I don't think they get it....and that worries me

praiseJesus Member Posts: 33
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I was living in Lexington,N.C...working as a Certified Nursing Asst.I have only been away from Wilmington for around 7 years.Anyway...Once I found out I had BC, I had to reach out to my family...we had ben astranged for a while...nothing bad...So I got in touch with my sisiter which is really mt cousin....but her mother which is my Aunt addopted me whwn I was 3 1/2 years old. anyway...I immediatly started reading..test after test and moved down hre with my sister, its what she wanted...well she is a very busy person as well as her husband and they both sem to just go own about there lives for the day,gone alot of times...I wish I could as well...I don't like being here....but it is a safe place.....they own a farm..and she has a business she runs from home...but there both so,so busy.They have helped in many ways....but sometimes I don't really think my sister understands this is real...even though she goes to all surgeries and doc. Appt.If I look good ..then I think she thinks Im able to do so many things for myself....only to end up paying for doing to much later.Well ...let me get to the point.What I need is not to be told how to feel...or not to get all my hair cut off...or only hugs when I cry.Out of both surgeries I've only had food from the kitchen brought to me once...so I'm just wondering when I do start Chemo 3 weks from now....will she be able to truly help me if I don't handle it so good.I've heard she reads once and a while...but what is she reading....alI really need is a good listner....love....mental and amotional support...I'm getting the basic support and have had to push myself physidally when I didnt feel like it at other times, to take care of myself....will this be the case when I'm doing Chemo...????If I get sick....will she come from behind that orderly way and bring me drink or food ...love...a hand to hold...Talking with her just won't work.I just want to feel secure about my care when the Chemo starts...do I sound selfish??Has anyone else had these worries ...what do I think...what do I do????


  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    Shannon: Don't know how
    Shannon: Don't know how your family will react when the time comes. I know mine were pretty much like your sis was until they started seeing how sick I was towards the end. I think or should I say hope she will be there for you at your worst times. Talk to her and explain that you will definitely need her by you should you get ill from chemo. Hugs to you, Lili
  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    It takes a village....
    Nobody can do this on their own, and for most of us it takes more than a few 'helpers' to get us over the rougher spots. I am sure your sister is feeling a bit over whelmed too right now about what may be required of her in the future weeks and months.
    I would suggest that the two of you, and any other family members who are close by, have some discussion about what other support resources are available. How about a church group? When I was in chemo a Sunday School group from my church brought dinners to me and my family for 3 days each month after my treatments.
    Check with your local ACS chapter. They often offer support services.
    The neighbors who live closest to you may be willing to fill in some gaps if they know what your specific needs are. Just spread it out and try not to ask too much of any one individual.
    And don't forget to 'pay it forward' when you are back on your feet again. Hugs.
  • dbs1673
    dbs1673 Member Posts: 203
    Families....as the saying goes we can't live with them, we can't live without them. I have 3 siblings, all living within 15 miles of me. My one brother lives less than 3 miles away and has never asked how I am since my surgery in June, despite having to do radiation. My other brother has been extrememly supportive and is there in a heartbeat. My sister, like yours seems to think that if everything looks good then it must be good. We didn't look sick or feel sick when we got our diagnosis. Enen that part was hard for me. I think it's too scary for them. If it could happen to us, couldn't it happen to them? While I did not have to endure the chemo, I have a friend who felt that once she started it and actually looked sick (ie hair loss, pale) she got a better response from her family. how sad, but true. There is nothing selfish about what you're feeling. On the contray, it's probably the first time you've put yourself first in a long time. Keep your place first.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Care and Support
    I echo the sentiments already posted here~ we just never know how ppl are going to react! It occurs to me that you have a bit of foreknowledge, though...which may be helpful to you. One thing many if not most of us have learned from cancer ( and especially during treatment) is this: If you need help you are going to have to ASK FOR IT!!! This is oftentimes difficult for us to do; women often take care of others, so it is not our nature to need caring for. But sweetie, with cancer, all bets are off! This is a time when you are just going to have to say you need assistance. If you sister is unable or unwilling to be that person for you, PLEASE call the ACS, or make your needs known at your cancer center.

    Even though your sister goes to your surgeries and appointments with you, perhaps she is in a form of denial~ if she sees you doing things for yourself, it may make her feel that you are indeed on your road to recovery and will be just fine. It is hard to get into the mindset of someone else...I suggest you thank her for being there for you and tell her how much you appreciate knowing that she is going to help take care of you during chemo! She may just get the hint! :-)

    But, if she just can't be the nurturing person YOU need, step outside of the home environment, and seek a support group elsewhere. This does get to be about you and your life!

    Keep us posted!

  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    I had a WONDERFUL friend...
    My beau, 2 weeks after my diagnosis, lost his father in Holland...my support pulled out from under me!!!!

    My girlfriend (also a cancer survivor) took me to all of my treatments. And kept me going. Even through some pretty rough patches. Also, a group of gals switched off doing errands for me...

    Sometimes it's just to close for family members. Their heads get wrapped around the danger to them being so close, as well. With all the news about family genetics, I'm certain your sister is a bit worried.

    Hugs, Kathi