need advice help

tinav71 Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hi i need some advice. My wife just had a memogram and they found a spot in her rigth breast. she is scared and worried that it may be cancer she is 37 years old and do not fall in the high risk category. she did the memogram on friday and the results will take about two days to reach her doctor and its just cruel the waiting time. I need help in how can I help her deal with this situation I feel so useless and scared. I would like to know how can I prepared myself in order to help her and make it more confortable for her and how to prepared my family in case is positive. any comments will be apreciated what steps should I begin to take in order to be more informed about this disease. thank you A concerned husband


  • Unknown
    First of all let me say GOD BLESS YOU, SIR.
    You have no idea how important a SENSITIVE and CARING and INVOLVED husband is to any wife who is going through this situation.
    The main thing your wife needs from you right now is the assurance that you will continue to BE THERE for her and that your love and regard for her will not diminish NO MATTER WHAT the future holds.
    One other thing, regardless of how wonderful a husband you are (and you have my vote as one of the BEST), your wife will still need women in her life who have walked this path before her. Encourage her to seek and accept support from others than yourself. I know she does not expect you to hold her up all by yourself, should the test results not be what we hope and pray they will be, so encourage and help her find 'the sisterhood' of this journey as well.
  • ninjamom
    ninjamom Member Posts: 142
    First of all, do not try to get more info on BC until you find out for sure that's what it is. In my case, after the mammogram came the ultrasound, then a needle biopsi and finally the results. Total waiting time to find out it was cancer was about 3 weeks, during this time I made the mistake of doing research on BC, big mistake; it only made me more scared. I agree with Zahalene, reasure your wife you will be there for her. If you want to talk to a live person, ACS has a 24/7 line (800-acs-2345) ask for Reach to Recovery. I hope this helps. We will include you and your family in our prayers.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    Sage advice already given. Don't borrow trouble, as my mom is fond of!

    Breast cancer comes in sooooo many 'flavors', and everyone has their own set of responses, that until your wife gets the status from her doctor, you will just scare yourself silly out on the net...(I did...was convinced I had IBC...a form that is a bit tougher to beat).

    Love your wife. Sounds like you already do! Tell her you are there for her, regardless of what the outcome. Breast cancer is VERY treatable, and there are many on this board that are over 20 years past treatment...and doing great! It IS scary, but beatable!

    Take a deep breath...go find a funny movie to watch...waiting is DEFINATELY the hardest!!!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Of course your darling wife is scared and worried~ as you are too! It may be nothing, it may be something, and the wait for results never makes it easier.

    I second the thoughts you have already gotten~ and also say "Thank You" for taking the initiative to write to us. It is sad but true that oftentimes, men are "fixers" and women "nurturers", and when faced with something they can't fix, some men opt out emotionally. You are of that rare breed who is a true partner to your lady. Bless your heart!

    Do NOT go online and find out everything there is to know about Breast Cancer! You will find truths, half-truths, and un-truths online, and none of it will be a souce of comfort to either of you! The only thing that will stand out in your mind is every negative statistic out there! And you have no way of filtering it out. So, a word to the wise, don't go there!

    We are an amazing group of insightful, strong, intelligent survivors here...we stand at the ready to envelope both you and your wife with support and honest, real-life coping and surviving experience. IF you even need it..which you may not!

    Keep us posted ... and again, bless you and your lovely wife.

  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    I agree with those who have already answered:
    1. It is OK and normal to be scared, for both of you. It is hard to wait, but that is really all you can do for now. If both of you have questions now, write them down so you can take the list to the Dr. and write down the answers. It is hard to remember and process everything when you are face-to-face with the Dr.
    2. Three cheers to you for being supportive already. this site is a good place to find experienced voices and support. Plan to go with your wife when she goes back, or try to help her get a trusted friend to go with her for emotional support...also 2 heads are better than 1 in emotionally stressful situations...even if the news is good.
    3. Reassure your wife you are there for her and always will be, no matter what the results are.
    4. Find something fun to do together, or something busy, if not fun, to keep your minds and bodies occupied while you wait.

    We hope you get the news you want to hear, and that you will not need to stay in touch with us on this site, but we are here if you need us.

  • LindaR48
    LindaR48 Member Posts: 26
    I agree with the other ladies, you are special. Just because there is something on a mamogram doesn't mean it's cancer. In fact the statistics are in favor of it being nothing. Waiting is the hard part. If it does turn out to be cancer, it is not a death sentence. As someone said we have 20 year survivors here. I recently met a 56 year survivor. You can depend on these ladies for help and support if the results are what you don't want. Let us know when you find out the results.
  • dancingfan
    dancingfan Member Posts: 19
    Hi... You are lucky that the spot appeared on the mammogram. I found my own lump and it did not appear on the mammogram! It did appear on a ultra-scan. Ask the radiologist what the spot looks like. Perhaps you may want to have a biopsy done on the lump. Prepare for the worst and pray for the best. Give your wife lots of hugs and support. It is natural to be upset and scared and worried. The fact that she does not fall in the high risk category is a good sign. Tests do take time. I was told that cancer multiplies once every 100 days... I don't know if that is true but I do know that the thought comforted me when waiting for my test results to come back. I will be praying for good results and a speedy recovery.... Dancingfan