How do you

Sandi1

Just wondering - how do you go about your normal life when you are going through treatment for Cancer. My husband had his colorectal tumor removal surgery and is recovering, he will be starting chemo at the end of October; mean while he's acting like nothing is wrong and has planned a short vacation for us in Lake Placid. I'm having trouble just being "normal". How am I going to enjoy our vacation when it could be our last - I just don't know what to do.

Sandi

krystiesq

well for starters
Take your husband's cue and live life as normally as possible. You can't add more time to your life or his by worrying (reading Matthew 6:25-34). Don't let cancer dictate your daily life. Appreciate the time away from treatment as much as you can. From someone who is a caretaker and has been dealing with this for almost a year now, dig deep and find your strenth, it never gets easy you just find your way of dealing with it. Eventually there will be a time when you don't think of cancer more than you think about living, or someone dying more than you think about them living. We all have dark thoughts, you just need to have courage to turn the light back on. When I was little I used to cry sometimes because I would think about my parents dying. It was a fleeting thought and I got over it. Now that my family is facing what we are with my mom having cancer, I have come to know what mortality means and truly what dark thoughts do to me and can prevent their consumption of my light. It is a scary thing, but it isn't something I am going to let control me because I don't know when my time will be up. Take comfort in knowing that there is a plan for you and for me and for that guy you walk past on the street.

You'll get through this. One day at a time.

kristasplace

krystiesq said:

well for starters
Take your husband's cue and live life as normally as possible. You can't add more time to your life or his by worrying (reading Matthew 6:25-34). Don't let cancer dictate your daily life. Appreciate the time away from treatment as much as you can. From someone who is a caretaker and has been dealing with this for almost a year now, dig deep and find your strenth, it never gets easy you just find your way of dealing with it. Eventually there will be a time when you don't think of cancer more than you think about living, or someone dying more than you think about them living. We all have dark thoughts, you just need to have courage to turn the light back on. When I was little I used to cry sometimes because I would think about my parents dying. It was a fleeting thought and I got over it. Now that my family is facing what we are with my mom having cancer, I have come to know what mortality means and truly what dark thoughts do to me and can prevent their consumption of my light. It is a scary thing, but it isn't something I am going to let control me because I don't know when my time will be up. Take comfort in knowing that there is a plan for you and for me and for that guy you walk past on the street.

You'll get through this. One day at a time.

Wow!
Krystie...you go girl!

What an inspirational post that was!

I used to worry about my parents dying when i was a child too. I guess everyone does. Now it's the other way around for my poor Mother!

After more than a year of dealing with cancer, we've learned very well how to take the good with the bad, but appreciate the good that much more.

Many hugs,
Krista

mmeany

Grab life and make it yours
krystysq has it right.
I've been fighting for over 4 years. To think I spent the first 2-3 years waiting for death. What a waste. Grab life and make it yours, for both of you.

Sorry if this seems harsh, I know how tender you must feel.

Understand that life will never be the same but it does not have to be worse, it's up to you to make it better.

msccolon

Sandi
You just have gotten a glimpse of our true nature; we are mortal. "... could be our last..." is how we should all live our lives, if it means enjoying today and not worrying about tomorrow! Your husband needs DESPERATELY to live "normal" and if he wants to go on vacation and have a good time, do your best to give that to him and to yourself. We have to return to as near to normal as possible if we want to get through this battle a victor! The body can only take so much stress; either you learn to deal with it and move on or you snap. I am sure you don't want to snap, so take it a day at a time. Set yourself small goals; even if it's just today I won't cry before lunch. I think it's pretty normal to think that the cancer dx equals a death sentence, but we on this board are proof that that's just not always true! I have entered my 5th year of this fight, and am looking forward to the birth of my 1st grandchild any day now! On August 12, 2004, I didn't think i would see my 45th birthday, which was a little over a year away! Today, I am looking forward to my 50th, which is 2 years away! I have seen my oldest daughter married and it was a huge blessing! Life is still good and it can be for you again; just have faith and take it a day at a time.
Mary

KathiM

Normal becomes the key word...
For those of us who have lived the cancer experience, I can tell you that this word, and it's actions, is the most coveted of all....

Normal is so NOT what is happening, that anything that happens outside of treatment, surgery, etc, is so very, very special.

Caregivers have it the roughest, I think. All we survivors are expected to do is show up for treatments, etc. Caregivers get all the news, facts, and the worries. I send my warmest hugs to you. But, picking up on your comment about "could be our last" well, wouldn't you then want to savor the moments you have? My mother-in-law just passed, my ex-hubby and daughter passed over a year ago, and I can say that the one thing that makes me smile is that I was able to be with them, sharing good memories, only a short time before each of them went on.

On the other hand, you have every right to feel sad, and to accept the feelings of loss. Your world has changed, as well as his. Talk to a good friend, or a counsellor...it's really much better to get it out.

Above all, remember, against all statistics, people do survive and go on with their lives. I was told I had 6 months to live, almost 4 YEARS ago. At the point I was to die, not only was I still alive, (and cancer free on the rectal), but healthy enough to start treatment on my second cancer (breast). My fav saying is: "Statistics are for horseraces and pull dates are for milk products".

Hugs, Kathi

4law

Follow your husband's lead
Follow your husband's lead and enjoy your vacation. If he feels well enough for a short vacation do your best to join him on his escape to Lake Placid. Be thankful he is able act normally. Go with the flow and try not to bring him down. Everyone deals with these things in their own way. Last vacation? Sure, you may get hit by a truck crossing the street. Or, look at the success stories of our group, and while you and hubby are in Lake Placid, plan your next vacation. (I realize it is easier to say it than do it -- but never give up.)