Need To Vent . . .

kbc4869

Hi Ladies,

So, my 30-year old co-worker, who sits next to me at work, was dxed with cancer of the esphagus a month ago. This affected me very deeply. I have tried my best to be supportive and to listen and assure her that it will all be alright. I feel very protective of her, and it also brings back a lot of feelings and memories for me.

Yesterday she told me that another one of our co-worker went to HR because he felt that she was getting special treatment (time off, leaving early) that he wasn't getting and was taking advantage of her situation. As you all know, she has a lot of appts right now.

I am sure that HR and our boss did not take this person's complaints seriously. And regardless, she is protected by the American's with Disabilities Act. But it just stumps me.

I came in contact with a couple of mean spirits myself during dx and tx, and I do believe that for every terrible insenstive person, there are 10 wonderful and supportive ones. But the fact that my co-worker did this enrages me. I'm new to this particular group because of a reorg, and I don't know this young man very well. But I can tell you what . . . I now dislike him intensely.

Girls -- what planet do these people come from? How can these ignorant idiots exist?

Thank you for letting me vent. If I didn't have a place to do it, I might attack him and beat him with a breast prosthesis.

Love,
Kim

mmontero38

Kim:
There are very insensitive ppl out there and some could care less about anyone but themselves. I was very lucky and did not encounter that in my office. I was given all the time I needed and when I could I worked from home. I think the best would be to ignore his comments unless he complains to you personally because it is really not worth even dwelling on insensitive ppl like him. I truly hope to God that he doesn't find himself in a similar situation. But then again, maybe he needs to learn a lesson LOL. (Not meant in a mean way, just kidding) Hugs, Lili

chenheart

At the end of the day~ the Mean People are to be pitied...can you imagine waking up every day being the one who runs to HR to complain about time taken off for Cancer Treatment??? These people, ( in my opinion) have so many more problems and personality flaws, that it must be horrid to be them.

You have 2 options here: Kill him with kindness, or ignore him. Either way, you come out the winner!!!

Your co-worker is blessed to have you sitting next to her; can you just imagine if the complainer was ???

It is hard to fathom why people react the way they do, isn't it? Thankfully, YOU reacted with empathy and deep fellow-feeling. That is worth its weight in gold to your co-worker.

HUgs,
Claudia

Jadie

Kim

What goes around comes around. This will in some way come back and slap him in the face.

As if cancer isn't enough to deal with we have to deal with idots like him. Don't know how long you have been through treatment but I'm sure it did bring back a lot of memories for you.

The best advice I got when dx was "watch who you talk to". Some people can build you up and some can tear you down. You learn these people real fast.

She is lucky to have you to confide in and I can certainlly see why you need to vent. Ignore him sounds like he needs to grow up.

Unknown

Pretty bad. The real drag about situations like this is that there just is no getting rid of the anger generated by his insensitivity in a safe way. Its like running around with a lit grenade in a schoolyard. But, here is one possible good spin. The coworker needed to get rid of her anger when she told you. You are now strong enough to take it from her, give her understanding in return (and the proper amount of outrage at his actions). You are there, in essence, to throw yourself on her lit grenade and save her. Soooo, YOU ARE A HERO! Yeah, Kim! You did it and deserve a medal!
When it comes time to support others, things like this aren't always so obviously on the list as bake cookies, but maybe even more wonderful and selfless. Turn your anger into triumph. The band is striking up..confetti is falling!
love and respect, Joyce

kbc4869

Thank you for the replies. The anger has subsided over the last couple of days. I will of course ignore him to my best ability. We are a small team (?) and we rely and deal with each other on a daily basis. I suspect he is (and has been) in the process of digging his own shallow grave at work. I found out he has also taken issue with time I've taken off or have worked at home due to illness or taking care of my child. Strangely enough, this doesn't bother me; I really don't care what he thinks about me. I guess I am more angry at the idea of someone attempting to kick another when they are down. That protective lioness in me wants to pounce and protect my new cub. Not that she needs protecting; she is dealing everything as well as anyone could. But she certainly doesn't need this right now. She thinks it stems from some jealousy and competition (as these things usually do at work). Oh well. As a wise woman once told me, "Stonger Than, not angry at." My internal voice has been reciting this so much that I feel like Sybil

Hugs,
Kim

chenheart

kbc4869 said:

Thank you for the replies. The anger has subsided over the last couple of days. I will of course ignore him to my best ability. We are a small team (?) and we rely and deal with each other on a daily basis. I suspect he is (and has been) in the process of digging his own shallow grave at work. I found out he has also taken issue with time I've taken off or have worked at home due to illness or taking care of my child. Strangely enough, this doesn't bother me; I really don't care what he thinks about me. I guess I am more angry at the idea of someone attempting to kick another when they are down. That protective lioness in me wants to pounce and protect my new cub. Not that she needs protecting; she is dealing everything as well as anyone could. But she certainly doesn't need this right now. She thinks it stems from some jealousy and competition (as these things usually do at work). Oh well. As a wise woman once told me, "Stonger Than, not angry at." My internal voice has been reciting this so much that I feel like Sybil

Hugs,
Kim

Ha Ha Ha~ Sybil, indeed! That one made me laugh out loud, Kim! I am honored to be called a "Wise Woman", thanks for that! Maybe I should sell bumper stickers or magnets with my "mantra" and sweep the nation with strength rather than anger! Ok, I can dream, can't I?
I am not surprised that you are seeing this mean-spirited co-worker for what he is, and that you are not unduly affected by him. It can be somewhat difficult in a small space, but rest assured that the bosses also see his pettiness.

Thanks for the update, and again, your newly dx co-worker is so lucky to have you! Hmmmm...maybe you should send her in here to meet all of us, too!

Hugs,
Claudia

babs49242

"might attack him and beat him with a breast prosthesis" I would love to see that! headlines....male coworker beaten by fake boobie!!