miscellaneous

ohilly

Okay, I've been going through this almost a year and am now free-associating my 'miscellaneous' concerns: up to now, all I have been worried about is my health, but suddenly now that I am done with treatment I have started to feel bad about my APPEARANCE. I know my hair will grow back and right now a small amount is at least completely covering my head, but it's so short and is coming in all gray. It looks awful. Regarding my breasts, I had a double mastectomy, and every doctor who's ever seen my lat flap reconstruction tells me it's a superior reconstruction, but my breasts have big scars and definitely don't look like the old ones. I look at other 'normal' people and I feel inferior.

Another miscellaneous thought/question is what things have people found it is helpful to do to take your mind off the cancer and get on with life? I was thinking of taking some classes, doing yoga, etc.

Any advice will be appreciated. Ohilly

mmontero38

I am also concerned about my
I am also concerned about my appearance. When, my hair was long enough I dyed it. It was a big morale booster. The scars on my breast will eventually fade. I have been moisturizing and putting cream and massaging so that hopefully, I won't form scar tissue. (On the advice of the plastic surgeon). My biggest problem is my weight gain. And though I do have a thyroid problem thanks to chemo, I can't seem to loose or not gain no matter what I eat, so that has my morale at the very bottom of the pit. I guess we have to be thankful for the little things Ohilly and look at the bright side of things no matter how hard that is sometimes. Hugs, Lili

dbs1673

mmontero38 said:

I am also concerned about my
I am also concerned about my appearance. When, my hair was long enough I dyed it. It was a big morale booster. The scars on my breast will eventually fade. I have been moisturizing and putting cream and massaging so that hopefully, I won't form scar tissue. (On the advice of the plastic surgeon). My biggest problem is my weight gain. And though I do have a thyroid problem thanks to chemo, I can't seem to loose or not gain no matter what I eat, so that has my morale at the very bottom of the pit. I guess we have to be thankful for the little things Ohilly and look at the bright side of things no matter how hard that is sometimes. Hugs, Lili

misc
How can we not think about our appearance...we see ourselves in our changed bodies in the mirror eveyday. I expected the worst right after my double mas and actually wasn't as bad as I thought. Now the waiting and wondering what/if things will heal more and just how much, is always on my mind. I actually had a dream the other night and in it I had my "real breasts", how wierd it was. I miss what I had, no matter how small built I was. I also feel a loss sexually. I don't mean that I can't feel femine, but I miss the sensation of having my breasts carressed during sex. There is no amount of reconstruction that will bring that part back. Perhaps I'm just vain. Perhaps if I wasn't then my surgery would have been finished at the time of the mas. I'm thankful that my treatments and my skin is healing nicely since only being one week out of radiation. Now I'm not sure what the new me is to be. who knows maybe like a good wine, even better as I age!

KathiM

3 years out...
Disclaimer: I am 53 years young, and was never a striking beauty....

Time. And realizing, unlike some others, you dodged the bullet. You are living!

Accepting that there is no going back. Finding joy in what you are now.

All that said, well, yeah, I have days where I won't even look in the mirror...the person staring back is so foreign to me. I comfort myself in realizing that others, as they age, will have the same experience (unless they opt for MAJOR cosmetic stuff...like Phyllis Diller who can no longer even smile, her face is so tight lol!).

But then, I smile. The reflection in the mirror alters. It's ok again. My scars (on my belly from the rectal cancer as well as my chest scars) have faded (I used vitamin E oil like crazy), and I have just lost 10 pounds and feel a whole lot better!

Aging also brings physical changes. We, as cancer survivors, just get a taste a bit earlier. Start by looking at yourself in clothes. See how pretty you look. Grey hair? Well, there is always coloring...I'm keeping mine grey...sort of the Bea Arthur look....lol!

Don't forget to join back into life. Do things, find out what you like...I'm taking gemology classes, and am going back to my speaker/voice over classes...maybe someday you will hear my voice in a commercial!

Hugs, Kathi

cabbott

One idea
I have read of women that decided to get a tattoo over their scars. Afterwards folks would ask stuff like "Where did you get that cool tattoo?" instead of "What happened there?". Mind you, I've never had a tattoo in my life and my mastectomy scar bothered me so little that I never opted for reconstruction in spite of all the support and insurance than anyone could have. But if it is bothering you, do whatever feels right to you to get that new look that feels good to you. Life is too short to be miserable!

GreeneyedGirl

Breasts everywhere
Does anyone else notice all the Victoria Secret commercials all over the tv showing Boobs-Boobs-Boobs everywhere??? And that ours are not normal anymore? It takes time to adjust to our changed bodies, and that clothes don't fit like they used to. We become good at masking or adjusting our clothes to hide our imperfections. And we are survivors. We are overcomers.
Melanie

Joycelouise

I do and love yoga for
I do and love yoga for feeling better. Sounds like you are feeling better. Ahh, the simplicity of worrying about our appearance...a welcome change over worrying about our lives. Get a manicure, buy some earrings, dye your hair (I did), spend money on your appearance! Read a good book (I am enjoying Pillars of the Earth). GO CRAZY! Start enoying! Write and let us know what works well for you. love, Joyce