivers have to endure and watch our loved ones go through such a tremendous ordeal but i believe it just makes us a better, stronger person in the end. Sadly my mom passed back in August after a long 1 1/2 yrs of struggle it was very hard to watch her fight so hard and deal with treatments and side effects and then at the end get so weak and in much pain, it is very hard without her and everyday is a new day. It took mom almost 6 months to get her taste buds back and be able to eat at one time. People always say"at least they are not struggling and suffering anymore" and it is so true for us ALL that we dont have to endure and watch our loved ones go through so much.
All i can say is enjoy the time you have left and make the most of each and everyday when you can. let hospice help you in all aspects, social workers, pastors, volunteers, and health aids, all the help you can have at this time will do you good every small break or 10 minutes even to yourself will do you good. You need to stay strong and healthy as she would want you to be. She is going to be worried and nervous for you so all you can do is try to be brave and tell her everyday how much you love her and what she means to you and just remind her shes not alone and you will be with her every step of the way. also never say goodbye just say see you again!! Makes them smile and now it will all be okay.
Best wishes and God Bless.

arbrab

Greg,
I lost my husband in
Greg,

I lost my husband in 07 from lung cancer. It is hard being a caregiver, and you do need to take care of yourself. Just from the experience from my husband, he gave up too. I think because he saw the effects it was having on me and didn't want to put me through anymore pain. I wasn't in pain, I would have taken care of him for the rest of my life. As I am sure you would do also. Just be there for her, talk to her about what's going on. And try to tell her not to give up. Miricles can happen with Positive attitudes. I think she probably tired of being sick. It is sad, but you have to understand her side too. You will be left with the loving memories, but she is trying to help you. Please understand that. It took me along time to understand that he left because he was tired of the pain. Keep a positive attitude around her, regardless.
Hug to you both.
barbra

Greg48

Thank You
Thank you all for the insperation and kind words , it is very hard to take care of yourself
being a care taker when she is asleep and i can't sleep either because am thinking of her
or there is house cleaning to be done or bills to be paid etc. I just pray for God to give
my mind the peace it needs.

Greg48

hunpot said:

so sorry
Greg--
Very sorry for what you are going through it seems as both of you have fought a long hard battle. Im sorry that treatments have stopped side effects are the most hardest but they do seem to get better as time goes on. I am also glad to see that you have stuck by your wife during this most difficult time im sure it has not been easy. Quality of life is what is left at this stage and making the most of the time you have. We as Caregivers have to endure and watch our loved ones go through such a tremendous ordeal but i believe it just makes us a better, stronger person in the end. Sadly my mom passed back in August after a long 1 1/2 yrs of struggle it was very hard to watch her fight so hard and deal with treatments and side effects and then at the end get so weak and in much pain, it is very hard without her and everyday is a new day. It took mom almost 6 months to get her taste buds back and be able to eat at one time. People always say"at least they are not struggling and suffering anymore" and it is so true for us ALL that we dont have to endure and watch our loved ones go through so much.
All i can say is enjoy the time you have left and make the most of each and everyday when you can. let hospice help you in all aspects, social workers, pastors, volunteers, and health aids, all the help you can have at this time will do you good every small break or 10 minutes even to yourself will do you good. You need to stay strong and healthy as she would want you to be. She is going to be worried and nervous for you so all you can do is try to be brave and tell her everyday how much you love her and what she means to you and just remind her shes not alone and you will be with her every step of the way. also never say goodbye just say see you again!! Makes them smile and now it will all be okay.
Best wishes and God Bless.

Thank You
Thank you so much for your kind words I am sorry to hear about your mom . Hospice has been
very helpful in my ordeal my main thing now is I need sleep.You are right she does worry
still about my health. I do tell her everyday I love her. I pray that she will stop
fighting sleep she does it too much I tell her to relax , i rub her feet sometimes it works other times it don't. I take on day at a time and thank the Lord for that day

hunpot

Greg48 said:

Thank You
Thank you all for the insperation and kind words , it is very hard to take care of yourself
being a care taker when she is asleep and i can't sleep either because am thinking of her
or there is house cleaning to be done or bills to be paid etc. I just pray for God to give
my mind the peace it needs.

sleep
All i can say is when she sleeps you try to sleep. Sleep was hard because your always worried. my mom had house cleaner once a week you can check with the insurance company or ask hopsice, hopsice didnt help me with that i had to go through the rehabilitaion office not sure where you live but try to look around you do qualify for that if needed nad it is a big help they did her laundry, cleaned bedding, swept,clean bathroom etc... it gave me the time to spend with her and not woory about dirty house.
good luck

arbrab

Greg48 said:

Thank You
Thank you all for the insperation and kind words , it is very hard to take care of yourself
being a care taker when she is asleep and i can't sleep either because am thinking of her
or there is house cleaning to be done or bills to be paid etc. I just pray for God to give
my mind the peace it needs.

sleep
Greg,
I know what you mean about sleep. My husband would sleep during the day when I was awake. He could not lay down so he sat up all the time. So therefore, I ended up on the couch next to him. He just wanted me close. I think that just gave him comfort. It is hard to take care of yourself too. I lost 25 lbs, and had the dark circles under my eyes. I know what I did wrong now, and can only offer advise to others to do the best they can for themselves. It is a hard journey for any caregiver. I didn't worry if the house was spotless, just fed him and did the dishes. The last time I really cleaned the house I had him sit outside and I dusted and vaccumed. He went into the hospital that night, and passed the next morning. But, oh ya my house was clean. I wish you the very best. But, please try more to take care of yourself too. And you can sleep when she does. Lay next to her and hold her hand. It will comfort her and you too. You will be at peace. It will take awhile, but the time will come when you will know that you did all that you could for her.
Barbra

Greg48

arbrab said:

sleep
Greg,
I know what you mean about sleep. My husband would sleep during the day when I was awake. He could not lay down so he sat up all the time. So therefore, I ended up on the couch next to him. He just wanted me close. I think that just gave him comfort. It is hard to take care of yourself too. I lost 25 lbs, and had the dark circles under my eyes. I know what I did wrong now, and can only offer advise to others to do the best they can for themselves. It is a hard journey for any caregiver. I didn't worry if the house was spotless, just fed him and did the dishes. The last time I really cleaned the house I had him sit outside and I dusted and vaccumed. He went into the hospital that night, and passed the next morning. But, oh ya my house was clean. I wish you the very best. But, please try more to take care of yourself too. And you can sleep when she does. Lay next to her and hold her hand. It will comfort her and you too. You will be at peace. It will take awhile, but the time will come when you will know that you did all that you could for her.
Barbra

The Heart Hurts
Well it has been a long road for my wife she was a fighter, she passed away Dec. 1st ,2008 at 8:45 in the hospice inpatient unit when I got the call I cried out. Cause I wanted to go see her early that day but I was to tired to get up. I will not forget that day . my heart just crumbled . I am still not in my right mind before I could not sleep much because I was taking care of her now I can't sleep because she is gone . I will start back to work Dec. 16 I been on leave since Oct. 20 maybe me working will help me , but the hurt will always be there . I did do the best I could . But I miss her so much , its only been a week and a day .

arbrab

Greg48 said:

The Heart Hurts
Well it has been a long road for my wife she was a fighter, she passed away Dec. 1st ,2008 at 8:45 in the hospice inpatient unit when I got the call I cried out. Cause I wanted to go see her early that day but I was to tired to get up. I will not forget that day . my heart just crumbled . I am still not in my right mind before I could not sleep much because I was taking care of her now I can't sleep because she is gone . I will start back to work Dec. 16 I been on leave since Oct. 20 maybe me working will help me , but the hurt will always be there . I did do the best I could . But I miss her so much , its only been a week and a day .

GREG
I'M SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. IT IS VERY HARD TO SIT AND WATCH SOMEONE YOU LOVE GO THROUGH ALL THEY DO AND YOU CAN'T DO MUCH FOR THEM. WORKING WILL HELP YOU HEAL, BUT IT WON'T TAKE THE HURT AWAY. I LEFT MY HUSBAND AT THE HOSPITAL TO GO HOME AND GET SLEEP, NOBODY THOUGHT HE WOULD GO SO FAST. KNOW THAT SHE IS NOT IN ANY PAIN ANYMORE. SHE IS WELL AND SOMEDAY YOU WILL SEE HER AGAIN. IT'S A LONG ROAD TO RECOVERY FOR YOU, BUT YOU CAN MAKE IT. IT JUST TAKES TIME AND ONE DAY AT A TIME. IF YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK, GO TO THE CHAT ROOM. THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE THERE WHO WILL TALK TO YOU. AT FIRST IT MIGHT SEEM LIKE WE ARE A BUNCH OF WACKO'S BUT WE AREN'T. WE TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING CANCER, CAREGIVING, SURVIVORS YOU NAME IT WE TALK. JOIN US SOMETIME. MOST ALL THE TIME SOMEONE IS IN THE ROOM. EVEN LATE AT NIGHT WHEN YOU CAN'T SLEEP SOMEONE MIGHT BE THERE.
HUGS AND GOOD WISHES TO YOU.
BARBRA

arbrab

Greg48 said:

The Heart Hurts
Well it has been a long road for my wife she was a fighter, she passed away Dec. 1st ,2008 at 8:45 in the hospice inpatient unit when I got the call I cried out. Cause I wanted to go see her early that day but I was to tired to get up. I will not forget that day . my heart just crumbled . I am still not in my right mind before I could not sleep much because I was taking care of her now I can't sleep because she is gone . I will start back to work Dec. 16 I been on leave since Oct. 20 maybe me working will help me , but the hurt will always be there . I did do the best I could . But I miss her so much , its only been a week and a day .

GREG
I'M SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. IT IS VERY HARD TO SIT AND WATCH SOMEONE YOU LOVE GO THROUGH ALL THEY DO AND YOU CAN'T DO MUCH FOR THEM. WORKING WILL HELP YOU HEAL, BUT IT WON'T TAKE THE HURT AWAY. I LEFT MY HUSBAND AT THE HOSPITAL TO GO HOME AND GET SLEEP, NOBODY THOUGHT HE WOULD GO SO FAST. KNOW THAT SHE IS NOT IN ANY PAIN ANYMORE. SHE IS WELL AND SOMEDAY YOU WILL SEE HER AGAIN. IT'S A LONG ROAD TO RECOVERY FOR YOU, BUT YOU CAN MAKE IT. IT JUST TAKES TIME AND ONE DAY AT A TIME. IF YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK, GO TO THE CHAT ROOM. THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE THERE WHO WILL TALK TO YOU. AT FIRST IT MIGHT SEEM LIKE WE ARE A BUNCH OF WACKO'S BUT WE AREN'T. WE TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING CANCER, CAREGIVING, SURVIVORS YOU NAME IT WE TALK. JOIN US SOMETIME. MOST ALL THE TIME SOMEONE IS IN THE ROOM. EVEN LATE AT NIGHT WHEN YOU CAN'T SLEEP SOMEONE MIGHT BE THERE.
HUGS AND GOOD WISHES TO YOU.
BARBRA

hunpot

Greg48 said:

The Heart Hurts
Well it has been a long road for my wife she was a fighter, she passed away Dec. 1st ,2008 at 8:45 in the hospice inpatient unit when I got the call I cried out. Cause I wanted to go see her early that day but I was to tired to get up. I will not forget that day . my heart just crumbled . I am still not in my right mind before I could not sleep much because I was taking care of her now I can't sleep because she is gone . I will start back to work Dec. 16 I been on leave since Oct. 20 maybe me working will help me , but the hurt will always be there . I did do the best I could . But I miss her so much , its only been a week and a day .

one day at a time
Greg--
my condolonces to you. It diesn not make it easier at first but mom has been gone for 4 months now and things slowly workout. You can rest now that she is at peace no more pain no more suffering yes it hurts because they are gone the sorrow never goes away. You will always have your memories and when you are sad try to think of the good times they say it makes it easier, for me it made it worse but now its good and make sme happy.
BUT please do not be mad at yourself for getting rest she would of wanted you to get rest she new your heart was with her at all times.
When i started back to work it made things a bit easier just to keep my mind occuppied but you may notice when your alone and its quiet you will be extremly sad its all normal and crying will heal you i hope. Remember your love and what you had together i Pray that willmake your healing faster. GOD BLESS

itismepsa

Reading your story lets me know that I am not alone. A lot of what you said is the way I feel. We spent the last 3 weeks in the hospital so I have been staying there until 3 am leaving going to work & going right back as soon as I got off. We got to come home Sat. & I have already missed 2 days work this week. Hang in there because being a caregiver is what our loved ones need.

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