Not Coping Good Today

hward2007

I know every time you guys see my post it is neg. or I am complaining about a hurt or ache, I am trying to do better but my attitude sucks. I don't know if I haven't giving myself enough time to except cancer (dx 01/24/08)my baby girl's 1st B-day and get pissed,sad, glad Im still here or what? Today I am just not coping well and when I do that it makes my side effects and attitude terriable. I am going to try the shower/bath meditation thing and see if my attitude won't improve. My 17mth old is yelling my name, my husband is tired of hearing about my crapy day or day's, I think we both just would like to have a conversation that doesn't envolve dr. appt. BRCA1 status, or chemo. BTW I finished my 4 rounds A/C, Bilateral Masctomy with expanders, working on reconstruction and only have 6wks and 6 rounds of Taxol left before they pass me off to the ob-oncologist for test, recomendations all that jazz.
Love Ya, Heather the Nut

chenheart

Believe it or not~ and I hope you will believe it; "This Too Shall Pass"!!! If you spoke with mom's who did not have cancer, you also know that they are tired, cranky, have hubby's who don't always listen or hear what is being said, etc etc etc. You have had cancer thrown into your mix!

Those who are not going through it,do indeed get tired of hearing about it. Which doesn't mean we don't need to talk about it! It's just that~ with apologies to everyone who has heard this from me a million times: Generally speaking, Women Nurture and Men Fix. And when men can't Fix , they oftentimes opt out. Some completely, but at the very least emotionally.
Which is what makes this site so wonderful! Isn't it great to be able to type something at 3AM or whenever we need to get if off of our chests? Well, we have had enough taken off of our chests, but you know what I mean!

You may have as many crappy not so good days as you need~ this is not formulaic. As long as you are coming in here, and letting it out, and feeling the love and empathy, you will be just fine. I won't tell you to be patient, or to give it time...just know in the recesses of your heart that you will come out of this. And, if you don't, in a time you have set for yourself, look into being part of a group, or seeing a professional to bounce things off of in person. May of us have and continue to.

Be well, sweet sister~ and remember to stop and smell the roses, even if they are cyber ones!

@<~~~{~~~

Hugs,
Claudia

mmontero38

Hey Heather:
We all have our good and bad days. I just think it is a lot to have to go through this and to attend to a 17 month old who is into everything I'm sure. Just remember this will pass and before you know it your treatments will be over.

It's a great thing to have this site where we can vent, complain, moan, etc and also be able to rejoice, congratulate, and have all these sisters listening to you and offering great advice. That's what we are here for and no you're not a nut. Just a young woman, going through a lot in her life right now. Just keep posting. Love ya, Lili

kbc4869

Hi Heather,

I have a 2 year old and I am not currently in treatment, and I am thouroughly exhausted. So, I can only imagine how completely and utterly overwhelmed you must be. I commend you for getting as far as you have.

Don't worry about your attitude right now. Give yourself a break and just try to get through each day. You're not at the point in the journey where you need to accept anything. Treament is war, and you are in the middle of a battle. You can think and philosophize about it when you're done. Right now, just focus on getting through. You don't have to be graceful, eloquent, polite, or any of that now. This isn't a Life Time Movie where you have 10 minutes of sucky and an hour and half of strong and admirable. Life just doesn't work like that.

However, when you get through this -- and you WILL get through this -- you are going to be stronger than you ever imagined. Little things that used to bother you will make you laugh.

As far as the hubby, well . . I can relate and agree with Chen's assessment. I wasn't married during TX, but my hubby and I just don't talk about the C word. He is just unable to handle it. It's unfortunate, but that's just the way it is, so I have found other people in my life to whom I can vent.

I'm pulling for you! Hang in there!

Hugs,
Kim

sylva

This is a rollercoaster!! the real one. And one day we accept the disease, the treatments, we look at life with optimism, and the next day, everything looks so dark and terrible, and it's ok, we need to let ourselves express what we feel. My husband doesn't like to talk about this cancer experience too much either, so I found that going to a support group helps a lot.
You are a strong woman!!! and tomorrow will be a new day, and you start again.
You are not alone, we are all in this journey that we didn't choose, but we have to go through, with the ups and downs, and one day we will have a normal day again.
Big hug!!