I am so scared

dorion

Hi to everyone, well this is my first rodeo. I've just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer Wednesday and I'm a basket case. All I hear is "silent killer" "5 years". I go to see the cancer doc tomorrow which scares me even more, I'm not sure if I want to know or not want to know. I don't know what to expect how to feel. My abdomen is so extended that I look like I'm 6 months pregnant now I'm thinking it's in my darn stomach. I went to er last Tuesday thinking I was have a stupid anxiety attack and came out with cancer. Go figure eh? Can anyone ease my mind? I know you guys are all going through your troubles I don't mean to bring mine in here but I'm, so scared. I have a 9 year old beautiful daughter that I'm thinking about, she needs me.

mopar

I'm so sorry you must deal with this, but you will not deal with it alone. Here you will find an enormous amount of support, information, friendship and more.

Right now, you need to take a deep breath and try to be positive and don't think the worst. How were you diagnosed - surgery? tests? What stage are you? Will you need surgery? chemo? Do you have a good gynecologic/oncologist? Do you have family support? I know how concerned you are right now, especially for your daughter. But oftentimes the statistics you hear are all the 'bad' ones. Having been here for a number of years I can tell you there are MANY positive statistics to tell about.
Please write us again tomorrow with more information and maybe we can offer more to you in the way of hope, hugs and encouragement. Please try to hang in there.
Hugs,
Monika

dorion

mopar said:

I'm so sorry you must deal with this, but you will not deal with it alone. Here you will find an enormous amount of support, information, friendship and more.

Right now, you need to take a deep breath and try to be positive and don't think the worst. How were you diagnosed - surgery? tests? What stage are you? Will you need surgery? chemo? Do you have a good gynecologic/oncologist? Do you have family support? I know how concerned you are right now, especially for your daughter. But oftentimes the statistics you hear are all the 'bad' ones. Having been here for a number of years I can tell you there are MANY positive statistics to tell about.
Please write us again tomorrow with more information and maybe we can offer more to you in the way of hope, hugs and encouragement. Please try to hang in there.
Hugs,
Monika

Thank you so much for your reply and encouragement. I went to the er thinking I was having a heart attack at the very worst or an anxiety attack. Pains down my left arm, upper back, jaw, pain chests, heart attack right? LOL NOT......well they did all the heart attack tests nothing, but when they did blood work they found out I was walking around with half the amount of blood, I was less than 6. So they gave me a blood transfusion and then cos I do have a very extended abdomen, looks like I'm pregnant now so they did ultrasound and found it on my left overy. I've always had fibroids so was never concerned with the lumps or heavy bleeding, with no insurance I never checked it out. So here I am.....tomorrow I see the oncologist for the first time and I'm so frightened. I want to sit there and hold my hands over my ears and sing so I don't hear him, childish I know. I'm 49 and feel lost and more than that so alone. Everything feels different now. I hear "silent killer" or "5 year window" I don't want to read anymore....of that.......thanks for your thoughts I look forward to hearing from you again.

saundra

Well, God must be with you if you found this helpful group so soon. I was diagnosed Mar. 2 and for a couple of months I thought I probably had less than a year. WRONG!! There are ladies here that have been fighting longer than that and all of us are here to help you get through these first frightful months. If you check this before your doctor's appt. take the time to write down all the questions going thru your mind. Somehow you forget when you get to the doctor. A gynocologist/oncologist is a MUST for any surgery you have. You will become a warrior for your daughter and yourself. I also had a tummy that got larger during the day and looked about 6 months pregnant by bedtime. Just would not go away with tummy exercises or diet. I was also starting to lose weight when diagnosed. We will pray that this was caught early in you. Do you know your CA-125 blood test yet? One question for your doctor... Check back often with questions. We will share out experience, love, and understanding with you. (((HUGS)))

BonnieR

Dearest Dorion, You have already had lots of good questions and responses from a couple wonderful women. The big one is the gynocologic oncologist, you really want to find a surgeon that has specializes in it. Also what state are you as there may be an Ovarian Cancer organization in your area that can be of help. I am so glad you already found this site and know you will find much support from everyone. One step at a time you'll get through this and be around for your daughter.

Hugs N Prayers Bonnie

PS Is Dorion your first or last name. Just curious as my maiden name was dorion.

curlee8661

Hi Dorion,
Like the others, I'm sorry you have the need to be here, but you're fortunate to have found this place. Before I got diagnosed I had a bloated belly (about 6 mo. sounds right), had difficulty eating, felt nauseated, and there was a lot of pressure in my upper abdomen. Most of my symptoms were stomach/gastro intestinal related, so I also thought it might be a problemwith my stomach. When I did get diagnosed (after ultra sound, CA 125 and CT scan) my gynocologyst gave me the worst case scenario, and told me to read up on ovarian cancer on the Internet. After I got done listening to him and doing some research, I was really scared and was prepared for the worst possible outcome. Fortunatelly, the reality was not nearly as bad as I feared.

In retrospect, I'm glad I read all about this cancer as soon as I could get my mind focused on those scarry words. To me, knowledge is comforting. I fear the unknown far more than the scarry facts, but not everyone is the same. We all cope in our own way. I would suggest that you read only what you feel comfortable with, and stay away from the statistics! They do nothing for you except unnecessarily scare you. If you don't think you're ready to hear what the doctor has to say, take a friend or a tape recorder with you to your appointment, or take notes!

You'll probably have to have surgery, but it's not that big of a deal, and chemo is not nearly as bad as you've probably heard or seen in the movies ... We can tell you more about it when the time comes. For now, try not to get too far ahead of yourself! Try not to worry too much about what's ahead, and just take this experience one step at a time. I think it's easier to cope with it that way. Like Monika mentioned, the first step is having a gynocologic/oncologist who will do your surgery. If you don't already have one, find a good one! It's very important.

You seem to have a good sense of humor, which you will need in the months ahead. Hang on to it! When you have questions your doctor didn't explain well enough, or you're worried about something, just come back here! We're all here to support one another, so don't apologize for it. It's great to have friends and family to support you through something like this, but only those who have been through this can truely understand. There are many wonderful women (and even a great man) here who will help you along the way.

I'll be thinking of you. (((HUGS)))
Marianna

lady_em

I never heard of ovarian cancer being a silent killer. I was diagnosed on June 14th with ovarian cancer and just finished my last chemo on Nov. 21st. The pain after surgery was no fun, but I made it through. Vicodin didn't work for me so they gave me a patch that gave me constant pain medicine. That was blessing! The chemo went better than expected. I didn't get the nausea or vomiting...mostly body aches and tiredness which last about 10 days. I had chemo every 3 weeks. My biggest challenge was the tiredness. As a wife and Mom, we do so much for our family and it was hard for me to ask for help from my husband. You're about to go through a tough journey. Be sure to ask for help from family and friends for support with normal day to day tasks. I'm 38 years old and I'm thankful that I'm alive and cancer free. Many blessings to you and hope your surgery/treatment goes well. By the way, your bloated tummy will go away. I lost 20 pounds and have a flat stomach now:)

floridajo

Dorion,
Welcome to the group,I'm sorry to meet you under these conditions.

Take a big deep breath,take as many as you need to calm down. The ladies have already told you to make sure you have a gyn/onc. They are the specialists and you want the very best. The distended belly is most likely caused from ascites (fluid), that is produced by the cancer,and allows the cells to float around in the abdominal area. You won't know your stage or grade until your surgery,it's possible that you could have caught this disease early, having much better odds then what your thinking. If your really uncomfotable,you can ask the Onc to order that they drain your belly.you'll feel alot better and it's a painless procedure. That was how I was diangnosed. I went in the ER because of pain and bloating. At first they thought liver problem. They drained 1900 cc off me, and sent the fluid to pathology. Patholgy reported seeing "suspicious" cells, so then a CT scan, where they were able to see a 8x10x6 in mass!!
There is a whole lot more to tell you, but I don't want to overwelhm you. Good luck and I'll be saying prayers..((((hugz)))..Joanne

dorion

Hello Ladies....you all are so amazing and wonderful. Thank you so much for your support and encouragement, you all lift my spirits! Now let me tell you that I'm so new at this that I'm actually embarrassed by the ignorance I have towards this disease...I haven't had the balls to look into information yet. Please bear with me. Ok now here we go. I saw the cancer specialist today and I thought that things couldn't be better I was right, now he tells me that he is more concerned about my extended stomach and the results of the catscan than my ovary. He says that he now sees nodules a bunch of them there and that now it could be cancer. Apparently from what little I'm hearing, blocking it out I think, don't worry ladies I will arm myself with knowledge but for now I'm on painkillers, my tummy hurts so much, for now forgive my ignorance. Anyway, he wanted to schedule me for surgery a week from today but you must understand that I have my little Meghan who is 9, I must have said that already. I had vowed way before I knew about this that this was going to be one of her best Christmas's ever. Well I want to hold that promise. He didn't see a problem with putting it off til the day after Christmas, I thank God for that, and that I can work til then to make enough money to get all that I wanted to get for Meghan, one of that being a long hair chihuahua puppy, what an order eh? Well I'll work tomorrow and the rest of the days til Christmas, I don't have a stash of cash and basically live on a single mom's income and almost paycheck to paycheck. Anyway I'm babbling on sorry, wonderful drugs they are. But in all serousness, he tells me that he will do a complete hysterectomy and then while he is there he will then feel my stomach to see what's what and then decide what to do, perhaps take some of my stomach away. Hey I look at it that some pay a lot of money for this type of surgery, stomach staple....he didn't mention a thing about Chemo he actually didn't mention a lot about anything, they I read it is I think he thinks I'm gonna die cos he told me to make this the best Christmas ever, I asked him why are you telling me this? Cos it's gonna be my last? It took him about 15 minutes to tell me what I just told you. I didn't ask one question, dumb I know, but I need to be educated. Anyway Ladies that's where it's at right now, and I am still in the dark.....but I'm hearing that by the time ovarian cancer is diagnosed it will through the fluids travel into your abdomen. It took me a while to respond to you Gals cos I couldn't get back into this discussion form for some reason, I don't know how to save it to my computer without having to go into my email account and blah blah blah......I sound like an idiot...sorry. Promise to me more intellent tomorrow. Hard to beleive I'm almost 50 eh? Gosh.....I am regressing I think. Bear with me guys. Good night and I'll check in tomorrow. My name is Linda by the way....am I allowed to say that?

challen14

dorion said:

Hello Ladies....you all are so amazing and wonderful. Thank you so much for your support and encouragement, you all lift my spirits! Now let me tell you that I'm so new at this that I'm actually embarrassed by the ignorance I have towards this disease...I haven't had the balls to look into information yet. Please bear with me. Ok now here we go. I saw the cancer specialist today and I thought that things couldn't be better I was right, now he tells me that he is more concerned about my extended stomach and the results of the catscan than my ovary. He says that he now sees nodules a bunch of them there and that now it could be cancer. Apparently from what little I'm hearing, blocking it out I think, don't worry ladies I will arm myself with knowledge but for now I'm on painkillers, my tummy hurts so much, for now forgive my ignorance. Anyway, he wanted to schedule me for surgery a week from today but you must understand that I have my little Meghan who is 9, I must have said that already. I had vowed way before I knew about this that this was going to be one of her best Christmas's ever. Well I want to hold that promise. He didn't see a problem with putting it off til the day after Christmas, I thank God for that, and that I can work til then to make enough money to get all that I wanted to get for Meghan, one of that being a long hair chihuahua puppy, what an order eh? Well I'll work tomorrow and the rest of the days til Christmas, I don't have a stash of cash and basically live on a single mom's income and almost paycheck to paycheck. Anyway I'm babbling on sorry, wonderful drugs they are. But in all serousness, he tells me that he will do a complete hysterectomy and then while he is there he will then feel my stomach to see what's what and then decide what to do, perhaps take some of my stomach away. Hey I look at it that some pay a lot of money for this type of surgery, stomach staple....he didn't mention a thing about Chemo he actually didn't mention a lot about anything, they I read it is I think he thinks I'm gonna die cos he told me to make this the best Christmas ever, I asked him why are you telling me this? Cos it's gonna be my last? It took him about 15 minutes to tell me what I just told you. I didn't ask one question, dumb I know, but I need to be educated. Anyway Ladies that's where it's at right now, and I am still in the dark.....but I'm hearing that by the time ovarian cancer is diagnosed it will through the fluids travel into your abdomen. It took me a while to respond to you Gals cos I couldn't get back into this discussion form for some reason, I don't know how to save it to my computer without having to go into my email account and blah blah blah......I sound like an idiot...sorry. Promise to me more intellent tomorrow. Hard to beleive I'm almost 50 eh? Gosh.....I am regressing I think. Bear with me guys. Good night and I'll check in tomorrow. My name is Linda by the way....am I allowed to say that?

Hi Linda,
My name is Charlotte and I'm so sorry we have to meet under these circumstances. I know you are probably so overwhelmed by the river of information. Like the other ladies, I say breathe deep and try to stay calm. Make sure your surgeon is a gynocologic oncologist with references. Write all your questions down, and make sure you get answers. Take a close friend or relative to your appointments for another set of ears. We all know how scared you are, as we have all been there. The ladies here have been such an inspiration to me on some of my most panicked days. Monica said it...there are many positive statistics. They just don't get as much press time. Blessings and prayers to you and Meghan. Take good care and stay strong.
Charlotte

dorion

challen14 said:

Hi Linda,
My name is Charlotte and I'm so sorry we have to meet under these circumstances. I know you are probably so overwhelmed by the river of information. Like the other ladies, I say breathe deep and try to stay calm. Make sure your surgeon is a gynocologic oncologist with references. Write all your questions down, and make sure you get answers. Take a close friend or relative to your appointments for another set of ears. We all know how scared you are, as we have all been there. The ladies here have been such an inspiration to me on some of my most panicked days. Monica said it...there are many positive statistics. They just don't get as much press time. Blessings and prayers to you and Meghan. Take good care and stay strong.
Charlotte

Hello all, well the painkillers have worn off and I just woke up and now I'm really scared again. The very first thing I do is get my coffee and sit here and read what you all have to say again for stregnth. I can't beleive I didn't ask this guy any questions, like a prognosis. What if it is in my stomach too, which I'm certian it is. Do you guys think I have just a good a chance as if it were the ovarian. I was just getting adjusted to ovarian. I'm sorry don't mean to be a baby. Well I'm gonna try and go to work....hugs to all of you.

and thanks again to all! I'll look forward to coming home a reading your responses.

mccarty

Dorion,I know some of what you are going through
I was diaghosed with Ovarian Cancer in August 2004. After my surgery, I had to under go 6 full
dose chemo treatments, followed by 12 low dose treatments. All I can say, is do whatever your
Oncologist recommends, and pray and have others pray for you. Whatever you do, don't give up.
I've been in remission since April 2006. It's still scary when check-up time comes. Glenda

curlee8661

dorion said:

Hello all, well the painkillers have worn off and I just woke up and now I'm really scared again. The very first thing I do is get my coffee and sit here and read what you all have to say again for stregnth. I can't beleive I didn't ask this guy any questions, like a prognosis. What if it is in my stomach too, which I'm certian it is. Do you guys think I have just a good a chance as if it were the ovarian. I was just getting adjusted to ovarian. I'm sorry don't mean to be a baby. Well I'm gonna try and go to work....hugs to all of you.

and thanks again to all! I'll look forward to coming home a reading your responses.

Hi Linda,

Since your doctor wasn't much help explaning things (most of them aren't) it's up to you. The sooner you know what you're dealing with and what questions to ask the better you'll be able to prepare yourself for what's ahead. You want to be as active as possible in the decision making regarding your health care.

You can start educating yourself about cancer right here. At the top of this page you will find the words "Cancer Information". Click on that, and then choose a cancer topic near the top of the screen. There, you will be able to familiarize yourself with both ovarian and stomach cancers, just in case. In addition, you will find a list of things to ask your doctor. Take notes! There are a bunch of sub headings to let you know what you'll be reading about. If some of them sound too scarry right now(something you're not ready to know yet) just skip it! You can always go back and read more when you feel ready for it.

As far as the puppy is concerned, have you had one before? You may want to postpone it. I know how much your daughter is looking forward to it, but if you'll be having major surgery, the last thing you'll be up to is running and cleaning up after a puppy constantly while you're recooperating and possible having tratment at the same time. Puppies are great, but they are a lot of work even after they are housebroken, and I don't know if you can rely on a 9 year old to be responsible for it all. Perhaps you can make up an excuse why it can't happen until a couple of months later? You're in a tough spot.

Keep in touch!
~Marianna~

dorion

curlee8661 said:

Hi Linda,

Since your doctor wasn't much help explaning things (most of them aren't) it's up to you. The sooner you know what you're dealing with and what questions to ask the better you'll be able to prepare yourself for what's ahead. You want to be as active as possible in the decision making regarding your health care.

You can start educating yourself about cancer right here. At the top of this page you will find the words "Cancer Information". Click on that, and then choose a cancer topic near the top of the screen. There, you will be able to familiarize yourself with both ovarian and stomach cancers, just in case. In addition, you will find a list of things to ask your doctor. Take notes! There are a bunch of sub headings to let you know what you'll be reading about. If some of them sound too scarry right now(something you're not ready to know yet) just skip it! You can always go back and read more when you feel ready for it.

As far as the puppy is concerned, have you had one before? You may want to postpone it. I know how much your daughter is looking forward to it, but if you'll be having major surgery, the last thing you'll be up to is running and cleaning up after a puppy constantly while you're recooperating and possible having tratment at the same time. Puppies are great, but they are a lot of work even after they are housebroken, and I don't know if you can rely on a 9 year old to be responsible for it all. Perhaps you can make up an excuse why it can't happen until a couple of months later? You're in a tough spot.

Keep in touch!
~Marianna~

Thank you Marianna, Glenda, charlotte, Joanne and if I missed any names forgive me. Thank you for all your advice and well wishes and support. As you can read my post you can tell I'm all over the place emotionally. One minute I try to be optimistic the next the ultimate fear sets in. I know I should equip myself with information and knowledge but I was dissappointed when I called a doctor friend of mine and he told me if it has spread to my stomaach than that is real bad! Now that didn't do anything for my optimism. I will look at the information Marianna that you suggested and try to be brave. Just all be patient with me as this is just over a week for me, I hope to get the hang of it. I want the surgery to be over with on one hand and on the other I can wait if you know what I mean. But what is anyone's take on this traveling to my stomach? yes I know I can look it up but I think right now I'll take straws. Thanks again Ladies.

Susan523

dorion said:

Thank you Marianna, Glenda, charlotte, Joanne and if I missed any names forgive me. Thank you for all your advice and well wishes and support. As you can read my post you can tell I'm all over the place emotionally. One minute I try to be optimistic the next the ultimate fear sets in. I know I should equip myself with information and knowledge but I was dissappointed when I called a doctor friend of mine and he told me if it has spread to my stomaach than that is real bad! Now that didn't do anything for my optimism. I will look at the information Marianna that you suggested and try to be brave. Just all be patient with me as this is just over a week for me, I hope to get the hang of it. I want the surgery to be over with on one hand and on the other I can wait if you know what I mean. But what is anyone's take on this traveling to my stomach? yes I know I can look it up but I think right now I'll take straws. Thanks again Ladies.

Dear Linda, Again, sorry to meet under these circumstances. My best advice is to start a notebook/journal for the doctor's visits. Whenever you think of a question, jot it down. And when you get the anwswers, write them down, too. I was diagnosed May'06, and have had my notebook since then, and still refer back to it.
I also have a diary/journal for my personal feelings at home. I also feel that it is imperative that you find an Gynecological Oncologist. Not just an Oncologist; one who specializes. I, too, was extremely bloated and filled with fluid; 'full' after 2 bites of food, but it was not in my stomach. I had a complete hysterectomy, lost some intestines & colon (do you have diahrreah?), among other things like an appendix. After that, I had 6 rounds of chemo, and was in remission for 8months. Now my cancer has recurred, being "salt & pepper" like spots on my liver surface & bowel surface. Now I'll be receiving chemo directly into my abdomen. I was stage IIIC by the way...
Don't be afraid to ask questions. As someone else already stated, "knowledge is power". I know it's a very scary time, but you found the right place here. Sad to say, I didn't find this link/area for over a year!! Would have loved to have the support of these ladies much sooner! And, yes, think twice about all the bending over that puppy is going to take after your surgery... Maybe Valentine's Day??? All the best to you xoxo You have tons of support here :-) Love & ((Hugs)) ~Susan