afraid to go outside

redrosesplz

Hi, I dont like to go outside since I lost my hair. I dont know what to do... How do you manage? I had a wig fitted but didnt like the color of the hair... they didnt have much to pick from...

skt48

I bought two wigs from paula young online. They are pretty wigs. I have no trouble being seen in public with my wig. I don't go outside without them. Thats just my choice. Hope this helps.

kbc4869

Hi R,

I feel for you. I wasn't so worried about "outside," as much as I didn't want to go to work. I didn't care what the people I didn't know thought -- it was the people that I knew that bothered me. But it's kind of like everything in life that you dread. . . the more you do it, the easier it becomes. It's that first step that's the hardest. But you have to take it.

There are some amazing wig resources out there. If you are limited based on what your insurance allows, try contacting the American Cancer Society for donated wigs. I know that I donated three of mine -- and they were very expensive, beautifully made and real like, and hardly ever worn. Or perhaps wigs aren't your thing -- they weren't mine either. Try getting some hats or colorful scarves. Wig shops also carry these items and many are tailor made to cancer patients. There is also a class that is provided by the American Cancer Society called "Look Good Feel Better." It teaches you how to put on makeup to compensate for loss of eyebrows and eyelashes, cover up circles, and also how to wrap a scarf right. They also give you a case of free makeup, which is very nice. Most often, they have wig vendors on site who may be able to find you a wig that you will be happy and more comfortable wearing. There are so many resources out there. People want to help! Use them!

I hope this helps. I really do feel for you. But take that first step . . . it won't be as terrible as you fear. We are so much harder on ourselves than anyone else could be.

Be good and kind to yourself,
Kim

3cbrca

I wore scarves and went bald when I was around friends or family.... I was afraid at first, but the wig was tooo hot and I remember getting picked up at the airport and getting in the car with my nephew and ripping the wig off and saying that's it! My head was so hot and sweaty after a long flight and I never wore it again!!

KathiM

This is such a personal choice. For me, I wore a wig for a total of 30minutes...never again (and this was one matched to the way my hair looked, before I lost it...lol). I looked around me, and saw other people, both men and women, with no hair. If they were OK with it, well, so I would be, too!
I wore caps, hats, and scarves tied different ways. I actually had a gal with a full head of hair ask me how I tied the scarf so beautifully.

Call ACS (1-800-ACS-2345) and ask them for the nearest center that gives away wigs for free...I was lucky, my treatment center offered this service. Maybe another place will have one you like better. I found out later, when I returned the wig, that it retailed for over $300!!!!

Hugs, Kathi

Unknown

Sometimes not wanting to go outside may be more than just due to the hair thing. I often have to force myself to go outside the house when I am home and comfortable in my baldness. I don't want to put on my wig, not because I look bad in it, but because I do not feel like picking up the set of pain that is my new cancer self. So I do it slowly, like this. Joyce, you don't have to go outside, but you do need to put on your shoes. You can decide after your shoes are on if you want to stay home. Then, Joyce, you don't have to go outside, but you do need to put on your wig. You can decide then about going outside. Etc. When I do all the little steps, opening the front door is not so daunting.
I do go to work each day, and by some miracle have found outfits complete with wig, scarf or hat each morning. But when I get home it is very tough to make myself go to the grocery store. Or, yikes!, to pay my taxes which I had better go mail before midnight tonight!
My daughter took me out to paint ceramics over the weekend. There was another survivor at the ceramics place. The two of us whipped off our scarves and hugged. Sometimes it is good to go out and you never know what fun may be waiting.
My best to you, love - Joyce

survivor51

Hey Rose,
I know exactly what you feel. I faked my way through the whole episode and cried inside many times. The only thing that people saw was a smile on my face. I am crying as I write because the emotion pain is so intense and one that I'm not sure I will forget for quite some time. I do have my hair back and at times want to find the way to hug the "me" that was then. It does get better but it is really hard. I wore a wig, scarves, hats, and while at home, did take all off at times. I know my family and friends love me more than words can express but the hurt is so deep. With that said, most the days are great but it is difficult. I found that I felt safe at the oncologist where there were others like me. I knew of no one personally that I could connect with during my chemo. I had fantastic friends but could not "talk" to anyone that totally understood. I did not want to go to the grocery store, shopping, bank, drug store and etc but my family and friends forced me to partcipate in "life". Their love carried me through this eposide and I am the better. You will find that you will have rollercoaster rides of ups and downs. I did find some neat color bandannas at the craft store. I wore them and then a cap over them. You will find that you are a lot stronger than you ever thought you could be. You can take the wig to your hairstylist and they can change colors and cut it if you like. Also, try Walmart. You can go to one of the 24 hour ones when hardly no one is there and look at what they have. Get a girlfriend to take you on a "late night date" and then get coffee/tea together. There are times that you will need to fake it to make it. Keep writing us and I do wish the chat was working....remember AND THIS TOO WILL PASS. Take care and we are here. Angela

seof

I think the "baby steps" approach is very good. Also, try to think of any other times in your life when you were faced with something scary that could not be avoided...how did you get past that experience? You are still here today. You will get past this too. Contact ACS, or ask your Dr. or chemo nurses for support groups or survivors. Some centers have lists of survivors who don't mind being called for help. Get someone to come go with you. Maybe start by going out on your back porch for a few minutes. Then get in the car and go to a drive through window. Then go to the post office and walk in, then somewhere that has a few more people for a little longer, etc.

Personally, I like hats, and found that the more experience I got going out, the more comfortable I was.

Take care of yourself, seof

Unknown

And also...I have made a bit of a joke that helps me. I can doll myself up and look pretty good with all the add ons. But sometimes I just don't feel like it. So I say "I look very chemo today" or to my husband, "does this outfit make me look too chemo?" Hey, we got used to looking fat in our jeans, we can get used to looking chemo, too. When you're not feeling brave, you can certainly fake it. But it dosn't hurt to develop a bit of an attitude also. If someone doesn't like the way I look in my scarf then they can...well, you know the rest. Here is a smile for you, gorgeous chemo girl! love, Joyce