I lost a friend today.

mk1117

I just wanted to share my feelings with others who will understand. I was contacted by Leona a couple of years ago. She found my email address on a cancer website I had registered on. Her diagnosis was similar to mine, and she had questions for me about chemotherapy, side effects, and so on. We were comrades together in colon cancer. We emailed on a regular basis to check on each other. We made plans to meet each other in person once our struggles with cancer were behind us. After she finished her treatments, we stopped emailing each other as often. The last time I heard from her was a few months ago. She'd had a recurrence which had spread to her liver. She had surgery, and was undergoing more chemo, but continued to be upbeat and inspirational in her emails. I had her on my mind a lot over the past few weeks, so I emailed her, but received no response. I found a telephone number and called her house last week. I spoke with her husband, who knew who I was. Leona was in the final stages, he said, sleeping most of the time, and her mind wasn't very clear when she was awake because of the pain medications. I sent a card to her a week ago. I found out this morning that she passed away over the weekend. Her funeral was this morning. I'm feeling so much grief, even though I never met her. I also am struggling with the guilt I have that she is gone, and I'm still here.

Like I said, I just needed to share with others who understand.

Thanks for letting me share.

Kathy

lfondots63

I lost a friend today.
Hi Kathy,

I think that the friends we meet online and never in person are still part of our family. When I find out part of our family that I would talk to is gone, I get depressed. It is hard to explain this to others since they don't understand how close we get even if we never meet. I'm so sorry that she has lost her battle to this beast and am saddened. So many wonderful people are taken by this. I was remembering all of them on Friday when the 'Stand up to cancer' was on TV. HUGS and one more of our Angels are looking over us.

Lisa F

Kanort

I'm So Sorry!
Dear Kathy,

Your message brought tears to my eyes and a lingering feeling that resurfaces whenever I hear of someone who has passed away from cancer.....survivor's guilt! I am so sorry that you have lost Leona. I so know that feeling of wondering why some of us survive and thrive while others struggle so badly. There is no rhyme or reason. Your message touches me so deeply for so, so many reasons. Please know that I feel your pain.

Hugs,

Kay

msccolon

Lost Friend
Kathy, I am so sorry to hear about the passing of Leona. I totally understand the survivor's guilt, as probably we all do! For me, there are many emotions mixed in with the grief of losing another friend. First of all, it reminds me what this beast is capable of. If they went blessedly quick, i say a prayer that when my time comes that it be quick. I cry for my loss, as well as the loss of all the other loved ones who no longer have this person on earth. Then, the selfishness kicks in; I am glad MY loved ones aren't experiencing that grief. I have so much more to do in this life that I am just thankful for every day i wake up! I do wonder why a woman who obviously focused her entire life on serving others, evidenced in the funeral service that had people standing in the aisles when we ran out of seats at church, lost her battle while I am still here to continue mine. I wonder why our sheriff, one of the best men I have met in my life, was taken to heaven after a very short fight, leaving behind a young wife and two young girls, while I am still here to continue my fight. I don't have to work hard, though, to remind myself that I am only human, and thus will never have the knowledge as to the why. My job isn't to wonder why him/her not me; my job is to continue on because God isn't finished with me yet.
You obviously meant a lot to Leona, since her husband knew who you were! Be comforted in knowing that she got as much out of your relationship as you did! Angels come in so many forms. I pray for comfort and strength for you in the coming days as you grieve the loss of your dear friend.
Mary

pamness

My deepest condolences
I lost a friend about 2 months ago to lung cancer (she never smoked). She and I were diagnosed about the same time - me with Stage III colon cancer and Carol with Stage IV lung cancer. Even though the cancers and the prognosises were totally different, I felt overwhelming grief and sadness when she died.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Pam

sladich

Sorry
I'm sorry for your loss. I, too, have lost 2 friends from Colon cancer over the past year. We were all Stage 4. One was only 45 and the other 68. I've had survivor's guilt ever since.

Debbie

jsabol

I understand
Hi Kathy,
What a sad post; you have my sympathy, and I know what you are going through. Recently, we lost Kerry from this site; she was one of the first people to respond to my original post, over 4 years ago. She was almost a year ahead of me, with similar diagnosis and treatment. She was so kind and supportive; we were close in age, with 2 kids....we emailed often, and spoke on the phone on occasion, but never met. She later developed metastasis, and fought a valiant and gracious battle for a few years before this terrible disease took her. I felt so powerless as I heard of her decline; she was always positive and upbeat. While I know that our lives are not ultimately in our hands, I felt guilty for surviving and for not being able to do more. I do resolve to try to live each day with some gratitude and am thankful for having reached this day. This disease stinks. Judy

hopefulone

sorry to hear this
I'm sorry for your loss. The friends we meet are treasured always in our memories. God Bless
Diane

mk1117

hopefulone said:

sorry to hear this
I'm sorry for your loss. The friends we meet are treasured always in our memories. God Bless
Diane

Thanks to everyone
Thanks to everyone who replied to my original post. I am amazed by your uncanny ability to know what to say and how to say it in a way that speaks to my heart. I am grieving for the loss of my friend, but I also know that I need to rejoice at my current cancer-free status, and realize that I'm still here for a reason, that God isn't finished with me just yet. You guys are truly wonderful and an awesome support group.

Kathy