No sense of relief

curlee8661

Hi everyone,
I've been following this board (but seldom post) since I first found it soon after my diagnosis in April of this year. Since then I've gone through debulking/hystorectomy, 6 rounds of chemo, and a second look surgery just last week. Throughout the ups and downs of these past 6 months I've been scared at times, but mostly focused on just getting through the day to day business of getting rid of the cancer. Three days ago, my surgeon came to see me in the hospital to tell me that the pathology report indicates that the cancer is gone. This is what I've been waiting and hoping to hear for months, but now that those words have been spoken I feel no sense of relief. NONE. Instead, since I got home from the hospital, I've been feeling mostly sad. I feel great, much better than expected physically with no pain at all, but emotionally I seem to have hit a wall. I think I'm afraid to let my guard down because I know that there's a 50% chance of the cancer coming back, and I don't want to get caught off guard if/when that happens. This is not at all what I expected to feel like, and I'm very surprised by it. My husband doesn't understand why I feel this way, and I was hoping you gals could tell me if you had a similar reaction to let me know I'm not totally nuts to have this odd reaction.

Thanks,
Marianna