how do i get pass this

shubunkin Member Posts: 60
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hello all! I read here daily adn have posted every now and then.

First of all A BIG CONGRATS Spongebob ;)

A breif history........

My great grandmother died of colon cancer
My grandmother had it but it was caught in time
My mom died at age 46 5 years ago :(

I had a scope done last September, only problem was that when they got to the last section(asending I assume) my colon took such a turn that the regular size scope could not get through(I was hollaring not so nice things) so he quite and i had a double contrast barium enema(Ill take the scope any day ;)

results were normal on both.
But i still obsess about it daily, about a month ago I had a mental breakdown and had to go on meds. I was doing so well for a while and then bam! I keep questioning what if the barium missed something??????? He told me to have the test every 3 years until im 40 and if nothing shows then every 5 years afterwards( that aint happening) I plan on getting one every 2 years, gonna be expensive but its worth it!! I plan on going to a bigger medical facilty when they have pediactris scopes and should be able to pass it through.
They told us my moms had probably been there for over 20 years. She had bathroom issues for many many years and never went to the doc. WHen they found her cancer it was EVERYWHERE! colon, liver lungs, 1 ovary, brain and bones. Strange thing is she seemed to be a healthy active woman until she had the dizzyness that led to diagnoses. It wasnt until she had chemo that she went downhill, which still makes me wonder but thats a whole other issue.

My doc said there is a high chance that it is genetic. Im hoping that gene skipped me :)

I do seem to have more of my dads genetic makeup so lets hope and pray.

How do i let go of this and get on with life? I have 3 boys and a wonderful husband and this is affecting my family life;(


  • chynabear
    chynabear Member Posts: 481 Member
    Hi. You are feeling the same anxiety that most of us who have had the beast feel, I'm sure.

    I didn't have the breakdown until after I finished chemo and expected life to return to "normal". I was still experiencing many side effects which I assumed would go away right away. I was always tired and constantly thought about it coming back and me leaving behind my baby and husband, and family and friends. I cried myself to sleep at night every night.

    What finally helped me was finding this site. Knowing that others felt the same way and were still here made me feel better. Venting helped. Also, this site lead me to look into losing weight, excercising more, eating better, etc. I realized that I could still try to prevent cancer by paying better attention to these things. I also began to pray and learn about God.

    I know now that when things seem overwhelming, I keep a constant prayer asking for help to carry my burden. Within minutes, it doesn't seem so bad. I also meditate and remember times when I felt great and try to recapture those feelings again. It helps.

    We are all capable of being killed at any time. Being faced with cancer forces us to recognize that we are not invincible and makes death more real to us.

    You might talk to a counselor who specializes in cancer patients.

    Many people who are faced with cancer or a near-death experience start living as if this day were their last and living to the fullest. It is very hard to do this when we obsess about the issue.

    A quick question. Where you awake during your scope? If so, maybe they could put you to sleep (the only way I will do the scope) and maybe you'll be relaxed enough that they can see your entire colon.

    Also, is there any way you can be tested for the gene? Would this help you?

    I hope you find peace.

  • davidsonxx
    davidsonxx Member Posts: 134
    I am also third generation to have cancer in my family. Both maternal grandparents, mother,sister and now me have all had cancer. I was the only one to catch it early enough to effectively treat it. Yes I worried about it from time to time even before my dx.

    You have to keep it in perspective. First, you may not even have inherited the genetic problem. Second, even if you did inherit the genes it still doesn't mean you will get cancer. It only means you are at a higher risk. Third, even if you do get colon cancer it is very treatable when it is caught early. Your mom and grandmother didn't get the chance to catch theirs early. You do. Fourth, worrying about it will not stop you from getting cancer. All that the worry does is keep you from enjoying your life. What you need to do are the things you can control. Get screened regularly. That way if something does develop it will be caught early and may even be caught before it develops into cancer. Do the other things that you can control. Live a heathy life style, don't smoke, maintain a healthy weight, exercise, eat a balanced healthy diet. Fifth, this disease is not like a heart attack that happens without any warning. You will have time to find it and treat it. And sixth, they are making tremendous strides in treating the disease. Treatments have improved dramtically in recent years and there are even more things in trials.

    We are all going to die at some point. None of us really know when. Take reasonable precautions and stop worrying about what you can't control. Most of the things we worry about in life never happen. We make ourselves miserable all for nothing. Enjoy life!
  • usakat
    usakat Member Posts: 610 Member
    Hello Shubunkin,

    I just spoke with a very good friend, a fellow survivor, and we agreed that cancer is probably harder for a caregiver than a survivor. I'm sure it has something to do with personal power. Your mom died young from a very tough illness and I'm certain it was tough to come to terms with, but you must live in your own reality of today. Today you are healthy and I believe that if you focus your attention on that fact, you are more apt to stay that way.

    Many people believe that the things that hold your attention or that gather your energy, will manifest itself into your reality. It's like the girl who says to herself, "I'm fat." By her focus on her own belief that she is fat, she will be fat. Do you get what I'm saying here?

    Basically, what it comes down what you believe, you are. If you focus your belief, your faith, your energy that you will get will.

    You have three boys and a loving husband...consider shifting your focus from maybe getting cancer to being a good mother and a good wife.

    You can acheive this by changing your internal dialogue. Instead of saying to yourself, inside your head, "I'm afraid of getting cancer," say to yourself, "I AM a good mother and I AM a loving wife, I AM healthy!" Say to yourself, "I AM happy and I AM healthy." Write it down, say it over and over...write it, say it, feel it, believe it.

    Shift your energy, believe it and BE it!

    You are who you WANT to be!

    PSA: Have routine colonoscopies, eat right, pay attention to health management...
  • shubunkin
    shubunkin Member Posts: 60
    Thankyou all so much! I am in tears by your sweet responses! You are all an awesome group of people! And you are all right, i hav eto turn around my train of thought and quit letting this rob me of my happiness. Katie, you are so right, i do think sometimes its harder on the caregiver. I wa smy moms sole caregiver. My dad always found a way to stay away(dont know if it was too hard for him to cope or what) but i knew i had to give all i could to this wonderful woman who gave so much to me. Even after 5 years it still seems so raw. I bathed her, picked her up and carried her places. Its amazing the strength you find when you are determined. I was very strong during, it was the after that killed me. I felt then i could break down because she would not be there to see me and get upset. Anyway......Im rambling............ Again, Thankyou all!

    Congrats to you too Katie!