The BC Blues

zahalene

Joycelouise said:

Just a few more things. I
Just a few more things. I am promising myself I will keep it short.
Sometimes I need things to help me over a really low down. I like to play solataire on the computer. It takes just the right amount of thinking and all of it about something inconsequential, cards. It is kind of like eating a soda cracker between wine tasting to clear the pallette of unwanted emotions. The problem with a feeling down jag is there is nothing to do about it and my mind starts pulling up everything it can and shining the ugly light on it. At these times I am helped by getting up and doing something that requires no decisions. Like my yoga program that has a work out completely outlined, step by step, for each day for 8 weeks. I just do what it says. Building little routines into our lives can be really helpful. I also train my dog, doing what it says for day one, day two, etc. The key is having it all mapped out when your mind is racing into other unwanted thoughts.
I also have listened to guided imagery and affirmations. Again, with these recordings, I am passive and not in charge of thinking the right thoughts. Someone else thinks and says them for me. It is very calming when I need it. And I have read lots of books. Escapist books are nice, but when I am feeling blue, I like self help type books. Like reading a diet book, but not having to diet. Some good ones for me are A Pace of Grace, Peace Love & Healing (loved it), The Wellness Workbook, etc. I am a very skeptical person, but books with new spiritual philosophies are interesting to me now. I have even delved into some new age body mind connectedness stuff.
In writing these things down, I find that I have no answers. No one thing cures me or does what I really want - makes the truth different. But the truth is getting easier to handle and most importantly, easier to ignore. After all, men don't join support groups based on their likelihood of having a heart attack. Even women as yet untouched by C have a one in eight chance, (12.5%) (for many of you, your onc gave you better odds than someone who hasn't had it!) of getting it. But, blessedly, people can shove these worries out of their minds, even while taking steps to avoid them, but for the most part returning to that calm confidence that things will be okay. We need that to live. And for us, post DX, it has been shaken. But it will return. Most of the time. And more and more of the time as the days pass. At least I hope so! Okay, no more long winded emails from me. But thank you all for this wonderful chance to read about your lives and coping strategies. LOVE, Joyce

Something important
I think you have hit on something important here Joyce.
From the moment we are diagnosed with cancer we must begin making life-changing, and hopefully life-saving decisions. No matter how much input we get from others, it is ultimately our decisions about surgery, treatment, drugs....etc, etc.
During this time I think it helps tremendously if we can simplify our lives as much as possible to leave our physical and emotional resources free to handle these huge 'c' decisions.
Having things mapped out, whether it is a daily routine of work, homemaking, exercise, or whatever, means that we have fewer 'mundane' issues cropping up to sap our strength. Of course, the best laid plans can go awry and we still have to cope, but having a plan for daily living at least minimizes the surprises and allows us to function on 'auto-pilot' at least some of the time. I think 'auto-pilot' is a healthy defense mechanism during the crises of life, helping to prevent over-load.

mgm42

phoenixrising said:

Gee Gals, I've changed my eating as well. From being conscientious about what I eat, buying organic, taking lots of vitamins and supplements to not being as concerned about it all.

You see, I thought I had been taking precautions even though there is no cancer in my family's history. So I do feel a little betrayed. Like what was the point. Now, I still buy organic and roughly eat the same, but I'm not strict about it at all. The only vitamins I take now are Calcium, Mag and Vit D but I was taking tons of stuff when I was first diagnosed. I've always been a huge advocate of alternative medicine. I also took medicine from an elder on a reserve in our area. Oh yes, I do try and get 2 tbsp of flax meal/day and some oil if I remember.

I'm not trying to discount diet, but I ate far better than my ancestors who lived to a ripe old age without ever taking a vitamin or knowing what an omega 3 was about. So for myself, I can't get too excited about it even though I am aware of what the studies are saying. Sometimes I think it's going to be what it's going to be and sometimes we make a huge effort for something that doesn't happen and no effort for other things that do happen.

I think a lot of depression comes from the treatment itself. I was terribly depressed after my first dose of taxotere and that gradually faded out then I relived it with the Tamoxifen until I split my dosage in half. Immediate relief. I don't take any antidepressants because I never believed I needed them. I blamed it all on the meds. Music and nature help me a lot.
We live in a woodland setting and I love watching the rain or snow fall while listening to music. Just taking in all the beauty.

Sylva, I know what you mean about needing to be creative. I measure my mood by how creative I'm feeling. It didn't come back right away and I was afraid it would never come back but hooray, it did and it will for you too. I think that is the most important part of my life is to be inspired and give inspiration through creative works that I usually give away.

I wonder how much of our lives are spent worrying about death. (Glad I didn't see that show that you all had posted about). How often do we "chew" about the possible negatives that may happen in the future. I keep reminding myself that what I have is "now", I don't have a blessed clue about my future even though I may like to think I do. I am learning to give up my future and just try to find happiness in the here and now. What will be will be. Cause how many times has someone bought or done something thinking it will bring them happiness (or health) and it has in fact given them the opposite. Many times for me.

There is much to ponder, but we are all a phoenix rising. From all the crap, fear and despair will come a new day, a new life and a new being.

All good blessings and much uplifting to you all
love
jan

I Quote You...
I just read one a very inspirational thought from you ..... and I quote, "I keep reminding myself that what I have is "now", I don't have a blessed clue about my future even though I may like to think I do. I am learning to give up my future and just try to find happiness in the here and now. What will be will be. Cause how many times has someone bought or done something thinking it will bring them happiness (or health) and it has in fact given them the opposite. Many times for me." Thank you for your insight and for sharing that insight. I appreciate it very much. Hugs, Marilynn

jannyfran

2 tests done today
Hi Ladies,

I hope all of you are feeling good today!!!!! You deserve it. So, today I had my diagnostic mamo and ultra sound since I was feeling pain and hardness in the breast I had surgery on. My results were that I have developed fluid/blood in there. I am so thankful that's all it is. Tomorrow is day #1 of radiation.

Hope to hear from my bc friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Janny

mmontero38

jannyfran said:

2 tests done today
Hi Ladies,

I hope all of you are feeling good today!!!!! You deserve it. So, today I had my diagnostic mamo and ultra sound since I was feeling pain and hardness in the breast I had surgery on. My results were that I have developed fluid/blood in there. I am so thankful that's all it is. Tomorrow is day #1 of radiation.

Hope to hear from my bc friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Janny

woohoo
Great news Janny. And yes, I'm feeling great today. Will the fluid be absorbed my the body with time? Good luck with your rads tomorrow. Hugs, LIli

jannyfran

mmontero38 said:

woohoo
Great news Janny. And yes, I'm feeling great today. Will the fluid be absorbed my the body with time? Good luck with your rads tomorrow. Hugs, LIli

Thank You Lilli
So happy to hear you are feeling great today!!!!!! That is a wonderful thing. As far as the fluid/blood build up goes, the radiologist that read my reports today said that is up to my surgeon once he recieves these reports. After my first lumpectomy I had alot of fluid as well, so my surgeon removed that since he said we had to get this thing going since I had to go in for a recision. For now, maybe it will just absorb on it's own. The radiologist stated that this is common and sometimes one of the side effects and pain from it can last for about one year. I'm just so happy that's all it was. Thank You for your good wishes for as I take the next step into this journey tomorrow.

Tons of Hugs,

This is so so wonderful that I found this site. God, it's great to beable to express yourself and have others respond with concern. I love it!!!!!!!!!