Started My Radiation

Cindy54 Member Posts: 452
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hello Everyone...Just had my second radiation treatment today and all is going well for me. I know I will get through this and come out okay. But I have a question to all of you. When you were taking your treatment, were you bothered by seeing so many other people going through so much and struggling to just live? Everytime I see some of the people at the cancer center struggling to get through their treatments, it takes me back to my Mom and all that she went through. I wish I could harden my heart a little bit. I think seeing all of this struggle bothers me more than myself going through this. Has anyone else felt this way? Cindy


  • mgm42
    mgm42 Member Posts: 491 Member
    Cindy, you have a good heart and empathy for others. I know to see those others struggling to survive may cause you some pain, but try to admire their fortitude and love of life. Maybe that will help. But, for the record, I shudder every time I see the 5 year old little girl with the port in skull who is in her second go around with cancer. I want to cry, and I even feel a little guilty that I'm having an easier time and am able to fully understand why and how my treatments are affecting me when she can't and just has to accept it and go along with the program. Marilynn
  • Absolutely. I mean how could anyone not feel this way in a cancer treatment center? But it helps you keep your situation in perspective. You always see those who have it easier than you and those who have it harder. The hardest part for me was seeing those who strolled through chemo without one bit of nausea while I was puking my guts out before I even left the waiting area after treatment. Of course I did not want THEM to be sick, I just wanted ME to be like them. And then I saw the lady with a trachea tube pulling an oxygen tank...and I wished SHE could be like ME...I ONLY had breast cancer.
  • babs49242
    babs49242 Member Posts: 193
    Cindy ~ I felt the same during treatments. I wanted to HUG everyone just to give them encouragement. Even a smile from you would brighten their day!
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    Aw, dear sweet soul! You are just wonderful the way you are sharing with others a situation.
    If it is bothering you, tho, a bit of self talk about 'That is them, this is me' can go a long way. This way, you can feel empathy for someone without getting depressed.
    I agree with Babs....a smile is a wonderful visual hug!

    Remember to watch your radiation sites! As soon as they start to turn like a sunburn, put something on it (talk to your rad/oncologist...they have specific likes and dislikes...I used Aquaphor right after each treatment....).

    Hugs, Kathi
  • survivor51
    survivor51 Member Posts: 276
    Hey Cindy,
    You are with a doubt correct with your feelings. I went through this with my mom and it did bring back sooo many memories. In addition, when I went in for my treatment with Chemo, I sat in a room with about 25 people hooked up. I was shocked the first time and really bothered. I ended up bringing my portable DVD player, my earphones, my small player to listen to music, several garden magazines. I could not focus on a book with my eyes during treatment. I made sure to arrive early and sit in the corner of the room. I kept my eyes focusd to "my space". I also caught up on phone calls of friends for fun. Also, I know this sounds totally crazy, I found a cute coloring book and colored...hadn't done that in years. I brought small cracker snacks and some tea bags for tea. I had a friend go with me for entertainment. I also took a box of old pictures and organized them....that was fun. Anything to stay in my "space" and not look around. I asked friends for those magazines that you can order kitchen, bedroom, garden, just to look through. You will struggle with the memories of your mom but it does get better. I know I found that I was angry she couldn't be here with me...I wanted advice and to share. I found that when I was home alone, I just sat and talked out loud to my mom's spirit, cried, and it did comfort me. You don't need a harden heart but remember this is big that you are going through....way way big....but there you are 2 down now with rads. Thinking of you, Angela
  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    My Sister died after surviving for 6 years. A friend in our church is struggling with a recurrence which is spreading to Major organs,and my Aunt is dying from ovarian cancer. It is easy to get depressed, and imagine all kinds of "what if" scenarios. When I go to the Center, I find it helps me to talk to those who feel like talking to me. Hearing their stories and focusing on their situation helps me realize what a variety of possibilities their are, and what a myriad of coping methods people come up with. Also, I started chemo at the center I go to in May 07 and have seen some people "graduate" (finish chemo and not have to come back), some get worse, some just keep on doing the same old thing for months...not giving up. 2 men at the center inspire me in particular: one I will call Joe. He's about 40, I guess. I'm not sure of his diagnosis, but he has been coming for treatments weekly for about 4 years. His condition is not fun, but stable, yet he spends his time trying to make folks laugh, and talking about how wonderful it is to look out the window and see images in the clouds on days when he can't get out of bed. The other man I will call Sam. Sam was 21 and in a wheelchair, barely able to lift his head up for nausea, the first time I saw him. He had a brain tumor and had just left the hospital. The last time I saw him he walked in on his own 2 feet, the tumor was gone, and he was smiling, talking about going back to school next year. So, I guess I'm saying it's OK if it gets you down. Just don't let it keep you there.

  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Bless your empathetic heart!!! How cold and unfeeling you would be if at the Cancer Center it was "all about you"!!! But of course it isn't, and your connection to the family of brave warriors can't be ignored. And, while you are thinking of them, they are thinking of you!!!

    Quite a family we all are, aren't we? I am so often inspired, encouraged, and in awe of the fine people I have come to know or at least know of in this battle.

    Poeple like you make it easier for the rest of us~ again, thank you for your loving heart.