Can't seem to consider myself a "survivor"--too depressed

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dichatham
dichatham Member Posts: 5
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hi,
This is my first post. I had ductal carcinoma in situ and invasive lobular. Had 2 lumpectomies and then bilateral mastectomy when they didn't get it all. Reconstruction done. The last 3-4 months I have gotten more and more depressed. I have taken meds for depression and anxiety for years but this is much worse.

I just can't consider or say that I am a survivor. I have even gone to new doctors--eye, urgent care center and don't even list breast cancer. I guess it's denial. My relationship with my husband is suffering horribly. I'm either crying or angry and taking it out on him. He thinks I should be better by now instead of getting worse. I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there. Then the comments from my family and co-workers that I am "lucky"--which I know I am compared to what some folks go through--but I sure don't feel lucky. How can anyone be lucky who gets cancer?

Sadly my beloved boss is dying of a rare cancer. The thought of losing him tears me up. He's more like a brother. It is inevitable he will die and has been deteriorating over the last few months. He can only come to work 1-2 days a week and looks so bad. I don't know whether it would be better not to see him at all but I know I should feel lucky to have the time with him I do.

I just feel so helpless with all this. I have seen my psychiatrist and there have been no adjustments in my meds. I don't feel ready to go to a support group but don't know where else to turn. If anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear them.

Thanks for reading this and hope everyone is doing well.
Diane Chatham

Comments

  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
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    There was a young man...
    He worked for a client of mine (computer consultant here). He was 37 years old, the world in front of him...marriage, kids, everything. He was SOOOOOO encouraging to me thru my battle, while battling his own...primary site brain cancer. I watched this dear soul waste away, needing the use of a cane, finally he couldn't work at all, and then he passed.

    I was so torn up about it....survivor guilt was raging!!!! I attended a grief seminar...why should an 'old lady' like me survive when this vibrant young man lose his battle? During the discussion, we all wore a balloon with what we were grieving about written on it. At the end, we all went outside and untied our balloon. As it floated up, I said goodbye.

    I use that balloon often, for many things, although now it's just an image. Also answered the question 'Why me?' (no, not why I GOT cancer, but why I survived cancer, twice). The answer? 'Because'. That's it. I don't know, and I can't figure it out. I live my life, influencing others with my proud survival...giving hope whenever possible.

    So, breathe. Find one thing, just one, to see beauty in each day. Right now, I smile at the changing colors of the trees. Tell yourself that you could have missed this, and how grand it is that you are a witness. Slowly, over time, it gets easier to smile...

    Hugs, Kathi
  • dbs1673
    dbs1673 Member Posts: 203
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    survivor
    First, welcome to this site. I have found some great words of comfort, shed some tears and had some laughs here. Since I was diagnosed in May and also had bilateral mas I have given the word "survivor" lots of thought. I haven't felt like calling myself that either. I can't explain how it is that I have done the same for my cancer as have other women and some of us will be cancer free and some of us won't. I think about 9-11 and again how some people did the exact same things yet some "survived" and some didn't. I just don't think the word is enough to describe what we have and are going through, as well as those that care about us have to watch. This is a process, a journey, a forced detour on an unknown path all of which has a questionable outcome.

    This past Saturday I participated in a womens' 5K breast cancer event. This is the 4th year I've participated. I finished my radiation just a week ago yet knew I'd be at this event along with the 5200 other women who registered (2nd largest in the nation). It is an amazing sight. As always there is a parade of "survivors". I couldn't put myself in that line. I don't feel I'm there yet even though my treatment has ended and my prognosis is good. I felt such joy for those women in that parade. I held my own pace in my competitve walk category, somehow wondering if it could be possible to beat my time from last year. I saw the arches of thousands of pink balloons on the finish line and my tears came and just couldn't stop. What I realized is that I have made it to the finish in everyway possible and I felt exhilerated! I didn't survive this, I chose to put one foot in front of the other and keep going, I choose to take all of this in stride and know that someday I'll not only cross the finish line but will also turn around and see it behind me.

    Hang in there Diane!
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
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    Survivors
    I too can relate to how you feel. I have had a lumpectomy and a mastsectomy, and have had bouts when I just don't understand why I am still here. I have lost my Mother and sister to cancer and yet I am still here. In both situations we were both in treatment for cancer at the same time. I have finally come to the conclusion that I am still here because I am supposed to be and let it go at that. I have found that being too analytical about this can really mess with ones mind.

    Others who have not been down the path that we have been down have a difficult time understanding why we don't easily get on with life once all treatment has ended and we are considered to be in remission. The key is "remission" we are not "cured" we are in a holding pattern just waiting for the other shoe to drop. We must come to terms with remission and understand that it really may never come back and if it does we will cross that bridge when and if we get there. This idea does not come overnight so please do not be too hard on yourself.

    As a survivors I look at life differently, I see more joy in the little things like a beautiful sky or a playful animal, even a good meal. This all takes time though so please know that you are a survivor and you are worthy of that title.

    Sending many (((((HUGS))))) your way,

    RE
  • survivor51
    survivor51 Member Posts: 276
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    Understanding
    Diane,
    I totally can connect with you and thought I was selfish for they way I was feeling. I had the bilateral, reconstruction, but then what.....I was in such a mode of doctors, test, operations, chemo, friends sending cards, changing my work, that I was in a whirlwind. Now the whirlwind has died down, I have survived the cancer but now what....At times I have felt like "piece of cake" and it is over but then I feel like I don't even want to be around people. I did find a book that I want to say I'm just on page 33 and in those few pages, they have hit on all my emotional pains, concerns, doubts, fears. I prayed that I could get over this better because I know I put on this great face and smile while inside don't feel like anyone understands....except for the "sisterhood" here. I have the most fantastic husband but I can't even begin to talk with him about my feelings. Men always want to "fix" things but this is not a "thing" that can be fixed but an emotional and physical state taht will get better with time. I found this book that I highly recommend: After Breast Cancer by Hester Hill Schnipper. It is a common sense guide to Life ater Treatment. The good thing about cancer is that we had a plan of action, pick the right doctor, treatment, do the treatment, survive....once that is finished then it just doesn't disappear. I pray you get this book and get a copy for anyone that has gone through this. No, I do not know the author or any connections other than I finally found someone to put words into my crazy emotional life right now. It hit on people that have had lumpectomy, mastectomy, chemo/rad/, and nothing other than surgery. We are all in this together and there is no degree of one being worse than the other. We have all faced cancer and will continue to be changed for the rest of our life. Get the book. Take care and remember, we all get totally depressed, frustrated, and yet there are times of happiness. We just need to figure out how to have more happiness than the other. Take care and we are here. Angela
  • sylva
    sylva Member Posts: 80
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    This is a journey we didn't
    This is a journey we didn't ask to get into. But that's life, good ones and bad ones along the path. I can understand how you feel about being a survivor... And at the same time to feel that a new pain that comes and goes can bring fear and depression thinking that the beast is coming back.
    The only thing that brings me back to peace and happiness is to think that I live my life DAY BY DAY, MOMENT BY MOMENT SOMETIMES. And enjoy it to the fullest, don't think about tomorrow, if's or why's, just live today, adjust to the change, and go with the flow.
    If I worry too much, or I get angry or depress, I'm wasting "this precious moment", and that's all I have, this moment, now. And usually this thinking brings me back to reality, and to enjoy the now with more intensity and optimism.
    Hope you feel better soon!! Hugs
  • Joycelouise
    Joycelouise Member Posts: 482
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    Understanding
    Diane,
    I totally can connect with you and thought I was selfish for they way I was feeling. I had the bilateral, reconstruction, but then what.....I was in such a mode of doctors, test, operations, chemo, friends sending cards, changing my work, that I was in a whirlwind. Now the whirlwind has died down, I have survived the cancer but now what....At times I have felt like "piece of cake" and it is over but then I feel like I don't even want to be around people. I did find a book that I want to say I'm just on page 33 and in those few pages, they have hit on all my emotional pains, concerns, doubts, fears. I prayed that I could get over this better because I know I put on this great face and smile while inside don't feel like anyone understands....except for the "sisterhood" here. I have the most fantastic husband but I can't even begin to talk with him about my feelings. Men always want to "fix" things but this is not a "thing" that can be fixed but an emotional and physical state taht will get better with time. I found this book that I highly recommend: After Breast Cancer by Hester Hill Schnipper. It is a common sense guide to Life ater Treatment. The good thing about cancer is that we had a plan of action, pick the right doctor, treatment, do the treatment, survive....once that is finished then it just doesn't disappear. I pray you get this book and get a copy for anyone that has gone through this. No, I do not know the author or any connections other than I finally found someone to put words into my crazy emotional life right now. It hit on people that have had lumpectomy, mastectomy, chemo/rad/, and nothing other than surgery. We are all in this together and there is no degree of one being worse than the other. We have all faced cancer and will continue to be changed for the rest of our life. Get the book. Take care and remember, we all get totally depressed, frustrated, and yet there are times of happiness. We just need to figure out how to have more happiness than the other. Take care and we are here. Angela

    Angela, I saw that book and
    Angela, I saw that book and was afraid to get it. There is a part of me that freaks out easily still, and I was worried I would read something that would send me into a tail spin. I will stop by the bookstore and take another look. Thanks for the recommendation. Love, Joyce
  • Joycelouise
    Joycelouise Member Posts: 482
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    I have been through some
    I have been through some rough times and this board has been exactly the support group I need. When I read even the posts that are not for me, I benefit. And I really benefit by writing. Maybe it is the nurturing part of women. Taking care of each other here is marvelous, from both sides of the street. Please check in often and feel free to write exactly what is on you mind (as you did).
    I am about 5 months out of treatment (mas, chemo, rads). And it is getting better. One thing that has helped me a lot is actively getting involved in my health, diet, exercise, philosophy, and especially my new love, yoga.
    The emotionally taxing situation with your loved friend is going to give you some extra burden. For me, my extra burden was watching my son get involved with drugs during my treatment and go through some pretty bad times. Unfortunately, I think everyone could write about extra difficulties. Dang, life just keeps on dishing!
    But we just keep on trying. You have my love and support. Be patient and loving with yourself. love, Joyce
  • survivor51
    survivor51 Member Posts: 276
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    Angela, I saw that book and
    Angela, I saw that book and was afraid to get it. There is a part of me that freaks out easily still, and I was worried I would read something that would send me into a tail spin. I will stop by the bookstore and take another look. Thanks for the recommendation. Love, Joyce

    A good book
    Joyce, I read more of the book tonight and can't tell you how I feel like finially I am not gong crazy. Why should I have ups and downs since I'm finished with chemo and can I say I am finished with cancer....It has put into words what I feel and what I don't feel. That it is OK to still be dealing with the emotionally stuff. Why am I still tired and why can't I just bounce back into life. It is really a help book that takes you through the steps of what to do "now". I think that this board has helped me so much and the next thing is this book. I'm only half way through but feel so much better. Take care and God Bless, Angela
  • kbc4869
    kbc4869 Member Posts: 159
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    Hi Diane,
    Welcome to the

    Hi Diane,

    Welcome to the site. I'm five years out and have had all the thoughts that you've described at one time or another. You don't mention when you finished treatment, but it sounds like it was fairly recent. All I can say is it takes time. Time is the only true healer. You have completed the physical requirements for tending to the disease, and now you have started the process of emotionally healing and finding your footing in a new way of life. The physical and emotional go hand in hand, and they are equally important.

    I will share a story with you that I don't talk about very often with my own family. My college roommate was DXed six months before I was. She had a rare stomach cancer. We were both 34. She had two young children, and I was single with no children at the time. She taught 1st and 2nd grade and had been named Teacher of the Year in her region. She also completed her Master's degree while going through surgery and chemo. Next to her, I felt weak. I had no idea how she did it. When she died, I had survivor's guilt because I felt that my single life was less significant than hers. She was a mother, an adored teacher . . . this pillar of strength. And I was just this single girl working in corporate america feeling sorry for myself. I did not attend her funeral. I could not see her in her casket without seeing myself in a casket. I could not see her family and friends cry without envisioning my family and friends crying over me. It took me a long time to reconcile her loss. I still don't understand why I survivied and she didn't. One thing though . . . she was quite outspoken and at time times just plain tactless. She used to tell me that I needed to get married and have children because I wasn't getting any younger. After all the TXs, I was told that I couldn't have children and I told her this. She said, "BAH! Yes, you can." Three months after she died, I became pregant and the day I found out, it would have been her 36th birthday. Once again, she had the last word like she always did!

    If your boss passes, it wouldn't suprise me if he went on to become your guardian angel and help you through your survivor's jounrney. I know it's hard to see him suffer and wonder what your own future holds. None of us knows. But just because he may die from this disease, doesn't mean that you will.

    Figure out what makes you feel good and do it a lot. That may be reading a good book, walking in the woods, helping others, cooking -- whatever. Find people who make you feel good and spend lots of time with them. Be completely selfish and do only things that make you feel good. In time, it will get easier. It is a process. And write us when ever you need to vent. Don't keep it inside -- sadness and fear when not spoken about will only eat you up inside.

    Hugs,
    Kim
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
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    Hi Diane, wanted to welcome
    Hi Diane, wanted to welcome you to the sisterhood and brotherhood. Can't say more than what everyone else said, but we've all had our moments and 1 year later I still feel that I'm battling a journey. Post often, as we will try to help in any way we can. It's tough for others that haven't walked our shoes to understand the emotional side of cancer. We have fears of recurrence, fears of inadequacy, so on and so on, but take each day at a time, day by day and it will get better. Surround yourself with positive people, go out even if you don't feel like it, it does help. HUgs, Lili
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
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    Its hard
    Diane, I'm so sorry to read that you are suffering. I can relate to your feelings though. I am more than 2 yrs out from my diagnosis and still dealing with fears, and depression. There are so many women on this site that have gone through so much more than me and are so incredibly brave.

    Sometimes I think I am a worry wort or just wimpy. But I think we all react to cancer in different ways and for some of us it just takes longer to recover emotionally. I know you mentioned that you don't think that you are ready for a support group yet, but I must tell you that it was the best thing I have done for myself.

    Sitting around and talking with other women who can totally relate to what I have gone through and am still feeling is incredibly comforting and powerful. We aupport eachother through cancer/survivor issues as well as other things that we are dealing with. It feels just like a family. Also this site has been very helpful. I feel that I have made some very dear friends here.

    You must try to find things that bring you joy or contentment. Be kind to yourself and don't push yourself to feel "back to normal" before you are ready.

    I am sorry about your boss. I know it must be very hard to watch him suffer. But, You are very special to him I am sure and just you being there for him is a comfort I am sure.

    Hanf in there and keep us posted, ok? Hugs Eil
  • dichatham
    dichatham Member Posts: 5
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    Thanks for all your support
    All,

    I have been reading your wonderful letters of support and advice. I truly appreciate it. Here's my cancer timeline: 8/07 diagnosis of DCIS, 10/3/07 first lumpectomy & sentinal node biopsy. Node clean, more DCIS. 10/30/07 second lumpectomy. More DCIS. Mastectomy only choice at this point. I decided to have both removed as the other breast was very dense and had some of the same issues as the first one--cysts, spread out calcifications. 11/21/07 mastectomy with reconstruction. 4/08 nipple reconstruction, 9/08 tattooing. No other treatment needed. That is a blessing.

    This has been a tough year going through reconstruction and with the anniversary of my diagnosis and surgery comes Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It was hard to handle last year and doesn't seem any easier this year. I thought I would just get rid of the cancer and go on with my life. Go back to being a wife, mother, grandmother, gardener, butterfly raiser, cat lover, etc. Can't do that though. Everywhere I look, hear or go I see "survivor".

    I have seen a new eye doc and an urgent care center and haven't even noted that I had breast cancer. Just don't want to deal with it. That's probably how my husband feels--he doesn't want to deal with it either. I found out a few months ago that he started smoking cigarettes again. We quit together in 1992 and apparently he started when I was diagnosed. When I found him smoking I was devastated. I'm still angry that he smokes and can't believe that he would do something that knowingly gives you cancer--I did nothing to cause the breast cancer. He keeps saying he'll quit but it doesn't happen. I hate the smell of it on his clothes and when I go out to the garage it is horrible. He of course, doesn't smell how bad it is. It tears me up inside and I don't know what to do about it. I told him it's disrespectful to myself and my boss that he would do something that could give him cancer while we're living through it. It has caused many many fights. He also lost a friend last year at 51 of lung cancer--and still he smokes!

    My boss got bad news-the experimental drug he was trying is not working and he's off. They told him to get his affairs in order while he still could. Sometimes I can't hold back the tears. I just can't imagine him leaving. I guess technically he is a survivor but he has been so sick at times and told me he wished he would just die that I don't know that surviving is what he's doing. I don't think he would call it that either.

    Sorry to go into my issues. It's just too much for me to handle. I feel like I'm going to break and cry over everything. I am going to see my psych med doc tomorrow but I doubt he'll change any meds. I'm also going to see the cancer liaison at the hospital where I had my surgery. I'm hoping she can give me some guidance where to get some help.

    I will keep reading the posts here and trying to find some sanity and happiness. Just now--nothing seems to be happy.

    Everyone stay well and thanks very much again.
    Diane
  • base61ball
    base61ball Member Posts: 125
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    dichatham said:

    Thanks for all your support
    All,

    I have been reading your wonderful letters of support and advice. I truly appreciate it. Here's my cancer timeline: 8/07 diagnosis of DCIS, 10/3/07 first lumpectomy & sentinal node biopsy. Node clean, more DCIS. 10/30/07 second lumpectomy. More DCIS. Mastectomy only choice at this point. I decided to have both removed as the other breast was very dense and had some of the same issues as the first one--cysts, spread out calcifications. 11/21/07 mastectomy with reconstruction. 4/08 nipple reconstruction, 9/08 tattooing. No other treatment needed. That is a blessing.

    This has been a tough year going through reconstruction and with the anniversary of my diagnosis and surgery comes Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It was hard to handle last year and doesn't seem any easier this year. I thought I would just get rid of the cancer and go on with my life. Go back to being a wife, mother, grandmother, gardener, butterfly raiser, cat lover, etc. Can't do that though. Everywhere I look, hear or go I see "survivor".

    I have seen a new eye doc and an urgent care center and haven't even noted that I had breast cancer. Just don't want to deal with it. That's probably how my husband feels--he doesn't want to deal with it either. I found out a few months ago that he started smoking cigarettes again. We quit together in 1992 and apparently he started when I was diagnosed. When I found him smoking I was devastated. I'm still angry that he smokes and can't believe that he would do something that knowingly gives you cancer--I did nothing to cause the breast cancer. He keeps saying he'll quit but it doesn't happen. I hate the smell of it on his clothes and when I go out to the garage it is horrible. He of course, doesn't smell how bad it is. It tears me up inside and I don't know what to do about it. I told him it's disrespectful to myself and my boss that he would do something that could give him cancer while we're living through it. It has caused many many fights. He also lost a friend last year at 51 of lung cancer--and still he smokes!

    My boss got bad news-the experimental drug he was trying is not working and he's off. They told him to get his affairs in order while he still could. Sometimes I can't hold back the tears. I just can't imagine him leaving. I guess technically he is a survivor but he has been so sick at times and told me he wished he would just die that I don't know that surviving is what he's doing. I don't think he would call it that either.

    Sorry to go into my issues. It's just too much for me to handle. I feel like I'm going to break and cry over everything. I am going to see my psych med doc tomorrow but I doubt he'll change any meds. I'm also going to see the cancer liaison at the hospital where I had my surgery. I'm hoping she can give me some guidance where to get some help.

    I will keep reading the posts here and trying to find some sanity and happiness. Just now--nothing seems to be happy.

    Everyone stay well and thanks very much again.
    Diane

    Issues
    I can tell you this Diane - the more you nag your husband to quit, the harder it will be for him to give it up - it has to be his choice. And he has to do it for himself, not for you or your boss or anyone else or it just won't happen. Apparently its his stress coping mechanism. It isn't the smartest choice, but at this point he may feel its the only thing he has any control over.

    He could not "fix" your cancer and men are supposed to "fix" things and protect their families - he may have many guilt issues that he can't deal with or talk to you about right now. Is there a support group for families nearby? Maybe that would help him to work through the issues he has and he would then be more amenable to quitting smoking.

    I am beginning to see as I near the end of my treatments that it is just as hard on the family watching me go through this as it is for me to live through it.

    As for not telling other doctors about the cancer - that's a personal choice. I'm not sure if chemo & rads affects the eyesight or not. I'm still trying to figure out the brain barrier thing.

    I am so sorry that your boss was not helped by the experimental treatment. It is hard to see him prepare to meet the Lord, but it is also a good thing that he has a little time to get everything in order. My heart goes out to both of you.

    And I do believe that support groups are worth their weight in gold in working through emotional issues. There is something about going into a group that "gets it" and you don't have to explain every little detail. Please give it a try - it could make a world of difference for you.

    I'll be praying for you and your husband. For you that you get some peace, for him that he becomes enlightened regarding healthy choices.
  • hattiez
    hattiez Member Posts: 3
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    You need Better Meds PDQ

    Being a survivor is not the cake walk I thought it would be,and am on anti-depressents as well,.

    Twice I've had my meds increased by my MD,at my request,because of the depression. You need to let them know and ask for better/more meds. No shame attached. Increased dosages do take time to kick in,too.

    I've been too depressed to lift the phone,at times,but getting help for all the dark moods helped me move.

    I've decided all these feelings we have are PTSD..,,...we're over the battle,weary,wounded and wondering why we aren't dancing in the streets. Surely that day will come.

    Hattie
  • gemsa
    gemsa Member Posts: 22
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    dichatham said:

    Thanks for all your support
    All,

    I have been reading your wonderful letters of support and advice. I truly appreciate it. Here's my cancer timeline: 8/07 diagnosis of DCIS, 10/3/07 first lumpectomy & sentinal node biopsy. Node clean, more DCIS. 10/30/07 second lumpectomy. More DCIS. Mastectomy only choice at this point. I decided to have both removed as the other breast was very dense and had some of the same issues as the first one--cysts, spread out calcifications. 11/21/07 mastectomy with reconstruction. 4/08 nipple reconstruction, 9/08 tattooing. No other treatment needed. That is a blessing.

    This has been a tough year going through reconstruction and with the anniversary of my diagnosis and surgery comes Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It was hard to handle last year and doesn't seem any easier this year. I thought I would just get rid of the cancer and go on with my life. Go back to being a wife, mother, grandmother, gardener, butterfly raiser, cat lover, etc. Can't do that though. Everywhere I look, hear or go I see "survivor".

    I have seen a new eye doc and an urgent care center and haven't even noted that I had breast cancer. Just don't want to deal with it. That's probably how my husband feels--he doesn't want to deal with it either. I found out a few months ago that he started smoking cigarettes again. We quit together in 1992 and apparently he started when I was diagnosed. When I found him smoking I was devastated. I'm still angry that he smokes and can't believe that he would do something that knowingly gives you cancer--I did nothing to cause the breast cancer. He keeps saying he'll quit but it doesn't happen. I hate the smell of it on his clothes and when I go out to the garage it is horrible. He of course, doesn't smell how bad it is. It tears me up inside and I don't know what to do about it. I told him it's disrespectful to myself and my boss that he would do something that could give him cancer while we're living through it. It has caused many many fights. He also lost a friend last year at 51 of lung cancer--and still he smokes!

    My boss got bad news-the experimental drug he was trying is not working and he's off. They told him to get his affairs in order while he still could. Sometimes I can't hold back the tears. I just can't imagine him leaving. I guess technically he is a survivor but he has been so sick at times and told me he wished he would just die that I don't know that surviving is what he's doing. I don't think he would call it that either.

    Sorry to go into my issues. It's just too much for me to handle. I feel like I'm going to break and cry over everything. I am going to see my psych med doc tomorrow but I doubt he'll change any meds. I'm also going to see the cancer liaison at the hospital where I had my surgery. I'm hoping she can give me some guidance where to get some help.

    I will keep reading the posts here and trying to find some sanity and happiness. Just now--nothing seems to be happy.

    Everyone stay well and thanks very much again.
    Diane

    Takes time
    There is nothing like this experience, and it will take time for things to sort out. Things will never get back to normal, but eventually they will fall into place. The added stress of what is going on with your husband and boss certainly does not help. What worked for me was writing about my feelings in a journal. When you are in the moment, sometimes you can't even make sense of anything because your emotions are just going from one extreme to another. Writing it out can help you sort out your feelings and come up with ways to deal with them.

    My husband smoked for a few years following my diagnosis, and I hated it too. But he'd been smoking for like, 15 years, so nothing I could say would make him quit. He had to decide to do it on his own. Another problem was that he'd tried to quit before and failed, so he had no confidence. He finally spoke with his doctor and got on that anti-smoking medication, and that did the trick. He has not smoked for two years.

    Just know that what you are feeling is normal and we have all been through it. Time helps. So does talking about it or sharing on a message board like you are doing.


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