how to deal with grief of husband

bksew

My husband died 4wks ago from only 8months of fight with stomach cancer!! I'm just not sure what to do with my self now!! I quit my bussiness to help him and we thought we would have more time--but we didn't!! I don't know where to go to talk!!
please help!!

survivor51

BK, I am sooo sorry for your loss and to only have the 8 months must be awful. How long were you married? I have dealt with grief unfortunately too much but I do know that going through all the stages of grief is extremely important. Other than the total loniness, is what to do with your time. I'm sure you were 24/7 taking care of him, doctor, test, hospitals, etc. It is a state of emergency all the time and then there is nothing. How does one deal with all the aftermath of such a tragedy? There is mail and thank yous, bills, calls, and just to make a list of tasks is unbearable. Remember to be kind to yourself. I don't know if you have children, relatives, friends, church, etc but if you do, have a cup of coffee/tea with a small group of friends. Spend time with people that you know and trust. Also, I highly recommend visiting this message board regularly and there is the chat room. I'm not sure if there is a particular day and time for people dealing with grief. You might want to ask that on the chatroom. There is a woman, Dana, that I believe is in charge of this site and she usually responds to you. I have found this number to be a life line: 18002272345. This is the ACS number and they are 24/7. Someone always answers and can talk with you or direct you for help. They don't hound you and you never receive solicitations. I even called at 2am and they are great. Sometimes just speaking/writing with a stranger helps. You will be wondering the what if I had....or the shoulda coulda list. This is OK but remember: You were there with him. Feel free to email me or respond on the message board. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Angela

hopefulone

I am so very sorry for your loss. As the wife of a stage IV survivor, dx in 06 , it's very hard even thinking about losing my husband although it's something I do think about every day. I don't know what will happen if that time comes and how I will deal with it, but I urge you to get as much support as you can, whether it be family members, good friends, counselling, clergy, here. etc. A big hug and God Bless. As Angela said, feel free to email here and keeping you in my prayers.
Diane

KathiM

I went to the grief counsellor at my treatment center. She also gave a seminar.

First off, take your time. I know you must be at a loss now, it's hard to believe. I lost my 22-year-old daughter last year.

I agree to go talk to your pastor. And anyone else. Grieving follows a cycle. You will go around and around, each time feeling a tiny bit more able to handle things. Don't make any big decisions now.

I'm sending big, warm, comforting hugs.

Hugs, Kathi

hpat

I know how you are feeling. I lost my husband of 33 years to stomach cancer in September of 2007. It was after a 15 month fight and he was so sick in the end. I too thought we would have more time and that he would be a survivor. He fought hard and had a great strength. How to deal is one step at a time. Some days I feel I am doing a little better then I have a total melt down of tears. I am still trying to find a way to live without him and I throw myself into work alot. The pain is still there and I think I will always have some of it. It does get a little less. I know things will always be different and that I need to carry on. My husband would have wanted that. If you need to talk e-mail me on this sight. Maybe we can help each other as we work through this process. God Bless and hang in there.
Pat