My Husband

Sandi1
Sandi1 Member Posts: 277
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
My husband is Stage 4 with spread to liver and lungs - and I think I saw somewhere on the reports that they think he might have a lesion on his L4 verterbre. I know he has been complaining about a sore back lately - but I don't want to say anything as I don't want to upset him anymore. He just confided in me last night that he his afraid of the surgery because he thinks they may not beable to wake him up when it's done. Like he told me when I had my surgery and I was worried about the same thing - your being silly - they wouldn't put you under if they didn't think they could wake you up. It's in there best interest to make sure your survive the surgery - that wouldn't look too good on the surgeon's resume that he lost someone. I just don't know how to console him - I know he's worried, worried about the surgery & the spread to his liver and lungs. I don't know what to do anymore.

He is having surgery on Sept. 15th, and then will be starting chemo about a month later. Today is our first visit to the oncologist. He is also worried about that.

Comments

  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #2
    Your husband's surgery
    Sandi1, I am so sorry to hear of your husband's struggle. I know how scary all that is and I pray for strength for him and for you to get through this, and you WILL get through this! I am sure other stage 4ers with liver and lung mets will comment soon, just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. God has His arms wrapped around you both and will be with your husband during the entire procedure. Mary
  • krystiesq
    krystiesq Member Posts: 240 Member
    #3
    msccolon said:

    Your husband's surgery
    Sandi1, I am so sorry to hear of your husband's struggle. I know how scary all that is and I pray for strength for him and for you to get through this, and you WILL get through this! I am sure other stage 4ers with liver and lung mets will comment soon, just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. God has His arms wrapped around you both and will be with your husband during the entire procedure. Mary

    My mom was in the same
    My mom was in the same situation. However, she couldn't wait for the surgery as she was having a gall bladder attack that had her extremely ill. I ended up taking her to the emergency room. She too is stage IV, mets as well. The hardest part is waiting for the surgery. Once the surgery is over and you start fighting the beast, the haze will start to lift. I think back about the time spent in the hospital, and the following few weeks, I was in a daze. Sleepless nights and long days, doctor visits, treatment visits, trying to work full time, help my mom out, it was crazy. You just get through it because you have to. You only have a few more days to wait, then you will have a game plan and be able to focus on the task at hand by taking it ONE step at a time. Also, don't worry so much about what you don't know, a wise old bird said to me when we were in your situation that worry feeds the devil's lies. Take comfort in your faith.
  • Sandi1
    Sandi1 Member Posts: 277
    #4
    krystiesq said:

    My mom was in the same
    My mom was in the same situation. However, she couldn't wait for the surgery as she was having a gall bladder attack that had her extremely ill. I ended up taking her to the emergency room. She too is stage IV, mets as well. The hardest part is waiting for the surgery. Once the surgery is over and you start fighting the beast, the haze will start to lift. I think back about the time spent in the hospital, and the following few weeks, I was in a daze. Sleepless nights and long days, doctor visits, treatment visits, trying to work full time, help my mom out, it was crazy. You just get through it because you have to. You only have a few more days to wait, then you will have a game plan and be able to focus on the task at hand by taking it ONE step at a time. Also, don't worry so much about what you don't know, a wise old bird said to me when we were in your situation that worry feeds the devil's lies. Take comfort in your faith.

    Thank you
    Thank you Krystie, I am fortunate to surrounded by family. My husband's sister and brother and mother are all coming down for the surgery to support us. My mother in law just informed me last night that she is planning on staying here until my husband gets home from the hospital so that I am not alone. I married into this family only 9 years ago and I am the second wife of my husband - they embraced me as though I had been here all along. I am a very lucky person. Hopefully all this love, thoughts and prayers will shine down on all of us and help my husband through this ordeal. I tell him everyday, I don't pretend to know what you are going through, I can only help you go through it. I always say - if i'm not doing enough for you, tell me I will do more. And he always says - I am a very lucky man, what would I do with out you. His first wife pretended to care, but really didn't, so I think maybe he might be in the back of his head thinking the same about me. But I am so not like that. I took care of my mother when she was dying of cancer, all the while looking after my 6 year old son. I'm not that kind of person.

    anyway, thanks for letting me vent and listening to all my babble. I feel safe in the knowledge that I can come here and get the support I need when I need it.

    Sandi
  • Limey
    Limey Member Posts: 446 Member
    #5
    Yoour husband
    Hi Sandi, It sounds to me like a tad bit of the fear of the unknown. I think it is pretty normal to be concerned that you wont wake up. I remember not being afraid because i wanted to get the cancer out of me but then laying on the gurnee, I started freaking out thinking of not seeing my kids again. Did i say I love you, did I kiss them? It was pretty overwhelming.

    As a comfort, today, the meds to bring you out of a inducded sleep are so advanced and accurate, you husband really has little to worry about. My friend is an anestists (hell if i know how to spell it) and assured me that they cann pretty much bring anyone back anytime with the new meds.

    I wonder if he is a bit concerned of going through this and not getting results. kind of just leave well enuff alone. I hope he finds peace before his surgery. let him know we all are rooting for him
    Peace
    Mark.
  • Sandi1
    Sandi1 Member Posts: 277
    #6
    thank you
    Thank you all for your information and encouragement. We had our first visit with the oncologist today. Yes, she did say that he would never be cured - but we knew that already but we can beat in into submission. She is going to put him on Folfox + Avastin - which I looked up and it seems that that is a good combination. I want him to survive this, even if we have to live with it the rest of our lives and he has to have maintenance chemo. She looked at his CT Scans and said she is not impressed with the tumors in his liver and lungs, which she said is good they are small and we should be able to shrink them.

    I hope and pray that this will be enough.

    Sandi
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #7
    krystiesq said:

    My mom was in the same
    My mom was in the same situation. However, she couldn't wait for the surgery as she was having a gall bladder attack that had her extremely ill. I ended up taking her to the emergency room. She too is stage IV, mets as well. The hardest part is waiting for the surgery. Once the surgery is over and you start fighting the beast, the haze will start to lift. I think back about the time spent in the hospital, and the following few weeks, I was in a daze. Sleepless nights and long days, doctor visits, treatment visits, trying to work full time, help my mom out, it was crazy. You just get through it because you have to. You only have a few more days to wait, then you will have a game plan and be able to focus on the task at hand by taking it ONE step at a time. Also, don't worry so much about what you don't know, a wise old bird said to me when we were in your situation that worry feeds the devil's lies. Take comfort in your faith.

    worry feeds the devil's lies
    Thank you for that comment, Krystiesq! I am writing that down and posting it and passing it on to a friend that worries way too much! Have a nice day!
    mary
  • lfondots63
    lfondots63 Member Posts: 818 Member
    #8
    My Husband
    I'm sorry that your husband is going through this but it is normal. Like Limey, I was worried about not waking up and seeing my kids again. I had a colonoscopy on Dec.19th and was dx. They wouldn't even let me leave the hospital. My ex was with my kids so I was all alone in the hospital worrying until the surgery the next day (my birthday by the way!) HUGS and tell your husband that we are all rooting for him and once the surgery is done he will have a game plan on what the next steps are. HUGS to you too that has to watch this and be supportive. I had both worlds. My father also had cancer so I was the one watching him go through this after I was done my chemo.

    Lisa F.
  • hopefulone
    hopefulone Member Posts: 1,043 Member
    #9
    Keep the faith
    Sandi, wishing your husband the best and keeping you both in my prayers. I know what an anxious time your both going through. My husband too is stage IV survivor. Has had colon resection, liver resection, and a few "minor "surgeries by comparison in between in the last year and 1/2 . Another may be done in the near future, but the point is I understand your husband's fear of surgery is very real, and the time leading up to it can be very anxious for both of you, but you need to let your husband know that the fear of not having that option is even MORE scary. It's also important that your husband express his worries and not keep them hidden for his mental well being. He's dealing with a lot right now ( you both are). Spouses tend to try to be the "rock" of encouragement,(referring to my own personal experience) but sometimes we need to just listen and understand the fears and express our own fears. It can be consoling sometimes just to be able to share it and not hold it in . Having said that I want you to know that my husband did just fine through the past surgeries. They weren't a "walk in the park " , but fortunately and thanks to God, they weren't as bad as we feared and we were blessed that he was able to have them done. Techniques have so improved over the years . He was home within 5 days of the liver resection and 4 days with the colon resection . Keep the faith and your positive attitude. Will be thinking of you on the 15th
    God Bless,
    Diane
  • Melanie781
    Melanie781 Member Posts: 33
    #10
    A little bit to add
    Sandi,
    My husband and I were also worried about the surgery; who wouldn't be? Its a natural fear, but what helped the most was being informed by the surgeons as to what exactly would be done (he actually had 3 surgeons, but that's another story.) Don't be afraid to ask questions and write down the answers to enable you to refer back to your notes. Knowledge is power. Also, just keep encouraging him with your positive attitude. I believe it helps my husband to see me being strong (and then I go talk to my sister and let her know all my concerns so that I don't keep it in and cause myself physical pain.)
    My guy was in the hospital for 10 days for the first surgery, but they had him up and walking almost right away. I found that the surgeons and nurses were all compassionate and caring and that helped a lot also.
    Please take care,
    ~Melanie

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