New here with some bitterness and resentment

AlessiaCC

Hello all, I'm new here and I just wanted to say how inspiring everyone is for those who are going through any form of cancer.
I'm 34 and I lost my mother to breast cancer 3 years ago, something I've managed to deal with over the course of the past 3 years as she was my only true best friend.

I thought I was over it, but then I heard something today that absolutely drove my mental state up through the roof and I feel as though I've been setback a bit.

It's rather disheartening actually and I wanted to know if anyone here who has lost a loved one to breast cancer and got over it (if that's a fair statement), ever have something trigger the very emotions you felt the very first day after your loved one was gone?

I don't know how to feel at the moment, but the emotions are rampant and high.
I had to actually give myself some Bach Rescue Remedy to calm myself down, something I haven't use in 2 years.

Sorry if this is the wrong place to do this, I just feel like it was the right community and apologize if it isn't.

Alessia.

RE

EMOTIONS
Hello Alessia,

Of course it is okay to vent here. Who could possibly understand better than those who have walked the same path. I too lost my mom in 2000 and my sister and sister in-law in 2007. Yes, there are set back moment that sometimes bring on anger, frustration, sorrow and believe it or not sometimes even happiness. For me Christmas is hard because I get angry when I see mom's shopping with their daughters or showing up at their homes for holiday fun. My mom's birthday was Christmas day and my sister passed on Dec. 15. I will say that time has eased the angry and frustrated moments and the sorrow some. You love your mom and you will always miss her, time heals a bit. My baby sis and I will call each other on particuly bad moments when the sorrow hits hard. I hope you continue to come and read the posts and share when you would like to. My best to you and a great big cyber HUG!

RE

ladydi1

You've come to the right place
Alessia:

I too know how heartbreaking it is to lose a mom to cancer. I lost mine in 2001 and not a day goes by that I don't miss her. When I found out in the beginning of the year that I had breast cancer too, how I ached to be able to call her to talk about it, as I knew she would understand. May I suggest one thing? Ford Motor has a virtual quilt on the internet as a tribute to those struck down by cancer, both living and dead. Why don't you go on this site (it's free) and design a tribute square to your mom. I believe our mothers are still alive in our hearts and memories and as long as we have those,we will carry them with us forever.
Hugs and Prayers to you!
ladydi1

dancingfan

Breast Cancer...
Alessia.....Sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom. Mom's are the best. Don't hold it in just cry and let it all out. Scream and shout if you want. Just let the grief out. I lost a good friend to Breast Cancer this year. She was misdiagnosed and was in Stage 4 when they found it and she had it all throughout her body. It was too late for her. I cried and cried. I had moved and her family did not have my phone number or new address so I did not know she was so ill until I read about her death in the obit. column of the newspaper. I felt so bad because I would have liked to have been there for her to hold her hand or tend to any of her needs. She was a sweet innocent person who did not deserve the hand that she got dealt. I have many fond memories of our time spent together with our families. I find praying and crying to be a great relief. My Mom was a breast cancer survivor and that was in 1945! Back in those days they did not know much about treatment for breast cancer. She was lucky that her doctor gave her a mastectomy, historectomy (sp?) and lymph node removal! That was a new procedure way back then. I lost my Mom to a stroke when I was about 25. I still miss her something awful! Alessia, there is nothing wrong with venting. Prayer can be a good outlet as well. It is just awful when you lose the ones you love the most. My heart breaks for you. signed....dancingfan

mmontero38

Need to Vent
Hi Alessia: I haven't lost a loved one to cancer such as yourself, but am glad you found this site to be able to vent. We have all gone through some form of hardship either as a survivor or a caregiver and what better place to be, than here with others going through the same thing. I am glad you found this site and yes this is the right community. Welcome to our little family. Sending you virtual hugs, Lili

ggcs111

Emotional Meltdown
Hi AlessiaCC,

I lost my sister when she was 39. She had oat cell carcinoma. She had a strange cough lasting about three months. After all kinds of cold and flu procedures, and after not finding anything in her mammogram, she insisted they do a lung x-ray. That's where they found a shadow the size of a quarter and decided to do more tests. After a CT scan and then an MRI , cancer was found all over her body. She had six months to live. She actually lived less than 12 months but the shock was not any less devastating. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her and the family she left behind. Her husband and five children, ranging in age from 16 to 22 never expected anything like this and they too felt like they were hit in the stomach with the whole thing. I get angry and frustrated and wonder why this happened. I am comforted by many people that God is a good god and he did not intend for something like this to happen. It just happens. We later found out, there were natural gas leaks in the area where she lived as a young, lactating mother. She and other mothers in her area were affected by the leaks. But, my brother-in-law did not want to sue or anything. He felt that it still was one of those things no one knew about or could have predicted. The area was owned by his father. They all thought that proper procedures were taken in the area for those kinds of things. I cry during the holidays and during movies with the same theme of someone very loved leaving their family for the next life. It makes me angry that no one made a stink about what happened to maybe the authorities but who knows, maybe they did and I just don't know about it. It's a shame but like one of the other comments on here said, we have to give it to God and let him have it when you are feeling your worst. You'll feel better. And yes, talk to him, scream and shout if you must. He will comfort you. God bless you and hope things get better for you. This is a good forum for sharing and getting feedback from folks going through the same thing or who know of someone that did.

Cindy54

Been There
Alessia..I can very well relate to you. In 2005 my Mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She underwent over 7 hours of surgery on a Friday night in June. They not only did the hysterectomy, but a major resection of her intestines, giving her a colostomy, removed part of her liver and the omentum. It was just a massive debulking because she was stage 4.I spent many days on the ovarian board looking for ways to help her. In December of that year my legs went out, due to a spinal tumor. They did emergency surgery on me and I had to relearn how to walk again. I had to scramble to find some of my kind friends to take care of Mom while I spent one month in the hospital and another month in rehab. Her doctor actually got her into the same rehab place as me and we spent the last Christmas of her life together. She went home first I followed a few days later on a walker. I spent the rest of my time taking care of her, in all she lived 18 months past her surgery due to her sheer stubborness at not wanting to leave me.I took family leave, struggled to pay things, went on welfare. In December of 2006 she died. Just when I had got back to work fulltime and was getting to where I could afford to treat her to things. In 2007 I went for my first ever mammo and they found two types of breast cancer. I went through all the biopsies, lumpectomies and radiation. Now I am going in for a hysterectomy the end of September because I have a grapefruit sized cyst on one ovary and a mass in my uterus. Through all of this I have been in the same places I was with my Mom. The same hospitals, doctors. All of those feelings I thought I had got past keep coming back. I cried each day I drove home from the Cancer Center just because I missed Mom so much and I felt so alone with things. It is very hard sometimes to re visit the places where so much of your emotion was invested. And it is the little things that will bring you back to that terrible hurt and pain of losing your loved one. I remember walking down the baby food aisle at the store by accident and just started crying because I had been there so many times buying this for Mom because she could not eat at the end. I miss my Mom every day. She was also my bestest friend in this world. But I keep going on, hoping that by sharing some of whatI have been through it will help someone else down the road. There are no easy days for any of us who have lost a loved one to cancer. The best we can do to honor their memory is to live as best we can and to have a little fun along the way. I wish you well. Hugs, Cindy

survivor51

Amen
Hey Sweetie,
I lost both parents to cancer and was the caregiver. I have "gotten over" their death but it still affects me. I miss both of them and this past weekend the 30th is when my dad passed and the 29th would have been my mom's birthday. I miss them but time does help although sometimes I still find myself crying due to missing them. Why couldn't my mom be here to help me through this? This is the best place to be within the "sisterhood" and they surround you with comfort. No matter how small the problem or feeling, we are here. Feel our love, support, hearts surrounding you. Angela

kit45

I'm sorry
Alessia,

I am so so sorry for your loss. Mom's truly are the best. My mom moved in w/me 3 years ago and has been on CO2 24/7 due to pulmonary fibrosis and had a pacemaker/defib placed awhile back. She is truly my best friend and when I was diagnosed with BC and receiving treatment she was there for me every step of the way even with all her medical issues. I clearly understand your feeling of loss for your mom. Remember as everyone has said your memories dear to your heart. When you journey through life and have "good times" she's with you as well as the "bad times". Please know we are here for you any time of day. Love, Kit

AlessiaCC

Wow thanks for the replies,
Wow thanks for the replies, I was a bit concerned over this and I'm now glad I posted.

It's heart warming to know, I don't feel alone like this.
It makes you feel helpless and it's not the greatest feeling.
Of course I wouldn't want to wish this on anyone.
I find I sometimes have my bouts of jealous when I see a mother and her daughter, but at the same time, I'm happy, if that makes any sense?

What triggered this for me now is (and this may sound weird), is Sarah Palin.
Because of all the hype and blogs and comments and what not, I came across a video on YouTube with her on a radio show.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-2z2NAqpGI
I warn you, it's vile and disgusting and to think the station actually stills has these 2 people on the air is disgusting.

Now when I see her face or just hear her name, I get upset somewhat upset and deeply bothered that someone as the same faith as myself would even laugh at it, let alone laugh and not remark "that's not appropiate".
Essentially the hosts of the show called a republican Senator from Alaska a caner and a **** I believe.
When ironically enough, Lyda Green, the woman they called a cancer, fought it and beat it.

What got to me was, how she just laughed on as thought it was actually funny.
There is nothing even remotely funny about cancer whether won or lost and for this woman to do so, gave me a pit in my stomach.

I wrote a letter to her office, but of course that's just fruitless.

How can people not understand and take an issue such as cancer so lightly?
It just sickens me, because to me, cancer is my worst enemy, it took my best friend.
While I'm happy to hear great stories of success, my families wasn't and for someone to even laugh at things as such makes me crazy.

Sorry for ranting.
It's such a disgrace and I just couldn't help it.

shannondugan

I lost my mom 3 years ago too...
It will get better, though it won’t go away. It’s very hard to loose someone, let alone a mother.

I lost my Mom to breast cancer and then found out I had it too. There will be good days and bad days. It’s normal to feel what you are feeling. Think of the time you had with her and how much SHE knew you loved her and still do. I sometimes feel like I am defending my Mom's memory and that’s ok. I have made her name a log in for a certain site so that I remember and think about her everyday. It helps me in some odd way. You have lost your Mom and friend, and that is hard.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
HUGS

AlessiaCC

Thanks Shannon, while this
Thanks Shannon, while this is an online group/forum the replies and words have given me a bit of faith and support.

Joycelouise

AlessiaCC said:

Thanks Shannon, while this
Thanks Shannon, while this is an online group/forum the replies and words have given me a bit of faith and support.

THis may not make sense, but
THis may not make sense, but Alessia, I know that, as a mother with (had) BC, one of the scariest things is thinking of leaving my children. Please do the best you can to have a good life. Remember your mother, yes, but please get support and faith to lead a happy life. All mothers want that for their children no matter what happens. Much love, my cyber daughter...Joyce