venting I think?

Lauracec

before my diagnosis and surgery I boarded horses at my house for the last 9 years, and I have barn kittys that I adore, and a few pet geese and two dogs. oh yeah and the biggest gernsey steer you have ever seen in your life he is 9 and I have had him since he was 3 days old he thinks he is a horse. anyway needless to say we sent all boarders home and we just have 4 horses here and my big steer henry. the problem is i did all the outside stuff and very much loved takeing care of the animals every animal in my care got loves everyday. since I started chemo my onc said I was to stay away from my barn. no feeding animals hay or petting them and to not even pet my cats because they are outside animals and eat rats. so I have pretty much kept with the rules. in the beginning when i wasn,t nutropenic I would pet the animals sometimes and come in and wash up real good but the last few monthes I am always low in blood counts. I miss it so much and am hopeing my ct scan is good enough to stay in the avastin trial because if so I will start that tuesday and it doesn't mess with your blood count so much so I will be able to get around the animals again. I'm thankful our barn is right out my bedroom window so at least I have been able to see them everyday but i am tired of haveing my kids and my husband doing it all. I know this is probably almost petty but they say try to keep living your normal life. and in the house all the time and not having dirt under my fingernails sometimes is realy odd. on the upside I have had a lot more time for studying my bible and reading alot I hadn't read a whole book b-4 this cancer since I started boarding horses. I bet I've read at least 30 in the last few months. I never will board horses again because of the high comeback rate of ovac and it sure would be fun only to have as many as i have now. i will have more time to actually ride and clean the house and mostly keep up on my bible studys. sorry so long just needed to get the feelings out somewhere Laura

floridajo

Sorry
I'm so sorry your not able to play and love on your barn yard animals...it sounds so perfect. Could you maybe wear a mask and gloves and go visit them that way?? I know it sounds like alot to do and go through,but maybe it will work. I have never caught anything from my doggies,but have caught the flu twice from my sister...so really what is the difference??Good luck~~~Joanne

BonnieR

Understand
Hi Laura,

I totally understand as I have always done the haying here and taking care of the animals. I don't ride as much because of the neuropathy in my feet, but still care for the horses. When I am really neutropenic I don't mess with the barn cats or clean barn, but everything else I have done. :-) I have never gotten sick from the horses, but have gotten sick from people. I think people give us more bugs than anything the horses could bring.

You will get better, and you may never recur. Your life may not be the same as it was b4 cancer (somedays that is frustrating) But one learns to deal with it and still live life to the fullest!!

Come here often, vent when you need to(although you have a calm vent going for you) share your journey as in sharing you find the road is much easier. Hugs ♥ Prayers Bonnie

saundra

Thanks for the words
Thanks for your story. I have been fortunate in that after every chemo (20 of them) my blood counts bounced back to near normal or normal. I have not had any infections and did not avoid anything until last week presented with a urinary track infection. I even kept a friends three legged dog for several weeks that could not lift his leg because it wasn't there and pees all over himself (kinda like me). The first time I flew on a plane I wore the face mask. Since then I go without and never caught anything. They didn't tell me that and my spleen was removed at the debulking surgery which is critical in the immune system. Maybe my doctors just want me to live life to the fullest. I do wash my hands often. (((Hugs and prayers))) Saundra

carol2dogs

Venting is good
Laura,
I'm really sorry you can't be with your animal family the way you are accustomed to being. I was never a farm girl, but i love just about all animals (except insects). My dogs are my children, and my gerbil and fish are pretty close to that. I can imagine that you are at least as close to your beloved steer and horses, and it has to be really tough on you. Maybe that suggestion about gloves and mask may help.
Please know you have every right in the world to feel sad about your situation, and you are in no way "being silly." I have tears in my eyes for you and wish there was more I could say to comfort you. Call on God - He can do the job.
Love and hugs,
Carol

Lauracec

carol2dogs said:

Venting is good
Laura,
I'm really sorry you can't be with your animal family the way you are accustomed to being. I was never a farm girl, but i love just about all animals (except insects). My dogs are my children, and my gerbil and fish are pretty close to that. I can imagine that you are at least as close to your beloved steer and horses, and it has to be really tough on you. Maybe that suggestion about gloves and mask may help.
Please know you have every right in the world to feel sad about your situation, and you are in no way "being silly." I have tears in my eyes for you and wish there was more I could say to comfort you. Call on God - He can do the job.
Love and hugs,
Carol

I have talked to the doctor
I have talked to the doctor about gloves and mask and even coveralls and he said that there is stuff I could still get in my lungs from the hay and dirt and it's not cureable and thats the reason I'm not suppose to do any gardening either. but it sounds like your doctors arn't so strict with it. like Bonnie you said you stil throw hay? i guess i have never done this b-4 and listened to the doctor most of the time. is it because I'm in a clinical trial that he is more careful. or maybe he doesn't like animals but my research nurse says the same things. I think I need to do things a little different. thankyou everyone Laura

Susan523

Lauracec said:

I have talked to the doctor
I have talked to the doctor about gloves and mask and even coveralls and he said that there is stuff I could still get in my lungs from the hay and dirt and it's not cureable and thats the reason I'm not suppose to do any gardening either. but it sounds like your doctors arn't so strict with it. like Bonnie you said you stil throw hay? i guess i have never done this b-4 and listened to the doctor most of the time. is it because I'm in a clinical trial that he is more careful. or maybe he doesn't like animals but my research nurse says the same things. I think I need to do things a little different. thankyou everyone Laura

Sorry to hear of your situation....
I sure feel for you; in fact, my eyes have welled up with tears,
as I am also an animal lover.

Would it be possible for you to get a house-dog? As long as
somebody else picks up it's poo, it was okay with my Dr. This
way you could have a warm furry creature to hang out with and
sleep with. Just a thought...

Hang in there xoxo

Dreamdove

I need my cats
I have 2 indoor cats and if it wasn't for them, it would have been alot harder for me when I went thru cancer. When I came home from the hospital after nearly a week, Sam came running down the stairs meowing. It touched my heart and I felt very missed. I have children but I received more love from my cat than from them. Animals don't judge and the love is unconditional. Even now when I come home from work or errants, my cats are there at the door. My teenaged daughter is usually sitting on the couch watching t.v. and asks me, "what is for dinner?" never "how was your day?" or "I missed you." I would never trade in my kids for my cats, of course, but I know I need them all!

kayandok

Dear Laura, thanks for
Dear Laura, thanks for sharing. I think this is something we have all struggled and come to some kind of peace with. My doc told me to be careful, use common sense, eat good food and get plenty of rest. He left the details up to me. I did not ride crowded trains or go to busy places with a lot of people. The few times I had to , I wore a mask. But, I held parties, went to church regularly, played with kids, slept with my cat every day, dug in my yard, and did whatever gave me joy and comfort. I never got sick or caught a cold once during my 10 1/2 cycles of chemo, in spite of being with family members who did.

My opinion is that if you are careful and use wisdom, doing what you love to do has far more positive benefit on your body than negative. I always say, "You are your own best advocate!"

Hugs,
kathleen:)

Lauracec

kayandok said:

Dear Laura, thanks for
Dear Laura, thanks for sharing. I think this is something we have all struggled and come to some kind of peace with. My doc told me to be careful, use common sense, eat good food and get plenty of rest. He left the details up to me. I did not ride crowded trains or go to busy places with a lot of people. The few times I had to , I wore a mask. But, I held parties, went to church regularly, played with kids, slept with my cat every day, dug in my yard, and did whatever gave me joy and comfort. I never got sick or caught a cold once during my 10 1/2 cycles of chemo, in spite of being with family members who did.

My opinion is that if you are careful and use wisdom, doing what you love to do has far more positive benefit on your body than negative. I always say, "You are your own best advocate!"

Hugs,
kathleen:)

ct scan shows improvement
went to the onc today and got the ct results he said the tumor shrunk some and there was an overall improvement. tumor is still there but smaller. I am done with carbo/taxol for now and today I had the avastin or placebo. I have been on it the last 5 cycles so I will know in a day or two if i'm getting the real thing in this phase of the trial. I have been told to pet all the horses and kittys that I want and to return to normal life. so I just spent the last few hours petting my animals. it's wonderful. now just got to get a little more energy back and maybe even ride. God is sooooooo good!!! ps thankyou for all the encouragement Laura

saundra

Good news
Laura, that is good news. Please let us know about the study results if you got the Avastin or not.
We are all giving praises to God that your tumors have responded by shrinking. We all rejoice with you.
Pet those animals and love on them. Just wash your hands afterward and always pray for Gods' protection. I have a yard full of box turtles and handle them during the warm months. Have had horses, dogs, cats, snakes, gerbils etc when the kids were at home. Now we are taking it easy. I do miss the warm fuzzy animals but don't think I should take on the responsibility at this time. I baby sit with friend's dogs sometimes to fill that need. (((Hugs and prayers))) Saundra

Lamarck98

Dreamdove said:

I need my cats
I have 2 indoor cats and if it wasn't for them, it would have been alot harder for me when I went thru cancer. When I came home from the hospital after nearly a week, Sam came running down the stairs meowing. It touched my heart and I felt very missed. I have children but I received more love from my cat than from them. Animals don't judge and the love is unconditional. Even now when I come home from work or errants, my cats are there at the door. My teenaged daughter is usually sitting on the couch watching t.v. and asks me, "what is for dinner?" never "how was your day?" or "I missed you." I would never trade in my kids for my cats, of course, but I know I need them all!

I can relate to you Dreamdove
I have two indoor cats and I could not feel the same way as you in that I could not have gone through my recent hysterectomy and first chemo treatment without them. They sleep in my bed with me and I need them as they are very therapeutic to me. I am worried about cleaning their kitty litter while I am doing chemo, so I never asked my doctor about it nor did he on his own say anything about this. My cats give me a reason to live and I love them so much.