in remission from lymphoma

prlatina

i have been in remission now for a month,, just hearing that word was so relieving,, but as i read on I start to find that i have to try to live my life again,, but it has been very challenging my husband and children dont see the nights I cry myself to sleep so scared that this will come back,,I know I know that i have to think possitive..I have lost so much weight, I dont have my long hair and I'm alive.. but I am scared,, so scared I know this sounds crazy but there are times i feel so alone,,I pray everyday and night that God gives me the strengh to go on,,I look at my husband and children and i shut myself down,, I never want to be without them,, I know this sounds crazy but this is what goes through my head everyday?! Is this normal i ask myself everyday,, maybe I wont feel this way after the year goes by?

soccerfreaks

It is widely accepted that cancer may precipitate depression as can some of its associated events including certain surgical and post-surgical processes, chemotherapy, disfigurement, physical impediments and so forth. This depression can be compounded, of course, by a predisposition in that regard. So you are by no means alone in these feelings and by no means alone in sometimes feeling like you are on an island of despair.

Because of the apparent depth of your emotions, I would strongly advise that you consider professional therapy. This is sometimes covered by insurance and when it is not, you might be able to find inexpensive resources in your community that can be of great assistance in this regard, including your hospital, the ACS, even the YWCA/YMCA, and perhaps some other cancer-affiliated organizations.

Beyond that, the main thing, in my view, is to realize, first, that you are not alone, and that rather than losing life, you have entered a new one, at least a new stage of yours, as you, yourself, have pointed out. It can be a time of great personal discovery if you choose for it to be.

Second, it is important, ever so important, that you have or create meaning in your life, whether it be through faith or elsewhere. Me, I've made the very simple commitment to make at least one person laugh every day. It is easy to do because as soon as I show my face to the world in the morning, someone is certain to laugh . Seriously...you need to evaluate what is important to you and then pursue it!

I might suggest, too, that you try the chatroom on this very site. It caters to survivors (and caregivers) of all cancers, and I have found the people that spend time there to be absolutely supportive and responsive. It is true that you may at first wonder what you have gotten into, as it appears at times they are not talking about cancer at all, but that is the point: they are often talking about life, life after cancer! Some folks consider it the best therapy they never paid for .

Best wishes to you and your family, in any event. It DOES get better, but there is no fault in finding someone to talk to that can help you speed things up.

Take care,

Joe

Unknown

pr, I don't think I was ever so scared as when my onco said, you're cancer free...no more treatemnt,...go home...forget about me for awhile.
I was sure that if I did not make another appointment with him right then, SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN. I had been in and out of treatment for 4 years and had forgotten how to live in confidence.
But all that changed....I saw the ole geezer (term of endearment) 3 months later and go figger; I was fine...and the next 3 months, and so forth.
It has been 22 years since I began seeing that ole geezer and he is still telling me to go home and forget about him. And sometimes I do.

terato

Trust me, your family will find you beautiful no matter what. The depression you feel is very normal. It will come and go, like the feeling you get years after a loved one dies when you see something that reminds you of that person. Depression is like that. Sometimes, I think it is worse than the cancer itself!

Love and Courage!

Rick

TereB

Hi prlatina,

What you are feeling now is very normal for cancer survivors. It may sound crazy but it is not. Cancer diagnosis and treatment are scary and bring up all kinds of emotional stuff that we never thought about and nobody told us about.

I agree with soccerfreaks, Zahalene and Terato and like soccerfreaks said, see this experience as another stage in your life, a time of personal discovery. You may be surprised later to find out your are stronger than you though you were.

The fear of cancer coming back is very real and normal too. We all go thru that and the trick is to learn to go on with our lives, even if it seems challenging at first. Yes, it is better to get on with your life but it doesn't have to be right this minute. Give yourself time to heal both physically and emotionally. Just take it one day at a time.

Many cancer depts. in hospitals have social workers that can help you deal with all these new feelings, especially the depression. Sometimes we need a hand to help us get back on our feet.

Here are some places where you might find some help:

Cancer Care, a non-profit org., offers free support and counseling for cancer patients by oncology social workers. They have face-to-face counseling and counceling on the phone. Support groups on the phone are available too and are moderated by an oncology social worker. Call 800-813-HOPE. Check their website www.cancercare.org

Live Strong - www.livestrong.org - offers one-on-one support.

Remember you are not alone on this. The chat room and the bulletins here at the cancer survivor place are good. We are all survivors and caregivers, and because we have gone through similar things like fear, etc., we understand and are willing to lend you an ear and a hand, if you need it. People are nice and very supportive.

Hugs and prayers,
TereB