New Normal?

Dobielynn

how do you find your new normal after all the treatment? and everything you've been through. living with the idea the cancer could come back.

chenheart

I think all of us have either thought or voiced these feelings...and I never thought I would ever be comfortable with my "new normal"...but I pretty much am! 98%~ is that good enough?
My picture should be in the dictionary under the word FRET~ so for me to have a life, love my life and only occasionally think about what happened to me, and that it could happen again is a miracle unto itself. I am alive, I have a GREAT love of my life, I have a wonderful circle of friends, and yes...the "c" word is in the back recesses of my mind. But thinking about it won't make it NOT re-occur, and NOT thinking about it makes my life easier, more relaxed and not focused on the what-if's. I will just cross that bridge if and when it is necessary.

For the record, I am NEVER dying of cancer. An "official" document may say otherwise, but all of my friends know I actually keeled over from too much laughing, too much dancing, too much wine( I admit it!) and just living! So there.

It really does receed, and we get on with the business of being whatever else defines us: Wife, Lover, Mom, Teacher, Friend, you fill in the blanks.

Hugs,
Claudia

Unknown

Its hard to get back to normal. Its been 2 yrs for me and I still think about cancer every day. I still relive that first year of shock, horror, and worry while driving in my car, or laying in bed at night. I try to force it out of my mind but it is not easy. The fear of recurrence is always there. I believe that with time, it will get easier and we will begin to worry less, but thats not much help now. We are here for eachother, and that means alot. Just remember, every year that passes without a recurrence, lowers the chance of it happening at all. So we just need to hang in there and try and live life to the fullest because it is very fleeting.

mirajkarm

chenheart said:

I think all of us have either thought or voiced these feelings...and I never thought I would ever be comfortable with my "new normal"...but I pretty much am! 98%~ is that good enough?
My picture should be in the dictionary under the word FRET~ so for me to have a life, love my life and only occasionally think about what happened to me, and that it could happen again is a miracle unto itself. I am alive, I have a GREAT love of my life, I have a wonderful circle of friends, and yes...the "c" word is in the back recesses of my mind. But thinking about it won't make it NOT re-occur, and NOT thinking about it makes my life easier, more relaxed and not focused on the what-if's. I will just cross that bridge if and when it is necessary.

For the record, I am NEVER dying of cancer. An "official" document may say otherwise, but all of my friends know I actually keeled over from too much laughing, too much dancing, too much wine( I admit it!) and just living! So there.

It really does receed, and we get on with the business of being whatever else defines us: Wife, Lover, Mom, Teacher, Friend, you fill in the blanks.

Hugs,
Claudia

I admire all of you cancer survivors,I know a girl who has had a recurrence of breast cancer and she just told me it has gone into one of her lungs,I told her I will always be there for her,and i really want to,she just shuts me out, i want to support her all the way, and will, I just dont know how to have her open up to me so that she doesnt go through these terrible times alone, any suggestions will be welcome

Unknown

mirajkarm said:

I admire all of you cancer survivors,I know a girl who has had a recurrence of breast cancer and she just told me it has gone into one of her lungs,I told her I will always be there for her,and i really want to,she just shuts me out, i want to support her all the way, and will, I just dont know how to have her open up to me so that she doesnt go through these terrible times alone, any suggestions will be welcome

It's hard when we reach out to someone with love and support and don't get the response we expected.
Sometimes we just have to keep on doing the little thoughtful things over and over and give the person time to become aware that we are there and trustworthy enough to help them bear this almost unbearable crisis in their lives.
Don't give up. And don't let your friend's response dictate your future behavior toward her.
Hugs for being the kind person you are.

VermontPines

mirajkarm said:

I admire all of you cancer survivors,I know a girl who has had a recurrence of breast cancer and she just told me it has gone into one of her lungs,I told her I will always be there for her,and i really want to,she just shuts me out, i want to support her all the way, and will, I just dont know how to have her open up to me so that she doesnt go through these terrible times alone, any suggestions will be welcome

miarjkarm, how wonderful that you care so much for your friend. She's going through a huge load of (often contradictory) feelings and may just need some 'inner space'. Do things for her that need doing - you'll know when she's opening up or retreating from what you offer. Maybe she'd rather watch a funny movie than talk about her cancer...maybe she'd rather have you make her a spaghetti dinner when she gets back from the doctor, rather than going with her. You get the idea. Focus on what she wants/needs, rather than what you think she needs, and I'm sure you'll find so many ways to help her through this. My best friend went through terminal breast cancer about 8 years ago. She never wanted me to go to the doctor or hospital with her, saying that she would just feel responsible to amuse me while we were waiting (no matter how much i assured her otherwise). But what she did want? to take car rides to explore revolutionary war battlefields she had visited as a kid. We laughed and sang and talked the way one does in a car. Maybe not the 'usual' help, but she seemed to thrive on those days.

You'll know what your friend needs and wants. And thank you for being such a caring person.

~ Stacey

Unknown

There is one good side to worrying to much...it can be boring. I have found that just being bored with thinking about the what ifs have helped me avoid them. I am only nine months from dx but have found, that with a few bad days, most days are good. Besides, when I look in the mirror, there I am and I look just like a healthy one breasted woman. Ready to enjoy my day no less than anyone else. Cancer absolutely can not take TODAY away. Live it happily. We can't bite off any more than one day at a time anyway. Funny, I am sure others can tell stories of aches and pains that we jump on and say "That's it. It's cancer". I had such a scare recently with a lump at my incision site. When I was worrying I felt like "If only I could go back to yesterday when I was happy." Well the doctor told me it was scar tissue, not cancer, and I danced out of the examination room. So, I got my wish. Now I just need to be happy! Best wishes to you in finding your peace. love, Joyce

mmontero38

Dobie, in your inner self you need to find the strength to go on. Can't dwell on the what ifs, you have to enjoy each day and live it to the fullest. I get up and thank God every day that he gave me another one. You can't live thinking cancer will come back because like chen said, we will not die of cancer but of laughing and drinking too much. LOL I know it's difficult not to think about it but you can walk out of your house and get hit my a car and die of that so don;t dwell on recurrence. Live you new life to the fullest with the knowledge that you've accumulated from your experience. Stop and smell the roses and enjoy every bit of it. And should it come back, then we just fight back again. Hugs, Lili