Fighting/Scared for the Future

Sandi1

So, while my husband and I are waiting for him to have his colon tumor removal surgery, it has given me plenty of time to think. And I know I'm supposed to be lifting my husbands spirits right now - and I do that, whenever he needs it. But you know when I'm alone and driving to work I get thinking, what's going to happen to me and my son if anything happens to him. Now I'm not stupid, I know he will die with this "some day" hopefully by then we will have our house paid off and the things done to it that we would like to do. But right now, if something was to happen I don't think I would be able to handle things, I think that I may lose the house because without my husbands salary I cannot even afford the mortgage payment, let alone the regular bills and food on my salary. I can't talk to my husband about this because I don't want him worrying about it. I don't know what to do, I am so scared about the future. I need my husband, I cannot live without him.

I'm sorry - sometimes I just go throught these moments where I can't see clearly as to what is going to happen. My husband and I agree everyday that we are going to fight and fight together to overcome this. But the more I read on here about Stage 4 colon cancer the more frightened I get. I don't share this with my husband because I don't want him to worry.

Thanks for listening to me vent, I'm so glad there is a place where I can come to do this. People who are not directly affected or going throught this just don't understand.

Sandi

Limey

don't forget your still living
Hi Sandi, you bring up very real and very scary points. As the person fighting the disease, my partner is in your shoes with two young boys and a 21 y/o daughter. we have mortages, and car payments, etc.... I am worried he can not make it on his own without me. but the truth is, the survivor does just that, they survive. They may live in a different house, drive a different car, but they survive. It is horrible thinking of how your future may change being the one left behind. I could not imagine the tables being turned in my situation, I don't knowo how I would make it. but I would. I just would. and you will too.

Also, have you read about all of the stage IV semi-colons on here that are survivors? there are many. many, many, many. Stage IV does not mean death. It means a tougher fight. sometimes it means a shorter life but not always.

Lastly, I would be suprised if your husband was not thinkinbg of some of these same feelings that you are thinking. It may be a beautiful bridge you could walk on together instead of alone.
God bless you
Mark.

Madre

Break down the walls
As the spouse that has that is threating with chemo do not let the walls build between you and your family. My husband kept his thoughts and feelings to himself and cried alone as not to worry me... My daughter (15) didn't want me to worry about her so she too kept her feelings private. News flash i'm already worried about my family so share it with me. Your entire family is feeling the same things you are just in different ways. Talk with your husband and be proactive now while you can. Together talk about ways to be secure but don't dwell on it. I have been out of work for 6 months and I carry the health insurance which is paying for my treatment, so we pay the premiums out of pocket. We've cashed in my husbands 401k and some other investments to keep going and I've borrowed money from family. But I am 42 and my husband 45 and we BOTH will be working another 20 plus years to get it all back. Your husband is probably alot stonger than you think and I'm sure he would be hurt knowing you are stuggling all by yourself. I vowed not to let cancer tear my family apart. It has actually brought us closer together. Good luck, and it is ok to be scared. Don't shut out the people you love, he might be needed to share thought too.

kimby

We're scared too
Sandi,

Although I am the one with cancer, I am also scared for my families future. I have been talking to my husband about it, A LOT! We bought this house 7 months prior to my diagnosis a year ago and still haven't sold our old one. I made almost double what my husband does before all this, now....well, not so much. He can't make the payment on this house without my income, let alone the other house and the debt we've accrued during this fight. I fear he would have to file bancrupcy if I die.

So, I've decided that I can't afford to die. It just isn't an option right now. Talk to your family. They are thinking the same things and will be relieved to have it out there. I made my husband promise me he wouldn't keep anything (including his feelings and fears) from me. We are a team.

Kimby

fez1

Fighting/Scared for Future
Dear Sandi and everyone who replied to this:
Your concerns and comments reflect exactly as I have been feeling since my husband was diagnosed in August'05. He had just been laid off from his job 6 months before. We had a lot of debt, 3 kids etc., so this came as really a total "Oh my God, what are we going to do" shock. I, too, am guilty of not discussing our financial situation with Michael because I can't bear to give him another thing to worry about. Sandi, I know just how you feel. But I'm grateful for the advice of the survivors. We have somehow paid our bills for 3 years- we borrowed money from family, borrowed from his 401K, re-mortgaged the house, have parent plus loans for our kids college, tried desperately not to use credit cards etc. Our house is falling down around us but we can't afford to fix it up Here's my fear that I cannot say anywhere else but on this site, What am I going o do if he dies?? How in the world will I be able to pay off our debt? He feels guilty because he does not have enough life insurance to even begin to take care of this financial burden. But I try not to dwell on it. I just figure that I'll cross that when I come to it. My main concern is, of course, for his survival and quality of life but I fear for my children and the financial mess that we're in. I don't know what to say- just that I know exactly how you feel. Take care

Carol