Successful surgery and good report

paula44

Well, I had the surgery on 8/14. They removed my entire sigmoid colon and part of the descending, so the surgery was a little more indepth than we thought. But I'm blessed - I got good news - the cancerous polyp had not gone any further than the original site and there was no lymph node involvement. The first couple of days I couldn't believe the news. When I slept one day I dreamed that I got the news and then when I woke I thought it wasn't real. I'm still a mess; I feel such mixed emotions. Why was I spared when so many others aren't? And many, many other conflicting emotions as well.

Thanks so much to everyone for the support. This has changed my life forever. I don't think I'll stop coming here just to check in from time to time.

Paula

NWmom

Fantastic! What a great outcome!
God Bless,
Carl and Heather

jams67

Great news! Hope you will come around to see us often.
Jo Ann

chynabear

Paula -

What great news, I am so happy for you!!! It is great that it was caught so early.

In regards to your feelings of being spared... don't let that get to you. Not to put it negatively, but don't sell your experience short. I wouldn't put it into terms of "being spared" while others aren't. You had to endure surgery and all of the horrible emotions that a cancer diagnoses brings while millions of people will never even meet someone who has had cancer... so who is spared? You're sure to feel "survivors guilt" but think of being able to bring hope to others who have been diagnosed and showing them that YOU are a survivor and THEY can be too. No reason to feel guilty about that.

Take care and visit often.

Tricia

shmurciakova

Geez, what a relief! You have so much to be thankful for! We all wish we could have heard those words, but don't feel guilty about it. Who knows why we are spared and others aren't, but just think of it as a chance to live a better, healthier, more productive life than you were before and get out there and make a difference!
Take care and good luck with whatever you decide to do now.
-Susan H.

claud1951

Wow Paula...what great news! I'm so happy for you. I'm real big into saving your energy and using it for good things and don't use your energy (for one minute) wondering why you were spared! We are all happy for you.

Just make sure you get all your check ups and spread the word for other people to do the same.

Best of luck to you and family
claudia

4law

As we told you before surgery -- you will be fine -- you proved us right. Great news! Early detection is the best way to beat this horrible, nasty beast -- and you stomped it to death -- good for you.

apache4

I am so happy for you. How is the recovery going? Take it easy and make the most of this time so that you will get back your strength and be ready to take on the world again! For heaven's sake, don't feel guilty about being spared...I am sure there is lots out there that you are destined to accomplish.

paula44

Thanks so much everyone. I can't believe the goodness I've found here. You continue to offer such encouragement. I have already decided to take this 2nd chance (if that's what you would call it) and be a better person. I want to do more for others and to be mindful of others who are sick and/or hurting. I need to send more cards, make more phone calls and visits - give more of myself. I plan on using what has happened to me to make the world a better place.

Paula

johnom

Dear Paula,
Your feelings are entirely normal and I understand. I was told my tumor had gone completely through my bowel wall, but somehow had not yet reached any lymph nodes. I had my entire sigmoid colon removed as well. These confused feelings lasted a few weeks, so I asked the surgeon about them as well as my oncologist. They both said they are partly caused by the deep anesthesia during surgery plus all the drugs afterwards. Who knows? then I had to deal with no sigmoid and 35 BMs per day for awhile so the confusion got pushed aside.
I found I refused to allow myself to believe I might be okay, out of fear it would all change once again. Ultimately, the press of life around me just pushed it all in the background. It has never gone away completely though.
I know what you are coping with, so do the others who are on this board and write so compellingly about their situations and with their advice. I suspect not too many people understand this unless they have been here.

paula44

johnom said:

Dear Paula,
Your feelings are entirely normal and I understand. I was told my tumor had gone completely through my bowel wall, but somehow had not yet reached any lymph nodes. I had my entire sigmoid colon removed as well. These confused feelings lasted a few weeks, so I asked the surgeon about them as well as my oncologist. They both said they are partly caused by the deep anesthesia during surgery plus all the drugs afterwards. Who knows? then I had to deal with no sigmoid and 35 BMs per day for awhile so the confusion got pushed aside.
I found I refused to allow myself to believe I might be okay, out of fear it would all change once again. Ultimately, the press of life around me just pushed it all in the background. It has never gone away completely though.
I know what you are coping with, so do the others who are on this board and write so compellingly about their situations and with their advice. I suspect not too many people understand this unless they have been here.

I appreciate your thoughts. It helps confirm that I am not alone in these thoughts. I know what you mean - I'm afraid that just around the corner will be another 'close call' and this isn't my first major health crisis in my life. I've had other tough situations, but never anything that was a 'cancer'.

I've even had some thoughts as to 'why' I even had the surgery. I'm ashamed to admit it in a way, but I've wondered if maybe I should have just left 'well enough alone' and just 'hoped' that when they removed the polyp that was the end of it. I've even had someone say that to me. But how did I know? Or the surgeon know? My surgeon and my GI dr. told me there is no way to know for sure without the surgery - taking out that section of the colon and lymph nodes and checking. And when you're told there's something inside of you (or was inside of you)that's cancerous, all you can think of is to get it out.

I'm rambling, I know. Just so many conflicting emotions, then there's the getting over the surgery. But I'm in no way complaining. This could have been so much worse. I'm just saying that I'm still not 'over' this yet. . .

hopefulone

Great news Paula. God Bless and thanks for sharing.
Diane